Neon Genesis Evangelion Fan Fiction ❯ So Happy Together ❯ chapter 35 ( Chapter 34 )

Misato sat beside her long time friend in the back seat of a black NERV issued escort car. In the front seat sat two trusted NERV personnel. Two very angry NERV personnel. They were Rei's personal agents and they were just hoping that Dr. Akagi tried to escape so they could have a reason to kill her.

Misato sat purely dumbfounded in wonder to how everything turned out so wrong. "Dammit Rit-chan!" the Major growled as she savagely raked her hand through her purple locks. "Why?"

The doctor refused to acknowledge her friend's question. Instead, she ignored the woman and tended to the deep flesh wound on her upper thigh.

"Do you honestly think that Ikari treated you like sh*t because Rei *asked* him too! Your anger is displaced, Ritsuko..." the major informed brusquely as she glowered at her friend's side profile. "You're trying to hurt Gendo by hurting Rei... She doesn't deserve it-"

A vicious askance glance from the doctor interrupted the Major's words. "You don't know what the f*ck you're talking about, Misato!"

"I don't?" The purple haired woman clipped. "Then why don't you enlighten me!"

The doctor turned her gaze straight ahead and smirked darkly. "It is true... I want to hurt Gendo." She snorted softly as she thought about all the things he had done to hurt her. "I hate him..... But what I've done to get rid that.... b*tch...." She shook her head slowly and malevolently. "She brought it upon herself and she deserves *everything* that I've paid to have done to her!"

Misato narrowed her eyes and swallowed hard. She just realized that Ritsuko didn't know that her plan to kill Rei failed, so she decided not to tell her. There was no need in upsetting the clearly insane woman even more. "You don't even care.... that she's dying, do you?"

"I hope she *does* die" the blond woman responded cold-heartedly as she nursed her untreated wound.

Misato swallowed hard. <Fuyutsuki... are you sure you want _her_ treating Rei?> "If she dies... You know you're going to die too."

"I'm dead already..." Ritsuko chuckled almost silently, then bestowed a wicked smile to her friend. "So what do I have to lose?"

Misato was taken aback by Ritsuko's unbridled rancorousness. "Why do you hate her so much.... Is it because she's ..." The major lowered her voice and whispered. "An angel?" She wasn't sure if the men in front knew Rei's true origins.

Ritsuko smirked darkly. "So you finally figured it out... It took your plebeian mind long enough." She once again turned her gaze toward the front and chuckled softly at Misato's surprised and hurt reaction.

Katsuragi wasn't sure if she was taken aback by the fact that she was the last to know or the fact that she was insulted. When she recovered herself, she asked "Then why? If it's not because of Ikari or what Rei is... Why? Why the hell to do hate her so muc--"

Ritsuko turned in her seat and shot a death glare toward the Major. "Because it's _Rei's_ fault my mother's dead!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When the Major and the doctor arrived at the hospital and walked into the emergency room, they were surprised to find it packed with people. Tokyo-3 was a scarcely populated city and to see masses of people in the hospital was a very rare thing indeed. With dumbfounded furrowed brows, the two women made their way through the tense frenzy of nurses, doctors, patients and worried families.

Misato grabbed the wrist of one of the many nurses that passed by her and asked "Where did all these people come from?"

The woman looked down and glared at the hold the Major had on her. She had been grabbed by so many people that day that she felt that she might scream the next time she was touched. When her eyes drifted to the person the offending hand belonged to, she quickly changed her angry demeanor and answered respectfully "The fair."

Misato gave her a confused stare.

The nurse clarified. "People are coming from all over Japan to go to the fair.... And many of the rides at the fair... are very dangerous. But unfortunately it doesn't stop people from riding them." She gestured to the commotion around them.

"How is the hospital able to take care of all these injured people?" Misato asked curiously. "I wasn't aware that the hospital employed this much staff."

"Extra physicians are being called from neighboring cities to help with the surplus of injured people. However, we're still extremely short on help." The woman bit on her bottom lip, then hesitantly asked. "Do you think that NERV could spare a physician or two?" She looked hopefully past the Major and at the doctor. She knew that NERV staffed the best physicians in the country.

Ritsuko rolled her eyes at the woman's inquiry. That was stupid question. NERV didn't share anything.

In the corner of her eye, Misato noticed the tall figure of the Commander through the confusion of the room. His gaze was steadily trained on the happenings inside a glass, enclosed room. Katsuragi then looked back at the nurse and shook her head no. "I'm sorry, but right now, we have our own problems." The major then tugged on Ritsuko arm and forced the woman to walk with her and towards the Commander. At first, Misato was surprised that Ritsuko didn't refuse, because earlier she refused to get into and out of the car, but after she glanced at the sadistic, self satisfied, smirk on her friend's face, she realized that Ritsuko only complied so that she could see the damage that was inflicted on the blue haired girl.

When the Major reached the glass room, she noticed that only NERV infirmary personnel were inside tending to Rei. It always perplexed the woman that NERV was the creator of the most technologically advanced machinery and weaponry, but they only had a simple infirmary. When a situation inflicted serious injury on one of the pilots or personnel, the injured always had to rely on the expertise of the hospital personnel and equipment.

Even though Gendo was completely focused on Rei, he was completely aware of everything that was happening around him. The hard, determined footsteps of the Major easily caught the commander's attention. When he turned, he immediately glared at Ritsuko and frowned deeply.

"Is she dead?" Akagi spitefully asked the man.

Ikari's frown deepened even more, and he answered in a voice that was calm yet pure unadulterated evil. "If she dies.... you will live."

Misato quirked a brow that statement .<you will live.. what kind of punishment is that?> She looked at her friend. The blanch expression that graced Ritsuko's face made the Major realize that Gendo's statement wasn't as gentle a punishment as it sounded. The way Ritsuko looked, it seemed that what Ikari promised would be a fate worse than death, worst than even Hell itself. Misato looked back at the commander. She couldn't see his eyes, but she had seen that facial expression before. On Fuyutsuki. She now understood. Ritsuko would live, but only to be tortured.

Akagi steeled her composure, and yanked her wrist out of Misato's grasp. She gave her friend a heated glare before she walked into the glass room to tend to Rei.

