Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ How to Write a Fanfic Review, GW Style ❯ Finale ( Chapter 10 )

How to Write a Fanfic Review, Gundam Wing/AC Style

Finale, as of November 11, 2002

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Zechs was ecstatic. He could barely hold it in anymore. They were about to break on something big - he felt it in every bone in his body. (Pun intended.) Though it didn't look like anything was going to happen anytime *soon*…

Duo and Heero were just glaring at each other, and everyone in the room was collectively breaking a sweat from the rising tension. Not to mention, the sexual energy that was radiating from both boys had somehow magnetically affected the buttons on Trowa's shirt and coaxed them open. At least half of his chest was now exposed, and one of Quatre's hands had disappeared into the open folds. It apparently heightened both of their excitement that they were going unnoticed and getting away with quite a bit in front of a small audience. Although, one might argue that they would've preferred if they got a little more attention out of the whole deal.

But even rich boys with flexible clowns can't always get what they want.

Treize, as much as he wanted to be, wasn't as pleased as his colleague. This whole thing was obviously causing his 'patient' an added, if not unnecessary, amount of stress. The boy wouldn't as much as look at him now, even though he was still looking pretty darn cute... but he always looked cute, but Wufei was downright arousing when he was full of energy and full of life - which as of right now, he was not. The man found it difficult not to pout; obviously something the younger of the two horny blonde's words had triggered this horrific backlash in his little fortune cookie. Next, Wufei would decide stop coming to his office - now *that* can't be allowed to happen, now can it?

Sitting in his own little funk, Duo Maxwell found it difficult to devise a strategy to get the hell out of the room. He had half of his subconscious working on an escape plan, however, due to the lack of explosives - his methods came up a bit short. Honestly, he didn't see any point in being there, as it was obviously not changing or bettering anything or anyone. Quatre and Trowa were still at each other like bunnies, Wufei was still his normal repressive self, and Heero was still being one first class bastard. To add to matters, he couldn't help but feel that one of his 'trusted physicians' was undressing him with his eyes.

At this point, it was pretty obvious to everyone concerned that this had to do with the fact that Wufei was brooding in his own corner of the world… and it seemed as though Treize was willing and ready to take it out on all occupants of the room. It would be taken out on Duo or Heero if one of them didn't speak up. Sighing heavily, the braided baka figured he'd get the grunt of the torture *anyway* so he opened his mouth to confess -

"I have been feeling unwell lately." Duo was marked speechless, as he was actually interrupted by Heero. "It resulted in the violent altercation that occurred yesterday evening and to the odd fluxes in my behavior in and out of school." The Japanese boy nodded as if to reaffirm his words, and the muscles in his arms tensed as they tightened across his chest. His mission was to get out of this situation with revealing as little, yet resolving as much as humanly possible - essentially, high returns with low risk. There was a microsecond where he and Duo exchanged glances, and the American was stunned.

'Heero's going to take the fall. The Perfect Soldier is going to fix it for… me?' The boy blinked incredulously, scratching at the corner of his lips. 'No way…' However, he was not to be outdone. It occurred to him that he was 'bottoming' out, so to speak by allowing Heero to deal with their problems. '… Let Heero take care of it. Let Heero take the fall… Let Heero bend me over and have his way with me and treat me like the lesser partner…'

"…OH NO! You're not getting out of this THAT easy, Heero!" Duo spat across the room, literally. Heero's eye twitched as a trace of saliva caught onto one of his eyelashes. "*I'll* tell you how it went… It started just the way they say it did, but what they didn't know was -" And right at that moment he just *had* to look at Heero. There was a vulnerable puppy-dog 'friends don't rat out friends' look on his face that made Duo want to turn into a puddle… after some really hard sex. He shook his head quickly to clear his gutter thoughts and briefly re-evaluated what he was going to say. This obviously was a surprise to everyone, who turned their attention to him - as they never thought they would see Duo *think* before he spoke. "… what they didn't know was that I was worried about the guy." Duo twitched his eyes shut while blindly gesturing over at Heero.

