Kingdom Hearts Fan Fiction ❯ The Transience of Memory ❯ Where we began ( Chapter 17 )

Author's notes: Typical disclaimer I own nothing of Kingdom Hearts.

I lied about this being the last chapter. It got waaay too long (and I wouldn't have been able to finish it all this weekend anyway), so I had to cut it. Hence, the ^update^ XD

 

In short…there will be ONE more chapter after all XD

 

 

 

Chapter 16:

 

 

 

“Purple?” Roxas laughed as they stood in front of a display table piled high with clothes.

 

Axel slanted a look at the blonde. “Yeah, what's wrong with that?”

 

Roxas picked up the limp arm of the long sleeved shirt Axel was holding up in contemplation. It was a deep and rich dark purple and had a silk-screened tribal design running up the arms. It was sort of fitting for Axel, but Roxas couldn't help teasing him when he was being touchy about it.

 

Roxas scoffed at him.

 

“I'm a redhead,” Axel stressed with annoyance.

 

Roxas smiled sweetly, just to goad. “So I noticed.”

 

“My color choices are limited,” he lamented.

 

A passing shopper snickered as they overheard the exchange, making Roxas grin.

 

Axel threw the shirt over his shoulder and into the cart with finality. “It was easier when I was wearing black everyday,” he sighed tragically.

 

Roxas peered into the cart. “You have a healthy amount of black in there.”

 

“Yeah?” Axel looked into the cart too. There wasn't a lot in there, just a few pairs of pants and a couple shirts. A good number of items were indeed black. In fact, the only things that weren't black were a pair of jeans and the purple shirt. He shrugged.

 

“How about green?” Roxas asked as they began walking again. “That wouldn't clash with your hair.”

 

“Hmmn. I don't really care for it.”

 

“You don't like green, but you like purple?” Roxas laughed in disbelief.

 

“I guess I developed a taste for the color since it looks so sexy on me.” He winked.

 

“Really?” the blonde drawled dubiously.

 

“I'm irresistible.” Axel said silkily, with a gleam in his eye. He drifted closer, tilting his head downward, leaning in suavely as he prepared to lay a kiss upon those doubtful lips. Blue eyes watched him curiously, looking up at him unsuspectingly as he moved in.

 

Axel felt a smirk forming solidly on his face as he rapidly neared his goal.

 

“A-Axel!” Roxas whispered indignantly, as he pushed the redhead away. A faint blush rose in his cheeks when he realized he'd almost let Axel make a move on him in public. Curse his exotic eyes!

 

Roxas ducked his head and pushed the cart forward with single-minded determination, as if it were his sole mission in life. His hands clenched tightly around the plastic grip of the handle. Public displays of affection were not something he was used to, and he felt overly conscious of what other people thought. Maybe it was because he didn't have anyone else to rely on, so he was overly concerned with the image others had of him…?

 

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear the squawk of a child, who'd been loitering in the path of the cart, as it leapt out of the way.

 

Axel kept pace with the blonde, amused at his embarrassed reaction. He smiled smugly and threw an arm around the boy's shoulders, ignoring the hard blue glare that followed.

 

“Stop it,” Roxas said with desperation out of the corner of his mouth. “People are looking.”

 

“Loosen up, Rox,” he teased, noting the people that were staring. It didn't bother him in the least. He wondered why it bothered Roxas. He'd seemed so calm when they'd been walked in on by his friends - Axel had assumed Roxas would have an unflappable exterior about this kind of stuff all the time. However, he found the contrary to be exceptionally cute on the blonde. “No one knows we're together,” he soothed. “For all they know, we might just be good buddies.”

 

Axel felt the tension in Roxas' shoulders ease marginally. “Though your blush kind of wrecks that assumption,” the redhead added gleefully.

 

“Arrgh!” Roxas growled as he futilely tried to pry Axel off of him.

 

“Simmer down, babe, now people are really staring,” Axel pointed out helpfully, a maddening smile stretched across his face.

 

“Remind me why I love you again?”

 

“If I did that now, you'd really get mad at me,” he said with a leer as they made it to the checkout counter.

