Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ How to Write a Fanfic Review, GW Style ❯ Chapter 2

How to Write a Fanfic Review, Gundam Wing/AC Style

Part Deux, as of September 16, 2002

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It could've been Wufei's imagination, but Heero and Duo were sneaking glances at each other all during math class. He couldn't figure it out for the life of him… It's not like they were Quatre and Trowa or something.

Pause.

Unless. … Wufei knitted his eyebrows and looked from one boy to the other. Quatre and Trowa proved the age-old saying that opposites attract, but even this was unspeakably and utterly unbelievable. What could Duo possibly see in Heero?

Pause.

And why was Wufei thinking of it in that order?

In their respective seats, the two boys were totally oblivious to their Chinese friend's inner conundrum. Duo and Heero were, and not just to Wufei's imagination, stealing glances at one another. Heero was certain that if Duo was 'the source' then he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut for long. There was just no way. However, recalling yesterday, Duo had been out all day. The former Wing pilot had been home alone. So it could've been Duo but… Logic dictated that he needed proof beyond a reasonable doubt.

'Why hasn't he said anything,' Duo pouted behind his math book. Sure he didn't expect a magic fairy to have floated down and granted Heero with the ability to, well, talk… but would it have been too much to ask for if he could get his act together so they could bang each other silly?

Of course, from Heero's point of view, if he said anything he would openly be admitting to his… hobby. That couldn't happen. Not until he was a hundred percent sure of all the consequences... In the back of Heero's computer of a brain, he processed other possibilities. Yesterday: Quatre and Trowa had an indefinite alibi, from the way Quatre had walked once they got back, those two had obviously been together the whole day. Wufei was out training.

… or was he? Damn it all. He should've seen it. Wufei knew both of them. And since all of them were guys, it wasn't all that uncommon to see something one wouldn't openly discuss about another's… anatomy. And of course, if you were as honorable as said pilot, you wouldn't want anyone to know that you're reading a story about masturbation and voyeurism staring two of your housemates. Heero went over the message he had already installed into his memory banks. Looking over, yes, Wufei, in fact, wore billowy pants. And he does have that bizarre aversion to all female kind… Hn.

Lucky for Wufei, when Heero glanced back to look at him, he was no longer looking at the Japanese pilot. Though, he could see out of the corner of his eye that Heero was, in fact, glancing back at him. 'What was he looking back here for?' Perhaps he had gotten that prickly feeling on the back of his neck that tells you when someone's been watching you. He cursed silently to himself for being so lax.

What Heero did see, however, was Wufei trying to disguise the fact that he had been watching Duo during the class period. Turning his attention back to the matter at hand, or rather - pretending to, Heero started taking notes on what he would send in his next reply.

*-*-*-*

As soon as lunch had started, Duo was about to bounce over to where he and Heero usually had lunch together with Quatre. Trowa and Wufei were in another lunch period, much to Quatre's dismay. However, when he reached the lunch room, he found a very pouty Quatre sitting all by his lonely self.

"Hey Q-ball, where's tall dark and stoic?" Duo twitched his nose and plopped down beside his blond friend. Quatre glanced at him, still pouting, and even sniffled a little. 'Geez, you'd think lunch was seven years long…' Rolling his eyes, he ruffled his friend's hair. "Not that tall dark and stoic, I meant Heero."

Quatre merely shrugged. "He said he had to go type up something in the library." He had put off pouting to unwrap his sandwich and took a bite. "Wha..." Swallowing, so his mouth wouldn't be full when he spoke, he tried again. "Where are you going?"

Duo tried to ward off Quatre's new restored pout with a pat on the back. "Just reminded me o'something s'all… I gotta go check my email." And the braided boy would've bounded off if he wasn't anchored by a hand clutching onto his retreating pant leg. Glancing back over his shoulder, he was getting Quatre's full blown 'I want something from you' pout. Usually, this was directed at Trowa, and having been a witness to it, it often lead to quite a rather graphic dream the night following. … Or no sleep at all, because of Trowa and Quatre's squeaky headboard.

"Can't you wait until Heero gets back? He types really really fast, and if you go I'll have to eat lunch by myself," Quatre turned his baby blues to the seat beside him, making it look all the more lonely. Duo rolled his eyes. With any luck, Heero was writing a response to the email and it would be ready and waiting for him once the pilot got back and could keep Quatre company. Sighing, Duo resigned himself to sitting back down next to his friend and tearing into his own sandwich. He wasn't one to care about talking with his mouth full.