Zechs almost "aww"ed out loud, but Treize nudged him with his elbow first, and rolled his eyes. Quatre's reaction was going to be similar in sugar content, but Trowa had slipped an arm around his shoulders and cupped a hand over his mouth. Wufei took a chance while Treize was distracted to look at him stealthily - and then brought his attention back to Duo, raising a non-forked eyebrow at him. Heero hadn't reacted so much physically as his head was whispering some words of gratitude, and there was that foreign warm and fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach that was threatening to attack his groin.

Trowa was still getting a belly rub.

"Anyhow, so I snuck into his room while he wasn't there and used his laptop and -" There was a collective gasp from his roommates, save Heero. "Okay yeah I know it was stupid - don't look so smug, Wu-chan! - but I did it anyway."

"And what did you find, Mr. Maxwell?" Zechs was speaking in his best doctor's voice, while trying not to grin too widely. He was hoping to find the key to unlock the secret mysteries of Heero's spandexed libido. Unfortunately the response he got instead was the prickly feeling one gets at the back of one's neck when they know someone is marking them for death - namely a certain Japanese pilot seated two chairs away. "… if you're at liberty to tell us, of course," he added quickly.

Duo glanced at Heero and the way he was looking at Zechs and pointed out, "… well I'm not, but anyhow… having found… what I did find… I saw that I wasn't in a position to er-…" This drew everyone's attention again. Duo was at a loss for words. "Well, okay, you see, what happened was…"

"Oh spit it out already, Maxwell. We all know you're dying to…" Wufei muttered under his breath and rolled his eyes at Heero's redirected death glare. Some part of Wufei's brain wasn't functioning properly due to the fact he needed to redeem himself after Quatre had pointed out his weakness, so he unofficially decided to run his mouth off. "If this has to do with that malarkey story of yours, I can tell them if you want. I mean, honestly, you'd think the whole world would've figured out your preference by your hair alone…"

From a psychiatric point of view, Wufei was speaking in a self-destructive manner as means of escape. You see, if he really wanted out of that situation - he would be willing to die for it, and this was quite the feasible means to an end considering the way he was now target of *both* Duo and Heero. Quatre was nibbling on Trowa's ear, and Treize was deciding whether or not he felt like risking his face today to get in between Wufei and his 'friends,' and Zechs was on the edge of his seat - practically bouncing towards the Chinese boy for answers. "You see, I've figured it all out now…" Wufei had a holier-than-thou tone, and either didn't know or didn't care how close to death he was. "Duo must have found out that Heero has an interest in men, and thus resulting in Duo wanting to direct that interest towards himself - because we ALL know that they want to fuck each other senseless… and so he cooked up this crazy story where he and Heero get it on and probably left it in some obvious place for Heero to find and then --*ackgwahuck*"

Please excuse Wufei, as he is currently being pinned to the floor and strangled. Zechs sought the opportunity as a means to bodily cover the braided boy in order to 'get him off' of Wufei. So when Treize jumped in, he had to pull Zechs off of Duo before he could get to Wufei… Though first he would have to go through Heero who was currently standing in his way. "He'll kill him!" he uselessly exclaimed, and got a pretty predictable response from Heero:

"So?" Heero had computed what happened in the milliseconds that had passed. Obvious Wufei had obtained one of the stories he sent Duo to beta-read, and obviously this meant the boy knew too much. So therefore, he would have to die or be otherwise silenced.

"Oh Mr. Maxwell, you don't want to do this… Listen to reason…" Zechs was purring into the boy's ear, while his arms wrapped around his middle - more groping than pulling him off. Wufei was clawing at Duo's shoulders and face to get the boy off, but Shinigami paid no mind. Where were Quatre and Trowa during all of this?

Well, at first they'd been busy… making out. Then there was a brief period of shock, but as they were the only two people in the room who were getting any - they were the most sane out of the seven men in the room and stood up to intervene. After zipping up his pants, Trowa unceremoniously yanked Zechs off of Duo by the collar. He'd know that gleam anywhere, as he'd seen it in his blonde lover's eyes several times before. The only way to deal with it was with a swift and bitter scolding. "Dr. 'Quisemar', if you are quite done amusing yourself at the expense of Maxwell's backside…" Luckily for Zechs, Heero was too busy holding Treize back from rescuing his… patient? Student? Wonton boy?