Misato watched the doctor go into the room and then shifted her gaze toward the unconscious girl. There was a whirlwind of activity surrounding Rei as they to tried to save her life. Ritsuko quickly finished her scrub down, then started to instruct the people around her on what to do. Though she was a more of a scientist than a physician, she was the only one besides Ikari and Fuyutsuki who knew Rei's *true* physiology. The girl's internal organs deceptively *looked* completely human, but there were subtle differences. Those differences, if not known, could mean the difference between life and death for the young angel. She wanted Rei dead, but Akagi was no fool. Gendo didn't make threats. He made promises.

Moreover, she had time. This wasn't her first plan that had failed.

The Commander kept a trained eye on the happenings inside the room and on the doctor. He didn't want Ritsuko tending to his favorite, but he had no other choice, for he knew that she was the only one qualified to do it. However, he also knew that there were things about Rei that she didn't know, like the fact that the girl was now a 100% angel. But that mattered not in this situation, for it was only a DNA change. Rei's internal organs were the same as they were when she was created so many years ago.

The Commander could feel the Major's questioning gaze burrowing into him, so he volunteered absently "She's had a heart attack." The sorrow and trepidation was clearly etched in his voice.

Misato breathed out solemnly and shook her head regretfully. The ramifications of this failure seemed to be getting worse and worse. She knew that accompanying the heart attack, the young girl already had a multitude of life threatening injuries. If Rei lived through this, it would be a miracle in itself, but even if she survived, Rei would be paralyzed. Dejectedly, she looked into the room and whispered out.

"Shinji-kun..."

Misato shook her head again. She didn't know how she was going to break this news to him. The boy seemed to live for his young bride. She was afraid of what he might do once he found out that there was a chance that Rei _could_ die. She was afraid of what he might do to himself if Rei _did_ die. As the Major was lost in her thoughts, the double doors behind her, and the commander, burst open in a frenzy of activity .

A male paramedic yelled out, to get the attention of any available doctor. "We have a male, approximately 17 years of age!"

"What is he suffering from?" a female doctor asked as she rushed toward gurney which carried the child.

"Possible heart attack!" another paramedic answered.

"From the fair?" the doctor asked knowingly. There had been at least 50 heart attacks since yesterday, due to the almost 90 degree angled dip on one of the roller coasters. She hoped that whoever created that roller coaster got their @$$ sued off.

"No" the paramedic answered. "Not this time. This kid had some sort of episode at school."

That got Gendo's attention; he turned his head slightly so that he could see the commotion through his peripheral. Immediately, his insides froze and he gasped aloud.

Misato glanced up at her commander and chief. He looked as if all the color had been drained from his face.

The doctor asked. "What are his injuries from?"

"He was in a fight at school" the male answered.

When Misato heard what the paramedic said, she absently glanced over her shoulder to see the face of the person they were talking about. She couldn't hold back the scream when she noticed it was

"Shinji!!"

"Sir?" the Major whimpered out. She wanted to go to Shinji; even though, she was bound by command to observe the duties of Ritsuko and protect Rei.

Gendo tore his gaze away from his son, who was being wheeled into a private room, and looked at the woman next to him. Her unshed tears were clearly evident, as was the silent unasked question. In an almost non-existent nod, Gendo dismissed her from her post so that she could watch over his son. There was really no need for her to stand vigil over Rei while he was there. But mostly, someone needed to be with his son, and he felt that he lost that right a long time ago.

The woman let out a relieved breath, spun on her heals, and ran toward the room the paramedics took her former charge.

The commander took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He failed miserably. This was just too much. Not only did they fail in their attempts to rescue his wife, but Rei, the angel child he raised as his own daughter, may very well be on her deathbed because of a heart attack. And now, when he was sure that nothing could get worse, his son was wheeled into the emergency room and may die of a heart attack as well!

Gendo's eyes widened as his mind made a startling realization.

He just remembered that when the deadly hold Unit 01 had over Rei broke... the pattern of the girl's brain wave *changed*. Until that very moment, Ikari didn't understand how that happened. Now he linked it to Rei and Shinji's shared empathetic bond. The commander knew that the two newlyweds could feel each other's emotions, for he had witnessed the power of that bond, and now... Shinji was suffering with a heart attack, just as Rei was. Ikari ignored the pain in his hands as he rubbed his temples. Everything was now starting to make sense. The commander deduced that his son must have somehow forced a complete mental bond with his wife, and therefore his son's body was mimicking all of Rei's afflictions.

With that in mind, Gendo quickly turned around, back toward the Major, and curtly called out "Katsuragi!"

The woman stopped. She feared that he changed his mind.

"Make sure they do _not_ operate on him!" He feared that the boy might die from a needless operation.

She turned and gave him a dumbfounded expression, but the absoluteness of his features and tone made her hold her tongue and nod. But if Shinji died... she was going to go after him.

******************

Two weeks later and in another part of the hospital.

The sun was shining, God was in heaven, and in one angel's opinion, all was right with the world. With a contented smile on his face, a male angel painted a picture. It was part of his therapy. Yes, his therapy, because this angel was a patient in the hospital, and arts and crafts were used to calm his troubled mind. He didn't have a troubled mind, but it didn't matter. He liked painting.

"Another masterpiece!" a young nurse, with long black hair, praised heavily. As a comforting slash flirting gesture, she put her hand on the boy's shoulder as she stood behind him.

"You think so, Aiko?" Kaworu asked bashfully and turned slightly to face her.

"Yes." She smiled. "You have such a marvelous talent and wonderful imagination!" She seemed to be entranced by the objects in the picture.

Kaworu looked back at his painting. It was a picture of a field in heaven that grew kalia flowers. The flower was one of a legion of extremely beautiful flowers that were not of the world of the lillium. He turned back towards her, gave her a warm smile and told the truth "It's not from my imagination. It's from my memories of heaven. I played in that field often, with my sister before she came back. "

Aiko glanced at him, then back at the painting, then back at him, and gave him a reassuring nod and a sad smile. In her opinion, it was such a shame that Rei Ikari's older brother was insane. <and he is such a sweet and handsome guy too... it's not fair!!> She quickly pulled herself from her thoughts and reminded kindly "In a few minutes, you have to go to counseling with Chang-san. So you should start putting away your paints."

The sliver haired angel nodded enthusiastically. Today was a very special day, and he wanted to get to the office early.

Kaworu had been a patient at the hospital for two weeks now, and for two weeks he had used his counseling sessions to subtly hint and manipulate the doctor, who just happened to be Asuka's doctor, that he should integrate the second child into the mental ward. The angel encouraged the move by claiming that Asuka would benefit if she were around people who would not judge her for her condition.

