Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ Stone Cold by the Nightmare ( Chapter 26 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Asuka has another therapy session, Shinji and Rei have a very important discussion, and Ritsuko heads for Terminal Dogma with revenge on her mind.

Anime/Manga: Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 12.20.2005 | Pages: 10 | Words: 13.9K | Visits: 1.2K | Status: Work In Progress

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author's Note: Kannst du für mich schuldig sein?

Required Disclaimer: Still no own. Still no money. Too evil for a conscience. I think I might just have some jelly donuts around here now, however… Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX! And stuff.

Chapter 26: Stone Cold by the Nightmare

Dr. Kagame looked at Asuka as she sat down in the chair across from his desk. When she left his office on her last visit, she had seemingly returned to her former confident, perhaps even arrogant self. Gone was the strength that was in her eyes that day. Now she just looked empty and haunted. “Good morning, Asuka. How have you been feeling these past few days?” He inquired.

“Guten Morgen, Herr Doktor.” Asuka greeted in return. She glanced at the clock, even though they had only been talking for a few seconds, and sighed. “Not so good.” She admitted.

“How so?” The therapist inquired.

The second child sighed again. “I had some bad dreams. Last night was the first time I've slept alone since… well… I had my little… breakdown, and Shinji-kun's possessions paid the price.”

“Would you like to talk about the dreams?” The doctor asked.

Asuka frowned and glanced away. “At first… I was just talking to Shinji-kun, except… it wasn't really me. I mean… it was me. But it was my darkest thoughts and feelings. And I just felt… empty. I even told him that… that my soul was empty.” She paused for a few moments, shifting uncomfortably. “Didn't I ask you to get a more comfortable chair?”

“Move to the couch then. I will sit in the uncomfortable chair.” Dr. Kagame offered.

The red-haired girl looked at the couch for a few moments then shrugged and plopped down on it instead. “Much better.” She commented, finding a comfortable position quickly.

“I'm glad. Now, you were telling me about your dream. You told Ikari-kun in your dream that your soul was empty?”

“Jawohl. (That's right/exactly)” The German girl affirmed. She glanced at the clock again before continuing. “Next thing I know he's strangling me… and I mean… really choking the hell out of me. But I wasn't fighting back. I was just lying there… limply. But then I wanted to live because I realized my soul was not empty… but by that time I was so weak I couldn't loosen his grip. Then I woke up.”

Dr. Kagame jotted down some notes as he asked “And how did that make you feel?”

Asuka looked down at the floor. She hated admitting weakness. Normally she'd rather lose a limb or two than do so but she knew he wouldn't leave her alone until she made the admission. “I… had a panic attack when I woke up, I think.”

The psycho-therapist looked up at his patient, surprised by her confession. “The dream disturbed you that deeply?”

The second child shrugged uncertainly. “Maybe. I think I was more scared because I was alone though. I reached out for someone, but there was no one there, of course. Mir rutschte das Herz in die Hose. (I was scared silly… I think literally it would be: To me the heart slipped into the trousers… or something along those lines. Starting a sentence with the reflexive form of I is baffling to me. The only time I've seen that in common usage is state of being phrases, like “Mir ist kalt” which is “I am cold”, or rather “It is cold to me”…)”

The doctor quirked an eyebrow up, confused. “I'm sorry? Your heart did what to your pants?”

“I was terrified.” Asuka explained.

“Ah.” Dr. Kagame nodded, now understanding. “Why do you think you feel so dependant on others sleeping with you now?”

The second child considered that. “It makes me feel safe.” She explained after a few moments.

The therapist nodded his head, making a note of that information. “I'm sure that feeling safe is even more important to you nowadays. Why were you sleeping alone last night?”

The blue-eyed girl smirked as she shrugged. “Shinji-kun and Rei-chan were probably fucking all night long.”

“So not only were you left alone, but the two people you feel closest to were spending time with one another, and excluding you.” Dr. Kagame observed.

“Jawohl. But don't misunderstand me, it's not like I would want to watch them doing sexual gymnastics, except perhaps if I were participating. Assuming I was ready for such a thing.” Asuka pointed out.

“Of course. Were you able to fall asleep afterwards?” The therapist inquired.

“Nein.” The German girl replied with a frown.

The doctor nodded then asked “So what else is on your mind today?”

The second child considered that after glancing at the clock again. “I think Kaji is dead.”

Dr. Kagame raised an eyebrow, curious about her uncertain tone. “Why do you think that?”

