Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Crappy Poem Theater ❯ The Shakespeare Episode ( Chapter 5 )

Crappy Poem Theater

A weak imitation of Masterpiece theater theme being played on a kazoo is heard in the background. Vid-cam zooms in on a small library-type room and a comfy red easy chair where Cherry Blossom is currently sitting, smoking a pipe and reading a book.

Cherry Blossom: Hiyee, minna! This is the FIFTH episode of Crappy Poem Theater and we haven't been canceled or booted off the air or anything. Yay!

Matteo: Surprising, isn't it? I thought for sure we'd get canceled for that hentai episode last week.

Cherry Blossom: Yeah, well. It wasn't on prime time anyway. And the reviews keep rolling in! *sniff* You guys are so good to me *sob*. It's nice to know that I have all this support *weep*.

Matteo: *sighs* Have a tissue.

Cherry Blossom: *blows nose noisily* Well…I'd really love to waste more time but….we only have half an hour to do this. Sooooo….let's get on with it. But first…

Reviewer's Corner

Vid-cam zooms in on Cherry Blossom sitting at a desk with Matteo with a whole lot 'o letters spread around them. The G-Boyz are sitting beside the desk in comfy leather chairs stolen from Grand and To….uh….someplace.

Cherry Blossom: So many reviews, so little time *sigh*. Let's hear these reviews. I know you guys are just dying to see who supports this program.

Heero: Hn…

Trowa: ….

Wufei: *muttering something incomprehensible*

Quatre: *smiles weakly*

Duo: *asleep…snoring….loudly*

Cherry Blossom: *annoyed* Geez, what's with you guys? No enthusiasm at all.

Heero: Hn…

Trowa: …… : p

Wufei: *still muttering*

Quatre: *not even smiling anymore*

Duo: *snore*

Cherry Blossom: *disgusted* That's it! Wake up call! Cue Trieze!

Matteo: Cueing Trieze…now!

A ferocious, flying ball of fur in a black cape and mask zooms out onto the set and bites each of the G-Boyz in the butt…..Matteo too. Just because.

Duo: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Wufei: INJUSTICE!!

Quatre: Booooooooh! *starts to cry*

Trowa: #%$#$&*%! *$&$% #$%*^$(^$## $%^*$*#^%($^(%……and so on, and so forth etc.

Heero: Omeo o korosu!!

Matteo: Why'd you get meeeeeeeeeeeee? *starts to cry*

Cherry Blossom: Okay, is everybody awake?

Heero: I'm gunna get you Cherry.

Cherry Blossom: Yeah, yeah. It gets old, Heero.

Heero: *deathglareX20*

Duo: What the hell was that?

Cherry Blossom: Trieze, the security Hamster. Green-chan's letting me borrow him for today's episode. Thanks a bunch, Trieze.

Trieze: *grins evilly*

Wufei: I'm going to kill you, rodent!

Trieze: *shows his VERY sharp teeth*

Wufei: Or not…

Cherry Blossom: Can we get on with it now? Good. Matteo! Read!

Matteo: *still crying* You didn't have to bite meeeeeeeeeeeee. I was still awake!

Cherry Blossom: Ah for cripes sake! Here have some pocky. *throws him some pocky*

Matteo: *stops crying. Stuffs pocky in his mouth*

Quatre: Can I have some pocky?

Cherry Blossom: *thinks a bit* Sure. Just cause you're so kawaii.

Quatre: *kawaii smile*

Duo: What about me?

Cherry Blossom: Later.

Duo: But I want some NOW!

Cherry Blossom: L-A-T-E-R

Duo: *pouts*

Matteo: *with his mouth full of pocky* Our first reviewer is Teague who wrote,

hahaha! I'm first! ... even after a trip to the toilet.. to barf... *cough* hentai poems... ewwwwwwww... the guys that wrote those are dead right? They should be after writing things like THAT!!

Cherry Blossom: Yes the poets are ALL dead.

Heero: I killed them myself.

Duo: *rolls eyes*

Heero: Watch yourself, death boy.

Matteo: I now feel sorry for the G-boyz... *passes pocky out to each and every one of the poor, poor, pilots* But don't stop writing them now, Cherry!

Duo: YEAH! POCKY NOW!!

G-Boyz: *stuff pocky in their mouths…except Trowa. He was rude to Cherry in green-chan's fic so he doesn't get any*

Wufei: Strawberry flavored….INJUSTICE!

Matteo: Next was Elentari who wrote,

Aaaaahhhh!!! Give Heero back his gun, so he can go kill these guys! I don't CARE if they're already dead.

Heero: Yeah. Give me back my gun.

Cherry Blossom: *thinks a bit* No.

