Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Ranma the Amorous Over-Sexed Nympho ❯ Lil' Suzy's Guantlet ( Chapter 13 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: WFROSE 
Ranma, Akane, and Lil' Suzy play a merry game of hide and seek
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.09.2001 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 871 | Status: Completed
Ranma, Akane, and Lil' Suzy play a merry game of hide and seek
Anime/Manga: Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Comedy / Adventure / Action | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.09.2001 | Pages: 4 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 871 | Status: Completed
Ranma the Amorous Over-sexed Nympho
"Daddy, can you tone down the theatrics a bit," commented a slightly annoyed Nabiki as she shielded herself with her breakfast plate.
"Oh Nabiki! How can you be so callous! Your sister has been kidnapped!" Soun's wails grew even louder.
"Well, it's all Ranma's fault. All he has to do, the female Ranma by the way, is meet this girl's challenge later on tonight." Nabiki said out loud, "And when you show up you're as good as out of our lives," she thought in private.
"Don't worry, Mr. Tendou. I'll get your daughter back. Besides, it's my duty as the heir to the Saotome School to answer any challenge, even from a nine year old brat."
"Ten," corrected Nabiki.
"Whatever."
"Oh my, you're going to rescue Akane-chan?" asked Kasumi, "That's so kind of you.... um, what was your name again?"
Ranma cursed himself for the umpteenth time for his female half tossing away the shampoo, in case her male half got any ideas. Kasumi would be much easier to take if she didn't have any prior knowledge of what had been attempted before.
"I'm counting on you, son. The fate of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is at stake!"
"Gworf!" added the panda.
"Geez, she may have caught me by surprise with all that heavy artillery before, but now I'm onto her she ain't gonna be that much a problem.
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Suzy climbed out of the pit and removed the gloves she was using to coat the punji spikes with human excrement, "Miss Pervert better show up or I'll be vewy mad!" the girl stated sullenly.
"Don't worry, Ranma'll show up! I just know it!" Stated Akane defiantly, while bound and swinging over a circle of 'Bouncing Betty' mines.
The little girl dug another small hole and placed a bamboo tube with a small nail stuck at the bottom of it, then carefully slipped a 12.7 mm machinegun bullet into the tube, the bullet primer resting gently on the nail and the tip of the bullet just sticking out of the tube and the ground, "Oooh! You're in love with Miss Pervert! Haa ha-ha ha-haaa haa! Akane and Miss Pervert sitting in a tree, D-E-C-A-P-I... er, 'tated'," the 10 year old weakly finished as she fished out a few chicom grenades and tied the cork fuses to a string.
"I'm not in love with her! I'm just her sex toy!" argued Akane indignantly.
"Okay Miss Pervert 2, don't have a cow!" said the deceptively sweet little girl, "YOU'LL BE HAMBURGER SOON ENOUGH!!!" Akane growled in response.
"Oh, and Miss Pervert 2? Can you stop swinging around like that? You might set off the pressure sensitive cord your hanging from and accidentally set off the C-4 above you."
"Oh, it would just serve you right if you lost your precious bait!" Snapped the raven-haired girl defiantly.
"No," said the girl meekly, acting bashful, before her posture changed, "BUT I'LL HAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF CHUM TO GO SHARK FISHING WITH!"
Akane thought it best to sit still and wait to be rescued now.
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"RANMA SAOTOME!" The Pigtailed boy stopped as he heard his name called by his rival, "I forbid you to go!"
"Hey! You can't forbid me to do anything, pig boy!" countered Ranma hotly, "This is more than just a matter of saving Akane, ya know."
"Ranma, that girl doesn't fight fair," argued Ryoga, "Listen, forget about Akane, we can join our own schools together! I mean, our styles compliment each other!"
"Huh? Whaddya talking about, bacon-breath?"
"Hahaha! Bacon-breath, good one! I mean my style is forceful and strong, while yours is graceful, and fluid, and potent, and rippling. Oh does it ripple!" Ryoga got a far away look in his eyes.
"Er, yeah... sure. I, um, gotta go," Ranma turned once again to attempt a hasty retreat.
Ryoga growled as the pigtailed boy turned his back on him, "It's because of 'her', isn't it?"
"I already told ya, pork for brains! It's more than Akane!" Ranma then sputtered indignantly at the splash of water dripping from her face.
"I mean because of *her*! FEMALE RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!" Ranma quickly went on defensive.
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"Why are you doing this?" Akane asked.
"My mommy and daddy aren't together anymore," said the little girl sadly.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but you shouldn't go around trying to shoot and blow up people!"
"My Mommy used to go out on bizniss trips all the time, so she didn't get to see Daddy all the time. Daddy had lots of friends come over when mommy was gone, they brought me a lot of presents that made me happy like Mommy did when she came back from bizniss. One day, Mommy came home when one of Daddy's friends was over, and she got mad! Mommy yelled at Daddy all night."