“Misato-san hasn't said a single word about him in some time now. And this morning, the phone rang. But she ignored the phone and she was right next to it. I told her to pick it up because it might be Kaji and she said he wouldn't call again. I know Kaji doesn't see me the way I wanted him to see me… but he did care about me. Maybe as a little sister. And he was so in love with Misato it was giving me cavities just looking at them. Even if they had a fight, she wouldn't say it like that… so certain he would not call. She may as well have said he could not call because he was too busy chasing skirts in heaven.”

The doctor frowned in thought as he noted that down. “Don't lose hope yet. Perhaps he is just on a business trip somewhere he cannot call from.”

“Maybe. But that doesn't explain why there is a cloud of sadness floating around her.” Asuka pointed out.

“I see.” Dr. Kagame replied. “Who was it that called? Someone important to you?”

“Nein. It was just my mother.” The red-haired girl replied in a bored tone.

The therapist blinked, not expecting that reply. “Your mother? Your dead mother?”

The second child looked at the doctor like he was the one that needed the therapy. “Nein, Dummkopf! Sie ist nicht meine leibliche Mutter. Sie ist meine Stiefmutter. (No bonehead! She is not my biological mother. She is my step-mother.)”

The psychologist noted that down, but he was still puzzled. “This is the first time you've mentioned her. You mentioned your aunt being a maternal influence, and of course we've discussed your biological mother, but you've never mentioned your stepmother.”

Asuka shrugged in indifference. “There's not much to say about her. When meine Mutti (my Mama) went völlig übergeschnappt (totally crazy/stark raving mad), she was admitted to die Klapsmühle (the nuthouse) and mein Vater (my father) started fucking her Psychotherapeut (psycho-therapist). So after Mama went for a long fall on a short rope, he just up and married Frau Doktor Seelenklempner (headshrinker… literally soul-plumber haha). I don't really hate her, but I've never had much use for her. We just keep up appearances.”

Dr. Kagame rubbed his temples after noting all that down. “Asuka-san… please stick to Japanese as much as possible. The constant language-switching is very hard to follow.”

“Jawohl.” The German girl replied with a playful smirk.

The doctor sighed, though he wasn't surprised by her response. “How have your interactions with Ayanami-kun been?”

A smile formed on Asuka's lips as she considered the first child. “I always thought she was an emotionless doll… but I realized she feels the same things I do, she just doesn't know how to express herself. Or… perhaps it's just that she is such a classy girl that she's… what's the word… reserved. But… I'm figuring her out. So, our interactions have been rather nice. She told me she trusts me… and she likes me too. She makes me happy.”

The therapist nodded as he wrote that information down. “She's been a positive influence on you, then?”

“Ja, she's the best, Herr Doktor.” The red-haired girl agreed.

“And how about Ikari-kun?” Dr. Kagame inquired.

Asuka chuckled mischievously. “Well, I sure would like it if he would throw me down and ravage my nubile body.”

The doctor cleared his throat nervously. “Other than that?”

“Why, Herr Doktor Kagame… is that a blush I see on your cheeks?” The second child teased.

Dr. Kagame resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “Other than your hormonal desires, are you still getting along well with Ikari-kun?”

“Ja, he's a sweetheart. Completely clueless, but still a sweet boy.” Asuka replied.

“Do you relate well to him in non-sexual or romantic ways?” The therapist inquired.

The second child nodded. “Ja, we converse much easier now than we did in the past. I'm sure there are still frustrations between us, other than the obvious physical ones, but I think… we are both more willing to actually talk about what we really want to talk about. In the past, I was too busy trying to put him in his place to actually listen to him or open up. Now, I don't think it's so much of an issue.”

The doctor noted that down and regarded the girl curiously. “Does it bother you that you are romantically interested in two people that are also interested in each other, and may now even have an intimate relationship with one another?”

Asuka shrugged. “Not so much. My biggest worry is that they will have no time for me, and be too wrapped up in each other to care for me. If I cannot have a romance with either one of them, it does not matter so much. Friendship is what I want the most. I want to be important to them.”

“So you're willing to put aside your own happiness for theirs, if they throw you an occasional bone of attention?” Dr. Kagame asked, raising an eyebrow quizzically.

The blue-eyed girl sighed and shook her head. “You are misunderstanding me, Herr Doktor. What I want most is friendship. Yes, I am attracted to them both. Yes, I would greatly enjoy a romance with either one of them. And yes, I am willing to put aside hopes of romance for that friendship. It is not so bad a thing to put aside a want for a need, don't you agree?”

“But you fear they will give you neither what your want, nor what your need, should they become a couple.” The therapist pointed out.

“Of course.” The second child agreed.

The man paused to order his thoughts before continuing. “Have you tried discussing this with them?”

