Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ How to Write a Fanfic Review, GW Style ❯ Chapter 3

How to Write a Fanfic Review, Gundam Wing/AC Style

Part Trois, as of September 16, 2002

===

He tried not to look. But it was gym class, and he couldn't shake the thought from his mind. Duo had a tattoo. A real honest to goodness tattoo. Anyway, that's what the "source" of his reviewer had stated clearly. Not in a made up place… Why hadn't he seen it? Oh, right. Because he hadn't been looking. Not that he wouldn't have if he'd gotten the chance it's just he never had one and now that there was one possibility for it to be revealed to him… well, he had to take it. Right?

Needless to say he wanted to get a glance at his birthmark. Oh yea~ah.

"Hit the showers boys!" The coach's voice echoed from the doorway into the locker room. The stench was nearly unbearable as Heero was packed like a sardine in the small changing area. His locker was coincidentally between Wufei's and Duo's. As colorfully as he can describe musk in a fic, there was just nothing that could do justice to the real thing. Honestly, who the hell had the great idea to bottle up BO and sell it was either a genius or dropped on the head one too many times. Musk, indeed.

And the object of his affections, or whatever he chose to show at a given point in time, was currently disrobing next to him. As subtly as possible, while removing his own clothing, he attempted to fetch glances at the boy's pelvis. This is not an easy task when you're surrounded by a bunch of jocks who'd pound you into next Tuesday if they even remotely thought you were a "fag." It also didn't help that Duo's back was to him the whole time, even if it did let him feast his gaze on that cute lil' bottom. It was so close… Heero's fingers roughly dragged his sweat-drenched clothing off his body; they were itching to grab hold of the boy. No wonder Wufei ranted on about injustice.

It wasn't hard to hide his interest, or so he thought. Most of his peers didn't have a trained eye to spot the signs. Heero's mask was almost entirely flawless, and one would have to either know him well or be specifically looking for it to find it. Getting a peak by these jocks was no difficulty. It was the Chinese pilot he couldn't get past.

Almost as much as Heero had been watching him for the past day, Wufei had been watching right back. And right now, he was watching Heero check out their friend. Now, Wufei suspected something from square one. But this? This was far too blatant, even for Heero. Sure the shit-for-brains jocks would miss it, but not a trained eye like Wufei's. Not only was Heero sneaking glances, but Duo was pointedly making an effort to peal off his clothing slowly and methodically. This was another thing the other guys wouldn't notice, but Wufei wouldn't have missed this strip tease for the world.

Duo knew he was being watched, and if Wufei could see it, why couldn't Heero? Even Heero would respond if he wasn't dense enough to not read the invitation of a proffered rear.

It was just too funny.

Or it would've been if Wufei would've ever admitted it. It wasn't as bad with Quatre and Trowa. Those two sort of just gravitated to one another. Hah! If Quatre were here, he'd have seen it without even having to look. Duo, with the way he shimmied his boxers down his legs, with only one knee bended slightly. Heero with his lips parted and uneven breathing.

Oh for the sake of Nataku, shag already.

Almost in a huff, Wufei grabbed his bath things and stalked off to the showers with a towel wrapped around his waist. It hadn't even occurred to him that his hand instinctively to turn on the cold water and left it that way.

*-*-*-*

"Something is up."

Trowa looked down at his lover, whose brow had knitted as he stared off to space in concentration. He only raised the singly visible eyebrow. It often happened this way, where Quatre would just suddenly … get a flash of feeling that he just picked out of the air. It had hit him minutes ago, and he hadn't been able to stop talking about it for quite some time.

"I just know it. I can feel it. There's a tension in the house…" Quatre chewed his bottom lip, and twitched his nose. Nodding as if to agree with himself, he continued, "Heero, Duo… even Wufei now. They're all in their own states of confusion, and need. But none of them are saying anything, not even Duo…" the soft voice trailed, as he sighed heavily. It was upsetting that he couldn't just… fix everything. His space heart was on overdrive for a moment, trying to process his assumptions until a hand settled on his shoulder.

