Ronin Warriors Fan Fiction ❯ Where Hearts Meet ❯ Where Hearts Meet 05 ( Chapter 5 )

Where Hearts Meet
Chapter Five

Shin waited as long as he could and then trudged off to meet Rajura at the lake. Although out of all nights. He happen to have been spotted leaving from a window he knew very well.

Mostly out of curiosity Ryo followed. Wondering what he was up to at that time of night all alone. He had a hard time keeping up. Since he never really ventured out that far before… he never really had a reason to and had a hard time with only the moonlight showing him. The path that Shin had gone down.

Shin could feel his heart start to race as he got closer and found him near the shoreline: standing against a tree.

"Rajura… " Shin said nearly out of breath as he got closer.

"You made it… I was beginning to think you wouldn't come." Rajura said softly.

Walking up to him and accepting an embrace he answered. "You know that's not true."

Ryo stood through the darkness of the light and trees as he saw that he had stopped by the shoreline. His body shook at what he saw.

- Arms wrapped tightly around the one he dared not love. Enjoying the warmth he had longed for during the empty nights that froze him.-

Ryo's soul jumped into his throat and heart fell to the shrubbery. He did his best to hold back the tears. That wanted to flood forth and drown his being. If it wasn't the affection he was giving to Shin. It was the response that made it even worse. He wormed in his arms trying to get closer in the embrace. It was simply that he was there and enjoying every thing Rajura was offering him.

"How have you been?… " Rajura asked as he held him.

"Okay… I guess."

No… no, no… no. He isn't yours any more, Ryo. He thought to himself. By rights you shouldn't even be out here. So, calm down and back off. You even said it yourself. That you didn't want to cross that line again. He's his own person… it's his choice. You have no right to interfere with this, he's not hurting and he's not yours. Let him be…

"There's no use telling me lies little one."

With a sigh: he knew he was right and admitted to it. "I feel so out of place… and lost."

Still, it's almost more than I can bear. It's been so long since he let me hold him like that. I know it's something that I have denied myself. I try and try to not look at you like this. I lose if I want you and I lose if I try not to. I'm tired of hurting you! I wish I knew what it was that you insist all this.

"Still not getting along with your friends?"

"I really want to try."

"But… "

"But, it's just that… I feel like every thing I do and am is wrong."

"Why is that?"

"None of my decisions ever turn out right and it makes me feel so low compared to the others." Shin confessed as he let Rajura hold him tighter. "Then there's Ryo and Shuu… I want to forgive them so bad and yet I feel already have but I keep getting this feeling I haven't. Nothing is turning out right! I'm so afraid to let them two back into my life and I feel ashamed for feeling this way."

"First off, Shin. Don't compare yourself with the others. Each one of you is different and can't be compared. For Ryo and Shuu… well, I guess only time can sort that one out for you." Rajura whispered as he ran his fingers through the duskend hair..

- Fingers brushing through the hair that he cherished. Lips resting against his forehead as though it was a kiss: that lasted forever. -

Why is it you let him in and not me?! What gives him the right to touch and hold you like that?

"I know… and you?"

"I was fine, but there was a part of me that was missing… " He paused and gripped him tighter. "So, I decided to come ask for it back."

What gives him the right to keep coming back into your life and not me?

"Back?" Shin asked as he raised his head to look at him. Seeing sincerity in his face.

"Shin, I'm not whole without you. I came back tonight to see you again and ask… if you would, come back with me. I can stay if you are willing to be mine. Otherwise this is truly our last goodbye." Rajura said doing his best to not let his voice break.

Why… what is it, Shin? Don't you know I love you?!

"Rajura… that's not something I can decide in one night." He answered in shock.

"You have no choice. I leave very soon… "

Shin desperately wanted to go with him: back to the house were they lived. It was something he dreamed of often when he was there alone at nights. Just wishing he was there and like it was then. Just the two of them and the night. He could swear that he felt his heart stop. When he knew what the answer would have to be. He did his best to keep from crying, but his barrier broke and tears escaped.

Don't you know that it's me that has been longing for you and would do anything for you? ANYTHING…

"There would be nothing more than that… That I would wish for."

Ryo's thoughts stopped in a gasp as he watched them get closer. Followed by a kiss that ripped him apart.

"I know your answer… forgive me for asking such a thing." He said as he tried to soothe him by a caressing his lips with his. Then giving him more and letting him taste him one last time.

That was that… there would be no more of this for them. It was ending as the night had begun. It was ending as it had started, with a kiss from the heart. Rajura held him as it slowly ended: not wanting it to end, but knew it had to. He could feel the night spreading wider as it made them slip apart in silence. Silence except for the heartache that echoed through tears and sobs from both.

