Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ Seeds of Doubt ( Chapter 3 )

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Required Disclaimer: Still no own. Still no money. Too evil for a conscience. I think I might just have some jelly donuts around here now, however… Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX! And stuff.

Chapter 3: Seeds of Doubt

 

Rei awoke to the feeling that she was being watched. Though she was rather accustomed to the sensation, this time it just didn't feel as it normally did. She groaned as her injuries began to throb in pain and she glanced sideways at Shinji whom was in a most uncomfortable position as he slept in a thinly padded chair, one arm draped over the wooden armrest that his head was resting on and the other arm still holding her uninjured hand.

Rei watched him for several moments before her attention was diverted by Gendo Ikari standing by the foot of her bed. She was rather surprised she hadn't noticed him upon first waking up, but she betrayed none of her emotions. “Commander.” She acknowledged him. `He's going to yell at me in that manner he uses without raising his voice. It's rather… disturbing.' She thought.

“Ayanami. It is time to begin the Human Instrumentality Project. Come with me, we're going to Lilith.” Commander Ikari ordered, his voice cold.

The first child was shocked. “But… the last angel?” She inquired in a soft, almost scared tone.

“Dead. Pilot Soyru killed it an hour ago while you and Pilot Ikari slept. It is time to go. We must begin before SEELE comes here to control the outcome.” The elder Ikari commanded.

The girl turned a worried red eye to Shinji for a few moments before she hesitantly replied. “I… do not wish to go, sir.”

“Your wishes do not matter. I order you to go. Now get up.” The commander said in a firm tone, his eyes blazing dangerously.

Rei swallowed, feeling the dryness in her mouth and throat. “Please… I do not wish to go. I want to live.” She pleaded, her normally soft emotionless voice now vulnerable and scared.

“Come, Rei. I will not ask again.” Ikari said.

Ayanami took a deep breath and shook her head, summoning up every scrap of defiance she could find in her soul. “I will not go. I do not believe in the third impact and I will not start it.”

Gendo growled and grabbed the blue-haired girl around the neck and began to strangle her. “You are my doll! You will do what I say! I created you and I can destroy you! I can just animate the next Rei and have her initiate the third impact, do not forget this! You are my doll for me to play with!” He shouted.

Rei struggled against the assault to the best of her limited ability whilst having flashbacks of when Naoko Ikaji had strangled the first Rei to death. “Commander! What are you…” She fought for breath and scrambled for her life, feeling the burning sensation of all her injuries with every movement.

The blue-haired girl saw Shinji in the corner of her eye staring in horror at the sight of his father strangling the her to death, but he was paralyzed with fright. “Shinji… help….. me…..” Rei gasped and fought harder, but her movements were slowing down and weakening. She would be unconscious in a matter of moments and then dead shortly thereafter.

Rage was building up inside the first child as she fought for her life. “I… am… not… a… doll!” She threw the commander off of her with a burst of adrenalin and gasped for breath. It was then she saw a weary-eyed Shinji staring at her in confusion and there was no Commander Ikari in sight. Rei looked around, despite the pain it caused her as she asked, “Where… is the commander?”

The blue-eyed boy shook his head and replied “At NERV headquarters I assume. Do you want me to call him for you, Rei-san?”

Rei looked at the third child as if he were insane. Then she became confused. “Was it… a dream? I don't remember ever having one before.” The girl grimaced as she felt the throbbing of each and every injury, but she tried to ignore it. “Shinji-kun, I want to leave this place.”

Shinji scratched the back of his head. “Are you sure? I don't think the doctors are ready to discharge you yet. I can ask though.” He suggested with a worried glance at the bandages all over the girl.

The red-eyed girl frowned slightly. Her heart was still racing in her chest though she appeared outwardly calm. “Shinji-kun, even if the doctors do not wish me to leave yet, I will go home. I cannot stay here any longer. Please understand.”

“Eh… hai, Rei-san. Leave it to me.” The pilot of Eva Unit 01 said and then reluctantly left the hospital room and searched for the first child's doctor.

Rei reached out for a glass of water on the table next to where Shinji had been sleeping and frowned at her hand as it twitched. She stubbornly picked the glass up anyway but she couldn't maintain a firm enough grasp on it and it slipped out of her hand and crashed to the floor. The red-eyed girl stared at the glass shards until the third child returned. “Ayanami? They said they won't release you.”

The first child sighed and motioned to the dark-haired boy. “Help me up, please?” She requested, hiding the pain she was feeling as best she could.

Shinji immediately rushed to her side. “Hai, Rei-san!” He affirmed while helping the girl to stand.

Using Shinji to walk, the blue-haired girl stumbled out into the hall to where her doctor was looking over her chart. He looked up and frowned at the girl. “What is this nonsense about you wanting to check out? You can't even walk on your own yet. We also want to observe you incase you have any internal bleeding that we've missed.”

