Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Where Hearts Meet ❯ Where Hearts Meet 03 ( Chapter 3 )

Where Hearts Meet
Chapter Three

Shuu sat in his room. The room was as it had always been. His friend's bed made and his things where he put them. Six months went by slowly at first. Then went back to normal after a while. It was a shock to hear what had happened. That Shin wouldn't be coming home any more at all. Sure every one was upset that Ryo had done what he did. It was rather extreme to kick him out. Sure, Shin wasn't the same person nor was home often, but they never wanted him out of their lives.

Ryo said he went back a five months ago to see if he was still there. Since they couldn't reach him at his mother or sister's place. He wasn't there either. So, there wasn't any thing they could do, but hope he would go against Ryo's wishes at the time. Some thing that he knew Shin would never do. Even Ryo was kicking himself after two weeks. He didn't think he'd really never come back.

Still after six months none of them could bring them selves to put away his things or send them to his family. In doing so would have been like giving up on him. Or treating him like some casualty of war. They never had a chance to protest or say good bye to their friend. So, they acted as though he was going to walk through the door at any time. They watched, as every car that pulled up in the driveway, wasn't him.

Shuu stared at his friend's bed. Feeling like a part of him was lost. He was his best friend no matter what had happened. Even if Shin started to avoid him or thought less of him. Shin was always the one person he could turn to about any thing and brighten up his day. He never wanted to hurt him. Every thing that had happened: did out of accident. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't help it.

"Damn it, Shin where are you? Don't you know we miss you? That you are the one that held us together through the rough times. It's not the same with you gone. One of Seiji's friends pulled into the drive way yesterday. Did you know that he looks a lot like you from a distance? My heart stopped and I almost got happy for a second. I thought he was you. I almost called to others saying you were home, but just barely caught myself. I choked on those words. Touma always sets a place for you at the table. At first it was just to piss off Ryo, but now it's different and Seiji. He refolds your clothes in the laundry room every two weeks. Me… I sit here and talk to you as though you can hear me. Where the hell are you? Don't you ever think about us? Don't you even care? I look for you every time I go into town. Do you ever look for any of us?

I don't care if you've changed. You're still Shin and that's whom we all need… I need. Incase you didn't know… Ryo's lost some weight. He sleeps in really late and locks his door now. Although, he makes sure the front door is never locked. Even when we have to go for a long trip. I on the other hand… even if the others don't know. There are days I set out early and go looking for you. It hasn't really been that long and I know it's a bit extreme. Although, I'm going to kick your ass when I find you. For not coming home, yes, home. Damn it, it's getting late." Shuu said as he got up and went down stairs.

"Rather long nap." Ryo said as he watched Shuu sit down.

"Yeah… what of it?"

"Nothing, we were just wondering if you were going to come with us to the show?"

"That's why I got up."

"Seiji and Touma are getting ready." Ryo noticed a bit of distance from him and added. "Is there something wrong?"

"Do you think… we could stop in and take another look. Where you last seen Shin?"

"We'll miss the show… "

"I'm sure Seiji and Touma wouldn't mind."

"Wouldn't mind what?" Touma asked coming down the stairs with Seiji behind him.

"Shuu wants to stop in at that place and see if Shin's there, but we'd miss the show."

"I'm game… what about you?" Touma asked turning to his lover.

"I really didn't care for what was playing."

"Then we'll go there instead." Ryo said getting up and putting on a jacket.

In the car they didn't say a word. They were more or less thinking. Wondering if this time he would be there and what if he was? Then what? What if he was truly happy now apart from them? Or was he just waiting for them to show up and bring him back.

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Shin on the kitchen floor. Letting the coolness soak through his pajamas. He had kept the place after Rajura left. He didn't want to go to his mother's or sister's. He also didn't want to go back to the house. He did odd jobs here or there, never really any thing too steady. Mostly cleaning houses or cabins for people. It was enough for just him and it kept him busy. Except at nights.

Nights were different from his busy days. The small house was quiet and empty. Some times the nights were cold and lonely. Like this one was. He had gone in and got some thing to drink. Spilling it in the process. He got on the floor to clean it up and found that he was still sitting there. Staring off into nothing. Thinking about the nights he had spent there with his part time lover. Thinking about why he was still there. How he had gotten there in the first place. That he had changed his mind on him… again. Thinking and really feeling he was alone.