Er, anyway, technical labeling aside, Quatre got Duo into a sleeper hold while muttering such encouraging words like, "Blood stains… hard to… clean…" Frankly, the rage that was radiating off of Duo semi-fueled the Arabian's strength, and with the help of the braided pilot's sheer emotional exhaustion - Quatre was somehow able to strip Duo off of Wufei. Heero noted this and was about to finish the job, and Treize saw the opening and dove for his fallen… lover? No… boyfriend? No… China doll.

So as the dust cleared, Duo was in Quatre's arms, Wufei in Treize's arms (finally), and Zechs was being yanked by his ear by Trowa. "Hey, I just got that pierced…" The older man pawed and mewled at the unibanged boy. The circus clown rolled his eyes, far too accustomed to this from his lover to be phased at all. "Oh hey is that a nipple ring I feel under there?..." The boy suddenly got a very uneasy feeling as that dangerous gleam came into Zechs' eyes and looked just like the time Quatre wanted to suspend him by his ankles and bathe him in whipped cream in the back of that strip joint… The man's direct contact with the youth Maxwell seemed to have broken any kind of restraint Zechs had left.

The entire room was quietly buzzing with soft words of comfort, and murmurs of pain, and whispers of 'help!' from Trowa's corner… and all was quickly brought to abrupt halt by Heero's voice:

"I'm gay."

There was a unanimous 'No shit, Sherlock, so are the rest of us' expression going across the room, although it had done it's purpose and everyone had shut up right quick. Heero was looking down at the floor and his arms were still folded in front of him as he stood in front of the congregation.

"And it was porn."

Duo fell over and hit his head on one of the surrounding chairs when Quatre dropped his arms from around his neck. Quatre looked like he was midway between shock and striking up a marching band. Zechs was still pretending to be professional as his hand splayed between Trowa's shoulder blades, the boy stiffening and glaring with a tightening fist. Wufei was still pretty out of it, and Treize looked none too pleased. Heero was about to march out of the room until Duo shot straight up to his feet - and wobbled a little as too much blood rushed to his head…

"I'm gay," by this point everyone rolled their eyes, but Duo continued anyway. "And I have a thing for yaoi fics." He didn't lie… exactly.

"Really? What website?" Everyone collectively snorted at Zechs. "… just … curious."

"So we basically found out about each other and it made things awkward. There's really no reason for all of us to have to suffer because me and him… can't work things out…" Duo trailed off and stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels. Looking away he muttered something almost inaudible… "… sorry, Wuffers."

"So what now? You two kiss and make up and I lose my money on these sessions?" Quatre sputtered out as he stood up, too, apparently enraged by the simplicity of it all. These two decide to resolve everything in three or four lines, after having broken *his* door, rescheduled *his* sex life, and after he got a three-for-one session deal being ever so thrifty!?

"Look, Quat-"

"Duo Maxwell, you expect me to believe that the entire house has been flipped twice over because you like to write smut and he -" Quatre pointed over at Heero, "…likes to watch it? Hell, Trowa and I read, write, produce, and film that crap all the bloody time - we've never broken out into a fight about it, let alone broken down a door!"

For some reason, no one looked exceptionally surprised with Quatre's outburst, least of all the tree gods - who wholeheartedly conceded to the fact. However, Zechs suddenly looked particularly eager to hear more about those ventures; however the tension in the room had built to the point where he couldn't use his under-the-table PhD to further inquire. Trowa took this moment to retreat to the other side of the room to be by *his* blonde.

"It would if one of you was always being written to be a bottom!" Duo suddenly blurted out, and Heero was stopped by the door. Everyone looked briefly confused… until Wufei regained semi-consciousness and some scratchy resemblance of a voice.

"Duo…watch… Heero…write…" He coughed piteously, and Treize cuddled him closer, brushing stray ebon locks from his face. The man nodded and looked at the two boys, one of which was blushing, the other which was enraged. Between the two red-faced boys, it was hard to discern which was angry and which was embarrassed, until the angry one spoke:

"'Oh 01, please take me!'… 'Oh 01, I can barely stand it anymore!'… Oh 01, I am totally sexually inept and need you to show and teach me everything there is to know about sex because I'm a total fucking idiot!!!!!"

