Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy ❯ Requiem for the Fallen ( Chapter 11 )

Evangelion: Only In Your Eyes Am I Worthy

Author's Note: Nothing to see here, folks! Move [Read] along!

Required Disclaimer: No own. No money. No conscience. And no jelly donuts! Enjoy and ponder on the glory of GAINAX!

Chapter 11: Requiem for the Fallen

"Shinji-kun? I wanted to tell you that…………………." Misato paused as she noticed Asuka sleeping next to the other pilot. "Um……….. that your sync test with Unit 01 got moved up to today. You'll be coming with Asuka-chan." The major smirked at her double-meaning.

Shinji blinked sleepily. "I know. Father informed me of that last night. But thank you, Misato-san."

"………………… …………. Do I want to know?" The purple-haired lady asked with a knowing grin on her face. <Sexual tension between them… that would explain things.>

"Nani?" The boy shifted and realized a weight was on him. He looked down to see Asuka's head lying on his chest. And with her leg hooked over his the way it was, the pondering as to whether or not the girl was wearing underwear was answered. "Uh……….. it's not what you think. We just slept." <I think? I hope!>

"Mmmph… Shinji-chan… mmmmmm." The German girl muttered in her sleep. "I didn't realize you were that passionate. You are so good…"

The third child's eyes widened in horror. <Oh god… did we!?> He blushed and looked at Misato. "Um… do we have time for breakfast?"

The major chuckled and nodded. "I picked up some breakfast pastry last night. Don't take too long, we need to leave in about an hour." With that, she closed the door.

<Don't take too long? She thinks we're going to… again… or… for the first time… or… oh my!> Shinji started to panic.

"You're so easy to tease. You really should make it more challenging for me or I might lose interest." Asuka muttered, sitting up and smirking at the boy.

After several blinks, he realized she had been awake and purposely trying to make Misato think the two had been intimate. "You are unbelievable. Now she'll think we're screwing all the time!"

"So? She'll probably be envious." Unit 02's pilot stood up and looked down at the boy. "Perverted as ever. But I'll forgive you. This time."

Shinji looked down. "No, that happens every morning! Really! Asuka-kun! Damn it…" The boy sighed and got up and exited his room. He grabbed a plate with a pastry on it and some milk and settled onto an armchair and calmly chewed at it while planning his day. He looked up as Asuka came out of the wash room and grabbed the other plate and settled on the couch. As they ate, he noticed her legs kept shifting and drifting apart, only to close again moments later. What made it so distracting, other than the expanse of her shapely legs, was that he saw even further up the bottom of her nightshirt at this angle. The sight reminded him a bit of when she had forced herself on him, but it also drew his attention no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. Asuka seemed oblivious to the turmoil she was causing in the third child.

"I wonder why they want us to have simultaneous sync tests." The second child said as she toyed with the last of her pastry.

Shinji shrugged. "I suppose it doesn't matter. We can't do anything about it."

The German girl hissed in frustration and left to get dressed, calling out over her shoulder, "You're so obedient, just like your doll. Can't you ever question your orders without imploding?"

The third child stared at his empty plate deep in thought until Misato came out and nudged him. "Are you going to get dressed or would you rather go to NERV in your pajamas?" She asked. The young Ikari blinked, coming out of his train of thought. Her words sunk in so he quickly apologized and hurried to his room to dress. The major sighed and shook her head, suppressing a grin. "Shinji-kun, you never change."

************************

Rei opened her eyes as she felt a presence looming in the room. Since the nurse had already checked on her a half hour before, and the physical therapist had visited her early that morning, it was most likely the young Ikari. "Shinji-kun?" She asked, turning to look at the arrival.

Gendo Ikari looked down at her, his face unreadable, even to her. "Not exactly."

Rei blinked a few times. <Why is the commander here? And where is Shinji? Visiting hours started already. He… promised he would be here.> "Ohayo gozaimasu, Ikari-shousei."

"Do you know why I am here, Rei?" The commander asked, his tone grave.

"………………… ……… Iie. Are you here to see if I am well?" The blue-haired girl asked.

"I am here because you checked into the hospital and had surgery without telling me. If my son had not called, I may not have even been aware of it." Gendo loomed over her with a slight scowl across his countenance.

Rei remained silent.

"Have you nothing to say?" The commander asked. Rei was one of the few people who knew him well enough to hear the anger in his voice.

"No sir. I will not make excuses." The first child replied.

"Give an explanation then." Ikari ordered.

Rei glanced downwards. She felt uncomfortable sitting there in only her hospital gown, but she wasn't sure why. "Pilot Ikari noticed the bandaging on my hand. He inspected it and found the wound and felt it necessary for me to see a doctor. He immediately brought me here."

"You did not think to call me to inform me of this?" Gendo inquired.

"….. I did not." The girl with the crimson eyes replied.

The commander's hand shot forward, backhanding the child across her cheek so hard she fell out of the bed and crashed against her tray stand which was knocked against the opposite wall. He reached down and yanked her up by her gown where she hung limply, making no moves to defend herself in any way. His other hand came around again, this time slapping her across the face with his palm, then pushed her onto the bed sideways. He held her down like that, though he knew she would not move. "Don't ever forget to call me about something like this again. Do I make myself clear?"

Rei felt fear clutching at her heart, though it was more because of how she was being held down than Commander Ikari's threat. Her robe had slid up from the attacks so everything below her navel was exposed and Gendo was standing between her splayed legs. She wasn't sure why this made her so uncomfortable, but it did nonetheless. "………………………&h ellip;…………………….. Hai. Of course, sir. Gomen nasai." She stated in a monotone voice, nothing betraying the fear she felt.

Though he would never admit it, even to himself, her robotic reply bothered him. The lack of fear in her eyes. The total acceptance. She should have been intimidated by how he was holding her, but she was not, as far as he could tell. It made the action completely pointless. He looked purposely at her sex and frowned. <Strange. She could still be a child, from the appearance.> He backed away a step, satisfied that she still did not move. "Rei… why are you… bare?"

Her crimson eyes blinked then looked downwards at where the man's gaze was directed. "My S2 organ." Her simple explanation obviously wasn't enough, given his blank stare. "I have no uterus. No ovaries. Therefore, I do not produce sufficient hormone levels to reach full puberty. Did you not know this was a side effect of the Lilith DNA you placed in me?"