All his efforts to be a true friend… to pretend that nothing was wrong. Had only led him down this path. He would never have left that night in the rain and fought for him. If only he wasn't holding his best friend instead of some one else. It was some thing that made him cringe when he thought about it. The two most important people in his world had betrayed him behind his back. What could he do? He loved them and couldn't bear to make them break up if they were truly happy.

Then Rajura came into his life. A one-night stand turned into a romance that wouldn't let go of his heart. He for a moment in time made him happy again and in doing so. His happiness drew him away from his friends. That he cherished to the end of time. Then it all came to an end.

Both loves gone and friends that disappeared into darkness of days to weeks then months. Snapping his heart into two and shredding his soul in the process. He sat many nights trying to find reasons to stay alive. Only to have those events repeat over and over in his mind and hurting all over again. Each night they got stronger and stronger. Along with the feeling of never going back. Time keeps going and doesn't pause for any thing or any one.

He felt this was it as he slowly leaned back against the cupboards. Letting the numbness over take him and feelings fray into nothing. Where all thoughts stopped and there was nothing but what was there in front of him. Nothing but the darkness of evening night. Crossing that edge where it seems for sure. That the last breath exhaled is certainly the last, but for that split second. There's nothing but an empty corpse of a stranger. All dreams, all hopes and who was… gone and motionless. Froze in a strange dimension. The one where most visit... but can come back from.

He didn't hear, didn't see when or how, but woke up some place else. Even though he was cold he didn't move. Didn't want to and really didn't care. He closed his eyes and tried to find some thing to hold on to. Finding nothing, but that close edge once again.

When he woke up again. He realized the place and felt abruptly out of place. He got up and pulled the sheets closed. Only to get faced with the center of what was plaguing his being. Ryo was standing in the room and had shut the door. Making him feel trapped.

"You had no right." Shin said turning back to make the bed.

"No right? Shin you were on the floor in a trance. We had every right to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah that's fine, but there was no right in bringing me back here. Especially after what you told me."

"Perhaps you're right, but we need to talk again."

"I think I had enough of your talks, Ryo. Remember what happen last time?"

"I do… and I'm very sorry about that. I'm kicking my self in the ass for it. We never wanted you to go, Shin."

"It's kind of late for that isn't it?"

"That's what I want to say… we need you back, with us."

"What if I don't want back? What if I had enough of what you and Shuu call friendship?"

"Shin… it won't be like that. We'll do any thing to have you back. If its Rajura that's keeping you away from us then he can move in to. We just need you. Please, Shin. I was wrong about every thing."

"When are you going to make up your mind!" Shin yelled in frustration. "And for your information, Ryo. What Rajura and I had was only short term and that's one reason why I never said any thing. We both knew it was going to end from the start. So lay off!" Shin said with the blanket in his fists as he did. With in moments the door was open and the others were standing there.

"What do you mean make up my mind?" Ryo said trying to ignore the company.

"One minute you're in my bed then you're in my best friends! Then you say you want me then you don't… THEN kick me out then you want me to stay! I'll just skip the rest of this and just leave. That way we don't have to go through that shit again. You confuse the hell out of me, Ryo! So, I'll just pass this plate onto some one else's main dish. Because I have had enough!"

"Please, Shin. Come back to us." Touma interrupted. Seeing that Ryo was getting no where.

"We know that it's been difficult, but we want to be here for you. Sure, you and Ryo have got some issues, but don't count us out because of that." Seiji added.

"Issues, Issues! Seiji if you caught Touma with your best friend I'm sure you wouldn't be referring to it as that!"

"I can't catch him with mine because mine is never here! He's too busy running!"

"Running… Does it look like I been running, Seiji! I been waiting for some asshole to make up his mind!"

"Enough of this." Shuu said as he pushed his way through. "Okay! Ryo fucked up! I wasn't blameless either! He's never really sure about what his heart wants and he can't make up his mind! That's when you make it for him because he's so damn clueless! If you want this bozo then pin him down and bang him until you've beaten sense into him! You know very well that he wants you!"

Some times he hated his bluntness. "Back off Shuu! You're the last one I want to hear anything from!" Shin yelled.

"Well, some one has to say some thing!"

"Not by you." Shin glared at him.

"Why not? You seem to hear me just fine. Besides, your conflict is with Ryo and I. Not Seiji or Touma. So why hurt them the same way you're hurting us?"

