Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Edulcoration of Duo Maxwell ❯ Cat's Cradle ( Chapter 65 )

The Edulcoration of Duo Maxwell - 65/?

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Warnings: AU, yaoi, coarse language, violence, angst, cliffhangers, red herrings, mention of various vices, random bits of useless knowledge, occasionally explicit sex, enough footnotes to choke an army of horses.

Spoilers: Nah

Disclaimer: I don't really need to be Captain Obvious here, do I? No ownership, no money being made, yadda yadda. Written for fun, not profit.

Pairings to date: 2x1x2, 3+4, 4x3, 5+M/5xM, 9+6, past 2xH, past 4x1

Archived at:
http://www.atsui.org

http://sweetlysour.net

http://theforsakenwk.com
http://www.gundam-wing-diaries.150 m.com

Edulcorate (verb) - To free from harshness (as of attitude); to soften

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Chapter 65 - Cat's Cradle

"Was it everything you wanted to find, and did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?" - Drops of Jupiter, Train

~~~~~

Duo, Heero wrote.

There is much I wish to say to you, and I cling to the hope that I will someday have the opportunity to do so. It is hope, is it not, that makes us continue to fight?

I've never known anyone like you, Duo. For the first time since Kitty died, there was someone who intrigued me, who made me want to see what lay beneath the surface, and not because of my job.

That's not to say that I don't care for Quatre, Duo, because I do, and I hope that is acceptable to you. However, Quatre, for all his ability to bullshit, was always open and honest with me. There was never any challenge there, and I know how much you appreciate a challenge.

Perhaps, Duo, if things were different, I may have been able to love Quatre. I suppose...I should confess to you that I do love him, actually. I debate the wisdom of sharing that with you, but I think it is necessary that you know the extent of my feelings toward him, as I am aware that you two have already met, and in fact, will be working together from time to time. I do not wish for there to be any misunderstandings between us, Duo. Not of this magnitude.

Have you ever played the child's game 'cat's cradle,' Duo? I think it is a fitting metaphor for the paths I've taken in life.

I do love Quatre, Duo, and I am not sorry for that. Love is not a word I use out of convenience, and Quatre and I will always be close. That may affect another person, as well, but he already knows that I'm not in love with Quatre. I'm not, you know. I'm slowly accepting that the heart does indeed have the capacity of loving many, and maybe it is capable of boundless love. However, I am a firm believer in dedication and fidelity. It seems contrary to believe, with honesty, that you can be 'in love' with more than one person at the same time. Not when being in love means so much more than a physical attraction and mutual respect. Love is all that and more than can be expressed in mere words, no matter what language one uses to attempt to do so.

There's an expression that the heart never varies...I don't believe that is true for all people, but then, neither do I believe that falling in love is something that happens on the spur of the moment.

You asked me once what I did believe in, Duo, and I told you I believed in myself.

I told you I was lost, and although you were asleep at the time, I think you knew that. Now that I've found my path again, I think I'd like to...no, there's no 'thinking' here. I know. I know what I want, and I have for quite some time. It completely contradicts what I said earlier about spur of the moment emotions, but I also said that I've never met anyone quite like you.

I want to take the next steps on the road of life with you, by your side, shoulder to shoulder.

Kitty once accused me of being a romantic. She would have liked you a lot, Duo.

I don't know that I believe she is somewhere in the afterlife, laughing at me now. I don't know if I believe you and I were fated to meet. There are more things in life that I don't know than I can ever hope to fully understand and believe in, but I will never regret what we had together, regardless of the circumstances. From the beginning it was so much more than what it should have been, and, unless my heart is wrong, you knew it, too.

And although I am sorry for forcing you to face a few things, perhaps not using the kindest or most considerate tactics, I cannot say I regret that either. I can only hope that what I saw when I looked at you was more than a reflection of my own wants and desires.

Kitty also accused me of being a pessimistic optimist.

So, Duo, what do I believe in, other than myself?

I believe in you.

Hunter had impeccable timing, and at first Heero suspected that he'd been lied to, and that the psychologist really had been observing him via a hidden camera. That was until he realized that, although the words had flown across the page, he'd been sitting there staring at the last four words for the past ten minutes. A full half-hour had gone by since he'd been left alone to put his thoughts into words.

Hunter said nothing, just stood there waiting as Heero read over the letter one more time. Wordlessly he accepted the Zippo lighter from the psychologist. Heero's heart felt a small ache as he touched the corner of the paper to the blue part of the flame, and as the paper ignited, he dropped it in the wastebasket and watched it until there was nothing left but ash.

"I'll see you again at the conclusion of your current assignment, Heero, and at that time I will make a recommendation regarding the continuation of these visits."

Heero started to run his hand through his hair, then remembered he needed to break himself of that habit. The last thing he needed was to let his mannerisms give himself away while he was undercover, and he certainly didn't want to leave a calling card of sticky fingerprints in his wake.

Heero made eye contact with the doctor then, noting that the eyes that met his were full of understanding, but not sympathy. He nodded curtly and strode out, determined to nail that bastard before the weekend.

He replayed the last four words he'd written in his mind again.

He'd been patient long enough, and here, for a change, was a situation in which he had some control over the outcome. Perhaps it was just a matter of it being easier for the mountain to go to Mohammed rather than waiting for Mohammed to get off his stubbornly proud ass and do something.

He'd given Duo more than enough time to think things over. Hope was a wonderful thing to have, but sometimes actions were necessary.

One way or another, as soon as this assignment was over, he'd be paying Duo Maxwell a visit.