 

The girl at the register was busy ringing up another customer's purchase, but she paused to spare them a glance. Axel hugged Roxas a little closer and smiled lewdly. She quickly turned back to her work, flustered.

 

“Ow,” Axel said softly as Roxas noticed the exchange and elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

 

“You're unbelievable,” he muttered.

 

“I'm just having fun,” Axel responded lightly, unfazed. He put his hands on his hips and pretended to pout. “You used to love this side of me.”

 

Roxas gave him a scrutinizing look, one of his eyebrows rising slightly above the other. “Did I really?” he deadpanned.

 

Axel shifted a bit, trying not to give himself away, but the laughter was bubbling up anyway. Roxas looked so serious.

 

“Ha!” the blonde said after a moment, triumph stamped on his face. “You liar, you're just making stuff up now. I bet you tormented me like this before, and annoyed the crap out of me!”

 

Axel smiled at him, thinking that would be a more accurate portrayal of things. Since Roxas hadn't chosen to cement their relationship back then, there had been a few complications. The blonde tended to avoid things he was unsure about, so Axel had taken to bothering him a lot, just to interact with him.

 

Initially, it really pissed Roxas off, but as time went on it became a bit of a habitual routine for them. Axel would slink by, making a pass at him, or saying something he knew would set the blonde off. In turn, Roxas would growl out something equally biting, or he'd just ignore the redhead. It was the ignoring that Axel could really never stand. When that was the response, he just got more creative until he could get an actual reaction out of the shorter boy.

 

Over time, the dynamic shifted and this trained interaction became an empty excuse to be near each other. And in more than a few instances, words had fallen flat as they felt the pull between them intensify.

 

Axel tried not to push the issue though. He was convinced that he would wear down Roxas' hang-ups eventually. But sometimes, he just couldn't think. He would swim in that blue gaze until he drowned - until he found himself gasping for air against the softness of the blonde's forbidden lips. And in his quiet way, Roxas would take him in- never trying to pull back, despite the conflict in his eyes.

 

It was always such sweet torment - to be so close to all you ever wanted and not understand why you can't have it.

 

They moved through their world of darkness like wooden figures in an automaton clock, following their preset paths, and no one suspected a thing. No one saw the truths that their eyes spoke in volumes when they met - the quickly veiled softness of a gaze, or the fevered intensity that burned brighter with each passing day. They kept the flimsy facade between them, lying with words and actions, knowing that when it crumpled their mouths would find each other with desperation.

 

Axel never voiced his questions, never dared to challenge Roxas' decision to stay apart even though it was killing him, but he pleaded for the answers with every gaze. His heart felt a little more beaten every time Roxas' blue eyes shut him out with their saddened aversion, even though he vowed to be satisfied with whatever the blonde was able to give him.

 

But the periods of time between their lips' hastily consummated confessions lessened. Every meeting increased Axel's hope in an end to Roxas' resistance.

 

Until the day Roxas disappeared.

 

He'd said nothing to Axel, or anyone else. He was simply gone, as if he'd been nothing more than a wisp of memory within a dream.

 

Afterwards, no one mentioned Number XIII. Except for one time…

 

The head of the Organization had made an announcement to all of them. Should Number XIII be located, he would be treated as a traitor and dealt with accordingly. Furthermore, anyone that uncovered information regarding their missing member was supposed to report directly to him, immediately, or they would be considered an accomplice. In that event, they would share the same penalty of elimination.

 

Axel remembered the shock that fell over him like a silent shroud, deadening everything yet twisting sharply in his chest. Until the announcement, he had fooled himself into believing Roxas had been sent away on an assignment or some other such thing.

 

Cold reality abraded his senses as he realized the blonde had left him behind, and without a single word given in explanation.

 

It hurt.

 

But it also made him furious.

 

Axel threw all his rage and pain into his work, making him unholy hell to anyone standing in his way. Even the other members of the Organization were reluctant to be anywhere near him.

 

Someone must've eventually complained to the Superior, because he soon found that he was always given solo jobs, so that no one had to suffer being paired with him.

