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| "The Next Act in a Mysterious Play" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Title: -sigh-
Reviewed By: Thao_Lorakin [MediaMiner Member] On: August 26, 2005 19:49 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i have towrite more. i love readin this story. i was so waitin fer those two to kiss. though i felt like it should have been more prolonged. like. Every1 knew that Hotohori was in love wit Kat. but she was to dense to see it. but whatever. the way u did it was good to.
| Reviewed By: fushigi mama On: August 25, 2005 08:48 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
very well done, imaginative even if it borrows a lot from the original,( but like you said, that was the point!) You took on quite a task making Kat priestess of all 4 gods, but, hey...more power to you! My daughter and I really enjoyed your sequel. Please keep writing... BTW they may be grammatically lacking,(as one reviewer pointed out) but we haven't had any problem reading the chapters as written, guess they can only get better if you mind you spacing a bit.
| Reviewed By: Yami396 [MediaMiner Member] On: August 24, 2005 15:52 CDT
Comment/Review:
I love it! For the characters that are from ancient China, you can try to stay in the origianl speech patterns. Other than that, I think it's a great and original story.
| Reviewed By: Lobachica On: July 15, 2005 20:39 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Heh heh heh heh...sorry, but I think that the character Tomite is hilarious. Reminds me of someone I know...Love your fic. Keep writing!
| Title: The next act in a mysterious play
Reviewed By: kourin On: May 22, 2005 12:10 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 5 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really enjoyed reading this fic. I like the idea of the story and encourage you to write more.Some of the spelling was off, but that can be understood. Try to work on that.I also think that some of the grammar didn't match the time period.I always loved Nyan-nyan's childish grammar and you did a great job with it. I would like to read more of your work because of the great job you did with this one. Keep writing!
| Reviewed By: phalon22 (nsi) On: May 19, 2005 01:08 CDT
Comment/Review:
Nice. Great story, I like how you did all of this! It's just so... Great. Please update soon, I'd really like to see more!!!
| Title: FFARG Review (Chapter 1)
Reviewed By: Becca Stareyes [MediaMiner Member] On: April 19, 2005 17:44 CDT
Comment/Review:
First off, there is am incongruity of names. You are using a number of Japanese names (some canon, some not) for various members of Angelina's family. However, Angelina not only has a Western name for some reason, she has a Western name that most Japanese-speakers would have a problem pronouncing, as the /l/ sound does not exist in Japanese. This limits the suspension of disbelief. (I've also never seen Hikari as a male name, but I don't remember if that name is FY canon). You may want to look at formatting issues -- The fact individual lines are double-spaced and paragraphs aren't makes the story hard to read. There is also a weird line of text at the bottom of your chapters. Your chapters seem rather short -- you can combine several related scenes into one chapter. For instance, if I were you, I would combine Chapters 1 and 2 with a scene break. I'm not horribly familiar with the FY fandom, but I do know the 'new girl enters the book' story is rather common, so care must be taken to both avoid it reading like every other fic like this out there or the original FY story. Try to fool the readers into believing they haven't heard the story before. Your grammar is decent (aside from a few gramatical errors -- for exampled 'layd' instead of 'laid') and nothing a good beta-reader couldn't fix, and it seems like you have a decent balance of exposition, description, dialogue, and action.
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