However, Kaworu's pleas for the second child's reintegration process were mostly done for selfish reasons. Those reasons being: he was here and she wasn't. Even with Rei's connections, the angel knew that there was _no_ way he would be allowed inside the NERV calaboose. Not after what he did the last time he was allowed in NERV. He also knew that Asuka truly _did_ need the help that was provided, so he couldn't ask his sister to let her out, just for his pleasure. So the boy had a dilemma.

As he quickly cleaned up his mess, he thought about the first time he met the second child. He had never seen such an angry soul in his entire existence. However, because he met her in her most vulnerable state, he was able see past her anger and to the beautiful soul that was locked and hidden so deep within her. He wanted to help her free that beauty. So the very same day he met her, and returned to heaven, he had asked the Maker to allow him to live in the land of the lillium, just as Rei had done before him. That same day, he was given permission. After returning to earth, in angelic, mortal form, he quickly realized that he needed some place to live. It was late, it was dark outside, and there were _a lot_ more people in Tokyo-3 than last time he lived there. He was kind of scared. Not for his safety, of course, for he is extremely powerful. It was just that he felt kind of self conscious pretending to be a lillium. So after discovering his bearings, concerning the location in the part of city he was in, he decided to go to the first place he knew of. His sister's apartment. Reluctantly, the boy angel decided that it was as good a time as any to make amends with Shinji.

However, when he arrived, he had found out TOO LATE that she had MOVED!! She didn't even tell him!! What's more, he had even visited her and helped her out earlier THAT DAY!

Kaworu scowled at that memory as he cleaned up his mess.

Instead, he had to find out that she moved through the men who were taking the furniture out of the apartment, and the NERV agents who were locking up the building, to make sure no one else was able to live in it.

So again, it was through STRANGERS that Kaworu found out that his SISTER had MOVED! Then to make a bad situation worse, no one would tell him WHERE she moved to!!!

<jerks!> the angle boy mentally growled at the memory.

As he wallowed in self pity, the angel pondered on the fact that he had just left HEAVEN to become HOMELESS!!! Yes, he was now homeless, and sitting on the curb, outside of the locked up, abandoned building, feeling VERY sorry for himself. In his opinion, things were not going as planned. Not that he had a plan, but if he did, it wouldn't be THIS!!

....Then he got an idea.

Kaworu smirked at his cleverness as he walked through the hospital corridor and past his private suite. Acquiring a place to stay was easier than he had expected.

When the male angel walked into the hospital two weeks ago, for the soul purpose of admitting himself into the mental ward, he was first sent to a counselor. They wanted to know if he *really* needed to be admitted or if he could be treated with drugs and out-patient care.

Out-patient care!?

No, that wouldn't do. He had nowhere else to go! Also, he knew that it would only be a matter of time before Asuka was sent there, and she was the main reason he left heaven. For that reason, Kaworu made damn sure that they believed him to be a danger to himself and to society so that he would get *in-patient* care.

To the angel's amazement, it didn't take much for them to believe that he belonged there. All he had to do was tell them the *truth* when they asked him why he felt that he belonged there. His answer was simple.

"I'm an angel."

After his confession, a brief description of heaven and some of his other siblings, and the wrath he was going to place upon the earth when he joined with Adam, and last but not least, what happened during the 3rd Impact, the doctor nodded and admitted him immediately.

During his confession, Kaworu also made sure that they knew that he was the elder brother of Rei Ayanami, now Rei Ikari, 3rd commander of NERV. With that knowledge in mind, the doctor admitted the boy with VIP discretions. No one other than hospital personnel, in this ward, was to know that the 3rd commander's older brother was suffering from a delusional disorder which made him believe that he was an angel.

His hospital bill was also covered by his sister. Through mental conversations he had with her, before he gave up his changed form to come back, his mind would feather her memories. Memories that included information like her NERV id badge number, which just so happened to be the same number as her bank account pass code. Of course, she didn't know he knew this, just as Rei didn't know that she was paying for his stay. Even so, Kaworu was sure she wouldn't mind. After all, how expensive could hospital care be? He was also sure that once she found out that he was back, she would be so *ahem* happy.... that all would be bygones.

Yeah... right.

Kaworu also decided that since they moved without telling him, he would tell his sister and Shinji that he was back *after* he and Asuka were dating.... Or when Rei realized that money was missing from her bank account. Which ever came first. He hoped it wasn't the latter.

Kaworu smiled at the thought of Shinji; soon he would meet his friend again. Then his smiled broadened as he remembered the other lillium that not only peaked his interest, but stole his heart as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In another part of the mental ward.

"So what are you telling me, Miss Sohyru?" the doctor asked as he wrote something on a little pad. "That you feel like you are a man trapped in a woman's body?"

"HELL NO!" The red haired pilot stood up and yelled. "You're not even listening to what I've been telling you for the past two weeks!" She pointed at herself. "How many different ways do I have to tell you that I was *possessed* by a spirit or something!"

"Did you see him inside of you?" the man asked, still not bothering to look up at her. Instead, he pilfered through Katsuragi's report of her behavior in the Ikari apartment. After he found what he was looking for, he wrote down in his notes.

:::Only remembers the disillusion of an entity in her body; although, does not remember the regression into childlike state. Appears to no longer suffer from hallucination or extreme denial. Yet still claims to have been possessed. :::

"Yes... I mean.... No." Asuka answered diffidently.

"So what is it?" He glanced up and stared at her with a blank expression. "Yes or no?"

"I already told you!" She growled and frowned; his apathetic disposition was starting to really piss her off. When she realized that he was waiting for a more decisive answer, she sat back down angrily, crossed her arms and after a minute, and reluctantly tried to explain. "I could *feel* him..." She patted her hand against her chest. "Taking over my body against my will."

With her explanation, he nodded with practiced empathy and quickly jotted in his notes. :::Still professes that it made her ataxic:::: "Is he the reason why you paid someone to harm Mrs. Ikari?" The doctor looked up stared into the pilots blue eyes as he looked for the truth.

"No." Asuka answered vehemently. She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. "I told you already, I was tricked..... Or maybe I did it because I'm crazy.... That's why I'm here, is it not?"

"Miss Sohyru, you're here because you suffer from severe psychopathic episodes, and we're are trying to help you before your _episodes_ turn into a full fledged _illness_." He sat up a little straighter in his chair as he attempted to continue.

But the red haired teen interrupted. "Yes, yes I already know this." She waved her hand dismissively. "I have issues. So what! Everyone has problems!"