<I never even considered it.> "It was not a concern."

<But it is now?> Rei stared up at him silently.

Gendo backed away a few more steps. "Is Dr. Akagi aware of your hormonal levels?"

"She explained it to me last year, and also what to expect in the future, commander." The first child replied. <My back hurts.>

Ikari frowned and took a few steps towards the door then turned to meet the clone's gaze. "You may act freely, as long as it does not interfere with your duties at NERV and to me. But never forget to inform me of important matters again, or I will have you replaced."

"Understood." The girl replied, sitting up on her elbows slowly and carefully, but otherwise not moving since the commander had not given her permission to move yet. Gendo nodded and left without another word. Rei could see that the man was slightly disturbed by what he had discovered, though she was not sure why. <Shinji… where are you?>

**************************

"Sync test complete." Lt. Ibuki announced. "Pilot Ikari… 91% sync ratio. Pilot Soryu… 49%."

Major Katsuragi sighed. "Extract them. Well, Shinji-kun's is excellent, as ever. Asuka's… at least there was an improvement since last time. The commander instructed me to have Pilot Ikari taken to Akagi-dono for a routine physical. Lt. Ibuki, since you're going that way anyway?"

"Hai, Katsuragi-shousa. It is no trouble at all!" Maya smiled. She left and walked to the men's locker room. She listened but didn't hear a shower running so assumed the boy had just taken a quick one to rinse off the LCL fluid. "Are you decent in there, Shinji-kun?" She called into the room.

Shinji backed his head away from the water's spray and rubbed at his ears. <Did someone call me?> "Yes?" He called back.

Not realizing the boy had misheard her and only hearing the yes, she entered. <Where is he?> She walked further into the room with a pretty pout on her lips. She came to the shower area and glanced in, thinking the boy had went in there to grab something he forgot, or something. Her eyes widened when she saw the pilot still showering, in all his naked glory. "Shinji-kun?" She gasped out in surprise. <He said he was decent… so embarrassing>

The third child turned and stared at Maya in shock, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. <Am I dreaming again?> His member stiffened at the thought, and he desperately hoped it was a dream or he'd be eternally shamed. "Maya-chan?"

The lieutenant had been about to step back into the locker area when the familiar tone came from the boy. <Chan? Is he… does he have a crush on me? How cute! Oh my… he certainly seems happy to see me.> She turned back and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Misinterpreting why she was still standing there, he smiled. <Yes! I'm having a… what's the term… lucid dream! Oh… this is going to be great!> "You're welcome to join me in the shower, Maya-chan." He gave her his best wolfish grin.

Maya's mouth dropped open in shock. <He… oh my. He must be ill! It couldn't be a biological angel invasion, could it? Oh no… poor Shinji-kun!> "I… I will wait out here, thank you." Her cheeks burning in embarrassment, she turned and sat down on one of the benches, worry creasing her lovely features. <Good thing I'm taking him for a physical.>

Once again misunderstanding the older girl, Shinji grabbed his towel and dried off quickly and strolled out with the towel draped over his shoulders, not covering his nudity. The NERV officer had her back to him, so he approached her from behind. "Maya-chan?" Unit 01's pilot asked in a, what he hoped, seductive tone.

Maya turned, expecting to see a fully dressed and apologetic pilot, but instead found her face centimeters away from an erection. Her mouth dropped open in shock again. <What the hell!?> It was a mistake. Taking it as an invitation, he pressed his penis to her lips and half of it slid into the girl's mouth and choked her. She shoved him away roughly and jumped up and back. "What do you think you're doing, Pilot Ikari!?"

<Oh shit! Wait… please, please…> "Um… I'm trying to make love to you." <Please let this be a dream. For the love of the heavens, please let it be a dream! If it isn't… no amount of groveling will ever be enough to gain her forgiveness.>

"And what made you think I would want to make love with you, young man!?" She demanded.

<I am so dead…> "I… am dreaming, aren't I?"

<He thinks he's dreaming!? Oh… that means he's dreamed about me before. I'm so flattered!> "No, Ikari. You are not dreaming. You are very much awake. And very much naked. I would appreciate if you did not attempt to molest me again. Are we clear?" Maya asked.

With a deep full body blush, the boy covered himself and squeaked out an apology and dressed in record time, apologizing with every breath. "Gomen! Gomen nasai! Domo sumimasen! [The last phrase is a more formal apology]"

"Forget it, Shinji-kun. We'll just write it off as stress and stupidity, ne?" She grinned, taking the edge off the insult.

Shinji slumped down onto the bench, fully dressed and still blushing. "I am ashamed. I honestly thought I was dreaming."

Maya raised an eyebrow. "Have you fantasized about me before, Shinji-kun?"

His blush deepened, giving her the answer. He changed the subject rather than voicing his shameful secret. "Were you looking for me, Ikuki-chuui?"

The lieutenant chuckled softly. <I could tease him about this, but it's so cute. I can certainly laugh about this.> "Hai. You are to accompany me to see Akagi-dono, who will administer you a physical."

The third child frowned. "A physical? I just had one… a month ago."

:Lt. Ibuki shrugged. "Orders from your father."

"Otou-san?" Shinji blinked in surprise and silently followed the older girl. As he followed her, his eyes narrowed in thought. <Is she swaying her hips more than usual, or am I seeing things? Damn it Shinji, quit thinking like that! You've already shamed yourself with her! She's probably going to report me. I deserve it. I'm so fucked up.>

"Ikari-kun? My eyes are up here." Maya stated in a teasing tone.

The pilot blinked and realized that since his eyes were slightly downcast (from both shame and watching the swaying of her hips, like he was hypnotized) and the girl had turned around to face him he was now staring at her breasts. "Gomen, Ibuki-chuui! I wasn't, I swear!"

She chuckled. <Poor kid, he's got it bad for me.> "We're here. After you."

Shinji hurried into the infirmary, finding Dr. Akagi leaning over her desk and studying some papers intently. He noticed that her expression looked darker than usual, and he wasn't sure, but it looked like her eyes were reddened and a little puffy from crying. <I wonder what happened?> "Ohayo, Akagi-dono."