"Awright, but... *chewchew* Soon's he gets here -" Duo blinked as Quatre waved his hand to silence him. What kind of company could he be if he were quiet? Granted, if Quatre didn't mind being alone with Heero, he apparently didn't mind a silent lunch buddy. Duo twitched his nose and waited for Quatre to say something, but he didn't. He just continued his sandwich. Duo finished off his own, still curious as to why the hell Quatre waved him to shut up...

Probably had something to do with all the crumbs flying into Quatre's face and hair, but that's just a theory.

*-*-*-*

Heero made sure to get a computer in the back of the library, to ensure no one could sneak up behind him. He didn't need anybody reading over his shoulder, and from where he sat, everyone would have to come into plain view to approach. This of course included a braided baka who had the awful habit of hopping onto people's backs at inopportune times.

Accessing his email account from the web was less than difficult for the expert hacker, and though it was "against school policy" to check e-mail in school… Well, everybody was doing it, why not him? Not that Heero would've felt much guilt if no one else had been. Hell, he'd used school computers to facilitate an end of a war. A little email wouldn't hurt anything. Drumming his fingers over the home-row keys on the keyboard he pressed his lips together thoughtfully..

"Dear Reviewer," A light bulb invisibly appeared over Heero's head. He'd use his literary mastery to draw the culprit out. All he'd have to do was find the exact words to use as bait. "Forgive my formal opening, but you seemed to have forgotten to leave a manner in which I could address you by." If he got a name, then tracing the lead would be easier than reconfiguring a mech. Well, easier for him anyhow. "I sincerely hope that you will enjoy my other works, and that your source - whoever they may be - will enjoy them as well." Pause. Not good enough, it needs something it needs… "I was currently entertaining the idea of pairing Pilot 01 with someone else… perhaps 03, or 05. As I have come to respect your opinion, I would dearly appreciate any thoughts or feelings you might have on the notion."

Reading it over, Heero easily decided, 'Yep, that should do it.' If the source was Duo, he would contest. If the source were anyone else, say Wufei, they would agree, since they apparently also must appreciate Heero's anatomy and choice of subject matter if they had been as… 'intrigued' by his work as this girl said. Sending the email off, and grabbing his things, Heero wiped his tracks off the computer and headed over to the lunch room. He was finding it really difficult not to grin.

If possibly his entire reputation wasn't at stake and every sexual desire he'd ever had weren't at risk to becoming public knowledge, Heero might have thought this little game was fun.

The second he stepped into the room, waiting to be welcomed by a pouncing Duo, Heero watched as the braided boy approached briskly with an ear to ear grin. Quatre looked up as if thankful to be alleviated of the American's attention. But unlike anything he expected, all he received was a half-assed salute and that pert lil' bottom was swaying its way out of the lunch room. Heero's cobalt gaze followed as the braid swung to and fro down the way. Without revealing his dismay, he sat next to Quatre, looking at him with an unspoken question. The blond just shrugged.

"I don't know what he's got a bee in his bonnet about… he was driving me crazy yapping on and on about the chemistry of cafeteria food, or something…" Quatre shook his head and sipped from his juice box. They were just so gosh darned cute. 'specially when you got to the last drop and the straw squeaked a lil' when you tried to hunt it down blindly inside the juice box. Taking the straw and squeaking it in and out of the box, as the last remnants of juice sloshed about, Quatre was apparently far too engrossed in hunting down rogue drops of sustenance to notice Heero's pensive manner.

All he could think about was the way Wufei had been looking at his Duo, and just now being given the polite brush off by said Duo. Sure, he only had the boy in his dreams and in his writing, but still… If Heero's suspicions were true, Wufei would wish he was never born, let alone settled a foot in Heero's personal life…

He better not have a "personal account" of Duo's birthmark, otherwise…

Quatre blinked up from his squeaking and watched as a poor defenseless apple was pulverized in his friend's fists. He took this moment to exercise that weird bizarre empathy thing he does… You know the one, the weird miraculous power that comes with being the only blond underage and flamboyantly gay Gundam pilot which you would expect to see at a carnival between the cotton candy and the freak show.

"… Heero. There's something on your mind, isn't there?"

And in the wise words of someone from somewhere way back when: 'No shit, Sherlock'… translated into Heero speak as a grunt and a subtle eye rolling.

*-*-*-*

Duo flirted with the elderly librarian a bit before shuffling over to a computer in the library. This place gave him the chills, since it was well… so damn quiet. Sure, he could risk giving her a heart attack if for no other reason than it would put some life into the old girl. Sending Ms. Powell another little wink and bowing like a good Southern gent, he finally made it around to checking his email. So what if he took his time? He was usually late for class anyway.