 

It suited him just fine. Only, being left completely alone gave him time to think. He couldn't keep his anger as a constant, and when it ebbed, he allowed himself to wonder why Roxas had decided to leave. Was it his choice, or had someone made him go? Was he still himself, or had he shed everything of his former existence when he disappeared? Where was he now?

 

In those moments of weakness, when his feelings overpowered the bitter taste of being discarded, Axel wanted to look for him. He wanted to find the blonde so badly he almost couldn't take it. But if he ever found him… what good would it do to get both of them killed?

 

But what was this empty existence worth anymore? Wouldn't resolution be worth it? Wouldn't life, as it were, be a fair trade?

 

In the end, he did nothing. And when he did find Roxas, it was completely by chance.

 

 

“Axel?” Roxas said as he tugged at the redhead's arm.

 

Axel blinked, and made his eyes refocus. Roxas' beautiful face was regarding him with well-balanced concern and impatience.

 

“C'mon, you're holding up the line,” the blonde whispered urgently. “I already paid.”

 

Axel was perplexed. Somehow he must've moved through the line with Roxas, all the way up to the register, as he zoned out. How annoying. Couldn't he have made it outside as well, before stalling out?

 

“Sorry,” he apologized loud enough for the immediate people to overhear. He had to save face over something like this. He plastered a tired grin on his face for their benefit. “Guess last night wore me out more than I thought.”

 

Roxas' eyes widened, and he shot Axel a glare of death. “Yeah, well I told you that lifestyle of yours would catch up to you,” he said sternly, trying to make the redhead's comment sound as removed from himself as he could as he dragged him out of the store. The faint night breeze felt cool against his cheeks as they stepped outside.

 

“Nice recovery,” Axel approved with a nod, his grin curling up at the corners of his mouth. “I'd almost have believed you without the blush.”

 

“Gah! Axel!!”

 

Roxas looked so cute with his bright pink cheeks. They made his eyes look even more intensely blue than usual. Axel slung his arms around the smaller boy's shoulders and nuzzled him affectionately. “I'll settle down a bit,” he promised. “It's just been so long since I've gotten to really tease you like this.”

 

Roxas sighed in defeat, and tilted a quick kiss to meet Axel's lips. “I'll live, I guess.”

 

 

Axel swept the area with his eyes as they walked slowly through the small parking lot and beyond. Antique wrought iron streetlamps intermittently bathed the concrete in islands of warm yellow illumination. The streets were practically deserted, the lack of humanity casting a lonely air upon the tidy storefronts and cheerful cobbled roadway.

 

“Is it usually this quiet out?” It seemed there were less people out here than there were in the store, but that did nothing to detract from the friendly feel that naturally imbued the small town's marketplace.

 

“Sometimes,” Roxas responded. “There isn't much of a nightlife.”

 

“Hmn.” And wouldn't that be a nice change? To not have to skulk in the shadows…

 

Even with its emptiness this place breathed life. It had none of the sterility that had infused everything connected to the Organization, that place where even the brightest white was corrupted with teeming darkness lurking in invisible shadows.

 

The white rooms had put him on edge more than anything in the whole place. It was a sort of fake purity that they'd had, as if designed solely to flush out all the flaws within a person. The best showcase for all the failings a being possessed. He despised them even more after Roxas left, feeling like their stark light would burn through him from the inside out, starting with the hole in his chest.

 

“Hey, Axel?” Roxas' voice was tentative.

 

“Yeah?”

 

Roxas fidgeted with the bags in his hands. “What were you thinking about back there in the store?”

 

“Nothing much,” Axel said lightly. That was completely untrue, but what was he supposed to say? Why did you leave me? Even if he asked, Roxas no longer had access to those memories. “Why?”

 

“Well, you had this look on your face… and it was starting to come back just now.”

 

“Ah.” But did it matter, now that they were finally together? It still did - but he would never know why Roxas left. Those memories were forever lost now. Axel would just have to tuck that thorn away, push it down into some deep part of his mind. He'd just have to live with it.

 

Axel realized that Roxas was no longer walking beside him. He turned slowly and saw the blonde standing a ways behind him in the shadowy gloom of the street, a bag hanging fisted in each hand and his feet planted solidly onto the concrete. The expression on his face was indecipherable. His unruly blonde locks obscured his eyes.

