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| "Quatre's Slip" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Chibi Halo [MediaMiner Member] On: May 19, 2005 03:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
First of all thank you for submitting your fic to FFARG. You set out with a decent idea but it seemed a bit flat. The evil in your fic was not clearly defined. Was the evil the cat that was mewing over and over, the so called ghost of his father, or Quatre himself? To me Quatre seemed a bit two dimensional in the story. You need to dig a bit deeper into why he was where he was. A good pshycoligical thriller gets into the mind of the main character not just have him narrate the story. You also need to work on your setting better. The reader is left wondering where the action takes place and why Quatre is there in the first place. Even in a one-shot with a set maximum number of words you can still set things up better than you did letting the reader know where things take place. The story seems a bit rushed with no one but the cat saying anything. Plus there are places where you need to re-read your story very carefully and fix minor spelling and grammar mistakes. If you have a cat speaking you do need to capatalize your words inside your quotes when they are not a part of an already established scentence. Also, the terror in the fic could have been better served if you added Quatre's reaction to each and every mew he heard. Again you do have a decent idea but with a little extra attention it could be an even better idea.
| Reviewed By: MangaChicknotsignedin [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2005 14:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Oi...O,O... This is very dark. I like very much!! Where on earth did you drag this thing from? Such darkness and profanity...quite good. I am wondering a few things, though---is he still living on L4? Why did the others leave him? Why in the hell did he die? Damn it...you could have done more with this f**ked up Q...Oh, well. Just wanted to let you know you wrote some good darkness here, and I enjoyed reading it...Ciao!
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