"Oh I've read that one!" both blondes ill-timely chorused.

"Oh, SHUT UP!" Treize barked out in frustration. Granted, Zechs was his friend, but it didn't mean he didn't want to kill him sometimes. The fact that Zechs apparently found his younger blonde nymph clone didn't help either. Nobody but he seemed to care that Wufei was half unconscious in his arms, moaning in obvious pain, and busy snuggling towards the warmth of Treize's manly chest, and being comforted by his steady heartbeat…

Si~igh.

Heero was holding both hands to the side of his head to drown out Duo's ranting as he got louder and louder. Grasping his own hair and tugging at it he finally managed to throw back, "That's what you were mad about?! This whole time?! Of all the-" there was a long string of Japanese curses here, that are certainly not suitable or possibly not pronounceable by general audiences - though at cons, one may see people *insist* on trying. "Do you know how lucky you were to be in one of *my* stories?! At least I don't typecast you as some angst filled drug addict with a masochist complex!"

"Oh, so somehow the size queen slut is a step in the right direction?! I suppose you think its romantic pounding my ass 'til I can't see straight!"

The blondes looked at one another, having a silent debate on which was the preferred uke. Trowa buried his face in his hands, as though he could telepathically eavesdrop as two of the most degenerate debates he would ever have the misfortune of witnessing continued - one silent, the other out loud.

"The way you go on about porn, I thought you'd be happy that you got *any* at all!"

"Are you saying I can't get laid?!?!" … there was an uncomfortable, but very clear answer in the momentary silence that followed. "Some friends you are!!" Duo was outraged at all his friends, *especially* Heero. He knew they checked out his caboose on several occasions, if they were willing to get hard up for it, they should stick up for it - but apparently his tush wasn't cute enough or tight enough to be worth facing the Perfect Soldier. Although, something could be said about the fact that this is likely the most Heero had ever contributed to any verbal interaction in his entire lifetime, and all about Duo's ass.

Si~igh.

"I've shot you twice in my life time, how many times have you shot me? We both know I'm better at basketball than you are… and we both know that you've got nothing on me when it comes to stealth. And we all know you can't choose your own outfits to save your life! And after all of this, after standing mono-a-mono on the battlefield - not ONCE am I ever treated as an equal partner in any one of those blasted stories!

"They all start with me being totally head over heels, like I'm some weepy little girl with a crush - and it doesn't stop there… OH no! Then there's the begging for big strong alpha male Heero to come rescue me from my angsty despair…!" Duo's gestures were growing wildly effeminate - a shake of the hips here, a twirl of his braid there, as he pranced around in a circle to address the tall tale to all who were present. "Oh, but there's more! - for poor *widdle* 02 keeps on begging - begging for 'the stoic Wing Pilot' to 'take me! Take me now! Ohh~ harder faster harder deeper uhnuhUHH~'" His voice became shrill in pitch as it carried the sudden high note, melodramatically flinging his arms helplessly to his sides as if pantomiming ripping his own shirt off. Snapping back to his usual self, he stood off to none other than Heero Yuy himself, pointing a finger right at the other boy's nose: "And I swear to all that's holy, if you have even *thought* of putting me in a dress, I'll hang you with your own laptop cord!"

By this time Duo and Heero were nose to nose, in another one of those 'they might just kiss' moments. Had it not been for the fact that they were obviously ready to kill one another, a kiss might have happened - but let's be realistic. Heero had a nasty snarl on his face, while his fists were braced at his sides - readying to pull back and swing. The shorter boy was about to snap at any moment, while the other didn't seem to give a flying fuck one way or the other. Duo was on a roll: "The moral of the story folks? The Perfect Soldier can't bend over *once* in the name of this alleged quote-unquote 'tempest of fiery forbidden love'?!"

The blondes nodded to one another, with a single simultaneous thought: 'Read that one, too.' Trowa couldn't read minds, but he felt like he was going to be in serious trouble in nights to come.