"If I come back. It's on my terms and not because of some one's fast talking."

"That's fine and that's all up to you, but can't you see that we all need you? None of us have been the same since you left and I bet neither have you. Can't you see that we are basically begging you to come home? This is your home you know. Not with your mother, not with your sister and sure as hell not that little place out in the middle of no where! This is it! Right here! With us, we are your family whether you like it or not. It's been close, to over a year since any of us have been happy, Shin. Don't you think its time we changed all that? Don't you understand that with out you: our lives are empty. Don't you see all this? Don't you care?! Do you? Tell me." Shuu said trying to hold back the repressed emotion. That he had been hiding and pushing away.

"I have always cared… " Shin said softly.

"Then what the hell is the problem?" Shuu asked failing at his restraints.

"The problem… lets see. I'll break it down for you. So, that's it's a lot easier for all of you to understand! My friends, my family: the two most important people to me have betrayed me and as much as I want to and tried to forgive. I can not! And as a friend as a family I should be able to forgive and I can't! That hurts… it cut deep and as much as I tried to get it to heal it won't! It hurts to be here! It hurts to be away! It hurts knowing that even though Ryo loved me. It wasn't good enough for him! I was not good enough! And he still can't figure it out! It also hurts to see my other friends so happy. It's not jealousy, on that I'm certain. It just hurts! Why did it take Rajura to know that and not any of you! WHY? I thought you were my friends and family. It should have been my best friends and lover to save me. When they are the reasons for all this pain. So, you tell me. If you were me… what would you do?"

Silence hit the room, where the questions and situation ran through their minds. It wasn't the cheating and betrayal that was the base line: yet it was. It was the simple fact that the ones he loved hurt him. Should have been the ones that never let it happen. Forgiveness for such an act could probably never be given out in one night nor a few days or months. It was some thing that would have to be earned all over again, over double the time trust and forgiveness was first given. Then the question remained where. After all the trust and forgiveness was back… could you forget to avoid the pain of it all over again? So, that the forgiveness you gave back. Wasn't taken away again. Through all that… would it truly be worth the efforts?

It was Seiji to be the first to break the silence of the room. "Shin… I'll be downstairs if you need me." Only to leave.

"I admit that we don't think about our actions as thoroughly as we should. Although, aren't we allowed at least one slip up?" Touma asked as he saw Seiji leave the room. Then continued. "We all mess up at least once." Then followed to let him make his decision.

Leaving only Shuu and Ryo left to face him.

"Shin, I have told you a few times that I was wrong about what I did, but… I can't tell you that I didn't care for him either. I have been honest with you since the day I met you. It was when I wasn't. That was my biggest mistakes of my life so far. I have no right to ask any thing of you and I'm surprised. That you are still here even listening to the others or me. I can only tell you what I know. That's that you mean a lot to the others and me. To not have you part of us, tears us apart and kills us. It wasn't you who wasn't good enough. It was that I was blind and foolish to not see what you truly mean to me. Make your decision but please remember there were good times to."

"You can listen to them all you want, Shin. They may say what they mean, but me. You know me and I tell you strait out about every thing. All you have to do is ask. So, I tell you strait. I apologize for nothing. What happened with him was an accident and yes I hurt you. You know me and the last thing I ever wanted to do to you. Was hurt you like that, but I can't apologize for the rest of it. I envied you and admired you. So, naturally… when I got my hands on your candy. I wasn't going to put it down with out a taste. Things like that just happen some times with out thoughts. I also know you. You liked my bike I had. I didn't through it away after you totaled it. You couldn't help it; it was your first time on it. So, I fixed it and gave it to you. You haven't crashed since then. There was no apologizes there, because there were none needed. In this case though, if I apologize. It would mean the time I had with Ryo. Was nothing to me and I can't do that."

"If you want an answer now. I can't give it to any of you." Shin sitting on the bed trying to hold back tears that burned behind his eyes.

"That's fine… you can have the room to yourself tonight." Shuu said turning around to leave. "I'll be on the couch." He added before left.

Ryo stood there a second. Not wanting leave right away.

"I need to be alone… for a while, Ryo." Shin said waiting for him to leave so he could let the tears escape.

"I understand." Ryo said softly and hesitated before he left. Shutting the door behind him and going to his room.