Rurouni Kenshin Fan Fiction ❯ Dreams on a Stormy Night ❯ Chapter Three ( Chapter 3 )

I don't own any of these characters. But that's okay. I have learned to live with it.

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The moment Sanosuke's lips had touched Kaoru's cheek, Kenshin had lost it. How could the man do this to him? Not knowing what to do, and knowing he could really do nothing, he had merely walked away. He had no ownership over the woman, nor would he want it. She was not a woman to merely be possessed. Then what was this he was feeling? He had felt a flicker of it after breakfast, the camaraderie between Kaoru and Sano biting into him. Jealousy was so foreign to him. He once thought he had prepared himself for this.

Months ago Sanosuke had asked him how he would feel if Kaoru decided to be with someone else. At the time he had been ready to admit he would be okay, though not elated. The idea of another man touching her, being with her the way he dreamed was nauseating. All right, maybe he would not okay, but he would learn to live with it. He had accepted the chances of her leaving him were far greater than him abandoning her. But there was a difference now than when he had told Sano his position. He now knew his passion was reciprocated.

How long had he been denying how she felt? True he had never fully understood the woman's feeling towards him, but all that had changed in the last three days. She did want him, seemingly with the same intensity that he wanted her. But he could not touch her, for so many reasons, he could no longer comprehend. Did he really want to anymore? The arguments he had already won against himself were forgotten. What had the man said to her to make her blush so?

The image of Sanosuke kissing her cheek burned into his mind. Even now the image was branded into his mind. The tall man might be the only one worthy of Kaoru's affections. Yet the man was supposed to be of no threat. Kenshin trusted him and knew he would take care of her. Any other man to enter Kaoru's life would never measure up. However, that did not give Sanosuke the right to touch her in anything more than a brotherly fashion.

He swore softly under his breath, wanting nothing more than to punch something and knowing that was not an option he could take.

"Kenshin?"

He paused, hearing his name in the humid afternoon. Slowly he turned and saw her standing there. What could he do? He wanted to claim her right there, feel her writhing underneath him, knowing she would then belong to him. But he couldn't do that. He had drawn the line and he could not, would not cross it. He gritted his teeth, willing himself to calm down. When had he lost the composure he had spent so long wrapping around him?

It occurred to him it was the moment he had met her, that day on the street so long ago. No matter what it was, if it affected her directly or even indirectly, he lost himself to the whirlwind of his emotions, emotions that were so closely linked to Battousai. Those passions lingered just now below the surface, and Kenshin wanted nothing more than to unleash them.

"Kenshin?" He blinked from his thoughts. She had taken a step closer to him. "Are you alright?"

He swallowed thickly and she reached to touch his cheek. He pulled back, not knowing if he could handle her caress in this moment. She flinched and he immediately regretted the flash of pain in her luminescent eyes. He offered her a weak smile. "I am fine, that I am."

"I don't believe you."

He shook his head sadly, wanting to tell her what was wrong. He took a controlled step towards her and stopped. If he got too close to her, he just might lose what shred of his sanity he had left. Battousai wanted nothing more than to take her and he couldn't afford to lose control.

"Did Megumi do something?" She asked, coming towards him.

Inadvertently he backed away. "No, nothing like that." He answered, his desire banging at the door as her scent drifted towards him.

"You are not well, I know it." She reached to place a hand on his forehead and he flinched away once more from her touch.

Anguish flashed through her eyes and he turned away so he wouldn't have to see the pain he caused her. He took a deep breath, an attempt to regain his judgment "I am fine, Kaoru-dono. You should return and see what Megumi wishes to speak with you about, that you should."

"She is talking to Sano at the moment." There was a pause. "Did he do something?"

Her voice was closer and her hand touched his shoulder. Unable to take it anymore, Kenshin whirled, startling her. His hands were on her arms, her body brushing against his. "He should have known better." He whispered huskily. Again he swallowed.

Her blue eyes were wide, her breathing coming in short gasps. "Why? About what?"

Anxiously he licked his lips wanting so much to crush her to him and kiss her senseless. He didn't know if he could do this anymore. All his composure was gone, the training he had spent years perfecting flew from his mind. The lid he kept so carefully on his brimming emotions jarred loose. He was only aware of Kaoru, her smell, her touch, and her presence. Agony washed through him as he caressed her cheek. He shouldn't touch her. It would only entice him to move beyond what he was allowed. But her love for him was so apparent. How he wanted to accept it, take everything she offered and more. "You cannot be with another man." He allowed his selfish side to tell her.

She blinked in confusion. "Be with another man? Who said I wanted to be with someone else?"

