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| "Specter of the Woods" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: futekioosha [MediaMiner Member] On: May 11, 2005 11:39 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your work to FFARG. I would like to begin this review by complimenting your story concept. What can be gleaned from your prologue leaves the impression of what could be a well-spun tale. However, there are a few issues with grammar, descriptions, and lack of flow in written conversation. All of which can be easily remedied by a good beta, and more attentive detail. For example when describing your lead character Leah, you've yet to tell us her hair color, her build, her eye color or anything descriptive other than the fact that she is a girl. When you described the cape that she wears you say that it is imperative, but imperative to what or whom? The jewel, which apparently has major significance to the plot, was not visualized at all. Is it deep read like a ruby or darkest black like onyx. Your reader should she this story through your eyes, these are your characters and in order for you to bring them to life your readers need to feel like they are getting to know your characters as you introduce them and their tale to your audience. The first portion of the chapter with the dialogue between the mother and Leah was well written, however when you got the confrontational dialogue between the specter and Leah it became very choppy and forced. With a little editing, this chapter could prove to be a very solid start to a good story. Good luck with this fic, and thank you again for submitting to FFARG.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: xfiledino [MediaMiner Member] On: May 04, 2005 00:33 CDT
Comment/Review:
At first it seemed to me that you were re-writing 'Little Red Riding Hood', but as I read on I became increasingly more confused. Leah is just a normal human right? What kind of jewel does she have? Will this come out in the next few chapters? I guess I'll have to read more to find out the answers to my questions. I only saw one spelling mistake, and honestly I think it had more to do with typing it and just not seeing it: She ddn't wear it often..., no big deal, probably just a slip of the fingers. I do it all the time! Other than that, I just need some clarification as to who these characters are, where they came from, and why they are after Leah. Again, I only read the first chapter, so maybe you have explained it later on. I'm just curious as to how you came up with this idea? The fight scene could use a little more 'Umph'. Other than that, I think this was a very good start. Thanks for submitting this to the FFARG!!
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