Heero: Aw, come on. I promise not to kill YOU.

Cherry Blossom: And I trust you…….about as far as I can spit.

Duo: I can spit far. Wanna see?

Quatre: Ewww.

Cherry Blossom: Duo, this is a $300 Persian carpet. If you spit on this I'm gunna have to get Trieze on your ass. Understand?

Duo: *looks over at Trieze who is using a random knife (NO I don't know where it came from) to pick his teeth* Gotcha. No spitting.

Matteo: No, no more hentai poems, Heero. Those are SCARY! Wonderfully funny, as always. Keep writing! Sorry Quatre, you know I love ya, but it's soooo much fun to torture Heero!

Heero: I'm glad SOMEBODY'S having fun.

Trowa: ….no you're not.

Heero: Shut up.

Matteo: Sabacat writes,

LOL 'the bath' was totally icky! Heero definitely needed his gun for that one! ...and maybe instead of throwing Duo pocky, next time you could toss him Hilde! ^_^ she could keep him occupied and quiet for a LONG time! (shameless prod for a LEMON!) ^_~

Duo: *pleading look*

Cherry Blossom: No.

Duo: Aw smeg!

Matteo: Rebecca the Great writes,

::SHUDDER:: Gah! What nasty icky poems!

Quatre: *shudders* You're telling ME. I'm scarred for life.

Matteo: But I got to see Fei-babe blush! Kawaii! And he thinks I'm great! ^_^ Hey, where do you think I got the name? A smirking, blushing Wufei that thinks I'm great... ::resists urge to swoon:: I just love this series of stories. ^_~

Wufei: I did NOT blush.

Duo: Yes you did.

Wufei: Prove it.

Duo: *pulls out last weeks script* See?

Wufei: *reads it* INJUSTICE!

Cherry Blossom: Yes, we know. Blushing is an injustice, strawberry flavored pocky is an injustice, EVERYTHING is an injustice.

Wufei: Are you mocking me, onna?

Cherry Blossom: ….no.

Wufei: Good.

Matteo: Shinigami no Kamikaze writes,

*shuttering* Feel... so... dirty... and .. not.. in a ... fun way! *stops shaking and blinks* That was not a nice thing to do to Duo (.. oh yea, and the rest of them... I guess... [but it way so funny, you guys!])! ..Of course, that wasn't nice of your English teacher to do to you, either... *shrugs*

Cherry Blossom: My English teacher is-

G-Boyz: THE DEVIL!

Duo: We know.

Matteo: Good thing there was that MSTing to break up the horror of it all, or I might have done some things that would have gotten me arrested. *sighs* Oi, and no more bashing in our reviews...? *grinz* Come on, itz all in good fun ^_^ That is unless we're talking about... *shutters again* no I won't even mention the psycho-stalker woman's name.

Heero: Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

Matteo: And Wufei, if I knew someone was going to say you were weaker than a woman, I would not have made the moutain lion comment. *whispers* (And I did the re-evaluation, and your ass is still finer.)

Wufei: *smirks*

Cherry Blossom: I still say Zechs has the cutest ass.

Matteo: *returns to normal voice* I would give you some pocky to make up for it (and some to Duo just 'cause I could), but SOMEONE *glares behind her at her tied and gagged former partner-in-crime, Hwoarang* ate it all!! *gives him a "I-will-hurt-you-severely-for-this-offence-if-not-kill-you" look, and he struggles, trying in vain to free himself* Anyway... keep up the good work, Cherry :)

Duo: *lower lip trembles* No more pocky?

Cherry Blossom: For cripes sake, you've had three boxes this morning!

Duo: *pouts* I like pocky.

Matteo: Corazon del Fuego writes,

O_o;;; That was scary.... Poor Q-man's gonna have a nervous breakdown. *snaps out of it* Hey Cherry, did you get those poems I sent ya'? (IhopeIhopeIhope) ^__^ Keep up the good work people!

Cherry Blossom: Yes I got the poems and they were most crappy. I'll try and work them into next week's program. That is…if my English teacher doesn't give me any more for an actual assignment *shudder*.

Matteo: Juliana Kintobor writes,

I'm baaaaaack! THE ONE AND ONLY TWICE-REVIEWER! Hee hee ... "MY VIRGIN EARS!" [comforts poor Q-chan] It's okay, hun. Eeep! Those were some scary poets. o.Ov I'm scarred for life. Just the mention of hose kinds of people makes me want to take a chainsaw to someone's head ...[looks pointedly at Wufei]

Wufei: What?

Matteo: And if (WHEN *coughcoughcough*) I get registered you will most DEFINATELY be on my favorite author's list. I hate hentais.

