Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ How to Write a Fanfic Review, GW Style ❯ Chapter 6

How to Write a Fanfic Review, Gundam Wing/AC Style

Part Four, as of September 6, 2002

Note: This story isn't meant to scare people out of reviewing, but instead, my goal is to try and have people think a little more about it before they submit them. ^_^;

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Duo was terribly unarmed to beta-read for anybody, let alone the Perfect Soldier. Thankfully, and quite manipulatively, he had managed to conscript Wufei into his arsenal. When the Chinese pilot had initially snuck up behind him while he was reading Heero's latest work, his first reaction was to kill him for seeing too much. When he realized that was just plain stupid to try, Duo had decided to make the situation work to his advantage, without revealing any of Heero's connection with the yummy yaoi he'd been looking over. Heero, yummy. Mm.

It was fiendish. It was evil. It was Duo.

It had taken a day or so for Wufei to get back to him, and the boy had an odd aura about him. Now, Duo didn't have the cool blond blow job-interrupting space heart or anything, but he did have eyes. Oftentimes, they were enough to see everything. He didn't know where Wufei came up with some of the stuff he'd added and edited into Heero's story, but it was damn good. It was shocking for him to find out Heero could write smut, but Wufei too?!

Hell, warrior justice boy was into guys? That was just too good to be true.

Honestly. Duo must've been the only Gundam pilot out there who couldn't write smut, though in order to test this theory - he'd have to pull in Quatre and Trowa. Heh heh heh.

Not many people knew about the couple's dive into the more artistic nature of sex. Nobody until Duo found an unlabelled box of videotapes during an innocent game of hide and seek… Okay, so he was hiding from Wufei in Quatre's closet after having turned his pants pink in the laundry by mistake. Was it his fault that the secret panel behind the couples' flight suits had the easiest seventeen-digit push button pass code?

The only thing Duo didn't figure out was… who held the camera?

Details, details. Anyway, our chestnut haired friend was currently trying to find ways to get closer to Heero outside of electronically transferred information. Since he'd performed his little strip tease, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Heero was eyeing him. The boy had specifically maneuvered to keep his tattoo hidden from view as he changed, showered, and dressed. It hadn't been all that difficult, since it worked well with trying to hide his arousal. There was just something that made him want to giggle and purr when Heero watched him so closely.

The game became even more fun because Heero seemed to be playing along.

It could've been Duo's imagination, but no one had to stand that close in a friendly game of basketball. And he distinctly remembered Heero religiously wrapping his towel higher up on his waist, where now it seemed to innocently drift just below his hips.

They were competing, just as if they were on the battlefield, but under much more delicious circumstances. It had been almost a week since he'd originally found out Heero's dirty little secret, and tensions were running wild. It looked like even Wufei was dragged in, along with Trowa and Quatre.

The couple was constantly within pelvic reach of one another. Honestly, their attendance records had dropped dramatically in the last couple of days. And Wufei, of all people, was constantly being called or going to the counselor's office. One time, he was called during their math class, and he grabbed his books and actually growled. His chin was set and held high, his eyes were defiant and he walked like there was a lead pipe up his ass. So why Wufei looked like he was going to war each time he was called? Duo could guess that being summoned to the counselor's so often was starting to make Wufei look bad, and what warrior would ever want to look bad?

Not this one, that's for sure. But Wufei did have some anger management issues, so Duo was a little reassured by the fact that he must be getting some sort of help from advising. Plus, that new counselor was supposed to be pretty hot - it would do Wufei some good to get more 'social.'

Then there was himself and Heero. Slowly but steadily, they were trying to draw closer in the physical realm. The thought just sent Duo to cloud nine, complete with a mad squeal and happy dance. They were constantly brushing up against one another, talking in soft tones, and everything now had a double meaning. Heero's usually harsh tone was well… Void of grr-ness. Not that Duo minded the growling, it would've been nice to provoke it - as opposed to being the victim of it. And there was mirth in Heero's eyes. That shell was on the verge of cracking, Duo could just feel it. He recalled a rather hilarious occurrence just the night before… the look on Heero's face had been damn well priceless.

*-*-*-*

"Don't be so rough, Trowa!" Quatre's voice seeped out into the hallway from the closed bedroom door. Stuff like this, Heero often tuned out. It just meant the two lovebirds were at it again. So soon after dinner, too… Circus boy tended to be too acrobatic for his own good at times, and sometimes forgot that not everyone was so bendable. Was it good to attempt these sorts of things on a full stomach? Heero was not quite sure, nor was he in search of the answer.