 

“What are you hiding?” Roxas' voice was emotionless and dark.

 

For a moment, the blonde emanated the feel of cold, untouchable Number 13.

 

Axel steeled himself against the rushing torrent of images and thoughts that conjured, the anxiety that threatened to reclaim his mind. He trudged slowly back to the imposing solitary figure whose deceptively angelic face was cast in hard shadows.

 

Axel's feet scuffed to a stop just before the blonde. He placed his hands upon the rigid shoulders.

 

Angry blue eyes flashed at him.

 

“I'll say this only once,” Axel said, returning the fierce gaze. His hands gripped the flesh and bone beneath them more tightly. “It nearly broke me when you left without a word… and I can't even tell you how much I wanted to hate you for that.” He took in a deep breath through clenched teeth. “But more than that…more than anything, I wanted to know why.” Roxas eyes had gone flat as he spoke. The fire in them fizzled out as guilt and pain flooded in. “And I know that you can't tell me that anymore.”

 

He eased his grip on the smaller boy, running his hands briefly over the curve of his shoulders as much to soothe their owner as to calm himself.

 

“I'm not trying to keep things from you…” Axel continued more softly, as if making amends. He collected himself, knitting a wall between him and the caustic feelings that he hadn't meant to let surface. “But bringing this up won't do either of us any good. This will always bother me, and you'll never be able to explain to me what happened. Nothing we say, now or ever will be able to change that.”

 

Roxas' expression was tortured. “But… I… I mean, I didn't know…” He looked like he wanted to run away, to hide from the unfortunate truth that a self he couldn't remember had caused Axel such pain. Axel didn't blame him for that.

 

“It's a burden I'm willing to bear, if I can be with you,” Axel said honestly. “And it doesn't change how I feel about you.”

 

Roxas bit his lip, overwhelmed by the wrong he'd dealt Axel. A wrong so hurtful and deep, yet utterly lost to his recollection. One that needed accounting for. One that begged for explanations and apologies. How could you gloss over something like this? Wouldn't it always affect everything? And there was no way to mark it out, no way to obliterate it. No way to atone….

 

“We'll work through it,” he assured Roxas quietly as he saw the crushed helplessness in those sky blue eyes.

 

Axel wrapped his arms around the younger boy, there in the street, enfolding him in a cherishing embrace and Roxas uttered not one word of protest. “Just promise me you won't ever leave me again,” he whispered into the soft blonde hair.

 

Axel heard the bags drop to the pavement, and Roxas' arms wound tightly around him as if they'd never let go.

 

“I promise,” the blonde said in sodden, muffled words against his chest, his hands clenching desperately in Axel's shirt.

 

“I'll hold you to that,” Axel murmured affectionately as he ran his fingers over the feathery spikes of Roxas' unruly hair. Because I really can't make it without you anymore.

 

 

 

 

***********

 

 

“I know,” Hayner said suddenly, gesturing ambiguously down the street with enthusiasm. “Let's get some ice cream!”

 

“You're still hungry??” Seifer raised his eyebrows.

 

“Not really.” He smiled. “I just have an addiction.”

 

“No kidding.”

 

“C'mon! If we hurry we can make it there before they close.”

 

Seifer came to a halt and crossed his arms, knowing it would throw the impatient blonde into a fit. “That isn't motivating me to move any faster.” Hayner was entirely too much fun to tease.

 

Hayner stomped closer, and peered up at him defiantly. “I can tell when you're being difficult on purpose,” he stated bluntly.

 

“Can you now?” Seifer said patronizingly.

 

“Mmmhm.” Hayner grinned, his eyes closing as it split his face. It lent an innocent yet beast-like quality to his face and completely distracted Seifer from the sly motion of one hand reaching up.

 

In a flash, Seifer's skully was unceremoniously ripped off of his head.

 

“Hey!” Seifer shouted as Hayner took off with it at a run. He hastily raked his hands through his white-blonde hair. “You little punk, get back here!” he growled after the younger boy as he gave chase. Hayner took a few running steps backwards so he could stick his tongue out at him, letting Seifer gain on him, then continued his breakneck dash.