Cherry Blossom: Actually I'm a member of the Happy Hentai People's Club. Of course, we only do TASTEFUL lemons.

Trowa: Oh, of course.

Cherry Blossom: I thought I told you to stop your shit, clown boy.

Duo: Oooh. Somebody's got a potty mouth.

Cherry Blossom: I'm having a bad week.

Matteo: Especially when they're poets. [marks in little booklet entitled, "People to violently murder in the near furture when I don't have so much homework that I'm literally drowning in it"]

Duo: I'd like to drown in pocky.

Cherry Blossom: Would you FORGET about the pocky already?

Matteo: Kiyone writes,

Ewww,.... poor GW guys, they're traumatized...i would be too, those poems were just NASTY!!....lol..but they did make me laugh, nevertheless....Write more! I'll find you more poems!!!

Quatre: Noooooooo! No more poems!

Duo: Relax, Q-man. As long as there is pocky everything is okay.

Cherry Blossom: Mention pocky one more time…

Matteo: Ginga writes,

Eww....that poem was disgusting. That guy must've had a lot of free time on his hands. I'm going to go search far and wide for more poems for you to use. Gomen, G-boyz...but it must be done.

Heero: You are NOT forgiven.

Cherry Blossom: Aw, come on. I know you guys really love doing this deep inside.

G-Boyz: O_0

Cherry Blossom: Or not…

Matteo: Caro-chan writes,

Eeeeeeeewww... that was scary. Dilly-sama had a cameo!!! YAY!!! Hi Dilly-sama!!! (waves) More more more more more more more MORE!!! Me like!!! ^_^

Cherry Blossom: Yes, Dilly-sama is a good friend. HEY DILLY! GET OUT HERE AND SAY HELLO!

Dilly: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!! *sets fire to all of Cherry Blossom's unpaid electricity bills, car bills, telephone bills, chain letters…*

Cherry Blossom: He's just so damn useful to have around.

Matteo: Mistress of Death writes,

I luv this, this is so funny. Here Heero, a nice shiny gun so you can start killing the poets *evil grin* More dammit.

Heero: Hehehe.

Cherry Blossom: *takes the gun away*

Heero: HEY!

Cherry Blossom: No fire arms. You can have this if you want to shoot something. *hands Heero a water gun*

Heero: *sulks but takes the water gun anyway*

Matteo: Lucky Yuy and Chetiche Barton write,

Lucky:Sorry...didn't send you a poem...yet...Chetiche:Incompetent baka!Lucky:As soon as I'm done reviewing this totally kewl,(Prepare for a whole buncha words)psycoticscarycoolinterestingderangeddementedcrazyinsanepsycopathic story

Quatre: *blinks*

Matteo: I'm gonna send some poems.Chetiche:Please don't be hard on my Trowa-baby!!!!^_~

Trowa: *smirks*

Cherry Blossom: Nuh uh. You were rude to me in Green-chan's fic, remember? I'm not letting you off that easy.

Trowa: *sulks*

Matteo: Lucky:Poor hee-kun...*sigh*not hyper anymore.Cherry,I'm so glad I don't go to your school.Mine's weirder though...Ja!!!Chetiche:JA NE!!!!!!!!!!Lucky:Peace!Keep writin!

Cherry Blossom: No my school is definitely the weirdest. Last week our history teachers had a toilet paper war in the hallway.

G-Boyz: O_o

Cherry Blossom: 'S true.

Matteo: Jadet writes,

::laughing REALLY hard:: Buwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Gomen, Heero-chan but that was hilarious!! And that is SOOOOOO true too, Cherry, only MEN ::glares at Wufei:: can come up with such obscene crap. ::takes pity on Heero-chan and throws him a plastic gun that *cannot* shoot should make him feel better(hey at least now you can shoot at them!):: There, now you can't say I don't love you. Jya ne Cherry, keep em commin!! ^.~

Heero: Now I have two guns…

Duo: PLASTIC guns.

Heero: *shoot Duo with the water gun*

Duo: *sputter, sputter*

Matteo: Hawk aka Anneliese writes,

big puppy dog eyes* "I'm sorry Wu-man, I'll be nicer if it really really hurt your feelings, after all we dont wanna see men cry" .

Wufei: I did not cry.

Duo: Umm…

Cherry Blossom: Just leave it alone, Maxwell.

Matteo: Hey HEERO!!!! If ya want ta kill me, e-mail me and I'll send you my address and you can come kill me:)

Heero: Hn…You're as bad as the stalker woman.

Duo: You mean Rel-

Heero: *claps a hand over Duo's mouth* Don't. She has spies, everywhere.