"So, your mom caught your dad cheating on her?" Akane supplied in sympathy.
"Mommy told him never to come back. I was sad because he gave me presents."
"Uh, you say 'he'?" Akane interrupted.
"Mommy and Daddy were back to being happy again, then Mommy caught Daddy with his friend with the cowboy hat and tight pants. Mommy was mad at Daddy for a long time, but she was then nice to him, and told him that was the last time she would forgive him.
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with the fireman.
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with her boyfriend, then she caught Daddy with the paperboy, then she..."
"I think I get the point..." stated Akane dryly.
"...Then with the one Mommy said was a Trained-estate, then, um, I forgot." The girl shrugged and continued her story, "Mommy cried for a long time when she and Daddy were not together anymore. I asked Mommy why her and Daddy weren't together anymore, and she told me because it was perverts. I promised my Mommy that I would get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world! Then Daddy and Mommy can be together again!"
The girl giggled at the thought, " Mommy took me to meet her other boyfriend from America who had what Mommy called a 'Thousand Yard Stare'. I guess he could see really far! Anyway she said he used to be a green beret, I laughed and told him I liked pink berets better! Then I told him my Mommy and Daddy weren't together anymore because of perverts. He looked at me and asked if I want to do something about the perverts, and I told him I wanted to get rid of allllllll the perverts in the world! He said they don't belong in a man's army and all of them should be blown to Hell, he then said that he was gonna help me get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world. He even helped me become an NRA! Isn't that neat?"
"Yeah... really neat," grumbled Akane.
"So that's why I have to kill you and Miss Pervert," the girl emphasized the point by drawing out dual berettas, "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"
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"EVIL SUCCUBUS!!! Prepare to join the side of the angels!" Onna-Ranma dodged from Ryoga's punch and the newly arrived Kuno's bokken swing.
"A HAH! SO YOU ARE A DEMON!!!" shouted Ryoga in triumph, "PREPARE TO DIE, DEMONESS!!!"
Ranma groaned as she evaded the attacks from both aggressors, growing slowly more agitated with each moment wasted with both morons, "I don't have the damn time for this! I have to go save Akane!"
"Fear not, dark one, after I have brought you to our side and away from the dark sorcerer Saotome, I shall go save the fair Akane Tendou from what dire clutches have her!" Kuno paused to raise his bokken in the air, and received a punch to the face from Ryoga, meant for Ranma-chan, "That hurt, you know?"
"Whoops! Sorry handsome, wait a minute, what do you mean 'Dark Sorcerer Saotome'?"
"Ranma Saotome is a fiend dealing in dark magiks that have brought this lovely demoness into our world. He is a cowardly and craven sorcerer that is no man at all!"
Ryoga growled ferally before replying, "He's much more a man than YOU'LL ever be!"
"Ha, Saotome compared to me? He is but a craven jackal before me! But I see that he has worked his sorcery upon you, fear not, for I shall break his hold on both you and the flame haired succubus!"
"ENOUGH! I won't let you slander the name of Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga brought forth his combat umbrella and leaped at the kendoist.
Ranma snuck off quietly as both men engaged in their own battle, "You two fools keep each other busy, I got a date with a little brat to keep."
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"So, great-grandmother, what am I to do?" Shampoo asked her elder in her native language; the old woman chuckled and crowed at the girl's slight problem. So the girl was cursed at Jusenkyo, from the way she was acting, she probably enjoyed her curse quite a bit.
"Well, Shampoo, I don't see a problem with this at all, I think I'll go back with you to Japan to see this young man, and maybe give my great granddaughter a bit of help."
"Aiyah," the purple haired Amazon proclaimed, "But I'm confused, honored Elder, Is Ranma my slave or my husband?"
The other elders present conversed with each other, a few chuckles escaping, while Cologne stared blankly at her heir, and then shrugged at the question, "Same difference."
__________________________________________________________ _____________
"Hey, ya little turd!" Ranma-chan shouted out, "Come out and face me!"
"[Ooooh! You said 'turd'!]" Said the cutesy girl's voice over the an intercom system that was placed throughout the woods, "We're playing Hide and Seek, this time, you're it and you have to find Miss Pervert 2!"
"HA! It ain't like you can stop me!" Shouted the redhead defiantly.
"[Iiiiiii bet I caaaaaaaannnnnn!]" replied the girl in a singsong voice, "AND I'LL HAVE A GUT ROARING TIME TRYING!!!!"
Ranma-chan gulped at the 40cm (that's 16 lovely inches diameter, folks!) battleship cannon being leveled at her.
