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| "The Road Goes Ever On" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFarg review (prologue)
Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 03:02 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting your story to FFARG. I'll add on to what MissM said (since I'd already read the chapter by the time I realized she'd reviewed it). I noticed a number of grammatical mistakes and spelling inconsistencies; most of these issues can be fixed with a beta reader. Secondly, on your descriptions, you have a tendency to list rather than describe - show us what your characters look like, don't tell us. In addition, you use a lot of great vocabulary words that just sound out of place with your style. Sometimes simplicity works better than trying to sound like a study guide for the SAT. ^^; The dialogue between your OC's in the beginning was a bit stilted and almost too formal-sounding (yes, they are retainers for a noble, but I'd imagine at least a little more casual-sounding lingo than that). Other than that, I think you have an interesting story in the making. The characterizations (as far as I could tell) were accurate, and your original characters seem well-rounded so far. Keep writing, smooth out a few rough spots, and do some polishing - you'll have a great work on your hands in no time. ^^ Thanks again for submitting to the FFARG.
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 00:27 CDT
Comment/Review:
Thank you for submitting this to FFARG! You have a very good beginning chapter here. You introduced new characters, and led into a plot. The Inuyasha members all seem to be in character. I noted several small grammatical problems and simple typos. My best advice as to how to clear this up is to get a Beta. Get someone to read over your work, someone good with grammar, and generally just someone who will look for the small typos that pop up now and then. There is a thread in the MM forums that has a list of numerous betas. If you already have one, and this was beta'd, I suggest you take a look at the chapter with them again, so you can look at what needs to be fixed in the future. If you reread the chapter, I'm sure you'll see. I'm not going to point out each one, because that really isn't my job. All in all, I believe another editing check with a Beta will solve any problems with this chapter. Well done, and best of luck with your writing! Again, thank you for submitting this chapter to FFARG!
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