Ritsuko looked up and noticed the young Ikari as well as Maya, who was smiling at her. "Something I can help you with, Pilot Ikari?"

The pilot blinked in confusion and looked at Lt. Ibuki for help. "The commander wanted him to have a complete physical checkup, sempai."

The blonde doctor scowled at the mention of Gendo. "Well, what the commander wants the commander gets, ne?" She motioned for the boy to get on an exam table. "Have you experienced any changes in your health since your last checkup?"

"No, doctor." Shinji replied.

Dr. Akagi caught a furtive glance towards the lieutenant. She turned to her assistant. "Do you want to try taking a blood sample?"

Maya blinked. "You… want me to take blood, sempai?"

"You are my assistant, are you not? I think it's time you learn things beyond the MAGI system. Do you disagree?" Ritsuko raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

"No, of course not. Right away, sempai." Several pricks later, the pretty young lieutenant had finally gotten it right and had a blood sample taken. She wiped the excess blood away and put a Band-Aid over the wound. She smiled at the pilot as she finished up. "There, that wasn't too bad, now was it?"

"Iie…" Shinji stared at his feet. <Why isn't she angry at me about earlier? Is she really that forgiving?>

<Poor kid. He's so dreadfully shy and his crush for me is driving him crazy. I wish there was something I could do for him, that didn't involve doing something with him.> The lieutenant turned to look at the doctor who was approaching with a stethoscope.

Ritsuko sat down on a stool and listened to the third child's chest. "Heartrate… a little accelerated. Are you ok, Ikari-kun?"

"Hai… of course, doctor. Really, I'm ok. Nothing wrong." He blushed and avoided Maya's gaze.

The blonde woman looked up at her assistant then back at the pilot, noticing the looks again. "Is there something I should be aware of between you two?"

"I swear I thought I was dreaming! I never meant to do it! I'll grovel at her feet for forgiveness for the rest of my life! I'm so wretched and undeserving!" Shinji cried out all at once.

At the doctor's questioning look, Maya explained. "Um… he sort of thought he was having a dream when I came to get him for the physical. He… misinterpreted my reason for being there." <Is that… a flash of jealousy in her eyes?> "It was just a misunderstanding. There's no reason for him to be so embarrassed. It was an honest mistake. Frankly, I was flattered that he fantasizes about me. A crush is so cute!"

Shinji's eyes doubled in size and his cheeks did their best cherry impersonations. He stared at his feet, not daring to add to what Maya was saying. <I just had a naughty dream or two about her. I'm 15, what does she expect?>

"I see." The doctor responded in a cold tone, fixing a glare on the boy. The rest of the physical was spent mostly in silence, except for the blonde woman instructing the lieutenant in several of the procedures she needed to learn how to do. Later, the doctor was looking at the blood sample. "You may go, Ikari-kun. If we need to see you for a follow-up, we'll let you know."

Lt. Ibuki smiled and walked with the boy to the elevator. "See you at your next sync test." She announced brightly.

"Or angel attack." Shinji added.

"Try to think positively. Well, matta ne." She knew she shouldn't have, but it was an impulse and one that made her giggle with devilish glee afterwards, but she leaned forward and gave the boy a tight embrace. She bit her tongue to keep from bursting into laughter when she felt him stiffen.

Shinji stared at her for several moments then coughed. "Uh… matta ne, Ibuki-chuui." <So soft and warm… oh man. I hate myself sometimes.>

"Maya is fine, Shinji-kun." She said, grinning despite his discomfort.

"Oh… uh…" He blushed furiously and hurried off, apologizing again.

The lovely young officer snickered and returned to her duties, cataloguing the boys expression in her All Time Best 10 Most Adorable Moments.

Ritsuko frowned as she looked over the results of the blood test and decided to look at his blood under a microscope. She lifted her head back up and tapped the counter thoughtfully. "That's rather odd."

"Sempai?" Lt. Ibuki asked, looking up from her monitor.

The doctor wiped the lenses of the microscope down again, even though she had just cleaned them, then looked again. "Come, take a look at this."

The girl frowned and approached, leaning over to look into the microscope. "Chigau! Did I mess up? I'm sorry! It's contaminated, ne?"

Dr. Akagi shook her head. "You drew the blood correctly. The sample is not contaminated."

Maya blinked and looked at the blood sample again. "What does it mean?"

"I'd say when Ikari-kun regained his physical form after losing his ego image in Unit 01, he came back slightly different. Perhaps he began a series of changes. They were not noticeable when I examined him after the incident. Or perhaps some other factors are causing mutations. I will investigate." The doctor stated thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should examine Rei again as well. This may be a result of the 16th angel's infestation."

The lieutenant frowned and struggled to make a decision, before cautiously stating, "I believe he was acting strangely earlier."

Ritsuko's eyebrows rose up inquisitively. "How so?"

The dark haired girl chewed her lip and sat down on a nearby bench. "I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone, because he was under the impression that he was dreaming. And you know, it's so cute that he has a crush on me! But… I promised not to say…"

Rather than demanding to know, the older woman simply sat down in front of her and waited. She knew the girl would tell her.

"….. Well, first he invited me into the shower with him." Maya explained, blushing from embarrassment.

"Ikari-kun?! That seems rather… unlike him." The doctor resisted the urge to impatiently demand to know what happened.

"Hai… when I refused, I sat down to wait for him to come out. I thought perhaps he was joking, or wasn't feeling well. He approached me and when I turned to speak to him… I guess he misunderstood, and thought I wanted to give him oral sex…" She wet her lips, though whether from the memory or because nervousness was drying them, the other woman couldn't tell.

"He asked you for fellacio?" The blonde asked in disbelief.

"……… Not exactly." The lieutenant replied, wincing in sympathy for the poor boy and his hopeless crush on her. She could see the impatience on the older woman's face so she decided she had best say it and be done with it. "Well… you have to understand, I turned and I was so shocked at having a penis in my face that my mouth dropped open in shock……… and…………. well…………." Ritsuko blinked a few times but didn't interrupt so Maya finally had to say it. "He inserted his penis into my mouth."

Dr. Akagi was shocked, though whether more towards the younger girl or the pilot, she couldn't be sure. "You sucked him off?!" She bluntly exclaimed.