What class did he have next anyway? Pfft, more important things to worry about.

Duo nearly pouted as the speakers were off on all the computers, for he couldn't let his heart soar at hearing "You've Got Mail." But at least he had some, and he shuffled his feet beneath the chair and ducked down low so he could chuckle softly. But apparently, it had not been soft enough as he was bombarded by "SHH"s from every which way in surround sound. The hairs on the base of his neck pricked as his level of paranoia rose steadily. He hated libraries.

His jaw hit the spacebar when he read Heero's message. 'Fuck.' He suspected something was up. And Duo… thought that's what he wanted. However, there was definitely a trap being laid out, that's for sure. Heero wanted to know the reviewer, and the source, and may even suspect they were both one and the same. The implications of future pairings… It was obvious Heero was trying to milk him for information. Stroking his chin, scratching his head, swiping his hands over his face, shifting in his chair, and glancing all over the place, before settling down into a single nervous action of drumming his fingers on his knee - since drumming them on the table would be far too loud for this crowd.

There had to be someway to answer without…

'Heh,' was the intelligible word that formed in Duo's head as something seemed to just click. Resisting the urge to crack his knuckles, for fear of being shushed to death, he started composing. It was weird, but some part of this cloak and dagger scheme was… enticing. Licking his lips, then biting down, he did everything to prevent from laughing aloud as he sewed his wicked (oh so wicked) web.

*-*-*-*

So, as not to dilly dally, we return to the scene of the crime. Heero was at his dear laptop back home almost afraid to turn it on. Now he'd get some answers, but he didn't want them to be the answers he thought they were because if they were they'd be the answers he didn't want.

'… I've been hanging out with Duo way too long,' a blatant lie on the soldier's part, since that's the only place he ever really wanted to be. He sank into his desk chair and stared at the black gadget in front of him.

He forced himself to look away, but then locked his gaze on the bed. The very empty, very lonely bed. Fine pressed, well-made and complete with hospital corners. His shoes sat parallel along the wall, and his clothes hung in his closet sorted by occasion. Something about being perfect was always flawed. Perfect here meant… Well, his room, his clothes, everything… Nothing looked lived in. Anything that was remotely related to a spark in him was used for igniting a beam cannon. Duo's room though… A smile crept onto his face, an odd thing, as it was genuine. His American friend had posters, dirty laundry, magazines, comic books, and just… a whole helluva lotta stuff. It was all clutter, most of it useless or in the way, but at least it showed some remnant of having a life. Of having lived. If Heero were to leave this earth that day, what would be left to mark his brief stay?

Maybe that's why he wrote. Sure, some of it had to do with sexual tension. Most of his ff.net work was probably, if not solely based, on the frustration with his own sexuality. Basically, all the normal teenage lusty angst that he had no way of knowing how to deal with. He honestly had no idea why he hadn't started sprouting gray hairs by now. Sometimes he just felt so dead inside. Like if he wrote about feeling, about himself feeling something - anything… that he would. Maybe. Maybe if people told him his writing was good, it meant he knew how to write about feeling. And maybe there was the hope he'd learn how to.

Or maybe he was just kidding himself.

And why couldn't he be like any of the other little children at playtime? Because he was busy defending the common man before bedtime. He wasn't some warped version of a Power Puff Girl was he? Heero unconsciously shuddered. He had been a killer. No cute little outfits, although one could argue that he looked damned good in spandex… No little bow in his hair, no professor waiting with open arms and loving gaze.

Hah. Pulling the stiff-one-eye was the least of his problems. He paused, realizing he was avoiding his laptop by brooding over his introspection.

Right. Laptop. Email. Check. Right.

Heero convinced himself he was hungry and just had to eat before he could do anything else, like open doors to the future and let fate walk in.

Maybe he wasn't doing so bad at being a teenager after all.

*-*-*-*

Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre had convened themselves in the common room waiting for Duo and Heero to come out for dinner. The blond one, you know the one, was tugging off his apron and scurrying over to where his taller lover was pulling out his chair for him. He playfully scolded Trowa about being too romantic, even though Quatre was practically gushing. Wufei looked ill.