Asuka nodded. “I told Shinji-kun that even if he marries Rei-chan and has a whole litter of cute little blue-haired apple-cheeked Kinder (children), I wanted our friendship to continue and remain important to him. Didn't we discuss this already?”

“It is worth going over again. How about Ayanami-kun? You have not discussed this with her?” Dr. Kagame inquired.

The red-haired girl shook her head. “It didn't seem necessary. She does not strike me as the type to forsake her friends. I know I am not as important to her as Shinji-kun is, but like I said before, she said she trusts me. She does not open herself to others easily, so she would not say such a thing lightly.”

“And yet,” The doctor continued, “You still fear they will abandon you.”

“Ja. Of course. No one can know what the future holds. Even if they intend to remain close to me, it may not come to pass that way. I do not fear that they want to brush me off, but I am afraid it will happen regardless. I know it probably stems from childhood abandonment issues or some other psychobabble, but it is what it is.” Asuka pointed out with sadness in her voice.

“And what of Katsuragi-san? You said you regard her as a sister. Do you not have her to lean on for your attention needs?” The therapist questioned.

The second child considered that in silence. “Well… honestly, we haven't been very close lately. I admit that I've been harboring resentment towards her ever since she started dating Kaji.” She glanced at the clock. “Time's up. Auf Wied-”

“Wait.” Dr. Kagame put his hand up, interrupting the girl. “A few more minutes, please. Do you feel that Katsuragi-san betrayed you because of her relationship with Kaji-san?”

Asuka hissed out a frustrated sigh as she settled back down into the couch. “Yes and no. I feel betrayed, but I know she did not do it to hurt me. They had a history… and Kaji was quite persistent in his pursuit of her. Honestly, I am more upset with him than I am with her. In hindsight, he never saw me as anything more than a little sister, but he knew I had feelings for him. He knew it, but instead of being upfront and honest with me, he ignored it. And before you try saying that perhaps he didn't know it, I will refute it. I made my intentions mehr als deutlich (abundantly clear) and only the most ignorant self-absorbed Dummkopf wouldn't see it. He did know of it, but he just did not want to deal with it. He flirted with anything with a skirt, but the moment that attention is anything but ignored or passively accepted, he runs off. I think he has a Mystery Complex.”

“So you feel, perhaps, that he misled you to feel better about himself, and then abandoned you the moment he had to answer for it?” The therapist inquired.

The German girl frowned as she considered that, but soon enough she nodded. “Yes.”

“Is it fair to say then that you're angry with him for ignoring you? And angry at yourself for putting yourself out there to be rejected in the first place? And that you are not actually upset with Katsuragi-san at all, but she has just been the easiest target for your hurt feelings to focus on?” Dr. Kagame inquired.

The second child considered that with a cute crease appearing on the bridge of her nose. “That… seems logical.” She admitted finally. She felt a little guilty and angry at herself for once again letting an innocent suffer her wrath.

“Perhaps you should forgive Katsuragi-san for having a relationship with Kaji-san… and forgive yourself as well, for opening your heart to someone who didn't appreciate it.” The doctor suggested.

Asuka sighed. “That will be rather difficult to do.” She grumbled.

“You can do it. It will be easy for someone as determined as you are.” The doctor stated, manipulating the girl's sense of superiority.

The second child struck her fist against the arm of the couch like a hammer and nodded. “Jawohl! It will be a simple matter for someone of my ability! I trust then that our session is over, Herr Doktor?”

“Of course. Until our next session, then.” Dr. Kagame replied with a smile and nod.

“Tschüss (bye), Herr Doktor Kagame.” Asuka waved as she left, confidently striding out as if she were about to conquer the world.

*************************

Shinji's eyes cracked open and he groaned softly as he rose out of his state of slumber. He felt a soft body lying nearly on top of him so he looked down and saw soft blue locks fanning out beneath his gaze. “Mmph… Rei-chan? Did I fall asleep here?” He asked, even though the answer was obvious.

The first child sighed softly and shifted, but remained asleep.

The blue-eyed boy's eyes widened as a nearly painful whimper escaped his lips. “Ah… Rei-chan? Your hand is ah… on my… ah…” He blushed, unable to even name the shameful body part. To make matters worse, the girl was nude and her hand was resting directly on a very excited part of Shinji's anatomy. “It's ah… not what you think! That always happens in the morning… I probably need to use the toilet. Ah… Rei-chan?”

“Mmm?” The girl murmured, shifting again, cuddling even closer to the nervous boy.