"Just get it out!!" … Heero blinked up from his laptop. That voice had not been Trowa's. As loud as it was, he couldn't have been mistaken. It was…"Kisama!"

WUFEI?!

Heero found himself out of his seat and nearing the bedroom door curiously. From the other end of the hall, Duo was apparently doing the same thing. They exchanged equally clueless looks and shrugs, and approached the door warily.

"Look," a quite voice said. Had they not been standing at the door, they wouldn't have heard Trowa's soft assurance. "…if you don't hold still, this'll hurt even more…"

"Oh Trowa! It's so big!!" Quatre's exclamation sang through the door. Heero's jaw unhitched from its cast iron place in his impenetrable mask. His hand instinctively flew over Duo's mouth as the other eavesdropper was about to break down laughing… either at what was going on inside, or Heero's expression, either way…

"Dammit onna! You're not helping!" Wufei barked out, causing Heero's eyebrows to draw together. His usual stony expression was broken entirely, as images of what the hell was going on in there flew through his mind. Obviously, the same thoughts were going through his friend's mind as he could feel Duo's face heat up under his hand. And he could've sworn Duo licked him, but he couldn't muster a glare just then.

"I want to help!" … both boys outside the door rolled their eyes. They could hear Quatre's pout as clearly as the soft foot that stomped once on the floor.

"Wufei, please. I won't be able to take it out if you keep moving like that." Duo nearly couldn't take it anymore. His arms were wrapped around his gut trying to hold back the laughter. Even he couldn't decide which was funnier. The notion of Wufei playing uke, or the fact that Heero had developed a bad case of slack-jaw. Lashing out his tongue several more times, he watched as the level of redness in the Japanese face rose tenfold. Duo idly wondered if he could somehow manage to get one of those slender digits into his mouth to suckle.

"Oh Trowa I think it's coming!"

"Barton!!"

At that point in time, both of the boys outside just couldn't take it anymore. They burst through the door, expecting to be bombarded by the smells of sex and sweat. They expected to see at least one person tied up, or dressed up… something. Anything but this.

"There, it's out," Trowa said matter of factly, not quite registering their new guests as he flicked Wufei's splinter into a nearby waste basket. Putting the needle back into the handy-dandy first aid kit, he glanced at the baffled expressions on everyone else's faces. He cast a questioning look at Quatre, who was equally curious as to the sudden intrusion.

"Maxwell, explain your rude entrance, and apologize immediately!" Justice boy demanded as he stood up from his seat at the edge of the bed. Trowa stood up beside him, and Quatre beside his lover. They had all been sitting pleasantly at the edge of the bed, Quatre leaning over Trowa's shoulder closer than a shadow, and Trowa having Wufei's finger about three inches from his face. It was only when Wufei was distracted by the door hinges being shook loose from Duo and Heero's barge inward, that Trowa was finally about to pluck the splinter out.

"Waitaminute," Duo spat out, after regaining the ability to talk. "What's going on here?" He glanced at Heero who looked at Wufei like he had just grown three heads. Duo held some solace in the fact that he wasn't the only person who… jumped to conclusions. However, it was a helluva lot funnier watching Heero go through more facial expressions in a few seconds, than Duo had seen in the past two or three years.

"… I heard… and so I came, and he came and you were, but you're not but we heard, and you were supposed to be, but you're not…" All the pilots looked at Heero and were all hushed by his uncharacteristic befuddlement. The boy was blindly gesturing the course of action he had taken to get to where he was standing, while staring down at an invisible focal point on the floor. Obviously, he was trying to process everything, but his usual breakneck cognition was currently out of order. Then all attention moved to Duo as he literally fell to the floor laughing.

His legs just couldn't hold him up any longer. He'd been holding it in too long. Duo had rolled onto his stomach and was pounding his fist into the floor as he laughed till there were tears in his eyes. Pilots 3-5 were currently trying to decipher whatever the hell Heero was trying to tell them, while trying to tune out Duo's guffawing.

The other pilots remained silent, Heero's mouth was moving and he continued to pantomime for a few seconds more before he found some of his wits and took a stoic posture. However, it would've been more successful had he not been blushing like a madman… Duo eventually ran out of breath, and rolled onto his back, vainly gasping for air. Several tear streaks were evident.

