Kyou Kara Maou Fan Fiction ❯ Out with the Old, In with the New ❯ Fourth Installment: Let the Games Begin! ( Chapter 4 )

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Me: Hullo and welcome to the fourth installment! Well, the calendar season is back and it seems yours truly has wasted no time in making a fool of herself to a wider and more public venue. Oh, the indignities of life!

Tommy: Please note, that's just HER not ME…

Me: Anyways…ah, let's see here…oh yes, ha ha, well! Prepare yourself for some utter crack. This can either be very funny, or very stupid! Ha ha ha!

Tommy: Also, please be aware, we know nothing about gambling.

Me: So if our jargon is way off…sorry! We're not legal to gamble.

Tommy: *Evil Grin* Yet.

Me: So without further adieu, the Fourth Installment!

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For Asaka Sama! My one and only reviewer, I'm very grateful to you. I hope I continue to please.

 

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=Out with the Old, In with the New=

Fourth Installment: Let the Games Begin!

 

“What do I have to do
To get inside of you?”

—Hoobastank (Or Yuri and Wolf! Ha ha ha!)

 

What ensued after the initial “F-You, Aloha, I Love You Challenge” proved to be the strangest day ever seen in the Great Demon Kingdom. Those who bore witness to the unfolding events claim they'll never forget them, not even if they lived to be one-thousand.

 

As soon as the two boys dressed in their day clothes (a task which took three times longer than usual as each tried to look as sensual as he could possibly look and during which Yuri found he looked just as stupid as the people in `Pants Off Dance Off,' just without music), the boys headed down for breakfast. Everyone present sensed a change almost immediately, beginning with the boys' attitudes and ending with the fact that instead of sitting side by side as per usual, they sat facing each other on opposite sides of the table.

 

Surprisingly enough, it was Gwendal who was the first to notice the more than adequate attention Wolfram was paying to his sausage links, at which his jaw promptly met with the table. Conrad caught on not long afterwards, and he felt himself blush for the first time in...he couldn't remember the last time he blushed this hard.

 

**Oh my!** Cecilie smirked to herself. **Is this a new plot of Wolfie's to get to the King?** Cecilie looked over at Yuri and was thrilled to find Yuri being phenomenally more intimate with his spork than most people were with their spouses.

 

Anissina thought she'd choke on both her laughter and her eggs when the people at the table caught sight of their sovereign king licking his plate clean and being very thorough about it. Wolfram, having finished his sausages and having nothing better to do than stare at Yuri's tonguing of the plate (and suitably allowing his fantasies to run amok), conceded the first battle to Yuri.

 

As soon as breakfast (praise be to the Great One, *finally*) ended, Yuri announced suddenly that he would like to play some baseball. Conrad was immediately recruited to play and before long, Yuri, Conrad and quite a few members of Conrad's private army had assembled outside of the castle for an impromptu game. Wolfram and Gunter went along outside but merely observed the game, in which Yuri was rather friendly with all present.

 

**Too friendly,** Wolfram thought to himself.

 

But this wasn't all Yuri had. Not too long after the game began did he put his next strategy into play.

 

“Man, it's really hot today, isn't it?” he said to Conrad as they awaited their turns to bat. Before Conrad had a chance to agree, Yuri stood up and stripped off his shirt. “Yeah, that's better!” he declared before turning to his teammate at bat. “Alright, guys! Let's get `em!”

 

Wolfram blinked from his position on the sidelines. Somehow, he still couldn't get used to the ways Yuri would suddenly just strip down to his waist. Was this sort of thing common in the other world? Wolfram couldn't count the numerous times he had been hot during training but he had certainly never removed clothes in the fashion that Yuri seemed to favor. Maybe his jacket, sure, but never so bare...and in front of so many people! Wolfram couldn't now very well turn his eyes away from Yuri, who moved up to bat. The hot sun beating down made Yuri's skin seem to glow as it glistened off of the perspiration from Yuri's efforts in the game. His sweat-soaked hair was pushed back under a baseball cap, and the slender muscles in his body became more defined as Yuri moved around.