Shinji gasped softly, his eyes rolling back as sinful pleasure spread throughout his body. “No, no! Don't move your hand against that even more!” He blushed in embarrassment. Unfortunately for him, his right arm was around the girl's body which prevented it from being able to reach that far down and his left arm was pinned between his own body and the wall. If the red-eyed girl didn't extract herself from around his form, he would either have to lie there and suffer her innocent touches or forcefully move her. Both options seemed equally bad. “Rei-chan? Are you awake?” He whispered hopefully.

“Mmm… wake?” Rei muttered groggily, shifting again.

Shinji groaned again. It was absolute torture, he believed. “Oh god… Rei-chan… don't… stop…”

“Don' stop wha?” The first child inquired in a barely coherent voice. She shifted her head to look up into the boy's dark blue eyes, blinking sleep out of her own red orbs.

“Your hand…” The third child gasped out softly.

The blue-haired girl lifted her head off the boy's chest and looked down, seeing that her hand seemed to be curled around a rather stiff lump in the boy's pants. “Oh… hai, Shinji-kun.” She started to tenderly stroke the bulge, looking up into the third child's widened eyes as she heard the long low moan vibrate up from the boy's throat.

“That's…” Shinji was about to say it wasn't what he meant, but it felt too good, so he couldn't bring himself to say that. “It's a little uncomfortable…”

“What would make it more comfortable?” Rei inquired as she paused her tender touching.

The third child's cheeks reddened even more. “My pants are… too constricting. I… shouldn't be asking this of you.”

“You… wish me to stop?” The red-eyed girl asked softly as her fingers touched the clasp on his pants.

Guilt and lust conflicted in the boy's psyche. He didn't even feel like he was worthy to be touched by this beautiful innocent girl, and yet he desperately wanted her to continue. “I… don't know.” He admitted.

The first child tilted her head slightly to the side quizzically, watching the boy silently as he debated with himself. “It is your choice, Shinji-kun.”

Shinji shifted enough to pry his arm out from underneath his body and pressed his palm against his forehead, agonizing with himself. `What is it I want? I want… Rei-chan. But… I can't just ask her to do this, can I? Why… can't I? She wouldn't do it if she didn't want to, isn't that right? Why… why can't I just shut the fuck up and let her… why do I have to be such a coward? I don't understand… I care about Rei-chan, isn't that enough? Isn't physical intimacy an important part of a relationship? Am I being selfish, worrying over silly things like this? I don't deserve Rei-chan… I'm such a coward. I'm sneaky. Ibuki-san was upset over her own problems, and I added to her troublesby taking her up on her offer, even though she didn't want me. How could she? I'm nothing but a boy. What kind of selfish bastard doesthat? I'm so fucked up…'

The boys internal debate continued. `Rei-chan is waiting patiently for me to make up my mind whether I want her to touch me or not, like it should even be something I'd have to think about. Why couldn't I just say yes and enjoy it? Isn't this a rejection of her and her affection? Why… why is this so complicated!? Can't love just be… simple? Love? Is it… love that I feel? Does that validate my existence? Am I worthy because so precious andsweet a girl cares for me, and maybe even loves me too? Isn't it a demonstration and sharing of love to have special moments like this with one another?Or am I being selfish again for even considering it?'

And continued… `Rei-chan… she wants to please me, but does she really want to do this, or is she afraid like I am? Will she think that if I reject this act, that I am rejecting her as well? I don't want to denyher. I… yes… I love her. Why do I love her? Is it simply because of how she makes me feel? She makes me feel… like a man. She makes me feel special and important. She makes me feel loved. She makes me feel at peace… at home. Do I love her simply because she makes me feel loved? No… we have a connection. It is special… unique. And it is not simply because of our similar origins… and our shared experiences as Eva pilots. It's something… that cannot be defined with words.'

And still it persisted. `How does she feel about me? I think she loves me too… but this is hardly the time to ask her. I shouldn't even ask her at all. If she wants to tell me, she will tell me. This is also not the time to tell her. One cannot honestly bare one's heart while hormones clog the mind. Is Rei-chan… the most patient girl in the world? I've been agonizing over this simple act for what seems an eternity, and she hasn't said a word. She… cares for me. She cares for my feelings enough to let me sort out my thoughts. But if she cares about a wretch like me… does that make her crazy?'