"Where are those two…" Wufei grumbled quietly to himself, doing his impression of a pout. He was hungry, agitated, and… idly curious. No one ate till everyone who was going to be there was there. So the two in question were holding things up. If what Wufei suspected was true, this might be expected for many a-night to come… just like when Quatre and Trowa first hooked up. The Chinese boy was quickly losing his appetite as memories of Quatre or Trowa (or both) showing up to the dinner table without having properly… cleaned up their mess before coming to dinner. Folding his arms to further express his displeasure, he heaved a great warrior's sigh.

Si~igh. If these guys could get laid, why the hell wasn't he a rich gigolo by now or something? … oh that's right: because he had scruples. Like being on time to supper when people were eagerly waiting to be fed, dammit. For Nataku's sake…

Quatre glanced down the hall, and saw no one approaching for at least a minute before Heero came striding in mechanically. He hadn't said anything at lunch, but he had a little dark cloud following him thundering with confusion and… a whole bunch of other cool metaphors for the emotions that boys that age (who've saved the universe from bourgeois tyranny) have.

"Hey Heero… where's Duo?" The second the words left his mouth, Quatre got the sinking feeling they were the last things he should've said. Swallowing audibly, he glanced at Trowa for back-up. 'Great. One second the romantic, next, he's the clueless wonder. Trowa, Trowa, Trowa… whatever will I do with you…' Unable to not smile, he did, and shook his head to shake it free of troublesome thoughts. They could deal with that after dinner. "Guess we'll wait a bit longer."

Heero sat next to Trowa, a good and safe seat between him and Wufei. He couldn't kill him until he was sure, he kept telling himself. Well, no, he could've killed him, it would just take more time to think up a good excuse.

And to think, he'd thought of Wufei as a kindred not too long ago. Less than twenty-four hours even. But now… Oh how the tables have turned.

Heero's metaphorical dark cloud apparently darkened the forecast on the whole table. Quatre squirmed, Wufei pout-scowled, Heero glared, and Trowa… watched, seemingly blank and unconcerned. (It's hard to read a guy when you were distracted by his bizarre anti-gravitational uni-bang.) All of them remained quiet as if they were about to go tiptoeing through a mine field. In a brief instant, Wufei and Heero's gazes connected and the sparks were just barely visible, and Quatre swore he heard something relative to hissing kittens in the background as he watched the silent catfight going back and forth.

Geez, you'd think they were chicks or something.

On that note, Quatre sniffed and pouted at the meal he prepared. It would get cold if Duo didn't hurry up… and after he worked and slaved in the kitchen to put food on the table, goodness, you'd think the boy would be more considerate of Quatre's feelings…

*-*-*-*

'Shit shit shit…' Duo oddly enough was silently cursing as he trudged his way back home. He was at least ten minutes late already, and he was still five minutes from home. That Fanfiction.net stuff was addictive. Time flies when you're reading yaoi. 'Course he couldn't tell his housemates that's why he was late, so as he walked he was struggling to make up an excuse that wouldn't be a total and utter lie. Because he may run, and he may hide, but Duo Maxwell never lies.

Mostly because he knew he was really bad at it.

Duo's curiousity had gotten the better of him, and he strayed from reading Heero's fic to looking at some of the others in the Gundam Wing/AC category. And wow, there was a whole bunch to pick from. Not to mention, there was one that suited just about every fetish there was. Like the one pairing Trowa and Catharine which caused Duo to involuntarily shudder. He didn't read it, mostly because he couldn't stop thinking what a knife thrower's idea of foreplay would be.

And it was rough finding a good one, which is probably why he didn't realize he was already ten minutes late. So many of those fics had summaries like "Just read it! It's cute!" or "I don't know how to write a summary!" … Duo snorted. Like somehow this was his, the reader's fault, so he should take up his time clicking at a fic that could potentially suck. Honestly, if they couldn't write a summary what hope was there for writing a good story? He didn't have time for that sort of crap. Oh, of course there were the cryptic one-liners that fed you the intrigue, but told you absolutely nothing about what you were going to read… so you clicked it hoping that it would include one certain Japanese pilot and it turned out to be a Trowa/OZ rape fest. Duo tripped over his own foot remembering that one.

'Shit shit shit…' Duo's mantra continued. He picked up pace. None of the other pilots got an earful if they were late, no no no. But Duo always got an earful from Wufei about injustices, and a glare from Heero, and an adorable - but guilt strickening - pout from Quatre. Upsetting Quatre was messy business when he has a boyfriend who could easily arrange for a pack of lions to be in your bedroom to rip you to shreds. Or Trowa could always tack you up to the wall with seven-inch long knives… Frankly, Duo had never been on the receiving side of Trowa's wrath that he could recall … well, 'cept for that weird double agent OZ crap he pulled back in the war… And frankly, he didn't want to know what that boy was capable of.