"Oh." Trowa was the first to speak, having taken in all the details. "They thought we were… consummating." Quatre and Wufei blinked simultaneously. You could almost hear their eyelids shutter open and closed. Apparently, all the evidence clicked quicker in Quatre's mind than it did in Wufei's.

"… that they did, my love, that they did," The polite Arab quickly covered his mouth and hid behind his taller lover as he tried to hold back his giggles. Wufei was still clueless. Heero stood with his fists balled at his sides, rooted to the spot as he was subjected to the painful ridicule of his peers. Wufei was just about to let a rip a new slew of justice-related ranting when he was casually nudged in the ribs by Trowa's elbow. He glanced up at the boy and watched as the unibanged one pointed a single finger in Heero's general direction.

Wufei physically crouched down to follow the path of the pointed digit, and half a second later, he was laughing in a similar fashion to how Duo had just a moment ago. At this point, Quatre couldn't control himself either, and was giggling as he rolled on top of the bed. Trowa licked his lips, and dragged them into his mouth trying really hard not to smile. Duo had apparently composed himself to some manner of… normalcy and sat up. He felt pity on his could-be-in-the-future lover.

"Okay guys, it was funny and all but…" Blinking, he watched as Trowa's finger, still extended, waggled in the direction he was pointing. Both Heero and Duo were both immediately directed to the crotch of Heero's spandex … "…OH."

Cost of being recruited into a war at age fifteen and being given a death rearing multi-storey killing machine: several billion of the colonies' credits.

Cost of living in a post-war economy in a four-bedroom condo, in a well-kept suburb, and tuition at an upper-crust secondary educational facility: several thousand credits annually.

Cost of seeing Heero blush prettily while he covered his groin with both hands and stared at the floor like a little girl who just got caught with her hand in the cookie jar?

Priceless. Fucking priceless.

*-*-*-*

Sometime whilst the boys were rolling all over the room laughing till they turned blue, Heero had snuck out. And since then, he had held up in his room, not to come out. Everybody felt bad... well, okay they didn't. But they didn't blame him either. Regardless of their friend's self-imposed isolation, all the rest still had classes to go to. It was Friday though, so they could use the rest of the weekend and a crowbar to get their friend out and back into the land of the living.

They'd just… have to try really hard not to laugh.

Honestly, Duo didn't think he could look at Heero without looking at the boy's crotch. Granted, it wasn't all of what the pilot meant to him… but right now, it was more than enough for any cold winter's night.

But now, they were home. Duo hadn't received a response during the day to his 'corrections,' and was curious as to what the hell Heero would've been doing all day if not checking his email at least once? He'd been pretty darn happy with himself for being able to point out flaws in Heero's craft… even if most of it was pointed out by Wufei, he could honestly say he put in his two cents. Now he had a list of Heero's homework assignments for the day in his back pocket, and was using this as his excuse. Knocking briskly, he brought his hand up to pinch his nose.

"Paging. Paging Heero Yuy. There is a delivery for you." Duo waggled a piece of paper in the air as if Heero could see through the door. "C'mon, I picked up your assignments for you… Hee~chan." The tip of his tongue poked out the corner of his lips as he counted up to five. "Hee~chan…?" …knock knock.

"Slide it under the door."

"Where would the fun in that be?" He heard some cursing from the other side before the bedroom door opened just enough for Heero to stick his hand out and snatch the page from Duo's hand. The boy didn't have time to react, even to the fact that he suspected he had a paper cut. Nursing his thumb in his mouth, he tried not to wince as the door slammed shut again. However, do not underestimate our friend Duo, for he had prepared for this.

There was a distinct growl from the other side of the door. Heero's assignments were on *a* piece of paper… the one that was still in Duo's back pocket. His chocolate-haired friend probably just computed the word "Gotcha" scribbled down in magic marker on a piece of printer paper. Five… four… three…

"EEP!" Duo again didn't have a chance to react, but this he hadn't been prepared for. He found himself face down, flat on the floor of Heero's bedroom, vaguely registering the slamming door and the lock clicking back into place. A bare foot was digging into the base of his spine as he flopped about like a fish out of water. The assignment sheet must've been poking out of his back pocket because he felt a hand dive in to fetch it. However, the person attached to said hand wasn't letting him up. "Hee~chan…" Duo whined and pouted into the carpet, kicking his feet about.