"Would you be so kind as to finish what you started?" His head angled to where Quatre was nursing his swollen arousal where it brushed against the other boy's cheek. Why did the blond insist on discussing the most unrelated topics in the world when he'd already settled down to kneel between his legs? Honestly, that damned space heart was going to be Trowa's undoing. It always picked the wrong times to just tune in to other people's feelings, when Quatre should be focusing on his. Sure, it was selfish and out of character, but watching his boyfriend's mouth move and not where it should've been was damn frustrating.

"OH… oh sure, love," giggling, Quatre happily did just that. Thank goodness this didn't happen often or Trowa would start to get offended.

You know, if he stayed on earth long enough to think twice about it.

*-*-*-*

Seated in a college-level advanced computer class, Heero was bored. B-o-r-e-d. He'd already done most of the assignments for the year, and was holding them on file to turn in when he needed the grade. How did he get what would be the year's assignments? Hacked. Duh. So while the teacher went on about mindless dribble, he went about checking his email.

He'd avoided it up until now. Telling himself it was because he had to do further investigating, in essence, hiding behind his own doubts. If the review had any relation to Duo, it would be great. However, if it didn't - then he could potentially watch all his dignity flushed down the drain. Honestly, the only audience he ever wrote for was himself, and somewhere inside he wanted the satisfaction of having one of his stories come true.

Dear god, did he breath cheese or something?

There it was, in his mailbox. The one email that could make or break him, and it wasn't lonely. No, Heero checked all the other emails first. Praise for this or that, a few updates on fanfics he had been reading… Finally, when the computer class made a unanimous whine as the pop quizzes were returned, something within his mind just snapped. He just couldn't stand it anymore!

And although he was mentally tearing his hair out from the roots, he graciously accepted his grade from his teacher over the monitor, while clicking open the mail with his other hand.

"Dearest 01," … dearest? The long awaited email began with dearest? "I would be more than ever so delighted to inform you as what I would have you write, but in all honesty, I would not like to be responsible for steering your writing in any direction that you have not chosen on your own." Heero blinked. Uhm… no? This was not what was supposed to happen. Granted, he didn't expect the person to come out with open arms. But honestly, this was… this was… Glancing from side to side, noting no one paying attention to him, he permitted himself a soft grumble and continued reading.

"However. I did have a few questions about your second volume." Although he was devastatingly unsatisfied by the anticlimactic results of his well set trap, his curiousity piqued. "Correct me if I am wrong, but 01 prefers it when 02's hair is down and wild, yes?" … oh yeah. "I was curious. Just for your personal opinion, of course." Oh of course. "Do you think 01 is preferential to the long tresses more so for the way he plays with it between his fingers or the way it brushes along his glistening chest while 02 rides him?" Heero audibly gulped. Good question. Very. Very good question.

"And when you say 01 likes that trick that 02 always does with his tongue, would that be when his runs his tongue under the head of his cock… or when he's dipped the tip of it into the little slit at the very end of it? I don't think you specified." Way to get technical. Honestly, Heero would find both maneuvers equally tantalizing. Then again, he wasn't speaking from experience. "Ne. Don't you find 01 rather large for a Japanese man?"

Heero barely registered the sound of plastic cracking as he pressed down a little too hard on the scroll button. Look, was it his fault the professors thought of a couple other "perfect" things when they recruited him? Hell, he didn't know what half of those pills had been for. "You think 02 likes it that way? 'specially with how hard 01 loves to give it to him, over and over like that…" He better. And not from no one else, neither, goddammit. Heero's expression never changed, but there was a smug gleam in his eyes, despite his bad mental grammar. "Mm, my source tells me signs point to "yes". ::gigglegiggle::"

'PleasebeDuopleasepleaseplease…' It wouldn't be too much to ask for, would it? "Oh yes, I suppose I should tell you what they thought of the story as well." Hell yeah. "Well, I don't know if I should say…" The eerie sound of cracking plastic buckling under intense pressure startled a handful of his surrounding classmates. No one dared to ask or question… this was Heero after all. And they wanted to live out the rest of their young lives, preferably not in traction. "I know it's probably all things you've heard before, especially since you write so… detailed, shall we say. ^.~" Get on with it, woman. No more of this dilly dally nonsense.