~~~~~

Trowa watched Quatre's careful movements as he refastened his pants and pulled his shirt closed, watched the fingers slip each button back into the appropriate hole.

"I spoke to my father," Quatre said, smoothing the fabric of his shirt in a vain attempt to lessen its wrinkled state.

"About?"

"Moving to Los Angeles permanently." His eyes met Trowa's. "To keep friends close and enemies closer."

Trowa nodded. "It would be practical," he said. "I understand you've spent quite a bit of time in airports and hotels."

Quatre nodded. "I'm very excited about Sanquhar," he said. "That's the name of-"

"I know, Quatre. I confess to displaying some rather stalker-like tendencies."

Their eyes met, and Quatre was once again stunned at the tender expression on Trowa's face.

"My father has expressed a desire to meet you," he said, pleased to see Trowa look surprised.

"So has your sister," he replied quietly.

"Iria..."

Trowa reached over and pulled Quatre close again. He felt a bit shamefaced, this need to touch Quatre, to reaffirm their contact. He put his hand under the blond's chin and tilted it upwards, staring into the most intriguing eyes he'd ever seen.

"At the risk of sounding like I'm spouting cheesy lines from dime store romances, you're everything I've ever wanted in a lover." He ran his thumb over Quatre's lower lip. "I knew from the moment you walked in that door that my life had changed, irrevocably, irreversibly. You have a knack for leaving an impression."

Trowa removed his hand and rubbed at his chest unconsciously. He felt a stinging sensation behind his eyelids.

He'd tried to make that clear to Quatre from the moment he knew how he felt, expecting the other man to pick up his nonverbal cues, or at the very least to sense how he felt, much like Quatre did with others.

It hadn't been fair of him, to expect so much in return when he'd done little to show how very much he cared for Quatre, more than as a friend.

His hand was tugged gently away from his chest and Quatre's fingers laced between his. The back of every knuckle was kissed softly, but they didn't lose eye contact for a second.

"I'm sorry," Quatre said. "I should have known."

"I should have told you," Trowa said around a lump that had formed in his throat.

"I wasn't ready to hear it."

"And now?"

"And now I think I'd die if I didn't." Quatre's eyes were bright, his smile showing he was teasing, trying to make light of the situation, to put him at ease.

"I think I'd like to keep you around a bit," Trowa said, attempting to force humor into his words. He leaned forward and brushed a kiss over Quatre's lips.

"I've been in love with you for so long, Quatre, it's often hard to remember what my life was like before I met you. I never imagined myself in a position where I'd desire commitment, and fidelity, and yeah, regular sex."

Quatre's expression clouded briefly, and Trowa shook his head. "Don't. The past can't be changed."

"No," Quatre agreed. "But we can learn from our mistakes and move forward, a bit wiser."

"No regrets?"

"I can't promise," Quatre said. "But I will try."

Trowa smiled. "So should I be nervous about meeting your family?"

"I understand that your sister throws knives like a pro. I think I'm the one who should be nervous." He noted Trowa's questioning look and chuckled. "You're not the only one who's exhibited some stalker-like traits recently."

"We can do this, Quatre."

"I know. I know, I do, it's just..."