Ryo sat in his room with out sleep. The rest o the night had seemed a blur to him. All he could remember was. Shin being held and comforted by Rajura. Holding him tight and kissing the one he loved. His lips touching what he once knew: Shin's.

He was stuck some where between anger and hurt. Stuck where he couldn't do any thing. He couldn't confront him, because he wasn't his. He couldn't say anything, because he had done what he had done: cheated.

He fought back tears in regret. That he couldn't hear what was being said, but only hear fainted crying.

Shin… why were you crying? Was it something the others or I did? Or was it something from Rajura? I thought you said it was over. Why did you leave during the night? Are you afraid to tell us you're still seeing him? Is that why you resisted coming home? I know you trust me very little, but there's no need to be afraid. You could have came to me for comfort to. I would hold you until the tears dried up and held you even tighter. Have I lost you that much? So, much you turn away from me with such deep pain. Have I really hurt you that bad? Gods, Shin… I love you. Please, tell me I haven't damaged you that much. All I have done is hurt you.

I don't know what to think or do if I have done so. It was the very last thing I wanted. I thought perhaps over time I could get used to being with out you. I thought I could draw a line between us and keep every thing separate. Although, tonight has proven that I was once again wrong about every thing I thought. I can't do that. I need and love you too much to do that. All I have done is hurt you.

This nightly morning is so empty… so cold. The morning light making the room glow in shadows. I remember that I used to hold you on nights like this. Then they seemed magical… all I have done is hurt you. Is every night going to be like this from now on? Nights like this I used to trace your features as you slept… I used to kiss your lips, caress your silken skin. Now all I have are ghosts of the past that fill this room of things that used to be.

I remember the night you found out. I was so lost into Shuu that I didn't hear the thunder or rain beating on the house. He was intoxicating to me and I took it all in. He made me so aroused and I enjoyed every pulsating moment of it. At the time, I had shoved every thought of you in the dark. So, that I could enjoy the time with him even longer.

Then I felt it… your stare from the door of the room. I felt it with out even knowing you were there. It tore me apart and all thoughts of you came rushing back. I stopped what I was doing and looked to the door. Where I saw you standing there: looking at me in my shame. You caught me and the look in your eyes told me that I had lost you right then and there. I swear that I saw some thing break inside you. To this day I'm not sure exactly what it was: your heart or you.

I tried to force words out to you. Granted I still don't know what they were going to be, but I tried to say something. When I saw that look you had. I couldn't bare it. Something needed to be said and I didn't want you to feel so hurt or betrayed. I never wanted to hurt you, Shin. I felt a jab in my chest as you left before I could even force a sound out. You didn't come back for two days and when you did. You seemed as though you never saw a thing. I tried to talk to you, but every time I lost my nerve. I want you back, but all I have done is hurt you. It wouldn't be right to ask you back. If I truly have hurt you so deep, but I know now. That you are the only one I truly love.

Even though I haven't really asked you back. You know I do and you haven't given me a strait answer. Plus… there's Rajura now. I may not be every thing you dreamed of. I may not be fancy and high class. I may not be a romantic sputtering out poetry. I may not show you that much affection in public, but I love you!

I love you so much that you are all I think about! So, much that I can't remember when I didn't love you. I was yours when you smiled at me for the fist time ever! I was yours when you first let me hear you laugh! I was yours when you first looked at me with that seductive look! I was yours when you first made my skin shiver in pleasure! I was yours when you brought me over the edge for the first of many times! Each as beautiful as the first and you! You are so beautiful inside and out! I was yours even when I was with him… always you. I was yours. That meant so much to me. You made me feel that I had a heart and soul. All I have done with that is hurt you and every thing is so empty and cold now. There's no magic in anything any more.

Please, Shin. I'm only me and so why do you listen to the things that fall out of my mouth? You know the things that come out of it are all confused sentences that get mixed with unfinished thoughts. That is twisted with in and out of bursts of emotions. That I can never seem to hold back: away from my thoughts that take form in words that are all confused. If I could show you how I really feel… there would be no confusion, no words of pain. The only pain I have is that I'm no longer yours and you are no longer… a part of my life. You made sure of that… we are just barely if even… friends. I'm so lost with out you.

All I want… is one last chance. Just one and I promise to let you know the truth of my feelings for you. To let you know just how important you are to me. Although, I know you won't let me have another chance to hurt you again. So, one last time… even though I have no right. I'll ask you if you will take me back.