Matteo: I'll send you those crappy poems as soon as i bring my textbook home, Cherry-sama. I love your show and I hope you never run out of poems!!!

Quatre: *sniffle* Don't any of you care about our sanity?

Cherry Blossom: *thinks a bit* No.

Matteo: Cleckmoon writes,

Where does someone get dead skin on their nipples? Eugh.... I cant believe you had to read this stuff in class, you poor thing...

Cherry Blossom: Pity me.

Matteo: Annnywaayyy...Dang, you get alot of reveiws!

Cherry Blossom: *smiles smugly*

Matteo: Maybe I should start showcasing my reveiws in my fic... but only about 30 people read each chapter of The Underground anyway... Nobody loves me.. Wait, I know! WOOFIE LOVES ME!! ::hugs Woofie:: Yes, I know he does! He's just a big snugglycakes underneath that plaster head shell of his. Thats why i'm gonna donate him to the Salvation army for another deserving child to love. I already have a snuggle boy, my Rudo-chan. Aint he cute? --Cleckmoon! The amazing hare person that drives the GW boys to speechlesnes, and already has ideas for a followup to The Underground (and actualy has a better plot structure for it...).

Cherry Blossom: MORE UNDERGROUND!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *runs amuck for several minutes in extreme hyperness*

Matteo: Er…TrowasGirl writes,

Oh my poor Trowa! He had to deal with that torture! Although it was very funny! You should really keep Duo! Never Let him go! *flashback scenes of the Titanic* He pretty much Deserves it. *Gets it in the head with a familiar cross* Was that supposed to hurt Duo? What ever Thanks for the Cross! * puts cross on* Oh yeah! Please don't be 2 mean to my T-chan! Love ya lots, Trowa! Write again soon Cherry Blossom!

Trowa: *opens his mouth*

Cherry Blossom: Don't even say it, clown boy.

Trowa: *closes his mouth*

Duo: *pouts* My cross…

Matteo: Nixa writes,

I can honestly say that I think that was truly the worst poetry ever written. Love the fics! I LOVE YOU TROWA!!!!!

Wufei: *sulks* Everybody loves Trowa.

Quatre: Isn't that a t.v. show or something?

Cherry Blossom: Oooh fic idea!

Matteo: Disturbed writes,

Ewwww!

Duo: See Heero? Disturbed thinks that tank-top is ugly, too.

Heero: *shoots water gun at Duo*

Duo: *sputter, sputter, choke*

Matteo: CLS writes,

*gags* That was gross. Still lookin for crappy poems (I have found some bad ones, but me thinks they are not bad enough) More poems *goes chibi* PWWWWEEEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE *changes back* Don`t worry Heero, I don`t hate you. You`re too cute ^^.

Heero: *smug grin*

Quatre: *sulks* I'm the most kawaii.

Matteo: Kai writes,

OH MY GOD!!! ::can't breathe...is laughing too hard:: MORE!!! (Dramatically) "Whilst the despair of the trodden life surrounds me, my weak mind succumbs to the eternal rest found in Crappy Poem Theater."

Duo: In other words………we love sadistic torture. Give us more!

Matteo: Valwen Isilme writes,

Oo They read that at School? Have you tried some of the British poets yet? Like the Little Lamb from Songs of Innocence?

Quatre: NO SHEEP!

Duo: Easy man. There are no sheep here.

Matteo: Weird poem and I actually liked some of those ^^; And if you put that kawaii Duo into torture like those again I'll smuggle Heero a gun ^^;v By the way, still alive, what happened to those little death threats? tee hee

Heero: I'm taking a break from killing. You know…a vacation.

Wufei: *snorts* Yuy on vacation. Now that's funny.

Matteo: Shinimegami Winner writes,

*Thunder and Lightening, Shini appears in a poof of smoke* Mwaahahahaha! Continue! I beckon!!! Thou art truly funny... Eh, what can I say, I'm a sadist... hell, I'm the goddess of death... *grabs a small, bleating lamb* How do you like my new pet lammy,... QUATRE?!!! Mwaahaha hahaha! *Disappears in another poof of smoke*

Quatre: *tries to hide behind Trowa* Noooooooooo!! The sheep!

Wufei: What is it with you and sheep?

Duo: Don't ask…

Matteo: Libra writes,

.....mph......*tries so hard not to laugh*........Ah....aha.....AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! That is so funny, i forgot to laugh!!! ......???!!!!......oh wait....I just did.....well....I give it two thumbs up!!!! And my saiyan tail.......heh.....well, I am a saiyan!!! Libra......da da da daaaaaa!!!!!! Oh man......I think i had too much sugar......

Trowa: You think?

Cherry Blossom: You know, you're getting real good at this sarcasm thing, Trowa.