Trowa enveloped him in a tight embrace. "Not everything needs an answer or a solution overnight, Quatre. I told you it wouldn't kill me to wait. I wasn't just talking about the sex."

He released him and stepped back, then tilted his head toward the door. "I wasn't planning on staying here all day, and I could use something to eat before my shift starts tonight."

"Want some company?"

Trowa smiled again. "Yours? Most definitely." He rubbed his hand up and down Quatre's arm once. "I'm officially inviting you to my apartment and will prepare food for us. Does this count as our first date?"

Quatre rested his arms on Trowa's shoulders and kissed him thoroughly. "I don't kiss on the first date."

Much was implied with that simple statement, and Trowa's body flushed with pleasure. He reluctantly pulled free of the loose embrace and threaded his fingers through Quatre's.

"And I don't ask casual acquaintances to bring me home."

There was that word again. Quatre gave a brief squeeze to the hand in his. "Home."

~~~~~

Lucrezia Noin looked at the building where she'd last seen Zechs, and thought that perhaps it was a good thing they were meeting on neutral territory.

She still had to question Wufei Chang about Dermail, and Heero wanted to be conferenced in when she spoke to Quatre Winner, and yet it seemed as though she already had most of her answers.

Only a fool would take one man's opinion as fact, and truthfully, she might not even be interpreting Treize's words the right way. He'd always had a tendency be rather lofty and poetic.

One thing that Noin had learned was that there was so little in life that was clear-cut. Treize was the sort of person who thrived in a world of misdirection, innuendo, and changing alliances. He'd always seemed to intuit so much, with so little information.

Heero was often like that, Noin supposed. He disliked hunches, but he knew that there was usually a reason for them. She wasn't sure when they'd started going out for the occasional beer, or who had suggested it. It wouldn't surprise her at all if it had been Heero.

It had provided both of them an excuse to open up around each other. It had taken a while to read between the lines, but now her partner was usually an open book to her. She supposed he did come across as a bit blunt and rough around the edges most of the time, but he was capable of displaying the utmost tact when a situation required it.

Initially she'd been a bit hesitant to accept his impulsiveness. It seemed so out of character for someone as serious and quiet as her newly assigned partner, and she admitted that she'd doubted the DEA's wisdom in transferring Yuy from a computer desk job to a field operative position.

Noin had never been so glad to be wrong. She'd always prided herself on being a good judge of character, but Heero put her own abilities to shame.

Truthfully, he would have been the better choice to question Treize and Chang.

Wufei Chang.

She'd not forgotten that Chang had expressed quite an interest in Heero. What had Heero been up to while he was gone? It was obvious his paths had crossed with Chang's. Yuy had been rather tightlipped about where he'd been since he'd returned. He had cleverly redirected the conversation the few times she'd probed. When had he picked up that particular skill?

Whatever Heero had been up to, he had certainly made some rather interesting acquaintances. The issue with Quatre Winner, for example...there was something there.

Her eyes widened. It wasn't common knowledge, but apparently Winner had recently come out of the closet. Could he and Heero...?

'Well, why not?' she asked herself. She knew nothing about Heero's preferences, as he'd never demonstrated sufficient interest in anyone of either gender. And he had seemed interested in speaking with Winner.

Noin had never really been an advocate of 'women's intuition,' but she couldn't say that he'd given any signs, no matter how discreet. He certainly had a vested interest in Iria Winner's younger brother, but she had a feeling she'd be barking up the wrong tree if she continued thinking in that vein. Something was missing.

Musing about Yuy's love life certainly made her feel better about her own.

She called herself ten kinds of a fool for even considering extending the olive branch to Zechs. He was a stubborn, pigheaded, arrogant bastard.

Treize's words sprang, unbidden, to her mind once again, and she sighed.

Zechs, if nothing else, did care. He cared about Relena, so much so that he made stupid mistakes in an attempt to pick up the slack after their father's declining health had forced him to give up the career he loved.

It was a rare person who could find a career that was personally rewarding. She was very fortunate in that regard.

That didn't excuse Zechs' passive aggressiveness, however. It seemed at times as if he were two different people - the dedicated soldier she'd fallen in love with, and the cold, bitter businessman.

Who was devoted to his sister and her future.

Despite everything, she still loved him, and she supposed she was just as sure that he loved her in return, or she'd not bother trying to see if they could start over. There was no point trying to force someone to feel something that was long dead and buried.

In fact, sometimes, if push came to shove, people fought harder, even if the outcome was something they really wanted. She'd seen that enough during interrogations.

She closed her eyes briefly. Had she been pushing Zechs too hard? She hadn't thought so, but perhaps she should have tried seeing things from his point of view. That didn't excuse the childish handling of things from his end, but the blame rarely lay on a single person's shoulders.

One of the reasons she'd fallen in love with Zechs had been because she'd respected him. When that respect started to wane, she became angry. She'd been just as juvenile in that regard.

Respect had to be earned, and it was a blow to one's ego to think it had been given frivolously. She wasn't sure how much she'd resented Zechs for putting his family first and how much because he'd made it painfully clear that he was envious of her own professional path.

There was too much between them that had remained unsaid. It was time to set the record straight. If they made a break of it, then at least there would be no misunderstandings as to why.

Treize's words seemed to apply to both the case and to her personal life. She was sure that was no coincidence.

Noin was heartily sick of the name Duke Dermail, and she'd only become familiar with it a short time ago. No matter how much she wanted to pin everything on one 'bad guy' - it rarely, if ever, worked that way in real life. That's why their last case had gone on so long. That's why Heero had volunteered to stay behind and baby-sit the witness.

When she'd found out that Heero's friend had been killed, she'd known that it had affected him deeply. He held himself responsible, irrationally so. Heero didn't allow many people close to him, but those he did were lucky indeed. Yuy was fiercely loyal, and once again, she knew she'd not hesitate to take a bullet for her partner.

Whomever it was that Heero had fallen in love with had no idea what a rare and beautiful gift that was.

She squared her shoulders and headed for the entrance. It was time to speak to Wufei Chang.