Rei stumbled over until she was in front of the doctor and fixed him with a stony glare that would have made Commander Ikari proud. “I am checking out, against your orders if need be. I will not stay here.”

Shinji gave her an apprehensive look. “Rei-san… perhaps you should stay since the doctor…” He trailed off when she turned her icy glare on him. “Hai, Rei-san. Gomen.” He blushed and looked down towards his feet, trying to ignore the fact that Rei was leaning into him. All she was wearing was her hospital gown and he could feel her warm skin underneath it.

“You would need someone to stay with you until you could move around on your own easily, Pilot Ayanami. That means cooking for you, cleaning for you, helping you bathe, helping you eat if need be, and being around when you sleep in case you develop a problem that needs medical assistance. Do you have someone to stay with you? I will try to arrange at home care if need be, but I can't guarantee it for several days at the minimum.” The doctor stated, attempting to dissuade the girl from checking out.

Rei turned to look at Shinji intensely, whom became quite nervous because of her gaze. “Eh… hai, Rei-san?”

“Will you help me, Shinji-kun?” Rei requested in a soft tone.

Shinji blushed. “Uh… of course, Rei-san. It would be an honor.” He agreed as he thought, `I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away…'

The doctor glared down at Shinji using his imposing height to intimidate the boy. “ You will stay with Ayanami, all day and every day? You will cook her meals and help her eat? And you'll clean her home? You'll change her bandages and treat her wounds? And you'll also help her bathe ?”

The third child's cheeks turned as red as Eva Unit 02. `Don't remind me!' He thought nervously, but with more conviction he replied, “Absolutely. I will do whatever Ayanami wishes of me. I am responsible for her life, now that I have saved it.”

“It's an awesome responsibility, Pilot Ikari. You are too young for such a task” The doctor stated firmly. He looked as if he wanted to slap some sense into the both of them.

Shinji felt like crawling under a rock but Rei was prodding him with her elbow. He glanced at her and saw the pleading look in her eyes that most people would miss. `Am I starting to see past her mask? I never realized Rei-san's eyes were so expressive.' Shinji fixed the doctor with an impassioned glare. “Is that so?! I can do it. I will do it. Please release Ayanami to my care, doctor.”

The doctor scowled, but stubbornly he didn't move. “You heard him. Please do not force him to repeat himself, doctor. Your career may not have the most prosperous future due to the bad karma such an action would gain you.” Rei stated calmly. The unwavering look in her eyes made the doctor realize he had just been threatened, and whether it was a hollow threat or not, it worked. “Of course. I'll have the papers for you in a few moments. Have a seat, please.”

The first child stared at him as he retreated then turned to give Shinji the barest of smiles. “Thank you, Shinji-kun.” She said gratefully.

The young Ikari blushed in embarrassment at the appreciation. “Don't mention it, Rei-san.”

They both looked up as an orderly with a wheelchair rushed up. Rei frowned down at it as she said, “I do not wish to be in that. I will walk out of here with Ikari-kun.”

The orderly gave her a big grin and shook his head. “Sorry, but if you're carried in you're wheeled out. Those are the rules. And actually, you should keep this wheelchair. It'll help you get around until you can walk on your own.”

Rei sighed in resignation and gingerly sat down onto the wheelchair with Shinji's help. Then they waited rather impatiently until the doctor returned with some forms and some orders and prescriptions. “At the first sign of trouble, get her back here. Do you understand, Pilot Ikari?” The doctor demanded, fixing the boy with a scowl.

“Yes sir. Thank you for taking such good care of Rei-san.” The blue-eyed boy said as he bowed politely. The red-eyed girl handed the papers to Shinji for him to sign since her hand was still unsteady. He blushed and signed her name then underneath it his own and indicated that he was signing for her.

They left quietly, Rei ignoring the glares from the hospital staff but the third child felt every single one of them and had to keep repeating “I mustn't run away” to himself to keep from barreling down the hallways.

The young Ikari paused suddenly, earning a quizzical expression from Rei. “Um, I just realized something. How am I going to get you home? I'm still in my plugsuit…” He said, and added mentally, `And I still stink of LCL…' Then he continued with “And you're just in a hospital gown. I don't mind being dressed as I am, but I don't think you should have to have people staring at you for the long walk home.”

Rei gave him a strange look. “I do not mind people looking at me, Shinji-kun. But if it bothers you that much, call a taxi.”

Shinji blushed. “Um, I would but I don't have any money. Plugsuit… no pockets.”

“Do not worry about money, Shinji-kun. It will not come up.” The first child stated then looked forward towards the doors that led outside.