"Nani? No! I pushed him away and demanded to know what was wrong with him. He was mortified and said he thought he was dreaming. For some reason, he thought he was having a sexual fantasy about me." The dark haired girl quickly explained.

The doctor sighed and rubbed her temples, trying to sort out her conflicting emotions. "I should look at his neurotransmitter levels then. It's possible that he was having an episode of somnambulism." Maya gave her a blank stare. "Sleep walking."

"Oh! Actually… you might be right. How strange!" The younger girl exclaimed, raising a hand to her mouth in surprise.

"I'll have Ikari come in for a more thorough examination. I may as well have Ayanami in as well. I haven't had a chance to examine her fully since the incident with the 16th angel. She's been in the hospital or recovering at home the whole time." Ritsuko scowled at the thought of the blue-haired girl, but she knew that it was just transferred anger and frustration concerning Gendo so she tried to suppress any ill feelings towards the girl. It was very hard. "I was going to meet up with Misa-chan for dinner tonight anyway, I may as well inform her of needing to see Ikari again. Ayanami… I'll have to see if she has been released yet."

"Oh… Katsuragi-shousa?" Maya looked down at the floor to the left, not doing a very good job at hiding her disappointment.

"Hai………………&hell ip; do you want to come with me?" The doctor asked, catching the change in attitude.

Maya's face instantly brightened. "Hai semsei! Arigato gozaimasu! [Thank you for what you are doing]" She paused and looked crestfallen again. "Oh, I'll just be in the way. I don't want to get between your…………. friendship with the major."

Dr. Akagi frowned. "Nonsense. You'll join me as my date. Misa-chan won't mind a bit. She'd likely love to have someone else to talk to."

Maya couldn't stop blushing at the blonde's reference to her being a date. "Arigato. You are too kind."

"We have some work to finish up. We'll leave a little early today so we can get changed." Ritsuko decided aloud.

"Hai." The lieutenant agreed, unable to keep herself from glowing for the rest of the day.

*************************

"So how are you feeling today, Asuka?" Dr. Kagame asked, smiling in greeting at the pilot as she sat down in the chair facing his desk.

She shifted around until she was comfortable before answering. "Es geht mir gut, Herr Doktor. Und Sie?"

"I'm well, thank you. Would you mind trying to remain only in Japanese, please?" The doctor asked.

The red-haired girl shrugged. "But of course."

There was silence for a minute as the therapist waited to see if the girl would begin talking on her own, but she stared at him expectantly so it was up to him to begin the session. "Are you adjusting well to the medication?"

"It makes me horny." The girl deadpanned.

"Pardon me?" He asked, peering up at her over his spectacles.

"It makes me horny." Asuka repeated a little more slowly this time.

The psychiatrist blinked several times then realized what was going on. "Oh, I see. No, technically you were already feeling… er… desirous, but you were too depressed to notice. The medication is balancing your neurotransmitter levels so you're beginning to notice things like that again. Does it bother you?"

The German girl shrugged and leaned back in the chair and rested her feet up on his desk, despite the scowl sent her way for the action. "It's a little distracting. But nothing I can't handle. The dizziness has passed. I'm getting hungry a lot more often now, though. Is that because I didn't notice it when I was depressed, as well?"

"Hai. Though technically you are still depressed. It's sort of a matter of the chicken and the egg. Events in your life brought the depression and that caused the chemical imbalance that deepened and worsened the depression. Though the chemical levels are beginning to return to normal, and they won't be completely normal for quite a while, the causes of your depression are still there. That is why you come here for therapy, to address those issues." Dr. Kagame explained.

The second child looked over at the window and twirled a lock of hair around one finger, obviously bored. "I slept with Shinji last night." She stated out of the blue.

The doctor frowned. <She's toying with me.> "How do you feel about that? Your first sexual experience, since you said you were a virgin?"

Unit 02's pilot looked at the therapist and narrowed her eyes, offended by his comment. "I did not lie. I am a virgin. We did not have sex, we merely slept in the same bed. And to answer your question… it was restful. I don't think I've slept that soundly in years. It was………. comforting. But it wasn't sexual."

"I see." He looked at his notes for a moment then back up at the pilot. "Tell me more about your relationship with Pilot Ikari. Do you feel romantically or sexually interested in him?"

"Our relationship is… complicated. In many ways he is like a brother. But, he is attractive, when he's not being meek and apologetic. I've never admitted this aloud, but I desire him when he pilots the Eva and I see his passion. He always seems to have a much stronger will when he's piloting. Outside, he apologizes constantly, he stares at the floor, he never questions orders. It's like he's two different people. The brave and noble pilot, and the meek and scared child. He both allures and disgusts me. Does that answer your question, Herr Doktor?" Asuka raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

The doctor nodded. "Somewhat. So you find yourself frustrated when he becomes meek on the outside, in the real world? Is this why you are always teasing and mocking him, and becoming aggressive with him?

"Ja. I'm trying to make him show some backbone. He has it in him, I've seen it. But no matter what I do, he just apologizes and scurries about like a puppy that has been kicked one too many times. I don't know what to do with him anymore. I want him to…" She trailed off. She wasn't ready for that admission yet.

"You understand that it was the way he was raised?" Dr. Kagame asked.

The German girl blinked. "Nani?"

"In our culture, we Japanese offer apologies and sympathies very often. It is more a courtesy than anything else, often enough. Pilot Ikari is young, and thus not in a position to be anything but subservient to the majority of the city. He is polite and well-mannered. You take his actions as a weakness because in your culture, apology is an admission of weakness, of guilt. In our culture, it is not. It is a sign of strength of character. You have to understand that difference to understand why he acts that way." The therapist explained.

The second child snorted and brought her feet back down to the ground. "That may be, but I have told him that he does not have to act that way around me. He knows that, yet still he says excuse me and sorry every other word. He never opens up to me. It frustrates me. I feel like slapping him when he does that."

"Ikari-kun reminds me of a samurai, of ancient Japan." The therapist observed, surprising the girl.

"A samurai!? They were warriors. Shinji is a meek, whiny child!" The pilot protested.