The man tilted his head slightly to the side as he thought about what she just said. "Yes, Miss Sohyru, you're right everyone does have issues.... but I wouldn't necessarily call it a _problem_." He pressed his fingers together making a triangle. "I would use the term *issue*.... a challenge or an opportunity to better oneself...."

She snorted at his words and shifted her gaze away from him. Instead of focusing on him, she stared at the bare white walls, of the office, with mock interest as she tried to ignore him.

"Asuka..." he continued as he observed her flippant actions. "How you portray yourself to your friends... to the world.... is a direct reflection to how you feel about yourself. The hateful words and actions that you use to oppress those whom you are in contact with... The ones you claim to be your friends...." He raised his brow hoping to make a point. "That type of behavior is like a big neon sign that flashes the message..." He made quotation marks with his fingers, "I hate myself."

The pilot's head and gaze snapped in his direction and she stood up furiously. "How dare you even presume to know me or how I feel about myself!" She pointed at him and glared warningly. "You don't *know* me!!"

The doctor steeled himself; he knew a threat when he saw one. However, he pressed on; he felt, no hoped that he might get through to the pilot of Unit 02 today. "Yes, you're right. I don't know you, Miss Sohyru..... But I don' t believe that you even know yourself--"

"What?!" she spat out indignantly.

"I don't believe that you know who you are" he repeated honestly and gestured toward the headset that she started wearing again; even though, she hadn't truly piloted for almost three years. "You know... Asuka, sometimes it's good to ask yourself, once in a while.... Who am I?" He nodded at his words. "It will keep you grounded."

A moment of silence passed between them. The doctor, Chang JeFei, hoped that Asuka was having a moment of self realization, but his hopes were crushed when the pilot grit out.

"You don't know what the f*ck you're talking about!" She pointed at his degrees on the wall. "Are those even real?" She walked over to them to inspect them closer and said with cruel, incredulous implications. "What the hell type of school is this? I never heard of it!"

Chang-san sighed, for he knew that she was regressing into one of her many defense mechanisms. Yet, he still pressed on. "Moreover.... though you may not realized it, or may not _want_ to realize it.... your actions..." He stressed the word, actions. "Tell me a lot about how you *feel* about yourself.... And there is an old saying, Asuka... Misery loves company."

Asuka spun around toward him. Her long auburn hair fanned and snaked around her left side as her crystal blue eyes burned furiously. The look she gave him professed unbridled hate. Nonetheless, she didn't speak against his words; she couldn't deny truth.

By her silence, he took that as a sign that he was actually getting through to her and used the opportunity to continue. "You're like a cup, Asuka.... that is packed down and over flowing with unresolved "issues." But as much as you try an hide and deny that hurt, that pain, that internal suffering, you are only hurting yourself. And because you are hurting, you want to hurt those around you."

"So what you're saying is... that I make everyone miserable." She jumped in with her own interpretation of his words. "So I'm stuck here..." She angrily gestured to the room but inwardly meant something much more vast. "Because everyone else is better off without me. " She hoped her wild movements would take the focus off the blatant, despondent tone in her voice.

"No" he answered firmly. "You are here so you can find a better way to channel your anger. But not only your anger..." He added. "When it comes to emotions, you are stifled. You tend to express most of your emotions through violent behavior---"

"So what..." She rolled her eyes and looked away from him as she tried to keep her tears from falling. She wished he would just shut up. His words hurt to much to hear.

Chang-san could see the sorrow in her movements, and he could hear it in her voice. He watched her wipe away her tears by pretending that she had something in her eye. This was the first time he had ever witnessed the pilot cry. The doctor hoped that maybe she really *was* sorry for her behavior. Throughout the whole time he had counseled her, she had never displayed true regret. She only exhibited sporadic episodes of remorse before she dismissed it completely or blamed her actions on someone else. Chang-san was almost tempted to end the session early. Almost. He knew that holding back was not going to help her, and he was determined not to allow her sorrow to stop him from telling her truth. She needed the truth, or she would never get better. So for her, he continued.

"For example, if you become scared, you hit or yell insults. If you are confused, shy, out-done, or even if your performance is that *above* the others, your reactions are that of the... negative variety." He noticed her face contort into anger but continued anyway. "You either verbally assault someone or you physically assault them."

Asuka blinked hard and stuttered out "I-I-I... do ... NOT!"

"_Yes_ you do!" the older man said flatly. "I feel the sooner you realize this about yourself, the sooner you will get out of here."

"For your information, I know everything about myself _and_ my life!" She interjected and angrily placed her hand on her chest, then yelled. "No one knows more about Asuka Langely Sohyru than I do!" She then began to curse him out in three languages.

He pursed his lips then interrupted her rant. "See.." He lightly gestured to her, with his hand. "That's exactly what I'm talking about." He placed his note pad on his lap. "Miss Sohyru, I may not know you on an affable level, but I have listened to you blame everyone else for your failures and your loses, as well as insult everyone you *claim* to care about, three days a week for six months, plus _every_day these past two weeks. On top of that..." He pointed at her with his pinky. "_You_ have gone to some extreme lengths to try and destroy... your perceived rival." She started to speak, but he waved his hand into a stop position to interrupt her. "Please don't... _I'm_ talking now.... Asuka, for _your_ actions, _you_ have gotten off easy. For what _you've_ done, anyone else would have received, not only a prison sentence but a death sentence as well. So don't try and sell me a bleeding heart story about everyone being against you., because I'm not buying. Because after everything _you_ have done _You_ were still given a chance to get better, as well as better yourself. "

"How? From being locked up in a loony bin?" She glowered at him. "You spout all this psychobabble, but you don't know what it feels like to be me! You don't know what it feels like to watch everyone you love taken from you! You don't know what it feels like to be alone!"

"Oh really?" the doctor asked bitterly. Usually, the calm man never let her words get under his skin but today just wasn't one of those days. "You know I'm Chinese, correct?" he asked her curtly.

She huffed and gave him a face that said I couldn't give a flying f*ck.

He tried not to frown but failed miserably. "I'm going to give you a quick history of _my_ life. Then you can tell me whether or not I know what it feels like to lose someone or what it feels like to be alone."

For the first time, in six months, the second child saw the sadness that was permanently etched in the man's eyes. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear his history.