And continued some more. `Maybe love makes you crazy. Kaji-sanonce said that you can't understand anyone else without understanding yourself. Does Rei-chan understand herself? Does she… love herself? You can't love someone else without loving yourself first, isn't that what they always say? But then… if I am so sure I love Rei-chan… does that mean I love myself? I don't feellike I love myself… I think I might even hate myself. So… is this really love? How can it be? What… what is this? I don't understand my feelings any more than she understands hers. How can we be lovers if we don't understand our ownfeelings? Maybe by loving this girl, whom is so important to me, I will begin to love myself? Is it fair to her, though? Am I placing too much of a burden on her, if I want her to help me love myself as I love her? Damn it! Say something, you idiot! She probably fears that I'm going to reject her… to hate her… and yet here I am, silent and stupid! Say something!'

Shinji coughed nervously, feeling tired from his long internal deliberation. “Rei-chan… what is it you want? Do you… really want to do this?”

“You must decide for yourself what you want, Shinji-kun. I cannot make your choice for you.” Rei stated in a soft, perhaps even vulnerable tone. She continued watching him, glancing down for a moment to confirm that the long wait had not deflated his passion before turning her red eyes back upon the third child.

The blue-eyed boy was hardly surprised by her response. He stared into the girl's mysterious red eyes, entranced by their calm and mysterious depths. Finally, he nodded. “I want… you to touch me, Rei-chan.” He finally made his decision.

The first child nodded. “Of course, Shinji-kun.” She responded. With calm and deliberate motions, she unfastened the boy's pants and unzipped them. A moment later, his underwear was pulled down, freeing the still erect member from its confining prison of cloth. The girl stared curiously at the organ for several long moments before brushing her fingertips over the sensitive length. “Is… this right?” She inquired, looking up at the boy.

The third child was having difficulty breathing. He couldn't believe how good it felt to be touched by another person, even with such feather-soft caresses. “That's… nice. Um… but wrap your hand around it… and stroke the length of it… please?”

Rei nodded and curled her fingers around the stiffened member and gently moved her hand up and down. “This is how you want it?” She asked with a touch of wonder in her voice.

Shinji's eyes rolled back into his head as a pained groan floated out of his slackened mouth. “That's… oh… Rei-chan…”

A small smile formed on the first child's lips as she continued her slow gentle ministrations. “This is correct, then.” She stated more than inquired.

“Mmm… don't stop… Rei-chan… please, please don't stop…” The blue-eyed boy moaned out, reaching down and brushing his fingertips over the small of the girl's pale back as she pleasured him. He was having difficulty even forming a coherent thought as the girl's touch made his blood seem to boil in his veins.

The blue-haired girl turned her gaze back to the organ in her hand, watching it with fascination as the soft skin wrinkled and straightened with her strokes. She slid down the bed a little and moved so that she was straddling the boy's knees as her hand continued its leisurely journey up and back down again.

Shinji gasped and groaned softly, lifting his head to watch both the girl's slender fingers and her curious eyes. He couldn't believe how adorable she looked as she watched the sight of what she was doing to his most private parts. “Rei-chan… could you… perhaps… ah…”

Rei moved her gaze up until she stared into the boy's cobalt blue eyes and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

The third child blushed in embarrassment. “Ah… perhaps… take it into your mouth?”

The blue-haired girl crinkled her nose a bit and looked down at the steel-hard organ that was throbbing in her hand. After a few moments of consideration, she simply replied “No.”

Shinji blinked in surprise. `She… cansay no. I think… I love her even more now.' He smiled and brushed his fingers over the girl's free arm. “That's ok. This is amazing as it is.”

The first child nodded, continuing to stroke the hot engorged flesh, inquisitive as to how it could feel so hard and yet so soft at the same time. “I'm glad.” She responded, leaning back a bit to better see what she was doing.

“Mmm… oh… Rei-chan… mmm… good… oh…” The third child murmured incoherently. He stared at the girl, practically drooling as he watched the sway of her bare breasts as she caressed him.

The smile returned to the quiet red-eyed girl's lips as she saw the effect she was having on her beloved, realizing that it was she that was giving him such pleasure. The insight brought a blush to her cheeks as she adjusted her wrist to stroke him in slightly different ways with each motion, finding that made the boy shudder and twitch in the most tantalizing manner.

Shinji's fingers curled into the bed sheets as his passion neared its breaking point. “Rei-chan… if you don't stop now… I'm going to make a mess…”

“There are tissues under the bed. Please hand me a few, Shinji-kun.” Rei requested, not pausing in her caresses.

The blue-eyed boy frantically reached under the bed and thrashed his hand around, finally locating the box of tissues and nearly knocked it out of his reach. He grabbed up a wad of tissues and held them out for the girl as the fingers on his left hand clenched onto the linens, desperately trying to hold back his orgasm as long as possible and shivering from the sheer ecstatic torture of the moment.

