|
| "A Teenager in Cliche" Reviews/Comments [ 15 ] | Title: rin
Reviewed By: anonymous0714 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 17, 2007 13:06 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
i ummm just read this again cus its in my favorites. i really love it ;___; sooo sweet.
| Reviewed By: Gacktluvr [MediaMiner Member] On: January 23, 2007 15:24 CST
Comment/Review:
You are such an amazing writer! I have read MANY fanfics, and I have to say you are by far the BEST fanfic writer ever! Most fanfics just have a little romance and then sex, but yours is so much more than that. There's a touch of realism to the story. You can really get a sense of how the characters feel, and I just love that in a fanfic! Keep up the awesome work! :) I know you have a life, but I hope you update soon!
| Reviewed By: rinjin On: December 05, 2006 21:23 CST
Comment/Review:
amazing. despite my laziness, i wouldnt dare read something so awesome and not review.
| Title: FFRG review - part IV
Reviewed By: ElvinYouko [MediaMiner Member] On: June 30, 2006 19:25 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hello Again! You started out with too many commas this time around; "Even after years of peace, my soldier instincts were still with me, so when I woke up, I was instantly aware of four things". The first one is unecesary. But after the first few paragraphs your grammar settles down into its usual quality. The characterizations all seem fine, although I think that the interaction when Heero arrives home late is written a little choppily, and that affects the quality of the rest of the fic; a little more introspection there on Duo's part would set up Quatre's opinion more nicely and take away the jarring edge that comes from not enough foreshadowing. The lemon seems good; much less florid than in part III. A good balance between too many details and too few. Overall, the chapter is excellent. Thank you for submitting it to FFRG!
| Reviewed By: Hikaru Itsuko [MediaMiner Member] On: June 25, 2006 22:13 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
I love this fic, I want to read the last chapter complete, so please update soon, it will be cool, you write so good, so til next chapter ^^
| Reviewed By: Imbrium1969 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 01, 2006 10:22 CDT
Comment/Review:
I like what you've done with the story. I can't wait for for part 5 to be finished. Please update very soon.
| Reviewed By: Codan On: May 01, 2006 04:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think this is the only thing I can say that will adequately cover my feelings concerning this fic. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
| Title: FFRG Review Part III
Reviewed By: ElvinYouko [MediaMiner Member] On: April 18, 2006 19:07 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good fic! Your writing style sounds just like Duo and I did not spot any grammatical or spelling errors. Your lemon is fairly well written. I never lost track of who was doing what, and Heeoro's reaction to Duo's hesitation really brought out his insecurities. The only problem with it that I could see is that your language tends to be a little florid. "I cried out when his lips engulfed me; the overwhelming heat and light pressure was like nothing I've ever felt before" sounds a little over the top, especially when compared with the no-nosense voice in the rest of the fic. "...so sweet and so comforting to me in my time of need. He was in pain, and it was my fault. I had to fix it, and I had to fix it now" is another example. I suggest trying to use concrete words and the fewest possible words. Also, in situations where the statement is going to sound over the top no matter what you do, like the second example, it is usually best to just move the story along and say your piece when there is a break in the action. Thank you for submitting your fic!
| Title: FFRG Review - Part II
Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: March 27, 2006 21:55 CST
Comment/Review:
First off I have to say I loved the end line of this chapter. Made me want more and even sent a little chill up my spine. Great hook! Secondly I seriously have to compliment you, I haven't read the first chapter, but I didn't feel like it mattered. Your chapter made sense on its own, while still feeling like a part of a larger whole. I did get jarred out at the following line "like the plan to turn the Emperor into a flee." You don't normally make homophone mistakes so that one surprised me. Finally I want to touch on what I feel is your biggest strength, your character voice. Duo feels real to me, his character shines through in this and I find myself grinning at some of the turns of phrase. In all, I can't really find much to nitpick at with this chapter. Thanks for submitting it to FFRG it was a lot of fun to read!
| Title: FFARG Review (Part II)
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: January 12, 2006 19:54 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, I want to say that this is a very well-written story. There were no typos or grammatical errors as far as I could tell, and you captured the first-person point of view very well. The sarcastic humor also added a nice touch the story. I did notice, however, a few awkward sentences and when skipping in between timeframes, I felt as if I was missing something. Sort of like going into a movie, walking out for a few moments, only to walk back in again to miss a very important scene. Also the sentence that says "I really enjoy a day in, a day off, you know?" sounds a bit repetitive and I had to read it over a few times to get the concept of it. Overall, I enjoyed reading and reviewing this story with its light and somewhat playful tone. Keep up the good work and thank you for submitting your story to the FFARG!
| Reviewed By: WickedGame [MediaMiner Member] On: January 03, 2006 15:03 CST
Comment/Review:
oh wow, i really like it, even if it for cliche month. i really like it.
| Reviewed By: MissMusicality [MediaMiner Member] On: January 02, 2006 23:58 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, thanks for your submission! It's been a pleasurable read! I have to admit, I'm very impressed with your descriptions. Well, not really your descriptions, but rather the way you gave a complete sense and description of the characters through their actions, and how they live. For instance, mentioning that Duo made Heero give him a tour of his apartment: that gives so much insight in that one little sentence. You no longer need to say outright that Heero is anti-social and shy, and that Duo is just the opposite, because I can feel it from that phrase. Also, the descriptions of what they each have in their living spaces...awesome! Describing Duo's room furnishings and belongings was perfect to let me know the character. I'm not familiar at all with this series, but your descriptions allow me to know so much about these characters, that I don't need to be familiar with the series to enjoy the story. Just a few things seemed to not fit properly. They were very minor. For example: "he offered me to come live with him" would sound more smooth if it was something like "he offered to have me come live with him" or "he invited me to come live with him." Also, this sentence: "Though he did manage to prove me wrong, I go through a giant bottle of conditioner in a week." It doesn't make much sense. The dependent clause doesn't fit naturally with the independent clause. Keep up the awesome work, though. You characterizations and flow are marvelous! Great job, best of luck!
| Reviewed By: ffpanda [MediaMiner Member] On: December 17, 2005 01:46 CST
Comment/Review:
WOW that was a hot lemon! Beautiful! I'm here from ff.net, and absolutely LOVED this! MORE PLEASE
| Reviewed By: Nita-sama [MediaMiner Member] On: November 23, 2005 07:13 CST
Comment/Review:
i like it. you captured Duo's personality fairly well. keep up the good work! i wanna read more of your work.
| Reviewed By: SPF15 On: October 03, 2005 11:53 CDT
Comment/Review:
Very cute. I can see Duo smirking as he speaks. Great job with the voice here.
|
|
|