~~~~~

Heero's hand hesitated over the conditioner before he thought better of it. The important thing was that he'd washed his hair and rinsed it until the water ran clear.

After toweling off briskly, he pulled on the clothes he'd been given for this assignment, and grimaced as he caught his reflection in the mirror. If the guys in Buffalo could see him now, he'd never, ever live it down.

At least Noin hadn't seen him dressed this way. As it was, nothing short of a lobotomy would get her to forget that annoying nickname. She might even throw in a Pretty Boy Floyd for good measure.

He grabbed a bandana and tied it around his head, leaving the bangs and the back unfettered, then grabbed the key to his apartment and headed out to meet the surveillance team.

He wouldn't miss the water-resistant residue of adhesive tape on his skin, either.

~~~~~

Duo closed the door to his apartment behind him quietly, locking it and hanging his keys on a peg near the door.

He removed his tie as he walked to the bedroom and hung up his jacket in the closet. His shoes were toed off and kicked beneath the row of business suits, then he unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt before sitting on the edge of the bed and removing his cell phone.

He scrolled through saved numbers until he found the one he'd obtained from Quatre earlier.

Yuy Heero.

It seemed surreal, seeing the two names together on his display screen. He couldn't put his finger on it. In a way, the existence of a surname made Heero seem more real.

Heero Yuy had been in hiding, Duo was sure of it, but he found he didn't care. Whatever or whomever he'd been hiding from, he had a phone number. He'd given it to Quatre before he'd left Los Angeles.

What was he going to say to Heero?

"How about an apology, for starters?" he berated himself.

Quatre had made some very good points during that business meeting. Regretting the past was a wasted effort; no one could undo their mistakes. So what was keeping him from calling?

He was afraid.

He felt like a hypocrite. He'd told Quatre, told them all, that fear was borne of a lack of information and mistrust.

'I don't trust anyone,' he'd once told Heero. It seemed a lifetime ago.

The past often molded the way one approached the future. It was true that he'd once felt that way, but he wasn't afraid to admit that perhaps he'd been lying to himself for some time now.

He trusted Wufei implicitly, and Meiran as well. And the reason it had hurt so much when he'd heard Heero's name as he stood just outside the door of the Los Angeles apartment was because he'd felt betrayed.

As for obtaining more information, if he wanted that, he'd need to contact Heero.

Because there was really only one piece of information that he really needed to know, and if he were going to trust anyone, perhaps it was time to trust himself, to trust what he'd seen in Heero's expression.

He'd recognized what it was immediately, and it frightened him. He'd panicked and reacted badly, and he would apologize for that. But first he had to make the damned phone call.

With shaking fingers, he dialed the number.

tbc