 

**Oh yeah?** Wolfram thought as he watched Yuri strut around. ** If I must, then I must. I can beat that.**

 

Yuri watched out of the corner of his eye as Wolfram disappeared inside with glee. He laughed inside and thought he had won Round Two as well. His surprise was very great, however, when in less than twenty minutes, Wolfram returned. This time Wolfram brought Cecilie, quite a few of the best looking members of his posse, and many servants carrying what looked like folding chairs.

 

All of them, sans the servants, were wearing long robes that were made of a material not unlike silk. Yuri was further astonished to see all of them suddenly slide the robes off to reveal the fact that they were wearing *considerably* less than they usually did... **Less than even in the shower,** Yuri thought exaggeratingly.

 

Cecilie's “outfit” could only be properly described as a string bikini, and frankly, Yuri was surprised to see it, though he didn't know why he should be. If their standard underwear were of the black g-string variety, why not these…whatever they were…

 

Speaking of underwear...

 

Yuri wasn't sure how else he could explain it, so he was just going to come out and say what it looked like: Wolfram and the other guys were parading around in their underwear. Or at least that's what it seemed like. While those speedo-things weren't quite as tiny as Shin Makoku's standard underwear (and not just plain black: apparently for this purpose they came in a variety of colors), it still seemed to Yuri that he had never seen so much of Wolfram's body in all their time together than he was seeing now. And it seemed he wasn't the only one soaking in the sight.

 

“Wow,” someone behind him to his left said quietly. “I haven't seen the Lady sunbathe in a while, and now Lord von Bielefelt is joining?”

 

Yuri deducted with no small amount of irritation that that wasn't the tone of dismay in that guy's voice.

 

As the servants set up the skinny chairs, the whole lot of them (Cecilie included, and looking as if she were having a marvelous time) began slathering a watery substance over each others' bodies. It was kind of like a family at the beach putting on sunblock, but to Yuri it looked like one huge, veritable orgy.

 

**It doesn't matter,** Yuri thought as he turned back towards the temporary baseball field. **I can just throw myself back into the game and ignore Wolfram like I usually do.**

 

“What do you think?” Yuri could hear Wolfram saying behind him now. “Should I leave this on? I'm not sure if I want tan lines or not.”

 

**Oh gods…**

 

“Some people enjoy that kind of thing,” Cecilie giggled. “If you understand my meaning,” she added meaningfully.

 

**I can do this, I can do this,** Yuri chanted. **I can do this, I can—**

 

“I suppose I can leave it for a while, but if I don't like it I may just take it off.”

 

“Heika!”

 

“Oh, your majesty, your nose is bleeding! You should come out of the sun!”

 

After this, Yuri's play suffered greatly, and it was widely acknowledged by all present that Wolfram had won that round.

 

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Lunch had been served to them outside, but it didn't pass without its share of rivalry. Yuri declared, loudly and in stunning detail, how deliciously everything melted on his tongue and snaked it's way down his throat, while Wolfram made a point to lick every single one of his fingers perfectly clean as he sat sandwiched (no pun intended) between Gunter and Gwendal (both of whom seemed to have no idea how it came about).

 

When lunch was over (or rather as soon as they had eaten as much as they could stomach under the circumstances and were able to get out of there), Conrad, Gunter, and Gwendal had a quick private meeting. They left Yuri and Wolfram to act their own bits of stupidity alone and ran behind a bush.

 

“Alright,” Gwendal began, the sounds of Wolfram's voice reading something played like a record in the background, “does anyone here want to clue me in on just what the hell is going on here?”

 

Conrad smiled but before he could say anything, Gunter cut in with, “Damned if I know.” Gwendal and Conrad turned to stare at him. The situation must have been much graver than anyone could have guessed if Gunter von Christ felt moved to the need for cursing.

 

“Isn't it obvious?” Conrad said after a moment. “They're trying to impress each other.”

 

“Impress…*each other*?” Gwendal said, not quite catching on. “Wolfram trying to impress Yuri I can understand since he's normally like that when it comes to his conquests, no matter how `discreet' he thinks he's being, but the other way around? I thought Yuri was opposed to the engagement, even if he, himself, initiated it.”

 

“Ah, I understand!” Gunter said excitedly. “How romantic! Our fine, young majesty has discovered love for the first time in his short life! He must be thrilled with the new experience, his heart fluttering and breath quickening as he strives to develop the feeling newly blossomed in his—”

 

“Anyways,” Gwendal cut in and Conrad leaned in closer. “This is just embarrassing, I don't care what's going on. We should—”

 

“Oh my!” Gunter said loudly, causing both Conrad and Gwendal to pay attention to him again. “The Massage!”