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"Oh Dear, I hope that young man is able to save Akane!" said Kasumi with a small amount of worry in her voice.
"Don't worry, my son can meet any challenge! I trained the boy, after all!" proclaimed Genma proudly.
"Oh how nice, you have a Son, Uncle Saotome?"
"Your son BETTER save my daughter," growled Soun menacingly.
"Now, now, Tendou, it's just a little girl. What could possibly go wrong?"
Nabiki turned to the sound of a loud boom in the distance, "care to make a wager on that, Uncle Saotome?"
_____________________________________________________________ __________
Ranma panted hard with her back against the tree, staring wide-eyed at the smoking cannon that left a nice series craters behind the Redhead. Ranma shifted her head back from the side, covering the spot where the tree she was against was almost cut in half.
"[DAMMIT!!! I JUST HAD TO GO AND SAVE MONEY AND FORGONE THE EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS!" Yelled the girl's gruff voice over the intercom, "HAD TO BUY THE CORROSIVE HULL PIERCERS INSTEAD!]"
The pigtailed girl growled as she brought her shivering back under control and started to cautiously walk forward. After several steps, Ranma-chan felt a pebble or something press down into the ground...
"[Hee hee! Miss Pervert foot go boom!]" Childish laughter filled the intercom as Ranma watched cross-eyed, a few strands of hair from her bangs float downward from where they were once attached to her head. The redhead then wiggled her toes staring at the hole in her slippers that was right between her big toe and the next one in line. The skin between those toes would be raw, but at least she didn't lose them.
"[Tipy-toe doesn't wooooooeeeeerrrrrk!]"
Gathering herself, Ranma suddenly became a blur, setting off the 'toe poppers', but moving before they could cause her harm. The pigtailed girl stopped after she noticed there were no more loud bangs under her feet, "I'm gonna reallllly hurt you, ya little braaaaaaaaa!"
"[Miss Pervert should watch that step, it a doozy!]" Ranma desperately held onto the trap door, keeping herself just barely an inch from the first spike.
Ranma wrinkled her nose at the smell of human defecation, as she slowly pulled herself back to the surface. Once Ranma was standing firm again, she decided on another route, and jumped into the treetops.
"[Hey! That's cheating! Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!]" Ranma just smirked at the taunt as she jumped from limb to limb. Ranma was making good pace, till she suddenly ran into a net, which was attached to a cord, which in turn was attached to the trigger of a high velocity flamethrower.
The singed Ranma-chan breathed out a puff of smoke, and then plummeted down to earth. The as soon as she hit the ground, she yipped as another trap door opened under her...
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Akane stared in dismay at the display in front of her, watching her savior plummet from a good height into another spiked pit, "Ranma-sama..."
"Poor, poor Miss Pervert!" said the little girl with mock remorse. Akane bowed her head as a tear escaped.
"[Don't, *huff*, think I'm out of it yet!]" said Onna-Ranma's voice as she climbed out once again, then fell to her hands and knees to catch her breath.
"RANMA!" Akane's head shot up, the glow of hope in her eyes unmistakable.
"WHAT ARE YOU? A FRIGG'N COCKROACH!" screamed the girl in outrage, "Bugs are so yucky!"
"[It'll take more that a little hole to put down Ranma Saotome!]"
"Okay," said the girl sweetly, "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET PERSONAL!" The little girl pulled out a 9mm glock, and aimed it at Akane sideways, "Lookie! It's even got a cute little sight on the side so I can hold it 'ganksta' style! Tee hee!"
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Ranma stood up, her aura at full blaze. Once she got a hold of that little girl, there was gonna be SERIOUS Hell to pay, and she was going to take the costs right out of Little Suzy's hide. Ranma took a step forward, tripping a wire, which tugged on a cork...
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The little girl watched the explosion on her view screen, "Wow, those make really big booms..."
The ten year old turned towards a chuckling Akane, confused, "Miss Pervert 2, are you going crazy?"
"You underestimated Ranma-sama," Akane stated with a nasty smirk.
"Huh?" Akane only turned her head back to the monitor, the little girl's eyes following. They both watched a crimson glowing redhead walk through the smoke, unscathed.
"NO FUCKING WAY!!!!" Yelled the girl in a rough voice!
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Onna-Ranma dropped her aura closer to her, and continued further, heedless of the tripwires.
"PIGTAILED SUCCUBUS! STAND ASIDE AND I SHALL RESCUE THE FIERCE GODDESS AKANE TENDOU!!!!"
"Huh?" Ranma-chan's aura flickered out, as confusion, then agitation settled onto her face, "Kuno...."
"[You brought more perverts? I said I only wanted to play with you!]"
The Kendoist ran by the redhead girl, tripping a wire himself. Ranma watched the boy fly skywards, "You idiot...."