"I am not quite as well-versed in the more intimate terms, though I could - well, let's just say he'll be taking longer … and longer showers from here on out." … that's IT?! Heero's finger crashed down on the down key, trying to scroll further down, but there was nowhere to scroll to. Where were the juicy details? Things about birthmarks… and tattoos… That's all he gets for the most frustrating twenty-four hours of his non-existent sex life? That's what he gets after jerking off in a bathroom stall after gym class like there was no fucking tomorrow?! Like there wasn't another damn bloody person on this shit-faced son of a bitch's godforsaken fucking - yes FUCKING - earth?!!

He didn't ever get a glimpse of the tattoo in question, either, let alone any birthmark to add to his frustration.

Nobody said anything when the remains of what was a computer monitor sparked and fizzled into silence against the far wall. And they wrote it up as an "accident" when the computer terminal found its way to the floor in pieces.

No questions asked as Heero silently, with an eerily calm air around him… walked out of the room without looking back.

*-*-*-*

"Like, oh my god, like it was totally unbelievable, eh? Like, oh my god, you cannot tell me you did NOT hear what happened?!?!"

Trowa, as he bit into his sandwich, could frankly give less of a damn. It had been a good idea to peak in on his love in on the way to his history class. Quatre's lunch period was during that time, so he'd know where to find him. Not that he hadn't already memorized the boy's schedule, of course, and he usually didn't risk being late to class… but it had just been too long. (Aww.) And so, right now, he sat at a lunch table in his rightful lunch period and munched on a ham and cheese sandwich. And he was quite pleasantly enjoying the afterglow of his afternoon oral fix.

Bless the heavens in all their glory for Quatre, his Quatre, was so good to him. Quatre, you see, didn't mind being late for class. He looked too cute for the teachers to stay mad at him anyway.

"Oh Quatre… I'm sure you had a good reason, just settle down for class okay?" or "Oh Quatre, don't feel too bad, I'm sure it was something important…"

'Damn right I'm important,' Trowa nearly smirked. You see, Trowa was not the blank slate that people pegged him to be. Just because he shot off all his ammo in one fail swoop back in the day, and he stood still in a clown suit while his sister threw knives at him, didn't mean he was totally vacant. Sure, during the war he'd been a little bit of a self-deprecating causality of childhood trauma suffering from social anxiety… but having been in a monogamous relationship with a universal billionaire nymphomaniac can spoil a person, to say the least.

Now, he wasn't one to skip class, not for just a blow job anyway - now had they got into the hot and heavy - ho ho ho!... Er, anyway. When he checked the clock after their… encounter, there was really little point of going back to class. Mostly, the delay was due to Quatre's zoning out with the space heart thing.

Trowa knew he was blond, but c'mon.

It was the most torturous blow job he'd ever incurred... for the last six or seven days anyway. There Quatre was with him in the cramped little bathroom stall, gazing up at him with those baby blues, and discussing the ins and outs of social relations among ex-Gundam pilots while blowing hot air on his cock. If that wasn't bad enough, the boy withdrew every time Trowa didn't contribute his two cents to add to Quatre's logic. There had been a couple nods… a few "Maybe"s… and even a long drawn out suspension where Trowa actually managed a whole sentence.

'course it was another request to continue. The response of which was a pout and a couple seconds of deep throat humming. Just thinking about it…

Almost distracted Trowa enough not to hear, "… yeah, that guy Yuy threw the computer monitor across the room!"