But the doctor continued anyway. "All my life I lived in China. I was born there. I lived there with my wife, my child and my parents as a well as my twin brother and his family. We lived in the village of our ancestors. We knew everyone who lived there...." He took a deep breath, then continued. "Before the 2nd Impact, I had a _good_ life. I had a _happy_ life.... And in _one_ second... _one_ flash of light..." His eyes watered up in sorrow, and in anger, but he continued anyway. "It was _all_ taken_ from_ me."

Asuka tried to force herself not to react to his confession, but failed miserably. This was the first time she had ever thought about be the victims of the 2nd Impact. The population depleted world was all she had ever known. It didn't bother her.

"_I_ was the only one left alive... in my _whole_ village." Chang-san paused and pressed his eye lids together to hold back his tears, but a few obstinate tears escaped anyway. In a whisper, he finished. "But you were right... I wasn't alone... because the bodies were _still_ there." He paused for a few minutes and tried to collect himself. "You see Asuka, before the 2nd Impact, there were 5 _billion_ people who lived on this planet. _Two_ billion of them lived in China." He open his eyes and stared at the second child. "Do you know how many people live in China now?"

Barely above a whisper, she reluctantly answered as a tear trickled down her cheek. "A little under.... two hundred thousand." She absently wondered how many times she had learned that bit of info in school and never thought about the magnitude of its detrimental ramifications. "I'm sorry... I didn't think..."

Chang-san mentally berated himself for losing his temper and divulging that information. "You don't have to be sorry Asuka. You didn't know." He glanced at his watch, hoping that their session was almost over. <thank gawd> He then continued in a calmer and more collected tone. "Asuka, you need to understand that no one in this world is without there share of pain. It's how you handle those indelible experiences that make you who you are. You can either allow the bad things that happen in your life to make you a bitter, vengeful person, or you can learn from them and become a better and stronger person. Believe it or not, you have been given a great opportunity, for you have been given a second chance . So I advise you to take advantage of the ample recourses here that will help you deal with the unresolved quandaries in your life."

"I deal with them just fine." She whispered under breath. Her retort came out much more milder than she hoped. She couldn't help it; she was moved by his confession. She never really thought about how the people who lived before the impact coped with the loss. Actually, she never thought about anyone else's losses beside her own. She just figured that no one could understand her pain. She looked at her doctor with a new respect, for now she realized that.... she was wrong.

Chang-san took a deep breath. "Yes, I know how you deal with them.... by burying them deep within yourself." He shook his head "Asuka, do you not understand that by doing that you are only hurting yourself... Do you not understand that your *actions* are the subconscious, direct result of your internal conflict?"

She looked away from him and spoke in a determined yet defeated voice. "Just because I insult people doesn't mean that I'm hurting..."

"Who are you trying to convince, Asuka." He stared at her side profile with his dark brown eyes. "Me... or yourself?"

She didn't answer.

So he continued. "Whether you realize it or not, your actions are the direct result of your inner turmoil and because _you_ are suffering, you want everyone else to hurt as well." He paused when she opened her mouth to speak, then continued after she huffed and shook her head no. "Trust me, I know what I'm talking about... It wasn't that long ago that I was sitting where you are now." He gave her a warm, reassuring smile after she looked at him with an expression that looked akin to... hope. "Here you have an opportunity to find yourself and to resolve some of those "issues"...... Don't think of being here as a punishment. Use your time here as a.... type of sabbatical... a place where you don't have to put on any airs. Use to this time here to heal old wounds. Who knows..." He smiled again. "You might even make a friend."

That was the wrong thing to say.

The second child shot to a stance and scowled. "As if!!! I assure you that I *don't* and I *won't* find a friend in a nut house!!" The second child spat out those words as if the idea of finding a friend at the hospital was the most disgusting and absurd thing she had ever heard. She rolled her eyes and stormed toward the door in a dark cloud of emotions. Her time wasn't up but as far as she was concerned, this meeting was over! To say Asuka was in a bad mood after this last meeting was an understatement. Nothing made the second child angrier than having the truth, her short comings, thrown in her face. Then to top it off, Chang-san made her feel guilty! <the damn bastard> So when she swung open the office door to leave, the second child wasn't emotionally prepared for any more revelations.

That truly was a pity, for when the door opened, it revealed a tall, pale, silver haired and very handsome boy with an angelic beatific, closed lip smile. "Hel~lo" he chimed in a smooth velvet like, tenor voice.

Crystal blue eyes snapped WIDE open. "I--it's... it's YOU!" The second child screamed as she looked up into crimson eyes. Quickly, she backed away from the boy to get away from him. As she did this, she lost her footing and landed on her bum with a hard thud.

Kaworu quickly stepped forward and into the room. He crouched down in front of her, and innocently touched his chest with both hands as he answered, "Of course it is" in his normal tone, which sang with seductive innocence.

Chang-san quirked a brow but did nothing to stop this interaction. He assumed that they knew each other since Kaworu had been asking about her since he was admitted, and the relationship they both had with Rei.

The second child spat out almost fearfully as she scooted back further into the safety of the room "I know you!"

"I would hope so..." The angel smiled and held out his hand to help her up. When she hit his hand away, he widened his crimson eyes with gentle curiosity. He wondered why she was reacting the was she was. Lillium were so peculiar to him.

Asuka continued to scoot back as she pointed at him with a shaking hand. "Y-y-you're the boy ...t-th-that took over my body!!!" She wasn't sure how she knew, but she *knew* it was him! Never in a million years did she think that she would ever see him again. Actually, she was starting to doubt that he was real.

The young angel gave her a cocky smile and played dumb. "I am?"

Chang-san furrowed his brow and quickly got up. "Asuka."

The girl whipped her frantic gaze toward the doctor.

The man walked toward her and made as subtle gesture for Kaworu to back away from the pilot. "He is not the person you claim to have possessed you. This is Rei's older brother... I'm sure--"

"Her WHAT?!!!" Asuka interrupted. Her gaze shifted back and forth between the doctor and the teenager in front of her. "When the hell did this happen?! Wonder girl doesn't have a brother!!!" She scrambled to her feet and stared at the teen in front of her. In her opinion, that bit of info was almost even more unbelievable than her being possessed by him.

The short man placed his hand on Kaworu's arm and with a slight push, made Kaworu step back while he stepped forward. "What makes you believe that?" Chang-san approached her as if she were a frighten animal.

"What makes me believe..." She shook her head in an unconscious effort to reject the information given to her. "Because.... I've never heard of him!" she spat out indignantly; even though, part of her knew the doctor's words to be true. She couldn't deny the boy's facial similarities to her most hated rival.

