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| "Nostalgia of the Innocent" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: June 15, 2005 18:35 CDT
Comment/Review:
This is a short review to follow up the previous. Firstly, you need more of a story. There is far too much dialogue and far too little narration between them. You should work on changing this because dialogue cannot stand on its own. It looks like a skeleton; descriptions provide the meat. Though the dialogue is good, you desperately need a lot (and I mean a lot) of description. Also, you really need to get rid of the bold. Bold has absolutely no place in a fic, unless it's for the title. Also, I feel as though you add a little more to make the fic into a real FF7 fic. As it stands, you mention almost nothing that would relate them. The least you could do is talk about the city they are in, perhaps talk about "the saviors of the world" or however you might want to describe them. Also, ellipses (...) don't really belong at the start of dialogue, just the end. But, as I was saying, the characters and dialogue are good and you do have the makings of a great story. However, you need that desription to hold things together. Thank you for submitting to the FFRG. : )
| Title: FFARG review
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 10, 2005 18:58 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thanks for submitting this to FFARG. You have a good story on your hands, and it holds extreme potential. But the main problem with it is that I can't really get into the minds of the characters. Give them more background, let me get inside their heads, let me feel what they are feeling. That's what readers love about fics. Even if they are OCs, if you can give them enough depth, the readers can fall in love with them or hate them...it all depends on your characterizations. Another problem is your thoughts. I didn't know when Rue was thinking until you put 'she thought'. It'd be best to put italics to make it look more professional. Also the paraenthesess *Did I spell that right?* Really make the work look unprofessional, and is best that you substitute it for something else. Might I also suggest that you upload the story again to change the bold font? Just give the characters more depth and all of the other things I mentioned, and never give up on writing nor this story. Thanks for submitting this to FFARG!
ng t | Title: I liked it =)
Reviewed By: WhenFoOdGoesBad [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2005 16:53 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I like it. =) I like your style of writing and it immediately took my attention. I look forward to more of your writings. =)
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