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| "Gundam Seed: Reborn" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG Review Chapte 12
Reviewed By: Bliksem [MediaMiner Member] On: December 23, 2005 20:40 CST
Comment/Review:
Before I begin, let me thank you for submitting your fan fiction (Phase 12) to the FFRG. Stories featuring mobile suits (or mechs as I will refer to them) are very difficult to write, especially when there is a great number of them at any given point. Because of this, attention to certain details is very important, and that's what I believe you should focus more on. The descriptions of original characters and unique ships are great, but there seems to be lack of emotion. The story pace isn't really formatted in a manner in which someone new to Gundam Seed can easily get into it. I actually had to go look up what some of the mechs were in order to get a good mental image. The battles seem to be rather passive and don't elicit any sort of emotional reaction from the readers. Also, make sure that you keep track of which mech is doing what. There are periods when some are forgotten and others repeat themselves. In short, a bit of dramatic flare would do wonders for the fast paced action you're writing. I see few errors in grammar and spelling. Many a good fan fiction suffer from such things, but that's doesn't seem to be a problem here. Thank you so much for writing, and good luck.
| Title: FFARG Review Ch 1
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: November 30, 2005 00:49 CST
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your fic to FFARG to be reviewed! You didn't specify which chapter, and we only review one chap. at a time, so I am reviewing the first one. You have a great eye for detail, and that is always to be appreciated. I am going to strongly, strongly urge you to get a beta to read over this fic. I know they are hard to come by, sometimes, but this fic has great potential, and I hate to say that right now it is not in the greatest of states. You have numerous grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. I can say, though, that I am impressed by your ability to keep the entire chapter in present tense. Most people do it incorrectly, and shift into past tense. But you really need to work on how choppy your sentences are, and your grammatical flaws. Honestly, you have great potential here. Just get some help with your wording, and you're good to go. Best of luck, and thanks for your submission!
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