The first child pressed several tissues over the crown of her lover's manhood. “Proceed, Shinji-kun.” She whispered softly.

With a shudder and a choked gasp, the boy's body stiffened. “Nngh! Rei-chan… oh god in heaven…” He croaked out.

The blue-haired girl's eyes widened as she felt a wet heat soak through the tissues with alarming quickness, also surprised by the near violence of the boy's trembling. He seemed to be experiencing far more pain than pleasure and that worried her. “Shinji-kun? Is it… all right? Am I doing this correctly?”

An incoherent moaned utterance was the reply given by the boy as his eyes showed only the whites.

Rei quirked up an eyebrow. “I hope I am not injuring you, Shinji-kun…” She stated nervously, slowing the stroking of her hand down a little as she waited for some manner of response from the flushed pilot.

Shinji twitched violently suddenly, pulling away from the girl's hand, but she didn't stop with her stroking. “Rei-chan… please… stop…” He managed to gasp out.

The first child stopped immediately, worry creasing her features. “I'm… sorry. Did I do something wrong?”

The dark-haired boy let out a shuddering sigh and relaxed. “Mmm… no. It was perfect. I've never felt it so… intense before. It just gets… ah… oversensitive when I'm done. I mean…”

Rei used a fresh tissue to clean up the remainder of the mess, shaking her head once. “That is sufficient explanation, Shinji-kun. There is no need to go into a detailed description.”

Shinji gave the girl a silly relaxed grin, his eyes half-lidded from post-orgasm fatigue. “Hai. Arigato, Rei-chan. It was amazing. Beyond amazing. Wow…”

The first child blushed. She looked at the wet tissues curiously and sniffed them, but immediately jerked her face away from them, her nose crinkling in distaste. “The smell is unpleasant, but it is yours, so it is bearable.” She remarked. She stood up and walked over to a waste basket to dispose of the moist tissues. The girl then returned to the bed and sat down sideways to face Shinji. “I see your body has returned to normal, Shinji-kun.”

Shinji blushed in embarrassment as the girl examined his body, despite what they had just done. “Ah… ha ha… yes. Can I… hold you for a while?”

Rei nodded and lay down beside her lover, curling into his body and draping an arm over his chest. She felt happiness wash over her soul as she felt the boy's arm rest against her back and his hand tenderly stroking her silky blue locks. She, of course, remained silent.

“Was it… ok for you? I mean… I wasn't too much of a bother, was I?” The third child inquired in a vulnerable tone.

The red-eyed girl looked up into the boy's cobalt eyes, surprised at his question and tone. “No, it was pleasant. I am happy to give you pleasure, Shinji-kun.”

Shinji softly kissed Rei and smiled at her. “I'm glad. Ah… I want you to know that I didn't ask you to do that just because I was horny. I mean… I was horny, yes, but… it wasn't as simple as that.”

“I know.” The first child affirmed.

“You probably think I'm strange.” The blue-eyed boy stated half-jokingly.

“Yes.” The blue-haired girl responded.

The third child blinked. It was not a statement he expected a reply from, let alone that reply. “Oh.” He said, crestfallen.

“I would not have it any other way, Shinji-kun.” Rei said with a serious expression on her face.

“Oh!” Shinji smiled, surprise and happiness in his voice now.

The first child rested her head on the boy's shoulder again, enjoying the closeness. “What are your plans for the remainder of the day?” Normally she wouldn't ask, but she had her reasons.

“I just have my follow-up exam with Akagi-dono.” The dark-haired boy replied. He bit out the doctor's name with a little more venom than he intended, still upset since she had attacked the girl he cherished most. “Other than that, I have no plans. Would you like to spend the day together?”

“Yes, but I cannot. I will be with Commander Ikari today, and likely part of tomorrow as well.” Rei replied.

“Oh.” Shinji responded, dejected. “Ah... then why did you ask?”

“To suggest that you spend the day with Asuka-chan.” The red-eyed girl responded.

The third child nodded. “That sounds like a good idea. She was probably pretty lonely yesterday.” He admitted guiltily.

“Indeed.” The first child agreed.

The blue-eyed boy winced suddenly. “Damn, I'm so selfish! You did all that to pleasure me and I didn't even think to ask you if you wanted me to do anything for you!”

Rei blinked and looked at the third child for a moment before stating “I need to bathe. Would you mind preparing breakfast? I will need to leave soon so I am not late meeting the commander.”

Shinji nodded, feeling even guiltier now. “Ah, yes of course.”

The quiet blue-haired girl nodded and stood up. A few steps later and she entered the bathroom.

The third child felt terrible the entire time he prepared breakfast, and both pilots ate in silence.

