Gensomaden Saiyuki Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Fan Fiction / Saiyuki Reload Gunlock Fan Fiction ❯ Episode1: Truly,Madly,Deeply ❯ Self Defense ( Chapter 9 )

IX. SELF DEFENSE/ IMPREGNABLE FORTRESS

 

In which the ikkou are stranded in the desert, forcing them to seek shelter in the conveniently-located hidden metropolis governed by the rule-obsessed Soryu.

 

 

A.

 

“It's HOT!” whines Goku, as the jeep speeds westward over the desert.

 

“Holy… this direct sunlight is way too harsh…” Gojyo pants. “Isn't there a resting spot anywhere near, Hakkai?” he demands, as if it were all the healer's fault.

 

“Ano… let me see…”

 

“You want to stop and rest, feel free to do it on your own,” warns Sanzo.

 

“But I'm dying!!!”

 

“'Ch.”

 

“You're heartless,” Gojyo pouts. Then he grins. “That's right… I forgot… You're allergic to humidity, aren't you…”

 

Twitch.

 

“I think it's time we started seeing other people…”

 

Gojyo yelps and jumps up, hugging Sanzo fiercely from behind. Sanzo smirks secretly. “Iie, iie, I won't let you break up with me! Nope, nope, nope…” Gojyo shakes his head. “Forever `n ever, we promised!”

 

“Demo…” Sanzo muses. “Forever is such a long time…”

 

“Grrr… I'LL KILL MYSELF, SANZO! I SWEAR I WILL!!!”

 

“Want me to do it for you?”

 

“Sanzo!!!”

 

“Yare yare… I think this heat has fried both of your brains…”

 

Sanzo relents and turns his head to give Gojyo a repentant kiss. “So sweet…”

 

The jeep coughs, sputters, and stops.

 

Hakkai cradles Hakuryu in his arms, petting the mini-dragon tenderly. “Poor baby…”

 

Sanzo narrows his eyes. “You two wouldn't be on strike again, are you?” he asks suspiciously.

 

“She's dehydrated!” Hakkai glares indignantly.

 

“So am I… and HUNGRY TOO!” moans Goku.

 

“We know…” Gojyo rolls his eyes.

 

 

B.

 

“Could it be… could it be a mirage?”

 

“Who knows…”

 

“Well, it's worth a look.”

 

It's not a mirage. It's a very, very tall, forbidding wall. It does not scare the unquenchable, desperate Goku. “OIIII!!!” he shouts. “Anybody home?! Let us in! I'm dying of the hunger, I yam…”

 

“Sumimasen… we need shelter for the night,' Hakkai calls, more tactfully.

 

Silence.

 

Then Hakkai creates a force field just in time, as arrows hail down at them.

 

“Go away! We've heard of you… That monkey will eat us out of house and home!”

 

“That's right! And the mild-looking one with the dragon is a nitpicker and compulsive neat freak! We have our own, thank you very much…”

 

“AND the other two are demented for each other!”

 

“Yeah! They make unholy embarrassing noises at night and keep people awake!”

 

“Retarded for each other. Retarded,” Hakkai murmurs.

 

“Um… please?” Goku makes cow eyes at the unseen accusers.

 

“NO!!!”

 

C.

 

Soryu apologizes and bids the ikkou enter.

 

“Fools!” he hisses to the gatekeepers. “Don't you realize who they are?!”

 

The soldiers blink.

 

Soryu rolls his eyes. “The jingle, men, the jingle: When there's something strange in the neighborhood… Who you gonna call? Sanzo-ikkou! Get it?!”

 

“Oh…”

 

 

D.

 

The ikkou gape at the strict, orderly governance of Soryu's domain.

 

“It's all thanks to this.” Soryu pats his dog-eared 780 Family Rules.

 

“What's 780 Family Rules?” queries Hakkai interestedly.

 

Soryu explains.

 

Hakkai's face lights up. He puts an arm around Soryu. “I like you, dude! I really do!” he proclaims.