Trowa almost went into a coughing fit as a piece of bread went down the wrong way, but quickly gulped down some water, before returning to eavesdropping. Hiding his gaze underneath his convenient hair cover, he glanced to inspect the group of girls blabbering onward.

"This friend of a friend of a friend's boyfriend's sister's cousin told her that she saw him checking his email, and it must have been a hum dinger!" Briefly snagged on the word 'hum,' Trowa digested this information along with his lunch. Finishing up the last of his sandwich, he packed away the apple he was planning on eating, and got ready to leave. It might be something like a mission, maybe. Something gone wrong in Sanq, maybe… What the hell could've set Heero off like that?

This couldn't be good. Trowa had to hurry.

So quickly, he thought of that one time he saw Catharine doing something that looked rather indecent in the lion cage, successfully dousing any excitement left in him, and headed off to find Heero.

Trowa shuddered briefly as that particular memory was brought back to light.

That poor lion.

*-*-*-*

Duo was watching leaves rustle outside the window of his English class. He should've probably paid more attention; maybe he would've been able to author something more admirable in his response. Pouting to himself, he reasoned he made the best attempt he could. He wasn't any Shakespeare, that's for sure. He'd really tried to write something smutty, but no matter how much yaoi he read, he just couldn't do it. (Of course he had yet to be made aware of the fact that said email sent a poor innocent computer monitor to its early death.)

'Hi, my name is Duo, and I'm a yaoi-oholic. I have been away from yaoi for half a day…' It was a sickness. He'd gotten to school early to surf ff.net. Not even bothering with the soft-core, he would browse only the NC-17 fics in the category. He dodged all the ones that were under one thousand words - mostly to lessen his chances of finding a dud or tease… There was a whole technique of browsing he'd developed in all of the, oh, three days after he'd discovered the website. He'd have to make a note to check if there were other such similar sites on the web.

This morning, it occurred to him that he really hated that he didn't have his computer. Then again, Heero would've traced him that much faster. This, of course, led another question entirely.

Why hadn't Heero just traced him?

Ah yes. The 'game'. Obviously Heero must've been enjoying this cat and mouse just as much as Duo was… save his own literary shortcomings.

A knowing grin spread across his features, causing a few choice girls in class to swoon. A boy or two had been sent out several times during the course of that class to fetch the school nurse for some girl who'd been watching Duo a little too closely. Granted, these cases were rare, but it was hard not to notice the way he was just radiating sexual frustration. It would've taken a blind man with a peanut for a brain not to notice the way Duo's eyes danced over the window pane, the way he licked his lips constantly, and his hand was less than casually stroking his thigh… It was just really obvious what he was thinking about.

The teacher even offered to excuse him to the nurse's office, or to the bathroom, but he wasn't paying attention. After three or four hails, the teacher threw her hands up and gave up, giving everyone a study period until he recovered - which would mean the girls (and some of the guys) would recover, which meant they could maybe have something remotely related to a normal class.

Normal was hard to achieve with Duo Maxwell in the room.

Anyway, back to the inner turmoil in the Maxwell mind. Right. So he was not happy with the response he was finally able to dish out. It only had the word "cock" once! There wasn't enough about slapping skin or about the horizontal mambo in general for his liking. It was one thing to read yaoi, he supposed, and another thing to write it entirely.

He should've known it, too, from some of the fanfics he'd read so far. FF.net was extensive in size, but was failing in filtering. The fact that he'd developed his own method of filtering proved that much. The price of being over-automated… Sigh. There was no one there to check whether the fics were well-written, or had typos or anything. Not to mention no one around to stand there and prevent anyone from posting utter crap. But then again, they posted Heero's stuff, so they had to have some merit.

The site had changed even in his short time visiting, where the webmasters or who ever the deities behind ff.net were, they were trying to discourage the more 'delicate' material from getting into the hands of people far too young to read it. As they might try to discourage youngin's from stumblin' on the raunchier 'literature,' they couldn't do much to prevent them from attempting to write it. Worse off, it looked like some reviewers made it worse.