Afterwards, Rei returned to the wash closet to brush her teeth. A few moments later, she started heading towards the door. She paused as she was slipping her shoes on and glanced back at Shinji. “Goodbye for now, Shinji-kun. Enjoy your day with Asuka-chan. Please give her my warm regards.”

Shinji nodded with a friendly smile. `She's opening up a bit, I think. A few weeks ago, she wouldn't have even bothered to say farewell… or think of Asuka's feelings.' Aloud, the boy replied “Hai, of course. Ah… and… tell my father that… I hope he is well.”

Rei froze for a moment as she held the door ajar and looked back at her lover. She was shocked. “… Hai.” She walked out, wondering what had happened to change the boy's animosity to… polite indifference? Genuine care? She did not know, but she wished she had the time to inquire about it, but she would already have to walk quickly to avoid being late.

Shinji sighed. “Forgiveness… Father, for Rei-chan, it is worth it. I hope you don't abuse my trust again.”

*************************

Dr. Akagi paced back and forth in her office, going over in her mind all the perceived betrayals she had suffered through. They all seemed to center around two people… Ayanami Rei and Ikari Gendo. She turned her eyes towards one of the drawers in her desk and a plan started to form. “If Maya-chan won't help me… then I'll get my assistance from the `late' Kaji.”

She rifled through the drawer and pulled out the items she had taken from the spy before she had administered the amnesia drug. “Why thank you, Kaji-san. This will be most helpful.” The doctor chuckled as she pocketed an access card.

Ritsuko looked at her phone for several moments, considering calling Shinji to meet her. “No, why bother? He's too wrapped around her little finger. And he already knows what she is. He's just like her. No matter… revenge is best served alone.”

She walked confidently towards an elevator. In all appearances nothing was different about her. The doctor laughed softly as she pressed the elevator button to take her to the lowest level of NERV where the access to Terminal Dogma could be found. And through it, all the secrets of NERV.

After reaching the bottom level, Dr. Akagi approached the entrance to Terminal Dogma and swiped the access card through the reader. An evil smirk formed on the blonde's lips as entry was granted. “You may have revoked my access to Terminal Dogma, Gendo-chan… but obviously your own is still quite valid. Thank you again, Kaji-san.” She cackled as she rode down the elevator, gazing down into the looming darkness beneath her.

When the elevator opened, she glanced nervously about, paranoid that the evil supreme commander of NERV was lurking in the shadows. After pausing for a few moments to guarantee she was indeed alone, an arrogant noise issued forth from her throat as she strode forward, intent on carrying out her devilish plot. Just before she entered the chamber that housed the Dummy Plug system, she looked around once more as a shiver ran up her spine. She scowled, feeling as if she were being watched by more than the security cameras that no doubt were focused on her.

“Even if you're looking at me right now, Gendo-chan, you won't get down here in time to save your precious little dolls.” Ritsuko taunted the camera. She nearly gave the camera a rude gesture but decided against it. “No matter what you've done to me, you soulless bastard, I'm still a lady.” She huffed as she entered the chamber.

Dr. Akagi shuddered as she stared into the empty, impossibly joyous eyes of the Rei clones that occupied the Room of Gauf. “Is it the weight of a soul that brings sadness to a human, I wonder? Can you empty dolls experience fear, as you feel your flesh boil away? Let's find out.” She picked up a remote control and laughed softly. “This is my revenge upon you, Aya… Rei. And my vengeance upon that monster you love so dearly for all the pain he has inflicted upon me.” With a chilling laugh, she pressed the self-destruct switch and watched as the bodies began to disintegrate.

“What are you doing?!” A sharp voice came from directly behind the blonde doctor.

A piercing shriek tore out from Ritsuko's mouth as she spun, raising a hand to her chest to calm her pounding heart. “You! You're too late, they're already returning to nothingness.”

Kaoru frowned as she watched the clones of the first child fragment. A tear fell from his eye and he reached up to touch the thick glass holding the LCL fluid that the clones had been floating in, taking little notice of the boiling hot temperature. “Little sister… what have they done to you?” His lowered his head sadly, mourning the loss of the clones, despite their lack of souls. “Was it easy for you, doctor, to murder all these innocents? Have you no pity in your heart for them?”

Ritsuko backed away from the fifth child nervously, casting wary glances back towards the exit. “How did you get down here? There's no way the commander gave you access to this place.”

The silver-haired boy turned his pitying gaze onto the woman. “Your heart is filled with nothing but rage and loneliness. Such a fragile creature you are… I can feel compassion even for you, Akagi-dono. It is not my place to pass judgment upon you, but fate, I am sure, will not be as kind. Have no doubt in your very soul that you are a murderer of innocent children, and there is very little that is viler than that.”