"[That was a really coool trick you did with the glowing thingy, Miss Pervert, but will it work against compact zytel/kevlar tipped arrows?]"
Ranma frantically dodged the rainstorm barrage from all sides, working hard to keep herself from becoming an oversized pincushion.
"[Gee, Miss Pervert can sure move fast.]"
Getting fed up, Ranma-chan started catching random arrows, and sending back in the directions they were coming from. After several connecting with targets, Ranma relaxed at the absence of missiles in the air, "Got anything else ya wanna throw at me ya little pissant?"
A spotlight flashed on a table with food and drink. By the food was a note that said 'eat me', and by the drink one that said 'drink me'
"You got... to be kidding," Onna-Ranma asked dryly with a half lidded look at the table.
"[Well, I thought it would be funny....]" A second spotlight came on, pointing to an arrow that said, "This way 2 Akane!"
Ranma cautiously followed the arrow into a large clearing, seeing the little girl, standing in front of a suspended Akane with her arms crossed, "You're really good, TOO BAD YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!!!"
"Oh yeah?" Ranma shot back, "Whaddya gonna do about it?"
The little girl's face contorted into a cute little rage, as she pulled her glock from her back and opened fire. Ranma ran to the side, barely keeping out of the way of the speeding bullets. The girl growled as she ran out of ammo, and jumped down from her ledge. She then dropped the smaller gun and pulled out 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'; making a strafing run opposite of what Ranma was running.
"Miss Pervert won't even get close to Miss Pervert 2," the little girl stated with a slight anger in her cute voice. "I've coated the ground here with pressure sensitive mines, set to go at anything more than 50 kilos, you so much even breath wrong, TO THE MOON, ALICE!!!!"
Ranma dodged the stream of bullets while cautiously stepping around the obvious mounds of dirt. Suzy was sticking close to Akane, which meant every time Ranma got close to the suspended girl, she was forced back from thicker gunfire, "I need to take her out, and fast!"
Suzy ran out of ammo in her twin macs, and then pulled out a Mountain Eagle rifle modified to handle cluster nail rounds (a big Geneva convention no no, kiddies!). Fortunately, before she could take aim, Ranma was on her, kicking the gun away with the first kick, and then kicking the girl away. Suzy landed heavy against a tree, not moving, Ranma dashed towards Akane.
"Don't worry, pumpkin, I'll have you down so we can celebrate," said the pigtailed girl confidently, not paying attention to Akane's frantic shaking of her head.
Ranma leapt, hand about to sever the rope, right when a huge rock the size of a chest collided with her head. The Redhead landed heavily, just barely missing landing on the ring of can shaped mines surrounding Akane.
Suzy stood heaving, still hunched over and heavily breathing from double handedly hurling the rock. "Game over, Miss Pervert! That was fun!" Suzy walked with a slight limp over to the downed older girl, aiming a colt 44 Magnum 'Anaconda' at Ranma (Think 'Dirty Harry'). "I'm gonna enjoy drilling a hole through your thick skull," Suzy finished in her mannish voice, this time without it being loud and boisterous, "Any last words?" her thumb pulled the hammer back as she said this.
"Uh, just one..." Ranma grinned as she looked down at the mound where the little girl was standing, "catch!"
Ranma tossed the small boulder used to fell her into the girl's confused arms. Suzy wasn't confused any more as she felt the ground sink below her, "Uh... oh..."
Ranma waved to the girl as she sailed into the sky.
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Onna-Ranma and Akane lay in bed, enjoying the post coital bliss, "Ranma..." Akane turned a questioning look to the redhead, "thank you for rescuing me, I got so exited seeing you in action!"
Ranma-chan scratched the back of her head nervously, "Heh heh, well, that's me, the action hero."
"Now that that's over, when do you think Shampoo will be back?" Akane asked with a bit of trepidation in her voice.
"We'll nip that cat at the bud when we get to it," the redhead replied, "but I wonder what became of Suzy."
"Hopefully, that's not going to be our problem for a long time, if ever," Akane rolled back on top of Ranma, earning her sensual purr for taking the initiative.
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The young man looked at the spot he was to be setting up shop in a few weeks. Soon he will be settled down, and he could continue his search. Pausing from his reverie, his ears perked at the sound of a little girl screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! UMPH!!!!" Suzy blinked, as she felt herself land in the arms someone. Looking up into her savior's face, the ten year old fell in puppy love, "Tee hee, thank you for saving me from falling!"
"Uh, think nothing of it," Replied the young man as he set the smoking girl down.
"Gosh, you look reeaaaalllllyyyy handsome!" Little Suzy fidgeted on the ground, idly fiddling with her burnt dress and singed hair to make herself look presentable.
