Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 28, 2005 22:18 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, your story has great potential. I really like your set up and can't wait to see where you end up taking it. I really hope you can put more description in your story by showing people what is going on instead of telling them. One example that I noticed was your descriptions of your characters, incorporate them into the story more by having the characters show people what they look like by their actions instead of you doing the telling. Stick to one POV and show everything through their eyes. I want to FEEL her emotions when first looking at him. She's got five senses...have her use them. A couple things tended to draw me out of the fic,using things like *crack* for sound effects should only be done in comic books. Again...use description, I can't stress that enough. I should hear or see the glass breaking. Italics look more professional instead of using all upper case or bold. I hate you! works just as well as I HATE YOU!!!! As I said earlier, you have a great start to your story, it just needs some more depth. Your dialogue is great and I like where it is heading. Thanks for submitting to FFARG.
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