He continued to run his finger over her cheekbone. "No one will ever be worthy of your love. And any man who attempts to try will have to deal with me."

Anger filled her gaze now and she slapped his hand away from her face. "So what exactly does that mean? I can't ever be with a man, because you say so?"

"Hai."

"And who are you to tell me this?" She demanded, her fury rolling off her. "If it means anything, I don't want to be with another man. I never will."

"You shouldn't say things you do not mean, that you should not."

"Listen here." She walked up to him and poked a finger into his chest. Her eyes were lit with a blue fire, her features set in determination. He had seen her like this on a few occasions, but none had aroused him in such a manner before. She was stunning in her anger. "I only say things I mean, at least where you are concerned. And what you're telling me is I might as well take a vow of chastity."

"That is not what I'm--"

"Yes it is. I can't be with another man? So what? The problem is Kenshin, you won't let me be with the one man I want to be with."

"And I have told you, you deserve more." He ground out, his passion at a breaking point. If she continued, she just might get more than she bargained for.

"Stop!" She cried, tears gathering in her eyes. "You might as well just leave." She spit and took a step away from him. "You hate me so much that you can not give me even a moment of happiness? When will I get what I want?"

"Things are never that simple, Kaoru-dono. There is too much at stake."

"I don't see how. I get what I want, and I assume you get what you want." Suddenly her eyes glazed over and she drew in sharp intake of breath. "Or is that really what it is? You don't want me."

"Kaoru-dono." He reached for her arm as she turned away, her tears beginning to fall. She pulled away from him, jerking her arm from his grasp. He grabbed her again, pulling her to him. Don't let her walk away, he screamed to himself, his only thought to keep her from leaving him. Before she could fully react, he pressed his lips down on hers, devouring her mouth, trying to let her know he did want her, would always want her. He knew Battousai was the one clamoring for her, but the rurouni wanted her too. He could no longer deny his feelings. Both of his demeanors needed her desperately. He tried to convey this to Kaoru, his lips moving over hers. She reacted with an almost wild abandon, her arms thrown around his neck. Her mouth opened and he took what he wanted, attempting to slake his hunger for her. Then she was pulling away.

"No, no, no! I will not let you do this to me!" She cried. Her cheeks were wet, her chest heaving. "I will not have you break me again."

Again? His mind wondered. She struck him and his hands fell from her. When had he broken her? Could she not understand how much he cared for her? He loved her too much to ruin her. Then how had he already accomplished the one thing he promised himself never to do?

Kaoru ran away from him and into the dojo. Dumbly he stared after her. It took him a moment to notice Sanosuke and Megumi standing at the corner of the house. Mutely he glanced at them. The tall woman exchanged a glance with the brunette before heading inside. Sano ambled over, his hands in his pockets.

"It's not as easy as you used to think, is it?"

"What?"

"Seeing Jou-chan with someone else."

Kenshin glared at him, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "You did that intentionally, that you did."

The tall man took a step away, his hands up. "I did it more for the kitsune's benefit than yours. That was an added bonus."

"Bonus for whom?" He demanded, his anger beginning to rise.

"For Jou-chan. Except you're being extremely pigheaded about the whole thing, you know that?"

"Oro?"

"Stubborn. I don't understand why you won't just let her love you."

Kenshin sighed audibly, his anger draining away from him. He knew that the hitokiri would always be restless until he got what he wanted. He no longer had the satisfaction of killing; the rurouni had managed to put a stop to that. But his lust for this woman was nearly too much. If only she didn't love him. Then he could handle his passion. But now that she had practically professed her feelings, he could not look back.

The rurouni loved her and wanted her happy. Never would he allow someone to hurt her. He would always protect and cherish her. The hitokiri loved her and would allow no one to touch her. Both sides warring within him wanted the same thing. Why not just give in to the temptation that was Kaoru?

"Because she deserves more; she deserves better." The redhead retorted, answering Sanosuke's spoken and his own unspoken question.

"Why don't you allow her to decide? And if she loves you, why not seize upon that. You are nothing without her. I remember what happened when you thought she was dead. And if for some reason that ever changes, you will know that you enjoyed your time with her. Would you change your time with Tomoe, knowing how that time of your life would come to an end?"

It was a pertinent question. Would he? Once upon a time he would have done anything to prevent her death. He had spent so long wishing his own end would come upon him, knowing he deserved it. But then he had met Kaoru. Death was no longer desired. She filled his life with light and she needed him in a way no one ever had. He would not have wished Tomoe's death; if he could, he would have found a way to allow her to live, even now. But he would never have met Kaoru. How different life could have been for everyone involved. Perhaps, Kaoru was to be his salvation, just as he knew he had been hers.