A momentary grin splayed across the psychiatrist's lips. He had seen the sudden interest in her eyes, then the immediate defense mechanism of equating the boy to a child. He was beginning to read her more easily now. Given how expressive she was, unlike many of his Japanese patients, this made it rather easy. "Pilot Ikari is a warrior. He battles the angels, risking his life and being one of the only hopes for the entire human race. That is an awesome responsibility for anyone, and especially to a 14 year old child."

"He turned 15 a while ago." Asuka corrected him.

"Even still. My point is, on the battlefield, samurai were intense warriors. Fierce, determined, and always ready to accept their death if it came. But off the battlefield, they were cultured, refined, polite. They wrote poetry, they took part in matters of the court, and they were completely subservient to their lords and cowed before any noble without feeling shamed for doing so. They had to balance both aspects of their lives in order to live in harmony." The man explained. "Ikari is like that as well. This is why he does not show you his ferocity, because you are not an enemy. If you keep pushing him you may become his enemy and I think you do not wish this to happen."

The pilot frowned in thought. "So what are you saying?"

"Accept him for who he is, because he is not weak as you think. He is showing remarkable strength of character to keep the traits on and off the battlefield separate." The doctor elaborated.

She frowned and shrugged. "I guess I can try. I don't know if I buy that story though." She stared at her fingers, lost in thought.

"A change of subject, would you like to talk about your relationship with Katsuragi-shousa?" Dr. Kagame asked.

"Did we not already cover this? She is like a big sister. Not a mother. We talked about this last time." The pilot rolled her eyes.

"But I was thinking perhaps you would say more. Do you try to please her?" He asked.

"Not at home, no. But when we are at NERV, yes. She is my commanding officer. I try to do a good job. Lives depend on me doing a good job." Asuka stated confidently.

"Do you feel attracted to her?" The doctor asked.

Asuka blinked several times. "Sexually?"

"If that is how you choose to interpret it, yes." He replied.

Asuka bit her lip thoughtfully. "Why would you ask me that? Do you think I am a closet lesbian or something?"

He scribbled down some notes and looked back up, noticing she was sitting up higher in her seat and trying to not be obvious about trying to see what he wrote. From what he knew about her, she didn't read kanji all that well so she wasn't likely to understand half of it anyway. "What I think does not matter. Your avoidance at answering the question gives me pause, however."

"I don't think of her that way. She is like a sister, as I already told you. I am not a lesbian. I already told you I was sexually attracted to Kaji and Shinji." Irritation seemed to nearly ignite sparks from her eyes.

"I did not say anything about believing you to be a lesbian. You are the one jumping to that conclusion. Whether or not you are, you should understand that at your age most girls and even many boys have not explored their own sexuality enough to make a proper judgment on sexual preference. Thus, when aroused you are likely to consider any option as viable, whether you are attracted to someone or not. It doesn't necessarily mean anything." Dr. Kagame explained. "Now, when I asked you if you were attracted to her, you could have just as easily said you felt comfortable with her, or that you became instant friends, or that you never saw eye to eye. Instead, you took it as a question of sexual interest."

"I told you the medication was making me horny." The second child said as a way to defend herself.

"You are missing the point. I am not saying you are sexually attracted to Katsuragi-shousa. I am saying you are still in an undefined area in your sexuality and you should try not to feel uncomfortable with that. It is normal." The doctor tried to not become frustrated, but he was beginning to worry that the culture differences and the slight language barrier of speaking in the girl's second language would present more misunderstandings in the future. There wasn't much that could be done about it, however.

Asuka stared at him silently then shrugged it off. "Change of subject, please. This one is tiresome."

"Hai… would you care to discuss your relationship with Ayanami-kun?" The man asked.

"What about Wonder Girl?" The German girl inquired, stiffening slightly.

"You feel resentful of her. Why?" He inquired.

The pilot looked over at the window for several moments then back at the doctor. "Several reasons. She is cold, emotionless, follows orders without thought or question, sucks up to the commander, and acts superior to everyone else, especially me."

"So she is quiet, thoughtful, obedient, respectful to authority, and passive." Dr. Kagame said as way of interpretation.

"That is not what I said, Herr Doktor." The second child growled.

"Hai, I know. But it was another way of interpreting what you did say. You dislike her because she did not warm up to you. She did not attempt to become your friend. She is a very introverted and introspective girl. She is the type that picks her friends very carefully and remains loyal through adversity and peace. She is very dissimilar to you, and perhaps that is why you only see the negative traits in her." The psychiatrist explained.

"So you are a member of the Wonder Girl fan club as well, I see." The pilot observed, shifting in the chair to get comfortable again.

The doctor made a few notes then inquired, "Who else would you say is a member of this fan club."

"Commander Ikari, of course. He kisses her perfect little ass all the time, when she's not kissing his. Shinji worships the ground she walks on, as well." Asuka replied.

"Two interesting observations about what you just said…" The doctor began.

"Of course. Here comes the spin." The pilot interrupted.

"Indeed. First, you described her posterior as being perfect. In essence, describing her as being perfect. You perhaps feel inferior to her in some ways, and this bothers you. This brings out the defensive reactions of being antagonistic with her." Dr. Kagame explained.

"Or, I just think she has a nice ass." The red-haired girl retorted.

"……….. Of course. Secondly, you mentioned Pilot Ikari's feelings of her as being in awe. I would say that it is likely your feelings for Ikari, whatever they may be, make you feel jealous of his attention towards Ayanami. After all, when he is looking at her, he is not looking at you, as you feel he should be." The doctor continued.

"Or… or…………… he's just a bastard that would rather fuck that little doll instead of me." The second child could think of no other retorts than that.

"Interesting…." The therapist jotted down a note. "You claimed that the feelings between Ikari-kun and yourself were not sexual. And yet, you just now expressed the desire that he would wish to have sexual relations with yourself rather than Ayanami-kun."

"It's not like that." The red-haired girl protested.

Lacing his fingers together, unknowingly imitating Ikari Gendo, he leaned forward. "Explain it to me then."

Asuka sighed in frustration and shifted in her chair again. "You really should get more comfortable chairs." She paused and waited to see if he'd fall for the change of subject, but he remained silent. "Fine. I don't know how else to relate to him, ok? We fight, we compete, and every great once in a while, we talk as friends. But with Ayanami, he never fights with her. They never feel the need to compete, content to work as a team. And they are so comfortable with each other, they don't even need to talk. So what do I have? Nothing. The only way I can think of to relate to him is affection and sex. But offering him some pussy to get him to notice me as something other than the 'Red-Haired Demon of Death' does not mean that I am actually interested in having him as a lover. It's just…………… it's all I have." She slouched down in her chair, grumbling under her breath.