"Don't. Don't Hee~chan me," the voice was cold and biting. It was a difference from the forced gruffness Duo had seen in the past week. Heero was hurt, whether Duo realized it or not. Being the joke was hurtful. It was bad enough he could barely manage to write what he wanted his life to be like, but that the life he had was mocked constantly... There was only so much his recently softened conditioning was willing to bear. The boy currently pinned to the floor was crossing his fingers in vain hoping he wouldn't hear the cocking of a gun. Of the many ways of getting into Heero's room, invited by Heero's own hands, and pinned to the floor, this was not one of the choice few.

With Heero's next maneuver, Duo wished he'd gone for his gun instead.

"No Heero! Not the hair!!"

*-*-*-*

A small audience had collected in front of Heero's bedroom door. Wufei was scowling, Quatre was pouting, and Trowa was blinking. Glancing at one another, they were obviously having a silent discussion as to who would volunteer to lose a limb by knocking on the door, which currently seemed to be cursing.

Correction, the American boy on the other side of the door was cursing. There were sounds of a struggle, and Quatre's brow creased. He had suspected that Heero had locked himself in his room; not to escape ridicule, but to prevent himself from killing anyone he might regret killing later. His nudged an elbow into Trowa's side, volunteering him to do something. At least he had hair to cover half his face if it got mangled. For his part, Trowa raised the singly visible eyebrow that spoke volumes of, "Are you out of your fucking mind?" The three pilots stiffened when they heard a heavy sound colliding with a wall.

"Hey Heero, calm down okay, buddy?… I was just playing around, really! - listen to me - let's just let bygones be bygones?? Live and let live! -Ee-ACK!" Duo's voice was nervously forceful in cheeriness, and seemed to be moving around the room. All the boys jumped when the door seemed to jump out at them as if a heavy weight was being pressed against the other side.

"Think Yuy finally lost it?" Not that it would've been the first time, but Wufei would've preferred to see justice prevail, instead of hearing it through a door. That was the coward's way, after all… not that anyone saw him offer to knock. Apparently the Chinese voice made its way through the seams of the door, and there was a frantic pounding on the other side.

"Wu-man!! Some help here!! GUYS?!!?" Duo sounded like a cat trying to scratch its way up a three-storey picket fence to get away from a pile of rabid junkyard guard dogs. Wufei simply crossed his arms and shrugged at the other two pilots who were silently asking him if he was going to do something. Someone had to say something, or do something. And Wufei was obviously too pleased with whatever was going on to be the one to do it.

"You can't kill him Heero! I already bought dinner for five!" … Trowa cupped his forehead in his palm, not even sparing a glance at his often too-blond lover. He had intended to back up whatever Quatre's reasoning was out of principal, but honestly. Because he'd already done the grocery shopping? Somehow he didn't think the notion of leftovers was going to stop Heero from killing anybody. The emerald-eyed pilot wondered sometimes how the hell they all became the best candidates to save the universe, and yet couldn't save themselves from… well, each other.

"Listen to Quatre. At least about the not killing part…" Trowa was sure he could find a better reason than his lover's. "What about that mission you got the other day at school? … we're a team, Heero." Okay, so he hadn't been a hundred percent sure that Heero's catapulting a monitor across the room had anything to do with the Magical Alphabetical Professors, but it was a pretty safe bet.

Right?

Quatre and Wufei both looked like they'd just seen a ghost. "Mission?" Four voices spoke simultaneously. There was a clicking of the lock unlatching before the door swung open. Duo immediately came vaulting out, briefly forgetting that Heero still had a grasp around the end of his braid. Grasping his scalp as pain shot through the delicate nerves, he turned back to the offended pilot and mewled for release.

"What in the devil are you talking about, Barton?" Heero looked completely nonplused. Apparently, his shit list had just extended to include the elfin circus clown. Recalling every single detail of yesterday, he ran a review of what his 'mission' could've possibly been referring to. Trowa knew nothing of his fiction, he was nearly totally sure, so it couldn't have anything to do with that. Frankly, it just seemed like the clown was trying to manipulate him. Heero did not like being manipulated, and he was already in a bad mood.

His entire face was flushed, not to mention so was Duo's. His knuckles were white around the end of Duo's braid, and even as the boy begged for his hair back, Heero only wrapped it around his wrist a second time and yanked the boy to the floor. Whining something about his sore bottom, he hissed up at Heero like a put out kitten. Not to mention that Duo's shirt and Heero's tank top were stretched or ripped along several seams. Quatre suddenly put two and two together.