"Does anyone know that you have a..... " The doctor started knowingly, but didn't finish his words. He knew that Asuka knew who he was talking about. Asuka had a two year old half sister. The child was one of the reasons that she didn't go back to Germany. The pilot was angry. Angry that her father remarried, and angry because she felt that the little girl replaced her, in her father's heart, just as she felt that his new wife replaced her mother. She ignored the fact that they named the little girl Kyoko.

"Why is he here?" She spat out, purposefully ignoring the man's question. "Does Wonder girl want to keep tabs on me?"

"No, Asuka." The man sighed and looked at the boy for permission. Kaworu gave a reassuring smile and the doctor continued. "He's here like you.... to get help."

Azure eyes widened in surprise, then a bitter laugh followed. "So Wonder girl's big brother is a nut case!!! Figures!" She laughed even louder and pointed. "No wonder I never knew about you. She's so ashamed... she keeps you a secret!"

Her words were meet with empathic crimson eyes and a warm smile. "Is that what you are afraid of... Being someone's.... secret?"

His words cut through her vengeful laugher, because they were true. She never asked to be here. She never asked to be born, or to have been subjected to the trials in her life, which created her into the person she was today.

"F*ck you!" She bit out as her eyes narrowed dangerously. She wasn't going to be talked down to by another know-it-all Ayanami! "I don't care who your sister is! You don't know me, you red eyed _freak_!! So don't presume that you do!" She stomped toward him, and grit out. "Get the f*ck out of my way...." as she pushed past him and stormed down the hall. Before she turned the corner, she yelled "And it would be in your best interest to stay the hell away from me!"

The doctor let out a loud weary sigh as Kaworu watched the angry pilot walk away. A gentle smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He wasn't discouraged. Actually, he was happily surprised that she knew who he was. When he merged with her, she couldn't see him, she could only feel his essence. Because she knew him in human form, that meant they must have developed some type of bond in the merge. Kaworu's smile turned into a toothy grin, for he just realized that getting her to allow him into her life was going to be a lot easier than he had first expected. Now it was only going to be a matter of time, and he had the time to wait.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the depths of NERV

Gendo Ikari sat, alone, at his large marble desk, in his outrageously large office. It had been two weeks since the failure of the project. Two weeks since both of his children, the last of his family, fell into a deep coma. As he had expected, after seeing his son wheeled into the hospital, Shinji's only true injuries were from his fight. Unfortunately, because of the bond that he shared with his wife, Shinji's body falsely showed signs of all Rei's injuries.

Every time the first child's situation fell to the critical point, so did Shinji's. However, the most peculiar thing was that even though Rei was the dominant on the physical aspect of the bond, it was Shinji who was the lifeline. As far as tests showed, Rei was flat line and was only kept alive by Shinji's will and desire to not let go.

Gendo knew that if Rei was truly dead, then so was his son. Even a blind person would be able to see that Shinji lived for his bride. The commander sighed dejectedly; his son was too much like him. Gendo knew that if Rei died, then he had lost his whole family. For without the first child, there was no way to free his wife from Unit 01. He also knew that once his son found out that his wife was dead, Shinji would soon follow her in death, if not by suicide, then by a broken heart.

The commander took a deep breath and tried not to think about that fate. Instead, he busied himself with work. Working until he was too tired to think about anything else was his form of escapism. He inserted one of many disks, that were confiscated from Akagi's apartment, into his computer and familiarized himself with the steps the doctor took to cloak the entity inside Unit 01. The woman was very clever in her stealthy actions. He heavily berated himself for being so careless.

People always wondered why he kept tabs on all his employees. This was the reason, for there was always someone hiding in the midst, trying to destroy him.

Before the commander realized it, he found himself brooding over his current misfortune and staring blankly at the screen. He had no idea how long he had been doing it, maybe minutes or hours, he wasn't sure. He just couldn't stop thinking about the present complication. Then he regressed to another form of escapism that he had always used, even as a child. Although, he wasn't escaping from his problems; he was wallowing in them as he ignored the world. From the top drawer, he pulled out a well used CD and put it into the Disc drive of his computer.

Gendo knew that Shinji would be amazed of how many traits he inherited from his father.

After the song started, he punched in a few codes into his keyboard and a visual of the first and third child's hospital suite came up.

A melancholy frown etched itself on Gendo's mouth as he stared at Rei. He failed her. He then shifted his gaze to his son and mentally admitted that he failed him too. He failed all of them, his whole family.

As song played, he observed their incapacitated state.

//I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.
I know you have a little life in you yet.
I know you have a lot of strength left.//

A flash of Rei's trusting face, came into Gendo's memory. It was the image of when she asked him how she was to proceed with the project. He knew that if he would have just been more patient, all of this heartache would have been avoided. He snorted bitterly at that realization. God in heaven knew that he now regretted his choice to proceed in the project because this was all *his* fault.

//I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking//

He trained his focus on Rei. The daughter he tried so hard to ensure that she lived forever. He wished that he still had her clones. But he knew that even if he did, they were what Rei once was, not what she became after she merged with Lillith. This Rei could not be brought back to him, and if she died.... he lost his whole family.

//Of all the things I should've said,
That I never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things I should've given,
But I didn't.//

Gendo's thoughts fell into an old but familiar self-hating and remorseful pattern. He thought about all the times Yui would tell him that she loved him, and how he wouldn't say it, no, couldn't say it back. It wasn't that he didn't love her, for there are no words in any language that could express the love he felt for his wife. It was that he was too afraid to say it out loud. He was afraid that he would jinks it. Gendo bitterly sighed at his stupidity. His thoughts then shifted to all the times he passed up the chance to speak to his son. He now regretted all the missed opportunities to explain to Shinji the truth behind why he sent him away. Instead, he found it easier to allow the boy to hate him. Why? Because again he was afraid. Afraid to attempt to rebuild the shattered relationship between him and his son because he was afraid of being rejected, again. It hurt him so deeply when Shinji refused to live with him; he didn't want to go through that again. Then thought of Rei and how he sacrificed her.... for his own desires.

//Of all the things we should've said,
That were never said.
All the things we should've done,
That we never did.
All the things that you needed from me.
All the things that you wanted for me.
All the things that I should've given,
But I didn't. //

He continued to stare at the face of the teenaged angel. Rei's face, Yui's face and Shinji's face all wrapped in one. This was too much, for even the commander to bare. All he ever wanted was to be reunited with his wife again. All he wanted was to have his family back, and now he lost them all....