Trowa: Thank you.

Cherry Blossom: That wasn't a compliment.

Matteo: Tora Darien and Donnie Duck

Donnie: hi Miss Cherry! Darien: Ossu Cherry-chan and Matteo-chan.

Cherry Blossom: Konnichiwa Darien and Donnie!

Matteo: I really enjoy your fanfic's. This crappy poem theater is such an original idea. In Japan we don't have such cool authors as you. Donnie(points to Darien): he's from Japan! He just moved to New Jersey this year! He's my best friend! Darien(smiling): Hai, its true. I'm an original Japanese teen! I love anime,too. Gundam Wing is one of my 6 favorites. (sighs) my tomodatchi, Donnie-chan only likes Pokemon. Donnie: Psyduck rules!

Trowa: Nah…I like pikachu.

Wufei: Feh. People who watch pokemon are weak.

Duo: Don't you watch pokemon, Wu-man?

Wufei: Why would I want to watch a show about an electric rodent?

Duo: How did you know that pikachu is an electric rodent if you don't watch?

Wufei: *sweatdrop*

Matteo: Darien(anime sweatdrop): anou... didja know Donnie-chan acts and looks like Quatre-san. Sora wa cho hen na!

Duo: Looks like you have another clone, Q-man.

Quatre: *groan* Not AGAIN!

Cherry Blossom: It's just cause you're so kawaii! Everybody wants to be like you. *starts to sing a really annoying song by Snow and stops when she realizes that no one is listening*

Matteo: Donnie: I don't know who any of these gundam people are but there funny! (laughes) Darien: they are funny. Cherry-chan, please, for the love of god, keep Wufei-san there forever. He reminds me of my arch rival Lee-chan, that girl is a chinese exchange student at our school. we...anou...don't get along well. (mumbles) self-rightous chinese bakas. don't they know Japan is better then there crappy nation?

Wufei: *eyes glow red* INJUSTICE! WE CHINESE ARE A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN ANYONE FROM JAPAN!

Heero: *points water gun at Wufei* Omeo o korosu.

Cherry Blossom: Let's not offend anybody from other nations, kay? I wanna keep this show on the air a little longer. Besides, we all know that out of all the people of the world……..CANADA KICKS ASS!!! WHOO HOO!!!

Quatre: Canada?

Duo: She's a canuck.

Cherry Blossom: *sings a few bars of the Pirates of Saskatchewan Song*

Matteo: Donnie: um,Darien? This review is getting kinda long. Maybe we should stop so poor Matteo ( who should be better treated be Miss Cherry hint,hint ) won't be out of breath. k? Darien: hai. Donnie: BTW- i saw a pic of Quatre and he does look like me! He also kinda looks like Chad from MTV's Togather show. strange,huh? Darien: um-hm. Lets leave Donnie-chan. Donnie: okay! Bye Miss Cherry! Bye Matteo! I wish you gundam boys the best of luck of living through this! Darien: ja ne Cherry-san and Matteo-san. Ja ne honorable pilots. (slips Heero some lock-pics and a very small gun) You might need these. ( holds up hands ) just don't shoot the messinger! Sayonora! ( Darien and Donnie leave, hurriedly, so they don't get shot by Heero )

Heero: *smiles and fingers gun*

Cherry Blossom: *takes gun away from Heero* NO.

Heero: *pouts*

Matteo: Can I have a break, Cherry?

Cherry Blossom: *thinks for a bit* No.

Matteo: *pouts* Fine. Megan writes,

Yuck.....that last poem was gross!!!

Trowa: I thought they were ALL pretty gross.

Wufei: Hence the R rating.

Matteo: Dark Heart says,

OMG! Somehow, that was even worse than a lemon! I can't imagine reading that in class! But still, it was really funny! Might I ask a question? Of course I can, this is my review. How can Wufei, Mr. Big Tough Justice Man, almost cry from a couple of little reviews? WUFEI IS SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!!! HEERO HAS THE HOTTEST ASS EVER, AND WUFEI HIDES HIS BUTT WITH THOSE FREAKY PANTS!!!!!!!

Wufei: You shall die, onna.

Matteo: I challenge Wufei to a sword fight! Bet it'll be embarrassing if he loses to some weak little onna. Okay, got a little carried away. Write another one soon!

Wufei: Hmph. I would've WON.

Cherry Blossom: I know you would've, Wu-bear. I thought I said no bashing. From now on any bashing reviews will be given to Trieze for shredding.

Trieze: *grins*

Matteo: Dariana Night writes,

ROTFL!! nice sakura,I mean Cherry Blossom. But I thought I told you to be nicer to Wu-Koi! (whispers to Wufei) see you tonight koibito ^_^ *blows kisses*

Wufei: *blushes*

Duo: And who was THAT, Wu-man? You got a girl we don't know about?