"Um, thanks, sugar," Replied the boy out loud, "Oh, crap, she's got a crush on me!"
"What's your name?"
"Kuonji, Kuonji Ukyo...."
"Daddy, can you tone down the theatrics a bit," commented a slightly annoyed Nabiki as she shielded herself with her breakfast plate.
"Oh Nabiki! How can you be so callous! Your sister has been kidnapped!" Soun's wails grew even louder.
"Well, it's all Ranma's fault. All he has to do, the female Ranma by the way, is meet this girl's challenge later on tonight." Nabiki said out loud, "And when you show up you're as good as out of our lives," she thought in private.
"Don't worry, Mr. Tendou. I'll get your daughter back. Besides, it's my duty as the heir to the Saotome School to answer any challenge, even from a nine year old brat."
"Ten," corrected Nabiki.
"Whatever."
"Oh my, you're going to rescue Akane-chan?" asked Kasumi, "That's so kind of you.... um, what was your name again?"
Ranma cursed himself for the umpteenth time for his female half tossing away the shampoo, in case her male half got any ideas. Kasumi would be much easier to take if she didn't have any prior knowledge of what had been attempted before.
"I'm counting on you, son. The fate of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts is at stake!"
"Gworf!" added the panda.
"Geez, she may have caught me by surprise with all that heavy artillery before, but now I'm onto her she ain't gonna be that much a problem.
______________________________________________________________ _________
Suzy climbed out of the pit and removed the gloves she was using to coat the punji spikes with human excrement, "Miss Pervert better show up or I'll be vewy mad!" the girl stated sullenly.
"Don't worry, Ranma'll show up! I just know it!" Stated Akane defiantly, while bound and swinging over a circle of 'Bouncing Betty' mines.
The little girl dug another small hole and placed a bamboo tube with a small nail stuck at the bottom of it, then carefully slipped a 12.7 mm machinegun bullet into the tube, the bullet primer resting gently on the nail and the tip of the bullet just sticking out of the tube and the ground, "Oooh! You're in love with Miss Pervert! Haa ha-ha ha-haaa haa! Akane and Miss Pervert sitting in a tree, D-E-C-A-P-I... er, 'tated'," the 10 year old weakly finished as she fished out a few chicom grenades and tied the cork fuses to a string.
"I'm not in love with her! I'm just her sex toy!" argued Akane indignantly.
"Okay Miss Pervert 2, don't have a cow!" said the deceptively sweet little girl, "YOU'LL BE HAMBURGER SOON ENOUGH!!!" Akane growled in response.
"Oh, and Miss Pervert 2? Can you stop swinging around like that? You might set off the pressure sensitive cord your hanging from and accidentally set off the C-4 above you."
"Oh, it would just serve you right if you lost your precious bait!" Snapped the raven-haired girl defiantly.
"No," said the girl meekly, acting bashful, before her posture changed, "BUT I'LL HAVE A HELL OF A LOT OF CHUM TO GO SHARK FISHING WITH!"
Akane thought it best to sit still and wait to be rescued now.
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"RANMA SAOTOME!" The Pigtailed boy stopped as he heard his name called by his rival, "I forbid you to go!"
"Hey! You can't forbid me to do anything, pig boy!" countered Ranma hotly, "This is more than just a matter of saving Akane, ya know."
"Ranma, that girl doesn't fight fair," argued Ryoga, "Listen, forget about Akane, we can join our own schools together! I mean, our styles compliment each other!"
"Huh? Whaddya talking about, bacon-breath?"
"Hahaha! Bacon-breath, good one! I mean my style is forceful and strong, while yours is graceful, and fluid, and potent, and rippling. Oh does it ripple!" Ryoga got a far away look in his eyes.
"Er, yeah... sure. I, um, gotta go," Ranma turned once again to attempt a hasty retreat.
Ryoga growled as the pigtailed boy turned his back on him, "It's because of 'her', isn't it?"
"I already told ya, pork for brains! It's more than Akane!" Ranma then sputtered indignantly at the splash of water dripping from her face.
"I mean because of *her*! FEMALE RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!" Ranma quickly went on defensive.
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"Why are you doing this?" Akane asked.
"My mommy and daddy aren't together anymore," said the little girl sadly.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but you shouldn't go around trying to shoot and blow up people!"
"My Mommy used to go out on bizniss trips all the time, so she didn't get to see Daddy all the time. Daddy had lots of friends come over when mommy was gone, they brought me a lot of presents that made me happy like Mommy did when she came back from bizniss. One day, Mommy came home when one of Daddy's friends was over, and she got mad! Mommy yelled at Daddy all night."
"So, your mom caught your dad cheating on her?" Akane supplied in sympathy.
"Mommy told him never to come back. I was sad because he gave me presents."