"Do you think destiny brought us all to this point?" He wondered aloud, his thoughts still running rampant in his mind.

Sano shrugged. "I know nothing about destiny or fate. I have realized that no man is ever worthy enough for the woman he loves. But everyone deserves happiness, even if for a moment. Otherwise what's the point of living?"

"The point of living." He whispered, more to himself. He looked at his friend. "And what of the past?" He asked, curious to what the man would say. He had never thought the man prone to philosophical matters.

"The past is the past. Nothing you can do can change it. It is a part of who you are…"

He grimaced and once more Kenshin's mind turned sour. "It is a part of who I am." He said, a trace of bitterness in his voice.

"But Jou-chan still loves you, despite that. Because it is a part of who you are."

"And she fears me for it."

"That's where you're wrong. You seriously have deluded yourself here, Kenshin. You have convinced yourself that Jou-chan is afraid of Battousai and that's not the case."

Now Kenshin blinked in surprise. "Not…afraid…of Battousai?"

"Not like that. She doesn't want him to reemerge for fear you'll break your vow, though I believe she does love him to a degree. But the rurouni is the one who will leave her. The rurouni is whom she fears. You already broke her heart once. What's to prevent you from doing it again?" Sanosuke asked him.

His violet eyes widened with incredulity. "I don't have her heart, though. How can I break it?"

Rolling his brown eyes, the man reached over and slapped him upside the head. "But you do. If you walk away from her now, she will never love another man. Even if you don't walk away, she will spend eternity waiting for you to reciprocate her feelings. She already belongs to you. You just won't admit it."

"Already…belongs to me?"

"And people think I'm dense." The brunette muttered. He sighed is exasperation. "I don't know when she gave it to you, but she did. Long before you left for Kyoto all those months ago. Why the hell do you think she followed you? Just as you are nothing without her, she is nothing without you."

Kenshin stared at the cloudy sky. The clouds had thickened and he could feel another pending storm on the horizon. He had suspected he had hurt her when he left her then. Obviously in his own fallacy, he hadn't perceived how deeply it had cut her. He had sworn never to hurt her. Though at the time, he had thought himself noble, he realized he had been extremely selfish in his decision.

"Perhaps it is time I make it up to her."

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A rumble of thunder filled the silence of the dojo. Just like she had the previous evening, Kaoru had been unable to sleep, her thoughts running wild inside her head. But things were different tonight. She had somehow conveyed to Megumi what had transpired between her and the redhead. The older woman had shaken her head and sighed.

"Do not lose hope, tanuki." She had patted her on the head, offering her something to help her sleep.

Kaoru had shaken her head, not really wanting sleep to come this night. The woman had agreed to take Yahiko with her. The young boy had been none too happy to leave the dojo, even for a night. He finally seemed to pick up on the tension and wanted to be away. But then that had left her and Kenshin alone. She had not left her room. He had brought her a tray of food for dinner, knocking softly on the door. The man had stood outside her door for ten minutes, waiting for her to answer. She had ignored him, her food cold by the time she finally retrieved it.

Now, night had settled around the dojo, the humidity making the air sticky and nearly unbearable. She had at last abandoned her room, the feeling of being enclosed making her crazy. Plus she had heard Kenshin retire to his room and she hoped he had found sleep easier than she. Now she stood on the porch, the lightning flickering in the distance, the promise of some break in the still, hot air approaching.

Thunder cracked again, louder and closer this time and the wind stirred her loose hair. She shivered, the temperature finally lowering as the storm drew nearer. She watched the flickering light, her mood not really into watching the storm. She wanted to scream, her frustration at an all time high. She just wished she understood what it was that was bothering her.

Sighing Kaoru turned and headed back to her room, the bluish light showing her the way. The walls rumbled slightly and she began to hear the soft patter of rain on the roof. She saw that her door was open and she paused. Alert, her blue eyes scanned the doorway and she spotted the figure leaning against the doorframe.

She took in a shaky breath before speaking. "What are you doing here?"

Lightning flashed, illuminating Kenshin's face, though his eyes were unreadable. "I came to see you."

"Why?"

"There is something I need to explain to you."

Wearily Kaoru rubbed the back of her neck. She hated the tension between her and Kenshin. She had no clue where it had come from and she wanted things to go back to normal. Well, not exactly, but she was tired of arguing and waiting for something that would never happen. Maybe there was something Megumi could give her to satiate these strange yearnings that her body was feeling. "Yes?"

"Please come and have a seat."

"It's my room."

He held out his hand for apology and she bit her lip. "Gomen nasai."