 

 

Hayner ducked into the ice cream shop just as Seifer was about to catch him, trusting the thug not to make a scene of killing him in public. The bells on the door rang violently as he barreled inside, startling the shop's occupants. Hayner tried to inconspicuously catch his breath.

 

Seifer caught the door before it swung closed, and entered the shop with more restraint. He strode in like he owned the place, sweeping past Hayner and up to the counter.

 

Hayner watched him with suspicion, unable to see or hear what either Seifer or the person behind the register were saying.

 

 

“Will you be having the same as last time, young sir?” the clerk asked him.

 

“Last time…” Seifer was puzzled, they'd only been here once, and that was several days ago.

 

“My apologies, young sir, I just happen to have a photographic memory,” the man explained. “Regardless, you and your friend were rather distinctive patrons.”

 

“Ah.” What in the world made the two of them that memorable in a sea of customers?

 

“I can't say that I've seen anyone crunch through our Popsicles quite like that before,” he added conspiratorially, delicately mopping his brow with a crisp white handkerchief.

 

Seifer blanched as he realized the man must've seen quite a bit more than Hayner's horrid way of chomping through the icy desert. His mind called up the memory of the blonde's perfect tongue sliding sensuously up the Popsicle, the tip of which soon disappeared tantalizingly into his sassy little mouth. Oh, yeah, he thought as a little thrill raced through him. Hayner would have definitely made an impression with that.

 

“Ah, I think two iced coffees would be fine.” No need to torture himself.

 

“Of course,” the man replied, sounding just the slightest bit disappointed.

 

 

“Roxas!?”

 

Seifer turned, with drinks in hand, to see Hayner greet his friend enthusiastically.

 

“Hey, what're you guys doing here?”

 

Hayner looked genuinely surprised to see them. It shouldn't have been a shock, seeing as the Roxas and Hayner haunted this place practically every day. Seifer shook his head and walked over to the table Hayner had claimed as theirs.

 

He plunked the drinks onto the formica tabletop and grabbed his skully from the blonde's unmindful hands. He crammed it on his head, breathing a sigh of relief when it was in its rightful place once more. “He's addicted to the stuff, same as you, runt.” He sprawled into the last empty chair, and gave Axel a sympathetic look. “I feel for ya, man.” The redhead looked amused.

 

“Hey, don't listen to him,” Roxas said imploringly. “Their ice cream is amazing, really! You'll understand once you try it!”

 

“Yeah, don't listen to Seifer, he doesn't really like sweet stuff anyway,” the brown eyed boy agreed as he hefted his beverage with a vaguely disappointed air. “You got me coffee?” Hayner shook his drink at Seifer, making the ice swish and clunk mutedly within the plastic cup.

 

“You liked mine well enough last time,” Seifer said with suggestive smile.

 

“How long ago was that?” Roxas asked, leaning forward in his chair. “Before you two were, you know…?”

 

“Yeah, I guess it was,” the miscreant said thoughtfully.

 

“Ha! What a dead giveaway!” Roxas beamed triumphantly.

 

“What do you mean?” Hayner asked suspiciously.

 

“Hayner, you NEVER share drinks with anyone.” Roxas kept his voice down to a stage whisper. “That means you must've been into Seifer from before. I knew it!”

 

“Wha- That's not true!” Hayner sputtered. “I wasn't thinking about it like that, I just wanted to try it-”

 

“I rest my case,” Roxas said dismissively, making Hayner even more worked up. He stood up as Hayner glared at him. “We'll be right back, gotta show Axel how good the ice cream here is.”

 

“Why did you really get me coffee?” Hayner asked when the other two boys had vacated the table.

 

“Oh, that. Last time we were here, I wasn't the only one you were teasing with that Popsicle stunt.” He flicked his eyes to the man at the counter.

 

“Huh? I didn't-“ Hayner's eyebrows were drawn together in confusion.

 

“Don't remember?” Seifer locked eyes with him, and slid his tongue slowly up his straw, licking the faint beading of condensation from the transparent tube.

 

Hayner stared at what must've been the most erotic thing he'd ever see done with a straw. He bit his lip as he imagined that mouth being more productive elsewhere, and suddenly several things clicked into place. “…oh…OH.” I didn't even understand what I was doing back then!