"It was 'a torrent of rhythmic emotions in-tuned with the inner workings of his tormented soul' - get it RIGHT!" It was Heero who gave the first shove this time. "You've been misquoting ever since you brought the stories up in the first place!" Duo winced as a single digit jabbed into his sternum, threatening to knock the wind out of him. "I pound your ass into the bed in volume three, not FOUR - that's when we were on the kitchen table!" The blondes nodded to one another once more, as the scenario seemed all too familiar, and Trowa was steadily inching away from *both* of them. However, Heero's next words rooted him - and everyone else - to their spots:

"No wonder you were useless on the battlefield and getting caught all the damn time, you couldn't remember the order of the fucking missions!"

There was one simple thought that circled the room at the end of that sentence: 'Uh oh.'

Duo's face couldn't get any redder, and his fingernails were beginning to break the skin of his palm. He threw his head to one side as he found himself cornered for a moment as he thought of a comeback, then his finger was right back in Heero's face. "Well at least *I* don't have to hide behind a fucking world wide network of smut to keep myself in the closet!! Everything would've worked out fine and dandy if you just 'fessed up in the beginning!"

"*I* 'fessed up?! You snuck onto my laptop, you son of a bitch! You are telling *me* there was no one on all of L2 to tell you that breaking an entering is a federal offense and you can risk getting your head caved in?!" Heero's hand had found its way into the front of Duo's shirt. The proximity to his own death warrant apparently phased him none, and Duo kept on going. Even the blondes had sunk into the gravity of the situation, as they stared wild-eyed as they felt as helpless as the others to intervene in whatever Armageddon about to occur before their eyes.

"Oh big man, with the *big* fists… Too bad all the parts and pieces don't MATCH, Don Juan!" Duo tucked his thumbs into his belt loops and did a suggestive thrusting of his hips to and fro, "Woo hoo hoo! I'm Heero, I wear the ever-threatening yellow Keds, my best friend gives me hard-ons, and I'm compensating…!- AH-FUCK!" The braid he was so well attached to was snapped taut till he was thrown to the floor by Heero's feet.

"Compensate this." And the ever present spandex pooled at Heero's feet.

*-*-*-*

Now, we'd like to take a lil' time out for our younger viewers at home, who either shouldn't be reading this… or well, shouldn't be reading this. It is not suggested that you yell any of the more creative terms featured in this chapter, nor is it encouraged that you bodily manhandle your friends - especially when they've killed in cold blood. Hopefully, none of them have, but just to stay on the safe side, don't try to manhandle them anyway - it just isn't polite.

Nor is it at all polite to comment on the size of another's genitalia unless of course you're absolutely sure of what you're talking about and you don't mind your face being rearranged. And if you ever plan to take up counseling or psychiatry as your professional career, this is certainly not a guide to do so. However, if you're looking for Flaming Gayety for Blonde Dummies, this might very well be the right place.

As we've already digressed far enough, for those other readers who expect Duo to go about 'worshipping' Heero's enormous throbbing cock due to an irresistible magnetic force between his mouth and the member in question, please note that the current circumstances show no possible means to realistically go the orgy route - by no lack of trying. There will be no apology served, but just know that… we understand and we tried. We *really* tried. It just wouldn't work with the rest of the fic.

*-*-*-*

Zechs was astonished. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever imagined that he would be seated in a room with the adolescent heroes of the colonies… and one Oz general look-alike, only to have one parade his privates for all of them to feast their eyes on. Somewhere in the mix, Zechs' hand had found Quatre's, and they were gripping their hands together so tightly that the blood was draining from his fingertips. They didn't know what was going on, but they knew there had to be some reason they were salivating.

Trowa, having suddenly turned into the 'odd man out', briefly abandoned his plans to flee the country from two ravishing blondes to try and account exactly what the hell just happened. First, Heero and Duo are acting civil to all those involved. Then, Heero and Duo are at each other's throats. Now, Duo is at Heero's unclothed groin.

'Now *this* is starting to sound like a fanfic,' he thought in the back of his head in a brief candid moment. For some reason, it hadn't been comforting.