 

“The Massage?” the other two repeated.

 

“What massage?” Gwendal asked.

 

“This morning, a young lad, one of Wolfram's acquaintances, delivered a message from Wolfram saying that they wanted a massage scheduled for this afternoon.”

 

“They?” Gwendal asked, but Gunter didn't hear him as he continued with, “Do you know the Masseuse Man?”

 

“The one on Drury Lane?” Conrad asked in all seriousness.

 

“Yes, that's him,” Gunter said excitedly. “He's going to pay us a visit.”

 

“And just who is going to get a massage?” Gwendal tried again. “Wolfram?”

 

“Yes,” Gunter informed him. “Wolfram and his majesty.”

 

Gwendal and Conrad looked at each other. Gunter looked at both of them. Conrad looked at Gunter. Gunter looked at Conrad before looking at Gwendal. Gwendal looked away from Conrad to look at Gunter. Gunter looked from Gwendal to Conrad. Conrad—

 

“Alright, enough of this!” Gwendal shouted. “I am definitely *not* going to be a part of this. If anyone needs me—for something *important*—I'll be in my room, working on my concentration.”

 

And with those famous last words, Gwendal crawled away from the two of them, leaving them in the alone bushes. Neither Conrad nor Gunter made any efforts to save him as they watched him being ambushed by Wolfram, who apparently had found a lack of clothing to be a blessing. While not as naked as he was in just his sun tanning speedo, Wolfram seemed very free in a pair of breeches cut just above the knee, a thin button up shirt and no shoes.

 

Ignoring the scene of carnage on the other side of the bush, Conrad and Gunter turned back towards each other.

 

“Well,” Conrad began, and Gunter had to lean in close to hear over Gwendal's screams, “I have a feeling that I'm never gonna be able to get out of this.”

 

“How do you mean?” Gunter asked.

 

“Well, I just know that my fate will be similar to Gwendal's as soon as I emerge from this bush: Yuri is no doubt going to jump on me the moment he hears about the massage, so I'll probably be tagging along. How about you? If you stay here quiet, I'm sure you can still make it out alive.”

 

“Oh no!” Gunter said excitedly. “I'll be going out of here with you.”

 

“Why? You don't have to sacrifice your life like this, Gunter. You're still so young.”

 

“I know, but I won't leave you alone.”

 

Conrad smiled. “You're a brave man, Gunter von Christ, and I respect you for it.”

 

“Of course,” Gunter said with a smile of his own. “Besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world.”

 

“You mean—?”

 

“Yup,” Gunter replied. “I'm going for the hell of it!”

 

And with those famous last words, the two of them crawled out of the bushes.

 

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Not too long after Conrad and Gunter were also ambushed following their emergence from the bushes, a solitary maid ran along the hallway down to the servants' quarters. When she reached the correct door, she rushed inside to find the other two waiting for her. Plus about 31 other servants who were all talking excitedly.

 

“Goodness,” Doria said to the other two as soon as she closed the door behind her, “I thought he'd never leave!”

 

Both Sangria and Lasagna gave her sympathetic looks. Though they had decided fairly (by a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors) who's turn it would be to get rid of the latest visitor who “desperately needed to speak with Wolfram in private” they still couldn't help feeling bad for the one who lost, this time being Doria.

 

“Was he that hard to get rid of?” the other two asked.

 

Doria laughed. “Yeah, kept saying something about how Lord von Bielefelt is his one true love and he can't leave him, blah blah blah...”

 

The other two maids, along with the others in the room, laughed. Someone shouted that all those other fools never stood a chance.

 

“You're telling me,” Lasagna agreed. “They didn't even make it in the preliminary polls.”

 

“Hm, you know,” Sangria said to the other two. “I don't know now if what King Yuri offered us to keep those guys away today is going to be enough…for all the trouble we're going through! That red-head this morning gave new meaning to that old saying—”

 

“Hell hath no fury?” Doria supplied.

 

“Tell me about it,” the other two murmured.