Wufei: *growls* Shut up, Maxwell.

Matteo: Little green says,

Hiyyaaaaa Cerise-chan!! We're back!!! If you want, I can send Michaël to punish the guys who wrote 'em!! NDLR : These are not what you study in class, eh??

Cherry Blossom: Unfortunately…..yes.

Matteo: O_O;;; NEway, a great hilarious, incredible and... cool fic, as always!! THE MOLEMAN SPECIAL COMMENT : CHERRY BLOSSOM, YA BETTER DRAW YOURSELF IN AN ATOMICALLY SEXY ANIME GIRL CUZ', IF YA STILL WANT TO, YOU'LL BE OUR #21!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Thank you Moleman! I luv youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

Matteo: [Seriously, E.mail me if you allow me to use you and dear Matteo in part 3! You'll tell me what I'm supposed to make you both say!]

Cherry Blossom: *proudly* I was a finalist! *glares at Trowa* No thanks to you.

Trowa: *glares back*

Matteo: Evil Anime Chick writes,

Poor Quatre...::holds up a box of Pocky:: Want some? My dad works for an oriental supermarket, so I have crates full in my living room. Pretty hard to watch t.v. Wufei and Trowa can have some too. ^O^ Trowa no kawaii! I'm still searching so...yeah. Keep writing!(note to Heero: Go to the back room of the theatre , I have an automatic and rifle a waiting...wait Cherry and the rest are reading this. Damnit! Nevermind then.)

Duo: More pocky!

Heero: More guns!

Cherry Blossom: No and no.

Duo and Heero: *sulk*

Matteo: Meg Uchuno writes,

Ossu Blossom-san! How's it going? ::smiles evily::ossu Duo and Wufei. Waz up? Hey Heero, I got ya a gift. Here's a gun. One condition,though. You have to get it out of Relena's hand. ::steps aside to show Relena holding a gun looking very puzzled:: ~.^ I am just so evil ::insert evil laugh here::

Heero: No! Keep her away!

Cherry Blossom: Trieze could you escort our umm…guest outside, please?

Trieze: *shows Relena to the door*

Matteo: Um, Sorry Quatre for insulting you, I'm sorry. Please don't be mad at me! Your my 3rd fav pilot. Trowa is my 4th and Heero is dead last. Anyway... ::turns to watch Relena shoot of the gun at Heero:: Relena-oh Heeeeeeeeero! Omae o korosuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! ::Meg plugs her ears:: sorry for bring Relena into this Blossom-san!

Cherry Blossom: Yes, you'd better be sorry. My poor eardrums…

Matteo: ::watches with amusment while Relena fires the gun off more at Heero, barely missing the 'perfect solder':: BTW- Matteo-san you rule!

Trieze: *shoves Relena outside*

Cherry Blossom: *breathes a sigh of relief*

Matteo: Desperate Angel writes,

Making the G Pilots review hentai poems..that's just wrong. I mean *snicker* what about their *snicker* inno*snicker*cent *snicker* virgin minds? Especially Duo...I mean.... *coughs*...he's certainly the most innocent of the lot. *nods*

Duo: Is she making fun of me?

Cherry Blossom: Oh nooooooo.

Matteo: That Irvine guy's poem was just..odd. Makes me see mythology in a whole new light though. The second one wasn't so bad...except for that last bit about nipples and skin and all. That was..erm...too much. Anyway, I think I have a poem or two for ya *glances at Contempt Lit book, at the G pilots, then back at the book* Hmm...maybe even that'd be too much for 'em. I really don't want their heads to explode. Plus, I think my protector's pissed at me *looks at Sei-chan and sighs* Heh..I guess having Relena fall for him's too much, eh? *evil laugh* Maybe if I give him some Nilla.... Anyway, great series, Chibs-chan. Keep up the good work and see if you can't get Trowa-kun to talk a bit more *whisper* I hear he's ticklish *grins and winks* Bie.

Quatre: Is that true, Trowa-kun?

Trowa: …no

Duo: so you wouldn't mind if I did….this? *starts to tickle Trowa*

Trowa: *tries to hold in laughter* Mmph….hmphmm….mahahAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! DUO!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!

Matteo: SaiyanGrrrl666 writes,

Hiya! I wanted to say that that poem *cough* Study *cough* is just a little bit on the um...informational side! I just want to wish all the G-boys luck( poor Quatre *sniff*) And give Duo a big Huug!Ja!

Cherry Blossom: Okay! *glomps Duo*

Duo: Oof.