 

Sanzo rolls his eyes.

 

The kappa and the monkey stare wildly at each other. “Yare yare…” Gojyo sighs. “Don't encourage him, Soryu-sama…”

 

“Right. We get enough nagging as it is…”

 

“You'll turn him into a holy terror!”

 

“Huh.” Hakkai sniffs. “Just give me some time… I'll have you sorry fools straightened out yet…”

 

Hakkai and Soryu walk off arm-in-arm, animatedly discussing the finer points of time charts and organizational planning and scheduling diagrams.

 

The remainder of the ikkou quake in their shoes.

 

“Let's find the local bar…”

 

“Harahetta…”

 

“'Ch. Nicotine. I need nicotine… ikuzo!”

 

 

 

E.

 

Dinner.

 

The monkey gobbles down his food, as usual.

 

Soryu stares in revulsion.

 

“Er…”

 

Gojyo elbows Goku. “I think he's saying he wants you to eat more elegantly…”

 

Goku tries manfully. He pops a dainty portion in his mouth. He chews. He counts to 30, as suggested. He gets as far as 11. He sweatdrops.

 

Then he grovels at Sanzo's feet. “Waaahhhh!!! I can't take it! I'm burning more calories than I take in, Sanzo! Have pity… I'm weak… I'll be here all night….”

 

Sanzo swats him away. “When in Rome…” he mutters.

 

“… have an ORGY!” the kappa finishes his sentence. Gojyo walks over to Sanzo, sits on his lap, and feeds Sanzo some grapes. Goku resumes scarfing down his food.

 

Hakkai turns embarrassed eyes to their host. “Maybe you could lend me a copy of your book, ne?”

 

Soryu nods. “Good luck,” he says grimly.

 

 

F.

 

Bedtime.

 

“Your lodgings for the night,” their host proclaims graciously. “Have a good rest, then…” He leaves, closing the door.

 

“Damn, this place is suffocating me!” Gojyo declares disgustedly.

 

“Yeah… harahetta… I don't feel like I ate anything,” moans Goku.

 

“Well…” Gojyo waggles his eyebrows. “Guess it's lucky I have this with me…” He produces a bottle of wine.

 

Hakkai starts. “Where did you get that?!” he demands.

 

Gojyo waves his hand airily. “Don't worry about the details… Let's just say `One devil knows another'…”

 

Gojyo tosses Goku a big bag of chips and a six-pack of Butterfingers. Goku cheers and hops to his bed.

 

Meanwhile, Gojyo pillows himself on Sanzo's lap as they share the bottle of wine. He offers a glassful to a disapproving Hakkai. The healer capitulates, and brings out a deck of cards.

 

Hakkai has just dealt out the first hand, when the door opens abruptly. “Lights-out at 10pm—“

 

Soryu stares in horror, from the crumbs and wrappers on Goku's bed, to the deck of cards in Hakkai's hand, to the kappa, behind the priest, chinned on Sanzo's shoulder, his arms and legs wrapped around Sanzo, to the cloud of cigarette smoke floating over the priest's head, as the ikkou play poker.

 

Soryu looks at Hakkai pleadingly.

 

Hakkai shrugs, and slurs. “If you can't beat them…”

 

G.

 

The fortress comes under attack. Soryu proudly shows off their defenses. “They will not breach that wall!” he declares proudly. “This castle is impregnable!”

 

“That's right,” Goku nods wisely. “Like Sanzo.”

 

Twitch.

 

“Whatever do you mean, little man?” Soryu asks curiously.

 

Goku gives Soryu a scornful look. “Impregnable, dude… like, you can't have babi—“

 

THWAK!

 

“BAKAZARU!”

 

Soryu scratches his head. “I don't get it…”

 

“Never mind,” Gojyo drawls, as he wraps an arm around the pissed monk's middle. The kappa rubs Sanzo's tummy. “It's an inside joke… OOF!”

 

Sanzo rams an elbow into Gojyo's stomach. “Inside joke, my ass…”