She sighed and stepped through the threshold. She turned to him, his violet eyes still unreadable in the shadows. He sounded sincere, though slightly different than usual. "Please, come inside." She offered after a moment.

The redhead bowed slightly and he entered after her. Thunder boomed off the walls, and Kaoru went to light her lamp. Cool fingers enclosed over hers as she went to strike the match and she looked up in surprise. He was so close, the scent of cedar and spice filling her nostrils. Lightning flashed and she saw something in the depths of his eyes she had only seen recently. It made her heart beat and she licked her lips.

"Leave it. The storm will provide any illumination we might need."

The way he said those words struck something deep within her and she felt anxiety touch her along with that sensation she had only begun to figure out.

"I don't quite understand." She stammered when he pulled back and gracefully lowered himself into a lotus position next to her futon. She followed suit on her sleeping pallet, a bit more awkward than he.

"I'm not really sure I understand myself."

That really made her wonder. "You said you needed to explain something?"

Kenshin nodded and swallowed. He rubbed his palms on his pants and it struck her that he was as nervous as she. Why?

"This isn't easy for me. I don't understand any of it. I just know that it is. I don't know when it happened or how it happened. All I know was that I never thought it could happen again. And then somehow it did. I can't fight it anymore, that I can not, and I don't think I really want to."

Her blue eyes blinked trying to follow his train of thought. "Huh?"

A nervous chuckled issued from his throat. "Do you still want your one night?" He asked suddenly.

Kaoru shook her head, his question trying to register. "My…one night?"

"Your …one night…with…me?"

Her mouth fell open in shock. Lightning followed quickly by thunder broke through her disbelief and her jaw quickly snapped closed. Here he was offering her what she had always wanted. "What's the catch?"

"Catch?"

Her worst fear stuck her and fought against her desperation. "You're leaving aren't you?"

"Oro?"

"You decided to finally succumb so you can leave and not come back, didn't you?" She demanded.

"No, you misunderstand."

"Well you can forget it." She snapped, her voice rising as the rain began to drum harder on the roof. "I don't want a single night anymore."

Disbelief was evident in his eyes as the blue light lit the room brilliantly. "Don't… want it?"

"I can be selfish too." Kaoru stated, rising to her feet. "I don't want one night. I want more."

"More?"

"More than you apparently are willing to give."

"And you know this for a fact?"

"Know what?" She asked, swiping at her cheeks, her anger mixed with her grief.

Kenshin came to his feet and approached her. He gripped her arms in his hands and she stared up at him, confusion intermingling with her other emotions. "I am not going anywhere. If I ever feel the need to wander again, I will drag you along with me. You are my world, the one person I live for."

Her blue eyes searched his face, the storm lighting his face for her. The stark emotion she saw there made her head spin. Never had the man left himself so open, always remaining guarded behind his mask. He gently touched her face. "I don't know how to tell you what I want. For so long I deluded myself into thinking it was only my heart I was denying, that you felt nothing for me. And it didn't matter, for you deserve so much out of life, so much more than I can ever dream of giving you."

He swallowed and took a deep breath. "For so long the hitokiri inside has wanted you. And the rurouni inside has wanted you."

"But don't you get it?" She whispered. "They are both you."

The redhead nodded. "I only realize this now. And I couldn't understand why you would still want me. My past is so tainted."

"How many times have I told you I don't care about the past?!" She cried vehemently, thunder booming on her words. "It's a part of who you are and I love you despite that!"

Immediately she covered her mouth with her hands. There it was out in the open for both of them to hear. She knew by now he had to have known how she felt. But it was so different to hear it out loud. Kenshin took her hands and gently pulled them away from her mouth. "Say it again."

Tears spilled down her cheeks and she shook her head. "Please." He pleaded, his eyes searching her face. "I need to hear you say it again, that I do."

Feeling a touch of embarrassment, she closed her eyes. "I love you." She whispered hoarsely.

His fingers touched her cheek again and brushed her long dark hair from her face. "I came here tonight because I had made a choice. I wanted to present it to you and give it to you. You're the one with the most to lose and I have already broken your heart once. I don't begin to comprehend why you love me. And though I do and will always believe you are worthy of so much more, I wonder if you will still have me."

Kaoru felt her eyes widen. "What?" Her voice was barely a whisper, her heart stopped and it was any wonder she didn't fall over from her amazement.

"Kaoru-dono." He licked his lips and took a deep breath. "Kaoru, Will you still have this unworthy one?"

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I hope you all are enjoying this story and I have met up to everyone's standards. Don't even think it's over yet. What do you think will happen next? ^_^