Duo had discovered "flaming" in his early morning venture. And not 'Quatre'-flaming either, but this is in reference to the callous review flaming. Apparently there were some people out there who had nothing better to do than to bring another human being down. It was silly waste of time really. It only achieved to reveal the flamer's personal inadequacies, and denials.

See, Duo didn't deny anything. Sure he was in the closet, but he wasn't lying. That would be requiring someone to ask him the straight up front question, "Duo. Are you in love with your male best friend, Heero?" Because any other question Duo could've skirted around…

"Are you gay?" "Why yes, I'm quite happy…"

"Are you a fag?" "Why yes, I'm a festively athletic gentleman…"

However, just recognizing that these 'flamer' people had their own issues, resulting in their deconstructive nature, didn't make it better. It was still hurtful and negative. This, in turn, led to another problem.

It seemed that negative reviews were instantly correlated with flaming. But that was silly, really. Negative criticism could also be constructive. It's why there was still so much crap to filter through - no one wanted to say when anything was wrong with a fic. Part of it was they didn't want to hurt the author's feelings, but doesn't it sort of insult them when you can't be honest with them? And Duo was all about the honesty. (And for the thousandth time of fandom, it is quoted "I run, I hide, but I never lie" sayith the Duo, evermore.) If no one says anything is wrong with a fic, the author will keep writing that way, and never get any better. And as a result, never grow as an author.

Okay, Duo was getting way too philosophical here. But dammit, it was true. Like, what good is a lemon if it's 90% dialogue, and 20% in caps? It's like the typified version of the ten-second porn clip. Sure you get the general gist, but there's no real… "Grade A" in there. No meat. No tiene carne. It's about the CARNE! (Carne is meat in Spanish, if you didn't gather that.)

Heero's stuff had carne. Hell, Heero was carne. Mm. Heero.

Then there were the fantastic fics that had on your knees begging for more - or wishing you were - but they had little loopholes. Like if two characters are walking in the rain towards school under an umbrella, and one runs up ahead to dance in the rain, then the other swings up and haphazardly throws the other over his shoulder… where are their back packs? School books? And where did the umbrella go? Or there are the intimate scenes between two lovers (or more) where you just can't quite follow where all the hands are going or why. Honestly, if you're going to write an orgy, one should know that certain things aren't anatomically plausible, even for fictional characters… You know. Like the extra limb Wufei would require holding up Trowa in front of him, pulling Quatre closer behind him, and stroke Heero's cock beside him.

Mm. Heero.

They're just those little things that just slip through the cracks. And probably some part of everybody notices, and yet no one seems to say anything.

No one says anything about the misplaced commas or apostrophes, or the mistimed breaks in the story. You just read a whole bunch of dribble about how "I wanna read more! I must read more! I'll have your baby if you write more! Please please please please please!!" Bleh. What benefit would the author get out of that? Hell, if he thought it was pointless (and occasionally whiny) dribble, imagine what someone who it was actually addressed to would have thought? Sure it'll make them feel good, for a nanosecond, but it screaming pointless praise is kind of doesn't show that the person actually read the whole fic for what it's worth. Sure, lots of it didn't have a plot per se, but hey, at least give some of the well-crafted hard work some credit. The person did, after all, go to the trouble of describing the taste of cum in two sentences or more.

Hm. What did Heero taste like, he wondered idly. Mm. Heero.

Then there were the really great ones that were hidden, and no one ever reviewed. They were rare, but they were there. It was fics like that … Duo made it his mission to find them and review them. If for no other reason than to give the author credit for having a talent he didn't have. Geez, was there anywhere he could take lessons in yaoi writing?

If Heero would be willing to teach, he'd sure as hell learn a thing or two. Licking his lips again, slowly, menacingly, an evil grin spread across his lips. Mm… Teacher Heero. His fingers skimmed over the edge of his desk curling till they were white, as he leaned back leisurely in his chair. His head lolled back so he was staring up at the ceiling, eyes seeing but unseeing. He only began to play the scenarios he'd found with himself and Heero and pressed play in the back of his head. In no time at all, he was giddy.

