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| "Bar Fight Blues" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Reviewed By: Dezz [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2002 12:33 CST
Comment/Review:
Silly media miner. There are supposed to be indentations before that dialogue, I guess it got rid of them. Basically, separate your dialogue somehow so it's easier to read. =) | Reviewed By: Dezz [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2002 12:31 CST
Comment/Review:
This has all the makings of your "space pirates that everyone want to kill somehow save the world" kind of story. =) So far, you're doing a good job of character development. We're introduced to Vyx and Tek. Vyx is the calm and cool leader of the pack but he has his faults. Tek is your hentai. =P It does a good job of setting the stage for things to come and hooking the reader. The biggest problem with your fic is your dialogue. Whenever someone says something, always indent. It's extremely hard/annoying to read when dialogue is all lumped together. So here's an example.
"Hiya Striderbri. How are you doing?" said Dezz.
"Not too bad, thanks for asking," Striderbri replies.
You can also space the dialogue with a line, that's what I usually do.
Second, pay attention to your pronouns. It's kind of hard to distinguish who "he" is when you have two males present. I had to re-read the first convo of the fic 2 or 3 times in order to figure out who each speaker was refering to. Also a few grammatical errors, easily picked up on with spellcheck or something similar.
All in all it's a good fic. I thought it was enjoyable asides from the slight errors I mentioned above. Please, keep up the good work. Looking forward to reading more. =)
/D |
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