Cherry Blossom: Well, that's it for Reviewer's Corner. Now on to the poems.

Wufei: Joy.

Trowa: Rapture.

Heero: Bliss.

Duo: Goody.

Quatre: Great.

Cherry Blossom: *points to Trieze* ENTHUSIASM.

Wufei: Alright! Poems!

Duo: YEAH!

Heero: Hn… (It's as enthusiastic as he can get)

Trowa: Lovely!

Quatre: Oh boy!

Cherry Blossom: That's better.

Crappy Poem Theater (for real this time)

Scene changes to a darkened theater where five familiar figures are seated.

Cherry Blossom: *pops in out of nowhere* Hey guys, it's December. You know what that means?

Quatre: Christmas!

Duo: Pocky!

Wufei: Snow….injustice!

Trowa: What was the question?

Heero: Hn…

Cherry Blossom: Wrong, wrong, and wrong. It means…………ADVENT CALENDARS! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Quatre: *confused* What's an advent calendar?

Duo: It's chocolate! Yay!

Cherry Blossom: *passes out advent calendars to all the G-Boyz* YES! CHOCOLATE! ADVENT CALENDARS!!

Trowa: I'm guessing you've already had your chocolate.

Cherry Blossom: *blinks* What makes you say that?

Duo: *tries to open the little…box…section-thingie to get the chocolate out of the calendar* It won't open! *starts to cry*

Cherry Blossom: Let me Du-chan. *beckons Trieze*

Trieze: *rips open the entire calendar with his teeth*

Duo: Yipee! *stuffs chocolate in his mouth*

Cherry Blossom: Thanks Trieze. *kisses him* You're a sweetie.

Trieze: *blushes*

Trowa: I got a little midget elf guy. What'd you get, Heero?

Heero: A weird looking bird.

Duo: Cool! It's a little Deathscythe!

Cherry Blossom: Let me see that. *looks* That's a Christmas tree.

Duo: Oh.

Quatre: I got doubles! Look!

Matteo: Wow. That's lucky.

Wufei: Mine's empty. INJUSTICE!! *starts to cry*

Quatre: *gives his extra chocolate to Wufei cause he's soooooooooo nice*

Wufei: *sniff* Thanks Quatre.

Cherry Blossom: Well that took up a lot of time. Let's get on to the poems.

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Oh, stop that. Cue the disclaimer.

Matteo: Cueing the disclaimer…….now!

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine. The poems are not mine. I did not invent advent calendars. Are you finished rubbing it in?

Duo: Is it just me, or is the disclaimer person getting bitter?

Heero: It's just you.

Quatre: What's on the schedule today?

Cherry Blossom: Today is special. We have…………Shakespeare's greatest flops! Woo hoo! Special thanks to Lucky Yuy and Hinode who sent in the poems we're going to be MSTing.

Wufei: Yeah, thanks bunches.

Trowa: But no hentai poems.

Cherry Blossom: No hentai poems. Even I can't keep THAT up.

Heero: Can we get on with it?

Duo: what's it to you, Heero? Got a date tonight?

Heero: *shoots water gun at Duo*

Duo: *squeezes water out of his braid* Ya know, I'm getting reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaalllllllllly tired of that.

Heero: Hn…

Cherry Blossom: Right. MATTEO! GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!!

Matteo: I'm not coming out.

Cherry Blossom: Why not?

Matteo: I look stupid.

Cherry Blossom: Aw, come on. It's a great outfit. You look…….authentic.

Matteo: NO.

Cherry Blossom: Hate to have to do this but……*mentions to Trieze who chases Matteo out onto the stage*

Matteo: *wearing traditional Shakespearian costume with tights and ruffles and hose and all that junk* I hate you.

Cherry Blossom: You look great!

Duo: *holding in laughter* Mmph….nice tights ya got there Matt-chan.

Matteo: *glares at Duo*

Cherry Blossom: READ!Matteo: *clears throat*

William Shakespeare

Quatre: We know. It's the Shakespeare episode. You told us. Get on with it.

from Macbeth, Act V, Scene VIII, L21-26

Duo: Is that the one with the skull?

Heero: That's Hamlet. This is the one with the bloody dagger.

Duo: Oh.

Accursed be that tongue that tells me so,

Trowa: Tells me so what?

Quatre: So what?

Wufei: Exactly.

Cherry Blossom: Okay, you lost me there.

For it has cow'd my better part of man!

Duo: *snickers* And what part would that be?

Quatre: I thought you said no more hentai poems.

Cherry Blossom: This isn't hentai. I swear.

And be these jugging fiends no more believed,

Duo: That's you, Trowa!

Trowa: Huh?

Duo: You know…….juggling fiends?