It wasn't long before his thoughts, sorrows, and regrets began to overwhelm him.

Gendo reflected on all the times he put his plans before all of them. Before Yui was taken from him, he took her for granted and hardly spent anytime with her. His job was very important to him, and he worked very hard to earn the position. He put the Eva project before her, and then... the damned Eva took her from him.... Then his son... If it wasn't for Rei, he wouldn't have spent anytime with him.... and when they were finally reestablishing some of what they lost, what he thought was impossible to get back... again Unit 01 took away a person he loved but never told. And Rei... she was such a good daughter... too good, she really did make him proud even though he never told her..... and she was such a good wife for his son. But now, not even _they_ will have the chance at a life together because of that damn Eva!

Ikari hated Unit 01 with a sadistic passion.

//Oh darling make it go
Make it go away

Give me these moments
Give them back to me//

Gendo knew that he didn't deserve the family he was blessed with. They only wanted to please him, and he did nothing to show that their efforts were appreciated. He reminisced on all the times they would compromise themselves just to please him. They only wanted to please him and have him tell them... even if it was only once. He knew this, but yet still, he rarely ever gave them the gift of telling them that he was proud of them. Instead, he dismissed so many opportunities to assure them that their actions didn't matter, for he was _always_ pleased by them and.... that he did _love_ them, all of them, ... more than life, more than this world. But he never told them because he was too hard, too cold and too afraid. Yes, fearless and evil commander of NERV was to much of a coward to open himself up to his own family. And now... it was too late.

//I should be crying but I just can't let it show
I should be hoping but I can't stop thinking
Of all the things we should've said that we never said
All the things we should have done that we never did
All the things that you wanted from me
All the things that you needed tell me
All the things I should have given but I didn't
Oh darling make it go away
Just make it go away now //

Gendo was a bastard, but all he ever wanted was for his family to be together. Everything he had done was for them. But now he had to face the fact that everything he had tried not only failed but made things... worse. For the first time in his life, Gendo was stuck in a completely unexpected scenario. This was the first time in his life that he was without a plan.

When the song ended and went into repeat, Gendo rested his elbows on his desk, took off his glasses and cupped his face in his wounded hands as he fought back his tears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One week later.

It was time for the angel child's art therapy. Almost at his destination, Kaworu decided to turn left and to take the long route. It wasn't long before he crossed paths with his beloved, in the TV room. It wasn't purposely, for he didn't know she was there. It was just that their bond seemed to always draw them towards each other. He stopped in mid-step and stared in awe at his red haired beauty. He marveled that even in a standard issued hospital gown, she made it look good. Damn good, in his opinion.

Though the entertainment room was full of residents, Asuka could feel someone staring at her. She had an idea who it was too. For some unknown reason, she could always tell when a particular red eyed boy was around. She turned slightly in her seat, on the couch, to confirm her suspicions. <damn him!!> The second child narrowed her eyes at the cute but odd looking boy that was _always_ staring at her. She was *not* appreciating his gaze. "What the hell are you looking at?"

"You" he answered honestly, accompanied with an equally honest grin.

"Well, if you know what's good for you..." She growled and raised her fist threateningly. "You'd look some place else!"

He continued to stare at her, despite her warning and said cockily "I don't know what's good for me." He gestured to his own hospital gown. "That's why I'm here."

She was taken aback by his answer. Not by *what* he said , but *how* he said it. It was almost as if he were proud to have been admitted into a mental hospital.

"I'm not a secret" he assured as he walked toward her. "My sister is just a private person."

Her brow furrowed. "What are you talking about?!" That boy made no sense to her what so ever. He had an annoying tendency to start up strange conversations out of the blue. Not that she really minded. He had the sexiest voice she had ever heard. Though she would never admit that fact, not even to herself.

"You said I was Rei's secret..." he reminded. "I'm not."

"Oh.." She glanced away from him as she tried to remember that conversation. She couldn't recall it, so when she looked back at him, she shrugged. "Well, I could care less what you are to that b*cth."

Kaworu fought off the urge to frown at her words as he continued. "And even if I was..." He sat next to her on the couch. "I wouldn't be ashamed of it.... I like myself, so I don't care about others' opinions of me."

Completely missing the wisdom in his words, she glared at him, for he was practically sitting on her hip. "Move" she growled. The whole couch was empty and it could seat at least six people comfortably. So there was no reason for him to sit so close to her.

He complied. He scooted closer to her.

Asuka huffed and quickly got up. Kaworu was so annoying. Moreover, she did _not_ want to be around him. Just his mere relation to Wonder girl made her hate him. Or at least made her *want* to hate him. As much as it disgusted her, there was something about him that made her *enjoy* his company.

"Bah!!" She threw her hands in the air. That was utterly ridiculous and Asuka refused to entertain that thought. She was determined that all Ayanamis would be her sworn enemies until the day she died.

At her outburst, crimson eyes widened quizzically. "Why are you here?" He looked up at her. She could have answered with: to watch TV or the reason why she was admitted. It didn't matter to the boy, for he knew why she was admitted. He just wanted to hear her voice again.

Instead, she answered with "None of your damn business" and spun on her heals and walked away from him.

Kaworu was tempted to follow, but he stayed put and called out. "I know it's none of my business, but I'm curious anyway!"

The second child grit her teeth together and continued walking. She needed to get away from this boy before she hurt him or.... started to like him. She almost admitted that his attitude and his courage against her threats were admirable traits. Traits that she found attractive in a man.

"Bah!!!" She yelled gain and fiercely shook that thought out of her head. <what the hell is wrong with me?!!>

She couldn't understand how she could even entertain the thought of befriending Rei's brother! Then to almost admit that she could possibly like him like him?! She shivered with disgust for she was utterly appalled with herself. In spite of this... before she turned the hall corner, she glanced back at him. He was still staring at her. She sighed wearily and shook her head slightly, but this time without malice and she reluctantly admitted to herself that she couldn't help but respect his fearlessness and his attitude. She also wondered if she would ever truly be so self-confident.

Kaworu watched her until she disappeared when she turned the corner before he got up and continued toward the art room. He smiled and hummed a familiar tune as he made his way to his destination. Things were looking good, for he knew he that with their bond and his persistence, he was breaking through her wall of self-isolation.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Four floors down, in the same hospital.