"Uh, you say 'he'?" Akane interrupted.
"Mommy and Daddy were back to being happy again, then Mommy caught Daddy with his friend with the cowboy hat and tight pants. Mommy was mad at Daddy for a long time, but she was then nice to him, and told him that was the last time she would forgive him.
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with the fireman.
Then she got mad when she caught Daddy with her boyfriend, then she caught Daddy with the paperboy, then she..."
"I think I get the point..." stated Akane dryly.
"...Then with the one Mommy said was a Trained-estate, then, um, I forgot." The girl shrugged and continued her story, "Mommy cried for a long time when she and Daddy were not together anymore. I asked Mommy why her and Daddy weren't together anymore, and she told me because it was perverts. I promised my Mommy that I would get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world! Then Daddy and Mommy can be together again!"
The girl giggled at the thought, " Mommy took me to meet her other boyfriend from America who had what Mommy called a 'Thousand Yard Stare'. I guess he could see really far! Anyway she said he used to be a green beret, I laughed and told him I liked pink berets better! Then I told him my Mommy and Daddy weren't together anymore because of perverts. He looked at me and asked if I want to do something about the perverts, and I told him I wanted to get rid of allllllll the perverts in the world! He said they don't belong in a man's army and all of them should be blown to Hell, he then said that he was gonna help me get rid of alllllllll the perverts in the world. He even helped me become an NRA! Isn't that neat?"
"Yeah... really neat," grumbled Akane.
"So that's why I have to kill you and Miss Pervert," the girl emphasized the point by drawing out dual berettas, "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"
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"EVIL SUCCUBUS!!! Prepare to join the side of the angels!" Onna-Ranma dodged from Ryoga's punch and the newly arrived Kuno's bokken swing.
"A HAH! SO YOU ARE A DEMON!!!" shouted Ryoga in triumph, "PREPARE TO DIE, DEMONESS!!!"
Ranma groaned as she evaded the attacks from both aggressors, growing slowly more agitated with each moment wasted with both morons, "I don't have the damn time for this! I have to go save Akane!"
"Fear not, dark one, after I have brought you to our side and away from the dark sorcerer Saotome, I shall go save the fair Akane Tendou from what dire clutches have her!" Kuno paused to raise his bokken in the air, and received a punch to the face from Ryoga, meant for Ranma-chan, "That hurt, you know?"
"Whoops! Sorry handsome, wait a minute, what do you mean 'Dark Sorcerer Saotome'?"
"Ranma Saotome is a fiend dealing in dark magiks that have brought this lovely demoness into our world. He is a cowardly and craven sorcerer that is no man at all!"
Ryoga growled ferally before replying, "He's much more a man than YOU'LL ever be!"
"Ha, Saotome compared to me? He is but a craven jackal before me! But I see that he has worked his sorcery upon you, fear not, for I shall break his hold on both you and the flame haired succubus!"
"ENOUGH! I won't let you slander the name of Ranma Saotome!" Ryoga brought forth his combat umbrella and leaped at the kendoist.
Ranma snuck off quietly as both men engaged in their own battle, "You two fools keep each other busy, I got a date with a little brat to keep."
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"So, great-grandmother, what am I to do?" Shampoo asked her elder in her native language; the old woman chuckled and crowed at the girl's slight problem. So the girl was cursed at Jusenkyo, from the way she was acting, she probably enjoyed her curse quite a bit.
"Well, Shampoo, I don't see a problem with this at all, I think I'll go back with you to Japan to see this young man, and maybe give my great granddaughter a bit of help."
"Aiyah," the purple haired Amazon proclaimed, "But I'm confused, honored Elder, Is Ranma my slave or my husband?"
The other elders present conversed with each other, a few chuckles escaping, while Cologne stared blankly at her heir, and then shrugged at the question, "Same difference."
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"Hey, ya little turd!" Ranma-chan shouted out, "Come out and face me!"
"[Ooooh! You said 'turd'!]" Said the cutesy girl's voice over the an intercom system that was placed throughout the woods, "We're playing Hide and Seek, this time, you're it and you have to find Miss Pervert 2!"
"HA! It ain't like you can stop me!" Shouted the redhead defiantly.
"[Iiiiiii bet I caaaaaaaannnnnn!]" replied the girl in a singsong voice, "AND I'LL HAVE A GUT ROARING TIME TRYING!!!!"
Ranma-chan gulped at the 40cm (that's 16 lovely inches diameter, folks!) battleship cannon being leveled at her.
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"Oh Dear, I hope that young man is able to save Akane!" said Kasumi with a small amount of worry in her voice.
"Don't worry, my son can meet any challenge! I trained the boy, after all!" proclaimed Genma proudly.