 

“You're lucky I had self control,” Seifer said blandly.

 

“I wasn't doing it on purpose, I swear,” Hayner tried to convince him, a blush starting to burn on his cheeks as he realized how solicitous he'd been.

 

He remembered how it had made him feel when Seifer had stared at him so intently and how he had reveled in the feeling of power it gave him to be looked at that way. Contrary to his claims of innocence, Hayner had acted to encourage that response in the other boy almost as soon as he'd noticed it, even if hadn't fully comprehended what he was doing.

 

Seifer raised an eyebrow.

 

“Really!”

 

Seifer opened his mouth to reply and Hayner could tell from the look on the miscreant's face that he'd have given a really interesting response to that if Roxas and Axel hadn't made it back to the table just then.

 

“Is blue a natural color for these things?” Axel asked, perplexed.

 

“More or less. Take a taste.”

 

Axel was looking at the ice cream in his upraised hand with an almost clinical curiosity, poorly disguising his reluctance as he licked at it with the very tip of his tongue.

 

“Well?” Three pairs of eyes were focused on him expectantly.

 

To tell the truth, Axel thought it was a horrifying combination of sweet, salty, and BLUE. The color was nice and all, but it hardly called to mind things that should be eaten. The saltiness hit him first, riding the sensation of cold wetness, before it was overwhelmed by the thick taste of cloying cream. “It's interesting.”

 

He took another lick, half to appease the crowd, and half just to verify his initial impression. He shuddered.

 

Lick. It was awful. So terrible that he had the compulsion to keep tasting it, so his brain could sort out and make sense of the aberrant flavor.

 

A faint snicker caught his attention. Roxas' eyes were shining with mirth when Axel looked over at him.

 

“It grows on you,” the blonde said with a barely contained laugh.

 

“I don't know that that's a good thing,” the redhead commented as he bravely took a bite out of the ice cream. His face screwed up in a grimace. Cold/Salt/Sweeeeeeet.

 

Roxas laughed outright and grabbed at Axel's hand to keep it from raising the ice cream back to his mouth. “You masochist, don't eat it if you don't like it!”

 

“I can't stop myself,” Axel said imploringly and licked his lips at Roxas.

 

The faintest hint of a blush formed on the blonde's cheeks, and Axel found himself wondering if the ice cream taste wouldn't be markedly improved if it was shared between cool intertwining tongues and hotly sealed mouths.

 

“Hey Rox, you mind if I borrow some clothes for a day or two?” Hayner asked, missing the exchange. He'd been dying for a change of clothes, but if Roxas could lend him some, he wouldn't have to risk a trip home where Nanna could see his slightly battered appearance.

 

Roxas wrenched his gaze from Axel's, with difficulty. “Sure.”

 

“And uh, some swim trunks?” Might as well hit two birds with one stone, Hayner thought.

 

Roxas gave him a weird look, but agreed.

 

“I didn't want to have to stop home for stuff,” he explained. “You guys wanna go to the beach with us tomorrow?”

 

Roxas glanced back at Axel, who shrugged. “Maybe we'll meet you there later. But you can grab the trunks and stuff from me after we leave here.”

 

Seifer looked at a clock on the wall. “Maybe we should head over there now. This place was supposed to be closed 10 minutes ago.”

 

Roxas followed his look and grimaced guiltily. “You're right. Let's finish these on the way so we don't keep the employees from going home. Except for you.” He grabbed the remains of Axel's popsicle from the redhead.

 

Hayner laughed. “You're so conscientious.”

 

“Yeah, well once you've worked a few places like this, you learn to be sympathetic. They can't kick us out, so they have to wait till we leave.” Roxas got up and tossed the half eaten ice cream into the nearby rash receptacle and meandered towards the door, the rest of them following soon after.

 

 

 

___________________________

TBC

 

 

Reviews? Plz? Let me know who's still with me after all this time? 0_____0

I hope you are all still liking it!

 

p.s. I will try to get the last chapter (which will likely be a shorter than normal one) out next weekend. I will do my best! Thank you for being patient! <3