"… you two weren't… y'know." The boy steadily took a strategic side step behind his taller partner. He liked his face, after all. Wufei scowled at him wondering where the point was in Winner's 'eloquent' speech… and the boy shyly waggled his eyebrows to the picture before them. Duo was sprawled on the floor, practically begging Heero to let him go. However, that wasn't it. It was just the posture of the way they were… Heero held the fistful of hair in front of him by his waist, so Duo was essentially pawing about his crotch. That, in addition to the flushed faces, all the loud crashing, the yelling and the alleged groans of 'pain'…

Even if Trowa was the first to pick up on the ecchi situation the night before, he was a little late on this one. Wufei and Quatre looked at one another, then back to the pair in front of them, and back at each other. Reaching back with one hand and sighing, Wufei scratched the back of his neck. Taking another once over of Heero, puzzling the pair further, Wufei just nodded in confirmation... for Wufei was no expert, but it was plain as day.

"… told you so." Quatre nodded simply. Apparently they had discussed this on a recent occasion. Duo's ears pricked up at this, and the gears in Trowa's head were visibly turning through the window of his eye. All three boys spun on their heels at the exact same moment, going off into separate directions.

"Wait, Wu-man!!! Told them what?!" Duo was beginning to panic. Last thing he needed was for Heero to find out that Wufei had him figured out. His hair was already on the line, and that was first on the menu. The entrée was his neck. Heero visibly tensed, causing Duo to 'ulp.' Trowa and Quatre's bedroom door closed quietly behind the two, and once Wufei was close enough to his own exit (y'know, in case he was wrong), he called over his shoulder.

"Yuy isn't the uke type, Maxwell."

At this, Duo was no longer alone on the floor, but a rather blown away looking Heero was sitting next to him, further inside of the room. It was Duo's turn to make mindless gestures. "… they thought. You… me… that we were… and that I tried to…" Unable to see Heero's eyes as they were cast beneath his unruly bangs, he just watched as his head bobbed up in down in weak confirming nods.

Duo didn't know if he should laugh or if he should cry. Cradling his braid protectively as it was finally released from Heero's vice grip, he nibbled on the end of it thoughtfully.

Why did he always have to be the uke?

Damn right. Every one of Heero's fics had always cast him as the uke. That was hardly fair… not that he totally minded, but he and Heero were equals on the battlefield for the most part. So why not in the bedroom? Hmph. Duo didn't catch the blinking wide eyes Heero turned to him when he jumped to his feet with an indignant sniff and strode off to his own room. Nor had it occurred to him that he had been followed. Not until he attempted to indulgently slam his bedroom door shut, and never heard the rewarding 'slam.' Blinking in surprise, he turned around to find that a lone hand had stopped the door from closing, and flung it back wide open.

"Why." Only a single word, and that was it. Duo wasn't much for decoding as Heero was, so he just kind of stared at the boy like he had sprouted an extra leg out of his ear. Clearing his throat, and apparently trying to regain some control that wouldn't lead to violence, Heero's hand clutched the doorknob, threatening to crush the metal in his fingers. "Why would they think… that."

Duo go boom.

"WHY!? … you ask WHY?!" Duo threw his hands up into the air as he paced back and forth in his bedroom. "Gee, I don't know, it might have something to do with the fact that we check each other out every chance we get - the fact that we're constantly around one another - the fact that I'm the only boy who can get on your nerves and you haven't killed me yet!!" The braid swung violently as Duo tossed it over his shoulder. "The fact that I try to fawn for your attention but you're too fucking dense to see it?! How about you think of WHY next time you check me out in the locker room!!" Heero was currently going through several stages of red, as if his face didn't feel like sticking to one shade.

"Or maybe just MAYBE!" Duo's hand shot up into the air, with a maniacal gleam in his eye. "Maybe it has SOMETHING to do with the fact that we've partnered up more times than Quatre and Trowa ever did - or maybe … Is it so un-fucking-lievable that you and me would be together?" Heero looked totally baffled. Not that he said much anyway, but the reaction was less than satisfying for the self proclaimed God of Death. He hadn't had much control over what he'd been ranting and raving about for the past thirty seconds, but he even surprised himself when he spat out, "What, I'm only good enough for your stories or something?!!"

… pause. 'Ohshitshitshit.'

Tick, tock.

Tick, tock.

Will Duo be able to cover up for the sake of the game? Will Heero ever give up his typecast as a seme? Will the downward spiral of humiliation and hormones ever end?

This and more in our next episode of SOAP! - er… HtWaFR. (Gee, abbreviations always worked for all the other fanfics.)