"So it is an extension of your loneliness." The therapist observed. He waited for confirmation or rejection, but none was given. "Then I challenge you with something." This caught her attention and her eyes narrowed suspiciously. "The next time you feel the need to use violence or sex to gain his attention, instead give him a gentle hug and say you care about him. Tell him that his friendship is important to you. Don't kiss him, don't grab him in a sexual manner or encourage him to do the same. Just give him an affectionate hug and kind words. Do you accept this challenge?"

"I can't do that." The girl stated, shaking her head with a frown.

He was learning how to push her buttons, however. It was frightfully easy how quickly a psychiatrist could learn to manipulate people. "Ah, I see. You are afraid. Such a simple thing to be scared of. Fine then."

"I am not afraid!" The Unit 02's pilot declared, sitting up and leaning forward to slam her palms down on the desk before her. She narrowed her eyes when she saw his skeptical expression. "Fine, I accept your little challenge. It is a simple matter for me. But if he misinterprets and starts humping my leg like the hentai no baka that he is, I will blame you."

Dr. Kagame nodded. "Agreed, then. Now, we still have a little time so I wish to talk about one last person. Your mother."

"My aunt? She was decent enough. Nothing really I can say about her. She provided a place for me to live while I went to university and underwent pilot training. I did not have much of a relationship with her." Asuka stated with an indifferent shrug.

"Ihre Mutter. Nicht Ihre Tante. [Your mother. Not your aunt.]" Dr. Kagame said firmly. He knew she did not misunderstand him, but he had to play her game this time.

"My aunt was my mother those last few years. I did not misunderstand you, Herr Doktor. Your pronunciation is atrocious, by the way." The red-haired girl looked up at the clock and frowned, seeing they still had a little time left.

"I asked about your mother, though. The woman who gave you life. Soryu Kyoko Zeppelin." The man pressed. He could see the turmoil in her eyes and in her mannerisms, but this was an important step. It would likely set them back for a few sessions, but it was worth it in the long run.

"I do not wish to speak of her." The second child insisted.

"We will speak of her, regardless. Or I will revoke your pilot status. Tell me something about her." Dr. Kagame requested.

Asuka shifted in her seat again and fidgeted, clearly agitated. Her breathing rate had increased as well. "She died. There, you happy? I would like to leave now."

"Permission denied. How did she die?" He knew how she died, but he had to get her to say it. To speak of it and get it out of the bottle she had wedged it into.

"So, were you ever married? Were you divorced, are you a widow? Do you have children?" The second child had twisted a lock of hair painfully tight around her finger in her attempt to appear nonchalant and she was beginning to shake involuntarily. She coughed nervously and shifted in her chair again.

"How did your mother die, Asuka-san. Tell me about it. How did it make you feel? What did you do when she died?" The psychiatrist was on dangerous ground and he knew it. But he felt he had to press her until she spoke on it.

Asuka stood up and threw her chair across the room where it slammed into the wall and knocked one of the degrees off the wall as well as a painting. "Damn chair! Can't you get something decent to sit in!?"

"Calm down, and tell me what happened to your mother, Asuka-san." The therapist spoke in a gentle tone.

The pilot slammed her hands on the desk and leaned forward to intimidate him. "I said I will not speak of her. Are you deaf!?"

Dr. Kagame stood as well and placed his hands over hers to hold her in place. "Tell me about your mother, Asuka. Say it."

The girl thrashed about and tried to yank her hands from under his, but his grasp was like steel. She growled and considered head butting him, but he was careful to keep his head far enough away from hers to make the move futile. "Let me go, damn it!"

"Not until you tell me about your mother." He stated in a calm tone.

"Fick dich, arschloch! Leck mich am Arsch! Mach es dir selber! [A bunch of curses… heh. If you must have a translation… Fuck you, asshole! Lick my ass! Go fuck yourself!]" She cried, obscenities flying out as fast as she could think of them and tears were beginning to spill from her eyes.

"Such language. Now, calm yourself and tell me about your mother and I will let you go." Dr. Kagame still spoke in a gentle tone.

She struggled for several moments longer, but she was trapped. Finally, she shouted the words he wanted to hear as loudly as she could, in a hysterically shrill voice. "Fine! My fucking mother was crazy! She kept talking to this little stupid doll, thinking it was me! The day I found out I was chosen as an Eva pilot, I ran home to tell my mother and she had hung herself, as well as the doll she had thought was me! Is that what you wanted to hear, you piece of shit!? Is that what you fucking wanted to hear?! She killed herself and if she hadn't have been as fucked up as she was, she would have killed me too! Now are you happy?! Let me go!" She was distraught and shaking, her fight or flight responses were screaming at her to no avail.

"Thank you. Yes, that was what I wanted to hear. Now, I want you to calm down. I will not let you leave until you are calm. I am afraid you will hurt yourself or have an accident if you leave as distressed as you are now. So I want you to take some deep breaths. Let yourself cry. Do whatever you have to do to compose yourself." The doctor spoke in a soothing tone in an attempt to calm her down.

"Just let me go." Asuka pleaded in a weak and defeated tone.

"Of course. But you are not leaving until you are calm. I don't want you accidentally stepping in front of the subway train or something." The therapist released his hold on her hands, and as he expected, she crumbled to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest and sobbed. He moved around the desk and knelt down next to her and put his arms around her shoulders and patted her back, whispering soothing words. He already knew that she would be antagonistic for at least one or two sessions, if not longer. But, it was all in the name of progress.

"I'm not weak." The second child whispered, her voice breaking from the sobbing.

"I know… I know. You're strong. You've survived a great deal. You're strong. I'm proud of you." He was glad he didn't have any patients until later that day, because Asuka didn't move for nearly two hours. When she finally left, she did so wordlessly. She looked haunted, but calm. It was as good as she was going to get for a while.

*************************

Rei perked up as someone started to enter her room but she slumped back down when she saw it was the on call nurse again. He smiled at her and checked her IV bag. "Feeling ok, Ayanami-san?" He asked.