It's always the quiet ones.

For example, Heero the smut writer. Who saw that coming? Duo would've thought that as likely as… well, Wufei opening up a daycare center. The image of five-year olds standing in single file, looking like they had poles shoved up their asses, all dressed like mini-Wufeis… was just slightly disturbing, to say the least.

Which… probably meant someone had written a fanfic about it already.

Or, Quatres in bunny suits threatening to take over the universe under the banner of the new Winner-Barton faction.

Or, all the pilots pullin' a train on Wufei. HAH! Duo would love to see the Chinese boy's face if he ever laid his eyes on some of the smut he'd been reading that day. He discovered the beauty of the acronym "PWP"… better known as, plot without a point. And gad, were they beautiful.

'Heh, that fanfic stuff ain't so hard…' Duo's mood lightened as he puffed out his chest a bit. For all the crazy, zany, and crap one had to filter through to find a fic they liked, Duo could easily take a stab at it. Hell, if Heero could do it…

In no time at all, since rather the five minutes to get to the house had all been used up by Duo's musings, the boy found himself on their door step. He still hadn't thought up an excuse. 'Just have to make it up on the spot… That's it. I work well under pressure,' … said the boy who tried to form an all out rebellion among the students inside his history class due to a pop quiz. Not to mention the same boy who was dealing with his sexual identity by flirting with lil' old lady librarians. On that thought, Duo shook off his jacket, and tried to scowl at nothing. This in the closet stuff was doing more harm than good, that's for sure.

Duo stopped in front of a mirror in the entranceway, before heading into the common room. Roughing up his hair a bit, scuffing his shoes, and basically making himself look in disarray, only then did he enter to see all the Gundam pilots focused solely on him. Or so he thought they would be. Heero and Wufei were glaring at each other, and so only Trowa and Quatre looked up when he walked in. Quatre's hand went over his mouth with a gasp.

"Friend Duo, what happened to you?!" Everybody collectively sneered at the address. It sounded like a line from badly dubbed anime. Duo shrugged nonchalantly, scratching the back of his head.

"It was crazy getting back here, I was over at the net café and you know there was this pretty little lady who was chatting right next to me, and going on and on about this and that… and there was this really really big guy on the end of the row who was totally overcompensating, I mean, if you saw the tattoos that guy had…"

Duo wasn't lying. He was just tiptoeing around the truth. "And I tripped on the way back, trying to get here as fast as I could because you know what I told myself, I said, 'Self. Quatre's cooking tonight and he wouldn't much appreciate if you were late. So, Self, you better get home quick as can be and make sure that boy knows he's appreciated.'" He punctuated with a nod. Some part of him was thinking that anyway, just not the active part, and not necessarily on that particular day. So Duo rationalized, this wasn't lying.

"Oh Duo, that's so kind, but please, sit down, sit down…" Quatre blushed prettily, waving the braided boy down towards his usual seat. There was a trick to getting away with things around Quatre, and if you weren't Trowa and couldn't use sex, you could do like Duo and… kiss ass. So, Duo graciously bowed as if begging for forgiveness as he took his seat at the opposite head of the table than Heero, between Wufei and himself. If anyone were really paying attention they would've noticed that Heero's glare darkened.

"Sit down so we can finally get to eat. Yapping on and on about needless details of your gallivanting, Maxwell, is hardly what I call appetizing. Honestly, if you had any sense of honor, you would've called ahead so we wouldn't have had to wait for you to arrive looking like something the cat dragged in - also not appetizing and…" Trowa cut Wufei off.

"If you spent more time eating, and less lecturing, perhaps what appetite you have left would be satisfied," Trowa stated matter-of-factly, while Quatre and Duo stifled chuckles. Wufei did his best not to pout as he got down to the business of eating. And though it took a while, it didn't go entirely unnoticed that Heero wasn't eating. Blinking away from mid-devour, Duo looked across the table at Heero, the Heero Yuy, picking at his food. The braided pilot merely put on a very secretive smile. His little email would pick him right up.

In all the right places.

===

Note: The characterization may seem a little extreme, in parts, but it's all in the name of humor and poking fun at the fanfic stereotypes. For those of you who haven't seen the actual series, you mightn't have heard the infamous bad-dubbed line where Quatre cries out, "Friend Trowa!" Hence began the long unending call to flame-hood for the Winner boy. XD