No one said anything when Shinigami's laugh rang through the air just before the bell rang. The boy had obviously lost any touch with reality for a brief span of time, lost in torrid fantasies of Heero in a various number of role-playing sex games.

Nobody asked any questions, they just went about their business.

*-*-*-*

It took a while for Heero to resume something relative to composure, and once again he found himself seated in front of an innocent PC. The power button, if it were alive, would've screamed when Heero jabbed it into the "on" position. Settling back in his chair, he folded his arms and gave the monitor a Yuy Death Glare™. To say he was upset was an understatement; however, he was not currently trying to kill anything. This was a good sign. He'd skip out of his other classes, not that he really needed to attend any way. School was cake; it was home that held all the work. Operation: Find Source, Plan A, had failed.

Failure was unacceptable. He had been so sure he had the reviewer right where he wanted them. He had been too sure, and that was his downfall. But it couldn't be helped now. No. Now it was time to move on. To bigger things. To next steps.

On to Plan B. Heero nodded to himself, as a plan quickly formulated in his genetically enhanced brain. "B" is for beta. As in beta-read. Every good author needs a beta-reader, right?

He stared at his own cocky grin in the reflection on the monitor before the bright vibrant colors of the desktop appeared on the screen. That's it. He'll retrieve one of the drafts for one of his stories and offer it… Just as his braided buddy had practically served his ass on a platter to him in the locker room. Yes. Oh yes. If "the source" was going to use reviews and a reviewer to speak to him, then he would load his own weapon of the same caliber.

And it was then when Heero's Orson Wells' complex kicked in, and he suddenly felt like a genetically enhanced mouse - er, pilot - who could take on and conquer the world. However, he lacked his sidekick Pinky - er, Duo. But this plan was just one in the many steps Brain - er, Heero was willing to take to accomplish his goal. Even if it meant risking revealing his own identity through his work, in essence revealing his deepest darkest hobby (in the realm of literature, anyway)… He would do it.

For Duo, he'd do it.

Choking back the cheesy mushy warm and gushy soft and chewy feeling that was welling up, he strove onward. Under the banner of yaoi smut. He'd just have to smutify the chapter and make a pointed attempt to direct it at a specific individual audience. Surely he'll achieve a far more… satisfying response. With any luck, he might even get more details into the sources… reactionary measures in the shower. Mmm. Duo. Shower. Mmm.

This time he'd get the response he wanted.

Heaven knows the school didn't want to send another computer to an early grave in the scrap heap.

*-*-*-*

Wufei was walking back home, feeling odd having to do so this early. School had been let out early because someone set fire to the chemistry labs. 'Coincidentally' during the period Duo would've had said class. It didn't take a genius. The school remained open for administrative purposes, as there was still a good two more hours to the school day. Even though extracurricular were cancelled, the administrative and advising departments remained open.

Probably for the victims and their families.

But imagine Wufei's surprise when he caught sight of an unmistakable multi-foot braid in the window of the local net café. How come he wasn't in detention or something? Jail maybe? No, here Maxwell was, gawking at a monitor. The boy was so enthralled in fact, he didn't hear Wufei call him. Nor did he realize Wufei was there when he was practically on top of the boy.

No, he noticed none of these things. It wasn't until a resounding, "DEAR NATAKU MAXWELL! What the devil are you reading?!"

Yeah, Duo noticed that, yup. Peaking up, almost meekly, he offered a shaky smile and wave to his Chinese friend. "Hey there Wuffers… say, wouldn't know anything about editing would ya?" There was a dangerous gleam in the braided pilot's eyes.

Wufei wasn't afraid, per se.

But something instinctively spoke to him and warned him to bid farewell this instant and let it be.

But of course, he did no such thing, and pulled up a seat.