 

When King Yuri had first approached them earlier this morning and offered them payment in order to keep all those bothersome people away they had been more than happy to accept. Especially with the permission to be rude if need be. Specifically, towards Lord Ludovic Zemire. King Yuri said they didn't need to be polite at all, and even gave them some help with their dismissal line. He said something like, “Wolfram doesn't even wanna see your ass today!” would do just fine. So, they took the job. Hey, money's money. Plus it was an easy way to keep an eye out on the unfolding events. Now after encountering a number of Wolfram's discarded paramours, it seemed much less worth it. Surely there were less painful ways of making money...like blood money work.

 

“Well, at least Ludovic Zemire never showed up,” Doria said. “Best be thankful for that at least. Rudeness or not, he would have been hard to get rid of.”

 

“You got that right,” Sangria said. “By the way, do you have anymore information?”

 

“Oh, yes, I almost forgot! I managed to wrestle a tip-off from Lord von Christ as they were leaving.”

 

The other two positively glowed with anticipation. When Doria had finished telling all, Sangria turned to the room and raised her hands for quiet.

 

“Alright, everyone,” she told them, “we've got the skinny on what's going down. We already knew that King Yuri won Round One with his Breakfast Behavior, but it seems Lord von Bielefelt won Round Two with his Nearly-Nude Counterattack to King's Yuri's Sports Strategy. Furthermore, it seems there was a draw during lunch, but during dessert, Lord von Bielefelt pulled off another cheeky come on by initiating A Literature Reading.” Sangria paused. “What did he read?”

 

Doria grinned. “Arête Seks.”

 

Catcalls and whistles filled the room.

 

“And?” someone prompted after a moment.

 

“It seems, King Yuri broke even with Lord von Bielefelt during lunch, but lost dessert to him,” Doria picked up. “The other two judges and I have decided to award both King Yuri and Lord von Bielefelt a point for Lunch, but to award Lord von Bielefelt an extra point for having his cake and eating it, too.”

 

The “Lord von Bielefelt Is The Man” Fan Club cheered and whistled, while the “King Yuri, Now *That's* A Man” Fan Club clapped and nodded in acknowledgment of a classy move.

 

“According to our inside man,” Lasagna added as soon as the hubbub calmed down, “there is a Massage coming up next.”

 

“Who initiated it?” someone asked.

 

“Lord von Bielefelt,” Lasagna told them, “and we'll have you know that our inside man seems to feel that this round is more heavily tipped in Lord von Bielefelt's favor.” At this point, talk broke out amongst the others in the room.

 

“Alright, listen up, everyone,” Sangria picked back up, “as of right now the score is 3:2, Lord von Bielefelt.” Lasagna began writing the new scores on the board. “Next is a trip to the masseuse, anyone want to change their minds about who they think's going to win? No?”

 

Doria grinned. “How about upping the ante?”

 

“Up 50 on Lord von Bielefelt!”

 

“I'll meet that, and raise it 10 on King Yuri!”

 

“Meet, and raise 20 on Lord von Bielefelt!”

 

The room bustled with energy as the Three began recording the new bets.

 

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A/N: And the day just keeps goin' and goin'...threw in a tribute to the "Pants Off Dance Off" the stupidest show MTVs come up with yet and the Gingerbread Man from Shrek. As far as I know "Arête Seks" means, literally, "Book Sex." It's Creole, if I remember correctly what language I referenced. If anyone knows Creole and realizes that's completely off the mark, let me know, 'kay?

Tommy: Furthermore, we know Anissina wasn't present at the very first dinner, and if she was at the table for any of the meals after her character was introduced…we can't remember. But the Mistress wanted her there so that's why she is.

Me: Didn't want to deprive her of all this, after all! Oh, one more thing! I just wanted to tell anyone who's interested that I have other KKM stories...

Tommy: Okay, if I just turn and walk away I can ignore that she's plugging.

Me: I know…I've got no shame, I'm telling you! In any case, they are "lying from you" and the sorta-sequel "Hasslich." Both can be found here, and they've got absolutely nothing to do with this current story. So if anyone's interested, hop on over and give 'em a go!

Tommy: That's enough! Now, thanks for reading, yada yada yada, and join us next time: The Fifth Installment: Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome.

Me: See ya then! *Theatrical Bow*

 

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