"Oh how nice, you have a Son, Uncle Saotome?"
"Your son BETTER save my daughter," growled Soun menacingly.
"Now, now, Tendou, it's just a little girl. What could possibly go wrong?"
Nabiki turned to the sound of a loud boom in the distance, "care to make a wager on that, Uncle Saotome?"
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Ranma panted hard with her back against the tree, staring wide-eyed at the smoking cannon that left a nice series craters behind the Redhead. Ranma shifted her head back from the side, covering the spot where the tree she was against was almost cut in half.
"[DAMMIT!!! I JUST HAD TO GO AND SAVE MONEY AND FORGONE THE EXPLOSIVE ROUNDS!" Yelled the girl's gruff voice over the intercom, "HAD TO BUY THE CORROSIVE HULL PIERCERS INSTEAD!]"
The pigtailed girl growled as she brought her shivering back under control and started to cautiously walk forward. After several steps, Ranma-chan felt a pebble or something press down into the ground...
"[Hee hee! Miss Pervert foot go boom!]" Childish laughter filled the intercom as Ranma watched cross-eyed, a few strands of hair from her bangs float downward from where they were once attached to her head. The redhead then wiggled her toes staring at the hole in her slippers that was right between her big toe and the next one in line. The skin between those toes would be raw, but at least she didn't lose them.
"[Tipy-toe doesn't wooooooeeeeerrrrrk!]"
Gathering herself, Ranma suddenly became a blur, setting off the 'toe poppers', but moving before they could cause her harm. The pigtailed girl stopped after she noticed there were no more loud bangs under her feet, "I'm gonna reallllly hurt you, ya little braaaaaaaaa!"
"[Miss Pervert should watch that step, it a doozy!]" Ranma desperately held onto the trap door, keeping herself just barely an inch from the first spike.
Ranma wrinkled her nose at the smell of human defecation, as she slowly pulled herself back to the surface. Once Ranma was standing firm again, she decided on another route, and jumped into the treetops.
"[Hey! That's cheating! Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!]" Ranma just smirked at the taunt as she jumped from limb to limb. Ranma was making good pace, till she suddenly ran into a net, which was attached to a cord, which in turn was attached to the trigger of a high velocity flamethrower.
The singed Ranma-chan breathed out a puff of smoke, and then plummeted down to earth. The as soon as she hit the ground, she yipped as another trap door opened under her...
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Akane stared in dismay at the display in front of her, watching her savior plummet from a good height into another spiked pit, "Ranma-sama..."
"Poor, poor Miss Pervert!" said the little girl with mock remorse. Akane bowed her head as a tear escaped.
"[Don't, *huff*, think I'm out of it yet!]" said Onna-Ranma's voice as she climbed out once again, then fell to her hands and knees to catch her breath.
"RANMA!" Akane's head shot up, the glow of hope in her eyes unmistakable.
"WHAT ARE YOU? A FRIGG'N COCKROACH!" screamed the girl in outrage, "Bugs are so yucky!"
"[It'll take more that a little hole to put down Ranma Saotome!]"
"Okay," said the girl sweetly, "LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO GET PERSONAL!" The little girl pulled out a 9mm glock, and aimed it at Akane sideways, "Lookie! It's even got a cute little sight on the side so I can hold it 'ganksta' style! Tee hee!"
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Ranma stood up, her aura at full blaze. Once she got a hold of that little girl, there was gonna be SERIOUS Hell to pay, and she was going to take the costs right out of Little Suzy's hide. Ranma took a step forward, tripping a wire, which tugged on a cork...
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The little girl watched the explosion on her view screen, "Wow, those make really big booms..."
The ten year old turned towards a chuckling Akane, confused, "Miss Pervert 2, are you going crazy?"
"You underestimated Ranma-sama," Akane stated with a nasty smirk.
"Huh?" Akane only turned her head back to the monitor, the little girl's eyes following. They both watched a crimson glowing redhead walk through the smoke, unscathed.
"NO FUCKING WAY!!!!" Yelled the girl in a rough voice!
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Onna-Ranma dropped her aura closer to her, and continued further, heedless of the tripwires.
"PIGTAILED SUCCUBUS! STAND ASIDE AND I SHALL RESCUE THE FIERCE GODDESS AKANE TENDOU!!!!"
"Huh?" Ranma-chan's aura flickered out, as confusion, then agitation settled onto her face, "Kuno...."
"[You brought more perverts? I said I only wanted to play with you!]"
The Kendoist ran by the redhead girl, tripping a wire himself. Ranma watched the boy fly skywards, "You idiot...."
"[That was a really coool trick you did with the glowing thingy, Miss Pervert, but will it work against compact zytel/kevlar tipped arrows?]"