Misato sat in an uncomfortable chair, in a private suite, in the ICU. She was doing paper work and trying to solve impossible problems at a round table, which was now her make-shift desk. She was there because the 2nd Commander assigned her with the task to remain vigil over the 3rd commander. Unfortunately, that wasn't her only duty; she was now also responsible to make sure the bulk of the 3rd commander's duties were completed as well. Misato glanced at Rei, then back at the mountain of paper work. She knew that the girl had clout, but she didn't realize that the young girl earned that authority. Misato never realized that Rei worked so much, had so much responsibility dealing with NERV projects.

The Major found out, after Makoto profusely apologized for thinking that she killed Asuka, that she and Rei were apprentices to the 1st and 2nd Commander. Misato glanced back at the flawless work Rei did, then back at the sleeping girl. She assumed that the first child must have been groomed to take over NERV, her whole life. It was the only explanation she could think of to explain how well Rei juggled her personal life and kept her work life confidential. Now they were both being groomed to one day take over NERV. And just as Fuyutsuki was Ikari's second in command, she realized that she was now Rei's. Well, that was the plan. If Rei died.... She shook that thought out of her head. Rei was not going to die.

With a natural stealth, Kaji walked into the room. The first thing he noticed were the two occupied beds. It had been three weeks since the "accident" but this was the first time he was able to visit the newlyweds.

Rei and Shinji lay, unconscious, in separate beds, only separated by 2 electrocardiographs and 2 electroencephalograph.

When a shadow blocked Misato's light, she looked up. She assumed that it was Ritsuko. It was almost time for the doctor to do her rounds. Her eyes widened when she saw who it actually was, and she quickly asked. "How did you get past security?" The question was laced with worry but without malice. No one besides authorized personnel was allowed to visit.

The former triple agent pointed behind himself with his thumb. "I drugged the guard's coffee." He smiled warmly to his fiancée, but the smile never reached his eyes. Instead, his gaze looked melancholy as it trained on the two monitors that separated the comatose newlyweds.

"Please tell me you're joking." Misato asked worriedly as she got up from her seat. She could never tell with him.

He nodded to ease her worries. "I got a call from the commander. He wanted me to go to Ritsuko's apartment...." He shifted his gaze back and forth between Rei and Shinji. He was taken aback by their synchronized breathing but still managed to continue with his explanation. "Ikari believed that there was some information the eraser team missed."

Misato knew that Ikari was still secretly using his services as a spy. Kaji was the best at what he does. Although they rarely talked about the jobs he was assigned to, it didn't stop her from often wondering what he was doing when he took those long business trips under the guise of the head representative for the Ray of Hope Foundation. However, she *was* offended by what he said.

"Trust me, there is nothing left in that apartment. We got everything... and then some! I oversaw the confiscation of evidence myse--" Before she could finish her sentence, Kaji held out a tape and a book that looked like a well worn journal or a diary.

"Don't feel bad that you missed this, Misa-chan. It was hidden really well." Kaji smirked cockily. "That's why Ikari called in the Big Dog." He gave her a cocky wink.

She growled under her breath and snatched the item from his hand. As she pilfered through the well-used journal, she asked "What are these?"

"It's the reason behind Ritsuko's madness" the dark haired man answered solemnly. He turned his attention back to the monitors. "Now I ask you this... Is this for real?" He put his hands on top of the two heart monitors as his gaze shot back and forth between Rei and Shinji's electrocardiogram.

"Afraid so." Misato sighed out as she listened to and watched the identical electric pulses. "Somehow they synchronized before..." She stopped herself before she mistakenly divulged any info about the Tojiru Project.

Kaji nodded in understanding. He had read the journal and had figured out the gist of what was going on. He then focused on the two electroencephalographs and the two identical electroencephalograms. "Who's brain pattern?"

"Shinji's" Misato informed. When she first found out that the young Ikaris were linked, she was upset. Upset with Rei, because she thought the young angel used her powers to force Shinji into a bond with her so that they wouldn't be separated. "It's Shinji's heart beat too. It seems that he is her lifeline."

"You mean... they've been like this the whole time?" he asked dumfounded.

She nodded solemnly.

"You said that Shinji is Rei's lifeline..." He was afraid to ask; he was afraid of the answer. "Does that mean that she's... dead?"

Misato shrugged solemnly. "I don't think we'll ever know for sure.... that is until Shinji... lets go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I still don't own anything that deals with Evangelion

A.N. Oh no... (giggle) Kimberly has something to say LOL ^o^

I have to stop this chapter here. Not the fic just this _chapter_. It is turning out to be crazy long. I know how hard it was for some of you guys to read the last one. It was about 30 pages. So I am trying to be fair. ^_^

There are so many things that I must explain and I can't just make Asuka jump into sanity. (giggle) Yes, it's going to take more than one deep conversation/confession about the girl's past to make her sane. The girl is nuts, and she is also very hard for me to write. Meanness is just not my thing. Also, the love between her and Kaworu, can't be rushed. I was almost tempted to write a side story. Almost. But I'm not. I have too many others things to do. *sigh* In addition, the reason for Ritsuko's bitterness. I'm sure you want to know why she is so Eeeeevil. ^_~

Oh you probably want to know about the Rei, Shinji, the project and other things too. ^_~ Before this is over.

You could probably tell a few chapters back that this fic was wrapping up, but I'm sure you don't want me to just rush the ending and leave a lot of plot holes. That wouldn't be fair to you. ^_^

But I have to be fair to me too. My real life has to come first. I'm sorry. So, I must warn you again, my chapters will be coming slow.

I am soooooooo sorry this chapter took so long. I just have so many things going on in my life right now. It's hard to find time to just write, read or do anything fun. I'm not saying that my jobs and school aren't fun. I love them all, but they don't leave much relaxation time.

I'm sorry again for the delay. I didn't mean to make anyone worry that I had quit. I've just been really busy. Gomen again.

The song that Gendo listened to was Kate Bush's This Woman's Work. I also kinda meshed it with Maxwell's version as well. That song makes me cry each time I hear it. It's almost like the one Hallmark commercial where the mom gives her daughter two cards, one was for winning the ice skating competition and other one was for if she loses. And when the girl opens them... they are the same card. Ohhh that is sooooo SWEET!!! *sob sob sob* ^_~

Here's a task: ^_~ Ready. Smile at a stranger today. Notice their reaction, 8 times out of 10 will get shy after they smile back. People aren't used to kindness anymore. It's really a shame. So don't be stingy with your smile. Share it. ^_^ You never know... that simple act might save someone's life.

Love ya lots, I really really do

Kimberly