Ritsuko smirked with a shake of her head. “I've done my research on you as well, dear boy. I know what you are. Why don't you use your powers, perhaps you'll even allow me to live long enough to see Gendo's whiny little brat crush the life out of you. Or maybe you'll reunite with Adam and end us all. I don't care either way anymore.”

Kaoru smiled, casually placing his hands in his pockets. “I am in no hurry. Worry not, good doctor. You will live long enough for your precious commander to return the favor you've done him, I'm sure.” He started turning to leave, but paused when doctor spoke.

“Tell me, Oh Last Angel, why have you and your brethren thrown yourselves upon our swords one after another? What drives you to merge with Adam? Is your existence coming to an end, as ours are?” Ritsuko inquired, raising an eyebrow curiously.

The boy turned his red eyes to the blonde woman, giving her a benevolent smile. “It was fated the moment we were born, that one day we would die. It is an inescapable facet of existence. To live is to die. Even for us Messengers of the Divine, who ate of the Tree of Life. But one of us will avert that fate for our kind, perhaps. We shall see.” He took a step to leave and was stopped again.

“Wait! You have the power to protect me… perhaps I could persuade you to?” Dr. Akagi offered, fear evident in her voice. She had been ready to die for her actions, but she figured fate might be providing her with an escape.

Kaoru's eyebrows rose up in surprise as he turned to look at the blonde doctor. “What makes you think I would protect you, after you just murdered all those innocent children? Or that I would protect any lilim, for that matter?”

Ritsuko glanced at the now empty vat of LCL fluid, trying to think of a way to convince the last angel to protect her from the wrath of Gendo Ikari. “They were soulless copies of Rei… abominations. Perhaps what I did was wrong, but if you don't help me, I won't live long enough to make amends.”

The fifth child shrugged. “That is between you and your superiors, doctor. I am not the angel of redemption.”

Dr. Akagi sighed, realizing it wouldn't be easy to convince the boy to guard her. “If you don't help me, I'll tell the others what you are and they'll kill you before you even have a chance to seek out Adam.”

The red-eyed boy laughed softly. “Are you trying to convince me to end your life myself, dear doctor? Tell them whatever you wish, it doesn't really matter.”

`Damn!' The woman grumbled internally. “Have you no compassion for me?!”

“Of course. But that doesn't mean I feel the need to interfere with the affairs of the lilim. You committed a crime and you will be punished by your own kind. That is the way of things.” Kaoru pointed out.

`Double damn!' She felt like screaming. Desperate, she tried one last ploy, though it offended her sensibilities. “Tell me, Nagisa is it? Have you ever been with a human woman?” A touch of a smile came to her lips when the fifth child quirked an eyebrow up. “You are beautiful, and I admit a certain fascination… to sleep with an angel. You seem to have a kind soul… aren't you curious what it would be like to be one with me? All I ask is that you protect me, and you can do anything you wish to me. Does that interest you?”

“Should it?” The angel inquired, in a tone that suggested he really didn't know.

“Oh come now… think of it. Aren't you curious what it feels like to be inside a woman? You have our form… I assume you have our desires as well. It would be such a simple matter for you to keep me alive… and in return, you get to enjoy what my body can do for you.” Ritsuko offered, seductively unclasping the top two buttons of her blouse to display a tantalizing amount of cleavage. “Interested yet?”

Kaoru considered it for a few moments and then shrugged. “Not really, no. However, there is always the possibility I will change my mind before the end. I shall safeguard your life for now. I made a promise to someone, well… to myself for someone, rather. I intend to keep it, but it requires that I stay dormant for a while longer. Perhaps we can find a way to occupy ourselves that won't require you to prostitute yourself to me.”

Dr. Akagi clenched her jaw and fists, offended by the angel's words, but bit the resentment down. “Perhaps. I have a lot of questions for you… perhaps I can answer some of yours, as well?”

That interested the fifth child more than bodily pleasures. He smiled and held his hand out. “Take my hand then, dear doctor. Your would-be jailors approach.”

Shaking timidly, Ritsuko reached out to take the angel's hand.

*************************

I must say I channeled my inner-Shinji on that extremely long self-deliberation of his, and I feel rather proud of it. Also, I got to sneak-attack you all with a very sexy scene. Muahahahah!!!! Next chapter: Shinji and Asuka go out on a date. Meanwhile Rei spends the day with Gendo. Won't that be fun? Yes it will. Byebye, now!