Ranma frantically dodged the rainstorm barrage from all sides, working hard to keep herself from becoming an oversized pincushion.
"[Gee, Miss Pervert can sure move fast.]"
Getting fed up, Ranma-chan started catching random arrows, and sending back in the directions they were coming from. After several connecting with targets, Ranma relaxed at the absence of missiles in the air, "Got anything else ya wanna throw at me ya little pissant?"
A spotlight flashed on a table with food and drink. By the food was a note that said 'eat me', and by the drink one that said 'drink me'
"You got... to be kidding," Onna-Ranma asked dryly with a half lidded look at the table.
"[Well, I thought it would be funny....]" A second spotlight came on, pointing to an arrow that said, "This way 2 Akane!"
Ranma cautiously followed the arrow into a large clearing, seeing the little girl, standing in front of a suspended Akane with her arms crossed, "You're really good, TOO BAD YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!!!"
"Oh yeah?" Ranma shot back, "Whaddya gonna do about it?"
The little girl's face contorted into a cute little rage, as she pulled her glock from her back and opened fire. Ranma ran to the side, barely keeping out of the way of the speeding bullets. The girl growled as she ran out of ammo, and jumped down from her ledge. She then dropped the smaller gun and pulled out 'Mommy' and 'Daddy'; making a strafing run opposite of what Ranma was running.
"Miss Pervert won't even get close to Miss Pervert 2," the little girl stated with a slight anger in her cute voice. "I've coated the ground here with pressure sensitive mines, set to go at anything more than 50 kilos, you so much even breath wrong, TO THE MOON, ALICE!!!!"
Ranma dodged the stream of bullets while cautiously stepping around the obvious mounds of dirt. Suzy was sticking close to Akane, which meant every time Ranma got close to the suspended girl, she was forced back from thicker gunfire, "I need to take her out, and fast!"
Suzy ran out of ammo in her twin macs, and then pulled out a Mountain Eagle rifle modified to handle cluster nail rounds (a big Geneva convention no no, kiddies!). Fortunately, before she could take aim, Ranma was on her, kicking the gun away with the first kick, and then kicking the girl away. Suzy landed heavy against a tree, not moving, Ranma dashed towards Akane.
"Don't worry, pumpkin, I'll have you down so we can celebrate," said the pigtailed girl confidently, not paying attention to Akane's frantic shaking of her head.
Ranma leapt, hand about to sever the rope, right when a huge rock the size of a chest collided with her head. The Redhead landed heavily, just barely missing landing on the ring of can shaped mines surrounding Akane.
Suzy stood heaving, still hunched over and heavily breathing from double handedly hurling the rock. "Game over, Miss Pervert! That was fun!" Suzy walked with a slight limp over to the downed older girl, aiming a colt 44 Magnum 'Anaconda' at Ranma (Think 'Dirty Harry'). "I'm gonna enjoy drilling a hole through your thick skull," Suzy finished in her mannish voice, this time without it being loud and boisterous, "Any last words?" her thumb pulled the hammer back as she said this.
"Uh, just one..." Ranma grinned as she looked down at the mound where the little girl was standing, "catch!"
Ranma tossed the small boulder used to fell her into the girl's confused arms. Suzy wasn't confused any more as she felt the ground sink below her, "Uh... oh..."
Ranma waved to the girl as she sailed into the sky.
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Onna-Ranma and Akane lay in bed, enjoying the post coital bliss, "Ranma..." Akane turned a questioning look to the redhead, "thank you for rescuing me, I got so exited seeing you in action!"
Ranma-chan scratched the back of her head nervously, "Heh heh, well, that's me, the action hero."
"Now that that's over, when do you think Shampoo will be back?" Akane asked with a bit of trepidation in her voice.
"We'll nip that cat at the bud when we get to it," the redhead replied, "but I wonder what became of Suzy."
"Hopefully, that's not going to be our problem for a long time, if ever," Akane rolled back on top of Ranma, earning her sensual purr for taking the initiative.
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The young man looked at the spot he was to be setting up shop in a few weeks. Soon he will be settled down, and he could continue his search. Pausing from his reverie, his ears perked at the sound of a little girl screaming.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! UMPH!!!!" Suzy blinked, as she felt herself land in the arms someone. Looking up into her savior's face, the ten year old fell in puppy love, "Tee hee, thank you for saving me from falling!"
"Uh, think nothing of it," Replied the young man as he set the smoking girl down.
"Gosh, you look reeaaaalllllyyyy handsome!" Little Suzy fidgeted on the ground, idly fiddling with her burnt dress and singed hair to make herself look presentable.
"Um, thanks, sugar," Replied the boy out loud, "Oh, crap, she's got a crush on me!"
"What's your name?"
"Kuonji, Kuonji Ukyo...."