"Hai." She had tried to ignore him earlier when he asked her, but since he wasn't familiar with her mannerisms, he thought something was wrong and ran to get a doctor. So, to avoid any more embarrassment, she made sure she replied even though she was attempting to will the man to leave her alone. Every time he entered the room, he grated her nerves. <Where are you, Shinji? It's approaching mid-afternoon already. You promised you would be here. Have you forgotten about me already?> She was still unsure of what to think about Commander Ikari's strange behavior that morning, but she was trying not to contemplate it too deeply. She hated having to think about things she couldn't do anything about.

"Any pain? You haven't pressed the button to release extra medication even once. It won't do you any good to be in pain, young lady." The nurse stated, frowning down at her in what he considered a charming manner. And likely on any other patient it would have been, but he was talking to Ayanami Rei now. And she was agitated by him.

"I am well. I do not require any further medication." She stated in a flat tone. <LEAVE!>

"All right then. If you start feeling some pain, don't hesitate to hit that button. It won't overmedicate you. Remember, you can hit it every ten minutes if you need to." He smiled at her as he checked her blood pressure.

She stared at him silently. <I know. I'm not a baka. LEAVE ME ALONE!>

"Your pressure is still a little low." The nurse stated.

"That is normal for me." <As I told you the last four times you took it and told me it was low.> The first child wondered briefly if this was some test on her patience.

"So you say… so you say. Your pulse is elevated as well." He reported.

"That is normal for me." She repeated in the same tone as before. <Are you brainless?! I've said several times now that my pulse is always elevated. Yours would be too if you had a Super Solenoid organ pumping liquid energy into your bloodstream as well as generating an AT field.>

"Anything you need? Help to the bathroom? Help washing? A snack perhaps? I know that liquid diet isn't the most filling." He smiled at her, turning his charm up to its maximum level.

Still, she remained unaffected. "I require nothing at this time." She stated emotionlessly.

"All right then. Call me if you need anything." He flashed her his pearly whites again and left.

Rei gritted her teeth together to keep from snapping when the man reentered the room. She looked up, her eyes intense despite how hard she tried to remain expressionless, and saw Shinji standing there, looking horrified by the look on her face. "Konnichiwa Rei-kun… gomen nasai. I got here as quickly as I could."

She glanced at the clock, noting it was nearly 15:00. She looked back at him. "………………………&h ellip;"

The third child sighed and trudged into the room. "I had a sync test this morning. Father set it up last minute last night. Afterwards they made me go have a complete physical. I tried getting a taxi to take me from NERV to the hospital, but the drivers that stopped left again once they saw me."

Rei's eyes narrowed and she looked at him, noting that he was drenched in sweat. <He looks like he… ran here from NERV. Oh my.> "It is fine, Shinji-kun. I can leave at any time. Would you like to go ahead and leave, or do you require some time to rest?"

The pilot had already collapsed into a chair and a guilty look crossed his face as he realized she would want to leave as soon as possible. "Just give me a minute to catch my breath and I'll go sign your discharge papers."

Rei nodded and watched his face, noting how flushed he was. He stood when the first child knew he was still tired and shuffled down the hall and the elevator to sign her out. The annoying nurse came in a few minutes later. "I heard you're leaving us! Oh no! Well, let's get you all ready to go. Let's get this old IV needle out. Would you like some help getting dressed?"

"I am capable of dressing on my own." Rei stated flatly.

"Suit yourself. Just thought I'd ask. You take care of that pretty little hand of yours, you hear?" He smiled again.

<What is the point of asking someone if they can hear you? If they cannot, how would they know you asked?> "……………….."

"Well I can see you're tired and ready to leave. Go ahead and get changed, use the bathroom, whatever you need to do. I'm sure your little boyfriend will be back soon enough. You press that call button if you need me. You get better soon!" He strolled out. For all appearances, he seemed about ready to burst into song. He was that annoying.

The red-eyed girl dressed quickly, glad to be getting away from the jovial nurse and his many comments about her 'lovely red eyes' and 'darling little hair.' She used the toilet and sat down on the edge of the bed, absentmindedly rubbing the pad of her thumb over the bandages covering her hand. Her S2 organ had healed the wound sufficiently so that it was now itching like crazy. It felt very much like a mass of insects were crawling around on the wound and prodding at the scabs with their sharp jaws. It took quite a bit of concentration to keep from scratching the wound. She sighed inwardly with relief, noticing he had a wheelchair and a pharmacy bag. "I believe I can walk, Shinji-kun." Rei stated.

"Possibly, but I thought we'd go for a walk and get some fresh air. You can be self-reliant later. For now, spend some time with me. Indulge me in a little caretaker blues." Unit 01's pilot grinned.

Rei nodded, getting into the wheelchair without any further arguments. It was strange for her to be wheeled around when she knew she was capable of walking, though slowly and with the occasional assist by an inanimate object or a friendly fellow pilot… <Perhaps it is best that I just relax and let Shinji-kun take me where he wants to.>

They reached the outside and moved at a strolling pace. Though she was a bit curious what their destination was, she remained silent. They stopped briefly as they passed a restaurant. "Are you hungry, Rei-kun?" Shinji inquired.

The first child glanced briefly down and then nodded. "Hai." <The only thing I've been given to eat today was juice, coffee, beef broth which I did not have, and gelatin.>

They entered the restaurant and were greeted by a lovely young lady. "Greetings. Thank you for gracing our humble restaurant!" The girl announced. "You are in luck today. We are one of the only two restaurants still in operation ever since the explosion a few days ago. A table for just the two of you?"

"Hai." The young Ikari replied. As they were taken to their table, they did not pass very many people. Most of those they did pass were NERV personnel. "It's so deserted. It's a bit unsettling." The boy remarked.

Rei remained silent. Though she was actually relieved that the majority of the crowded populace had left, she wished they had not taken their businesses with them. It made things rather inconvenient.

Moments after they were seated, serving platters with various meats, vegetables, sauces, rice and noodles were brought out, as well as miso soup, both with tofu and seaweed as well as plain. "Is there anything special you want brought to you from our humble kitchen, Sir?" The waiter asked after a bow.