Wufei: Baka. That's JUGGING fiends.

Duo: What's a jugging fiend?

Wufei: *shrugs*

That palter with us in a double sense;

That keep the word of promise to our ear,

And break it to our hope! -- I'll not fight with thee.

Quatre: Well that's good. No one should be fighting.

Cherry Blossom: Doesn't matter. Everybody dies at the end of the play anyway.

Trowa: What was the point of that speech?

Duo: There wasn't one. Shakespeare likes to ramble on. A lot.

Wufei: Unlike you.

Duo: *cute, incoherent sputtering noises*

Cherry Blossom: Moving along….

Matteo:

Blow, Blow, Thou Winter Wind

Cherry Blossom: At least it's seasonal.

--from "As You Like It" (1599-1600) II:vii

Heero: I'd like it better if there were no more poems.

Duo: Heero, was that a joke?

Heero: Hn…

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,

Cherry Blossom: Didn't we already hear this?

Duo: Whoa, déjà vu!

Thou art not so unkind

As man's ingratitude;

Wufei: Riiiiiiight.

Thy tooth is not so keen,

Quatre: The wind has teeth?

Duo: Only medieval winds. They're extinct now.

Quatre: Really?

Trowa: Quatre, he's kidding.

Because thou art not seen,

Although thy breath be rude.

Cherry Blossom: Breathmints, anybody?

Duo: *sings the mentos song* Nothing get's to YOU, staying fresh staying cool….

Heero: Stop that.

Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:Everybody: O_0

Wufei: Drugs. It has to be drugs.

Duo: Willie was into pot.

Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:

Cherry Blossom: Pessimism much?

Trowa: Oh nooooooo.

Then, heigh-ho, the holly!

This life is most jolly.

Wufei: Someone's a little too jolly.

Quatre: At least he rhymes…..some of the time.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,

That dost not bite so nigh

Quatre: Again with the teeth thing.

Cherry Blossom: Would you forget about the teeth already!

As benefits forgot:

Though thou the waters warp,

Thy sting is not so sharp

As friend remembered not.

Heero: And once again, all attempt at syntax is ignored.

Duo: Is it the water that's stinging or the wind?

Quatre: No, no. The wind is biting….with tee-

Cherry Blossom: Don't say it.

Heigh-ho! Sing-

Cherry Blossom: Okay, that's enough of that. I can't take much more singing. Next!

Matteo:

O, that you were yourself! but, love, you are

No longer yours than you yourself live here.Everybody: *blank stare*

Duo: Wha?

Trowa: Coherence is a good thing.

Wufei: Apparently not to Willie.

Against this coming end you shall prepare,

Duo: Yes! It's the end of the world I tell you! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! *runs amuck for awhile*

Heero: Maybe you shouldn't have given him the pocky AND the advent calendar.

Wufei: You think?

Cherry Blossom: Don't know WHAT you're talking about. *goes off to run amuck with Duo*

And your sweet wemblance to some other give.

Quatre: What's a weblance?

Duo: I'll get that wascaly wabbit!

Trowa: Duo?

Duo: Yes?

Trowa: Shut it.

Duo: *pouts*

So should that beauty which you hold in lease

Find no determination; then you were

Yourself again after yourself's decease,

Cherry Blossom: Anybody get that? No? Good. Let's move on.

bear.

Quatre: BEAR! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Wufei: WHERE IS IT? WHERE'S THE BEAR? I'LL KILL THE WEAKLING!

Cherry Blossom: Guuuuuys.

Who lets so fair a house fall to decay,

Which husbandry in honour might upholdCherry Blossom: Yes! Proof that Willie thinks that husbands should do the housework!

Trowa: I don't think that's what he's trying to say.

Cherry Blossom: Hey, I can interpret anyway I want.

Against the stormy gusts of winter's day

And barren rage of death's eternal cold?

O, none but unthrifts!

Heero: Unthrifts?

Quatre: It's not a word. Trust me.

Dear my love, you know

You had a father--let your son say so.

Trowa: Mm hmm. Right. Well. That was truly an enlightening experience. Call me when hell freezes over 'kay?

Duo: I didn't get it.

Wufei: That's okay. Nobody expected you to.

Quatre: Can I go home now?

Cherry Blossom: Sure. We could all use a rest. So until next time-

G-Boyz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cherry Blossom: Next person that cuts me off is getting some quality time with Trieze and Dilly.

Dilly: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

Trieze: * evil grin*

G-Boyz: *shut up*

Cherry Blossom: Remember to leave a review (NO BASHING) and tune in next time for Crappy Poem Theater. If you have a crappy poem to submit write to chibicherryb@hotmail.com. Jaa!!