The blue-eyed boy scratched his head. “Um… are you sure?” When the quiet girl made no response, the third child sighed and wheeled her outside. After a few minutes of waiting a taxi drove by on a routine check for customers. At Shinji's wave, it pulled up beside them. The boy opened the cab's door and helped Rei into the back seat and then placed the folded up wheelchair into the boot of the cab. He then got into the backseat next to the blue-haired girl.

“Destination please?” The driver requested, looking back at them.

Shinji looked over at the red-eyed angel. “Do you want to go to your apartment or would you prefer to stay with Misato-san?” Rei stared at him. “Uh… Katsuragi-shousa.” He corrected himself.

“My apartment, please.” The first child replied. `Like you even had to ask?' She wondered.

Shinji started to sweat. “Your apartment? Are you sure?” The blue-haired girl made no response. She simply shifted in the seat and remained silent. The third child coughed and told the driver to take them to the girl's apartment. The young Ikari mostly stared at his lap, but he also snuck a few peeks at the mysterious red-eyed girl, who either did not notice or did not care that he was looking at her.

“We're here.” The driver announced. He turned in the seat to look back at them. “That'll be 2500 yen, please.”

Rei turned to give the third child an expectant stare, which made him quite nervous.

“Um, Rei-san?” Shinji inquired, uncertain of what to do.

“You are going to help me out of the vehicle, are you not, Shinji-kun?” The blue-haired girl inquired, pointedly ignoring the driver.

“Sure, he'll help ya out as soon as he pays me my 2500 yen. Isn't that right, boy?” The taxi-driver growled out.

`Oh god… I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away!' He thought in a panic. Desperate to avoid confrontation, he inquired, “Um, Rei, you wouldn't happen to have any money up in your apartment, would you?” Shinji asked, hoping that he could run up and get the money and pay the driver before he got hostile.

“Yes. But it is not necessary. Please help me out of the car, Shinji-kun.” The blue-haired beauty repeated. She gave no outward indication of it, but she was getting annoyed.

“Missy, you had best let your little boyfriend run up and get that money. You can stay here until he pays me.” The driver declared.

The girl turned her crimson eyes on the driver. “You are very rude. You will be compensated when you tell your superiors that you drove Ayanami Rei from the hospital to her apartment. Now, stop talking. You are scaring Shinji-kun.”

The driver grabbed Rei's gown and growled at her. “Look, I don't know who you think you are, but you pay or I get rough with ya! And you don't look to be in any condition ta handle it! Got it?”

Rei gave him a cold stare, clearly not intimidated, but Shinji felt a coil of rage snap inside him. “You asshole!” Shinji cried, grabbing the man's thumb on instinct and snapping it sideways. “Don't ever fucking touch her, you son of a whore!” Shinji screamed in anger, leaning over the seat and punching the man in the face repeatedly. He felt the blue-haired girl's cool hand touch his arm and his wrath trickled away instantly, leaving him feeling nauseous and lightheaded.

“That is enough, Shinji-kun. You have made your point. Please help me out of the car now.” Rei stated in an emotionless tone.

The third child stared at the girl in shock for several long moments, not believing what he had just done. He turned and opened the door and slid out. Rei started sliding out after him, since she had been sitting in the middle of the back seat. The boy knelt down and carefully helped her out.

As soon as she cleared the door, the car sped off. “Damn! Your wheelchair was still in there.” Shinji griped, then let out a string of obscenities about the driver. He was interrupted by a strange but lovely sound. He looked down and realized that Rei was giggling at him. He blushed and scratched the back of his head self-consciously. “Well, let's get you upstairs.”

“Hai.” Rei agreed.

Shinji knelt down a bit and put Rei's arm over his shoulders and reached around to hold her opposite hip to support her. As they approached the apartment, the boy became nervous as some lowlife types looked at them. “Rei, must you live in such a bad neighborhood?” The third child grumbled out. The blue-haired beauty made no reply so he let the subject drop. `She likes to ignore my questions a lot. I wonder why?' Shinji grimaced as he remembered that Rei lived up on the fourth floor. He looked at her for a moment. `She can't weigh that much…' He reasoned. “I'm sorry, Rei-san.” He said suddenly.

The red-eyed girl looked at him curiously. “About what?” She inquired.

“This.” Shinji replied, carefully picking the girl up. `I was right. She's as light as a feather. Thank goodness!' He thought to himself. “Are you ok?” He asked, to which she simply nodded. “Ok, going up. I'll be as careful as I can.”

The third child started up the steps, noticing that Rei was wincing occasionally when he didn't hold her still enough. He gritted his teeth together and made the climb up as smooth as he could, but it took more energy and he was getting exhausted by the time they reached the top. `I don't see any reason to set her down yet…'

Shinji walked up to her apartment door and held her carefully as he reached out for the doorknob then kneed the door open, feeling thankful for once that the girl didn't lock her door. “Going in!” He called, and entered her apartment. “Bed?” Shinji asked, to which he earned a nod. He walked over and set her down on the bed as carefully as he could. `Thank goodness she's so light!' He thought. Then the boy inquired “Do you need anything, Rei-san?”