Shinji glanced around at what they had. "Ah… sembei, if you have it? Rei-kun, anything additional you would like?"

"This is more than sufficient." The first child responded.

The third child nodded at the waiter who left to get the rice cracker treats. "I hope the extra time you spent at the hospital was not too bad." He apologized again for the delay and the inconvenience.

"It could not be helped." Rei responded. She frowned at her left hand. She liked using that hand with chopsticks, but it was bandaged up and likely still too weak to hold the utensils even if it weren't. She fumbled with the sticks for several long moments, dropping them twice before she adjusted to using her right hand. They ate in relative silence, the girl noticing that the young Ikari ate in a manner that made it obvious he was very hungry. She found it amusing and gave him a gentle smile.

"Gomen. I did not eat very much for breakfast." The pilot stated. A piece of pastry was a rather poor breakfast, especially when one is distracted by one's thoughts and tantalizing glimpses of nubile flesh.

"You are healthy, I trust?" Rei asked, finally breaking a nearly ten minute silence. It had been a comfortable one, but curiosity had proven too great for the girl.

"Nani?" Shinji blinked in surprise then realized she was asking about the physical. "As far as I know. Akagi-dono and Maya-san did not say otherwise."

The first child froze as she was about to pop a rice ball into her mouth and set it down gently. "Maya-san?" For a reason she could not quite understand, the boy being on a first name basis with the attractive young lieutenant bothered her.

"Gomen. Ibuki-san. She told me to use her personal name as I was leaving." He blushed and tried not to think about the earlier events between himself and the older girl.

"………………… ………………………&he llip;…. I did not realize you were on such a friendly basis with her." The remark was almost a catty remark, though it only had the slightest of edge to it. Otherwise, it was her normal soft and emotionless tone.

"I suppose it just happened today. We just… I guess she wants to be my friend." He chewed on a strip of seasoned chicken and noticed the girl's posture had stiffened somewhat. <It's hard to read her, but I think she's upset at me?> "Are you ok with that, Rei-kun?"

"……………. Of course." The girl responded automatically. <What led to such familiarity? I don't really want to know.>

"I really enjoy your company, Rei-kun." The third child bit his lip nervously and hoped it would not upset her.

It had the opposite effect, bringing back the soft smile to her countenance. It was the same smile she gave him when he had ripped open the hatch to her entry plug after Unit 00 had been badly damaged fighting the 5th angel. And it made the boy feel… complete. The rest of the meal was passed in silence, save for the sounds of eating, then they were walking again. Or rather, Shinji was walking and Rei was being pushed in her wheelchair.

The third child was walking with purpose now, no longer distracted by the rumblings of his empty stomach. The blue-haired girl seemed not to notice the change, but soon enough they entered a cemetery.

The first grave they stopped at was that of Ikari Yui. The first child watched the dark haired boy kneel down and lower his head in reverence and place a sembei cracker on the top of her gravestone. "These were her favorite." The young Ikari stated for the girl's benefit.

She watched him curiously. He played his roles in society very well. The quiet apologetic child one minute, the wrathful and brave warrior the next, then the calm and confident restaurant patron, and now finally the reverent and dutiful son. It was a world, Rei realized, that Asuka would never understand. Each was a reflection of Shinji, yet none were the true Shinji. She saw into that truth when she gazed into his troubled eyes. It was a world she wanted to be a part of, yet one she hated at the same time. She did not understand her feelings. "You miss her." The first child stated the obvious.

Unit 01's pilot sat on his ankles and nodded. "Hai. Every day. Especially times like now."

"Times like now?" The crimson-eyed girl asked.

"Mother… I would like for you to meet Ayanami Rei. She is important to me. She is my best friend. And… I have feelings for her. I… ok, I can't describe the depth of them now, but you can see into my heart, mother. You know. I miss you. Rest well." He bowed his head and ran his fingers over the letters carved into the stone then stood up. He flashed a quick smile at the other pilot, noticing that her eyes were wide in… he wasn't sure. Shock? Maybe a bit of confusion.

He wheeled her further into the cemetery, towards the newest graves in the back. "One more stop before we go home." Moments later, he was kneeling before Toji Suzuhara's grave. "I'm sorry, Toji-kun. You did not deserve to die. I hope you are finding peace and happiness on the other side." He placed a sesame seed rice ball on top of the deceased boy's headstone, the image of his friend being crushed inside the entry plug forever burned into his memory. "Rest well." He turned to kneel in front of Rei. "It's all my fault, Rei-kun. If I had fought the 13th angel and made sure the pilot got out safely, Toji-kun would still be alive today. I failed him." [AN: Yes, in this storyline Toji lost his life, not just a limb or two.]

The blue-haired girl shook her head once. "No… it is not. You should not blame yourself, Shinji-kun." <Such pain and sorrow. All because of the dummy plug. All because of… me.> "It was the dummy plug, Shinji-kun. Not you. Do not blame yourself."

"I hate that fucking dummy plug!" The third child growled vehemently.

"………………… ………………………&he llip;….. There is something I must tell you about the dummy plug." The girl paused, seeing the other pilot's eyes fixed intently on her own. She forced herself to continue a few moments later. <Just tell him!> "The system was based on me. On my psyche. It is essentially me, without a soul."

The young Ikari stared at Ayanami for several long moments before asking, "So… you're saying you are responsible for causing me to crush my friend in my Eva's hand."

"………………… ………………………&he llip;………… Hai."

Shinji's hand came up, ready to strike the girl across the face. She met his eyes with her own for a few moments then look away. She would accept her punishment. It never came, as the boy forced his hand back to his side. No matter the offense, he could never bring himself to strike her. Anyone but her. "I will take you home." Was all he said. He wheeled her home and made sure she was in bed and comfortable then left without another word. Rei sighed and slumped down in the bed, tears trickling from here eyes unbidden.

**************************

Lots of stuff going on in this long chapter. Heh. Hope you all enjoyed. Oh, and I know I said Kaoru would appear a few chapters ago, but Rei convinced me to wait. She has more pull with me then Nagisa-san, so needless to say I waited. However, he will appear in the next chapter. Rei ok'd it, and thus it will be sure this time. Heh. Also, Shinji and Asuka, Misato and Ritsuko and Maya, and likely some other wacky stuff. Bye for now!