Wufei had finally come to, only to be thrown into another daze as the first thing to hit his consciousness was the sight of a half-naked Heero Yuy. He was suddenly propelled back into the locker room; fortunately, Treize was there to catch him as he flopped back into his arms trying to re-alphabetize his hormones.

Treize, for his credit, was the only person who was remotely concerned about the current mental stability of all those accounted for. He was trying to determine whether Heero was psychologically responsible for having done… what he had just done. There was the slim possibility that Heero could no longer be held accountable due to extreme levels of stress and anxiety - seemingly all sexual in nature. Duo seemed to be on the verge of a similar breakdown, which meant if either of them was to commit heinous acts of violence - or lewdness - Treize wondered if either would be liable. However, his professionalism was sidetracked briefly as his Wuffle-bear buried his face into his middle searching for physical consolation.

Duo shakily stood up, while Heero posed upright with his hands on his hips in challenge. The Maxwell youth took a brief scan around the room, mostly as it seemed they were all waiting for his response. Well then, he can't let Heero win out in *this* arena as well so -

Just as the boy yanked down his zipper a loud resounding buzz echoed through the room. His pants did fall, but not as planned, and he ended up stumbling over the ends of his pant legs and falling forward onto Heero. The Japanese boy had lost his balance, both at the prospect of finally getting a glimpse of Duo's tattoo and because of the girlish voice that came through the speakers.

"Doctors? I'm sorry to interrupt, however there's been a development," Dorothy's voice, as usual, was etched with evil. She knew something that was pertinent to all of those present, and was going to let it trickle out like Chinese water torture. There was a long pause, with brief clicking noises over the speakers.

"Well?!?" Zechs nearly shrieked at the hidden mic, and Quatre nodded in agreement to his upset. Things were just getting good. All eyes were on the speakers, as they heard Dorothy clear her throat free of a giggle or three.

"… I hate to be the one to inform you, but…"

"… yes?" Treize lead on as all of the occupants unconsciously leaning towards the speakers with their best ears.

"… of this unfortunate, but mandatory, intrusion on your - *cough* session…"

"Would you just spit it out, Dorothy?!" There was another pause, as Dorothy only swallows - so she was slightly hung up on the last remark for a couple seconds, before she continued:

"Well, it seems that there can be no NC-17 content for the rest of this episode…"

"WHAT?!" Quatre was up and out of his seat, his hand still clasped with Zechs'. They looked at each other, and then leered at the half naked boys whose limbs were tangled on the floor. "You've got to be joking!!"

"It was just getting good!"

"Would you get off of me?"

"I thought *you* were getting off on *me*--"

"…T-treize?"

"Don't worry, baby, I'm here…"

"But why, Dorothy?! Why now?!" Zechs caught the sight of Trowa trying to slip out the door Treize had entered and snatched him by the elbow. After all, this might just be one of Dorothy's evil plans to reek havoc for her own enjoyment - it could all be a hoax, and they could all carry on with the session, and hopefully get laid somewhere in the middle.

"Not *just* now. Since October 12th… you haven't been keeping up on FF.net rules, have you, Dr. Quisemar…" Zechs looked baffled. Of course he didn't read that, he was too busy reading more… interesting things. So many fics to peruse, there was no time to read the fine print! Like having 05 and 02 as his own personal slave boys each taking turns on either side of his -

"Uh uh uh, Dr. Quisemar. *NO* NC-17," Dorothy chortled. She was enjoying this *way* too much.

"Somebody! Anybody! Check the calendar! What day is it?! It can't be!!" Even though Zechs was ranting and raving, and Quatre was in a similar state, they had both somehow managed to wrestle Trowa back into his chair and were perched on either arm.

Duo looked down in Heero's Prussian blue eyes, as Heero gazed up into his violet orbs. They shared a moment then - the kind of moment two boys whose pelvises were skin to skin in a room crowded with several other young men. It was like the moment just before two couple as one enters the other's -

"Icksnay on the NC-17ay…!"

… beds, and then suddenly found that they didn't have a condom handy. Questions, many questions run through a young man's mind - like, what do we do now? How can we lay here stiff as boards, but not risk the future health of the ones we love? Whatever shall we do?

… we stop while we're ahead.

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The End.