“Water.” The first child replied immediately. “I'm hungry as well. Could you fix me something to eat, please?”

Shinji smiled. “Leave it to me, Rei-san!”

Rei grimaced as she shifted back on the bed as the dark-haired boy walked into her kitchen area which was back towards the front door and smiled slightly when he screamed like a little girl at the mess. She could hear him grumbling about what a pigsty her apartment was and she knew he thought she couldn't hear him so she ignored it. The first child leaned back against her pillows and gritted her teeth to keep from crying out in pain. `Damn ribs…' She nodded thankfully at him when Shinji brought her a glass of water then watched as he went back into the kitchen and looked through her small refrigerator.

“I forgot you were a vegetarian, Rei-san.” Shinji called out. 'Damn, I wanted to have some stir fry vegetables with some chicken.'

“There are dry noodles and rice in the first cabinet near the icebox, Shinji-kun.” Rei called back. `I hate raising my voice… ow.'

Shinji made the most out of what he found so ended up making what was left of the noodles as well as some rice and vegetables. He found two plums in the back of the refrigerator that still smelled and looked fresh, as well. “Do you have a tray, Rei-san?” The boy asked over his shoulder.

`Damn.' She thought before replying aloud, “I can set the food on my end table for now, Shinji-kun.” Rei announced, wincing as she slid over to the edge of the bed. `Whoa… dizzy…'

Shinji rushed in. “Don't walk on your own, Rei-chan!” He shouted. He bit his tongue when he realized he had used an informal tone with her, but she made no comment. `That's the second time I slipped. She doesn't seem to mind… but I should try to stop from saying that…' He moved her chair over near the bed and helped her to move into it, then he brought the food in and set it down on the end table behind the headboard of the bed. He sat on the edge of her bed, balancing the food in one hand and keeping a watchful eye on the lovely red-eyed girl as they ate in silence.

“I will get some sleep now, if it is all right with you, Shinji-kun. I am tired.” Rei informed him.

“Of course.” Shinji replied, smiling. `Oh crap, where am I going to sleep? This floor hasn't been cleaned probably since Rei moved in. Not to mention the fact that it's concrete! I need to get some clothes too.' He helped her back to her bed and she was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Shinji stared at her in awe for a while then looked around. `I guess I'll just sleep on the floor. There's no helping it.' Shinji sighed and lied down on the cold hard floor and used his arms for a pillow. `My back is killing me…Concrete is not made to be slept on!' He thought as his spine protested against the sleeping accomadations.

“Oyasumi, Rei-san.” Shinji whispered, even though the blue-haired beauty was already asleep. `What have I gotten myself into? Damn… I wish I had my SDAT player, at least…'

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Asuka sighed and walked in to Misato's apartment. “Back here. It can't be helped. I have to prove that I'm not a psychopath.” The second child muttered aloud. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as memories flashed behind her eyes. “Shut up mother.” She whispered to herself and strode confidently into the home. She looked at the stove and saw there was nothing cooked.

The second child growled and stormed over to Shinji's room and threw the door open. “Shinji, you idiot! Get in here and cook me some damn dinner!” The red-haired girl frowned as she noticed Shinji was not there and it looked like he hadn't come home at all. “His SDAT player? He never goes anywhere without this.”

The German girl stomped over to Misato's door and banged on it. “Misato-san! Where is that baka?!”

The major threw open her door and glared at Asuka. The purple-haired beauty was half drunk and exhausted. And even worse, she was out of beer. So she wasn't exactly in the best of moods. “Shinji isn't here. Last I heard he was with Ayanami at the hospital. Why don't you go to bed like a good little girl, ok?” Misato slammed her door shut and plopped back onto her bedroll and was back asleep immediately.

Asuka threw up her arms in exasperation. “Who is going to cook my dinner, damn it! Dummkopf, how dare you hold Wonder Girl's precious little hand while leaving me here to starve to death?!”

Pen-pen poked his head out and began to sweat. `Why don't you just cook your own dinner, dumbass!?' The penguin thought.

The red-haired neurotic stomped around a bit more in the kitchen and finally settled on grabbing a bag of chips. “Forced to subsist on junk food. That little idiot will have to lick my feet for me to forgive him for this!” Asuka shoved a handful of chips into her mouth and glared at the penguin. “And just what are you looking at?!”

Pen-pen hurried away, not wanting to be on the receiving end of the German girl's wrath.

The blue-eyed girl scowled and flipped the television on, alone with her thoughts. “Shut up , mother.” She spat out for the hundredth time that day.

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