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| "And So it Goes" Reviews/Comments [ 5 ] | Title: FFGR Review:Chapter three
Reviewed By: Kari Izumi [MediaMiner Member] On: October 14, 2006 16:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Wow, it seems you're no stranger to the FFRG treatment! *Laughs* I have to say I enjoyed this story a lot. It's one of the most well-written original stories I've come across. The descriptions are very strongly-written and include enough so that one can feel and see themselves in the action, and there isn't any description that I would consider to be unnecessary. The characters have really, distinguishible personalities as well, like Jackie the "country bumpkin" who was born for city life. And Rae's struggle and guilt on how she is falling in love with Beau following the death of her last boyfriend is very real to life. The only potential problem I could see is the paragraph that is written from Jackie's POV. Unless there is a really, really plot point to be emphasized, it's usually best to keep the fic from one pair of eyes (In this case, Rae's). I don't feel the Jackie interlude added anything to the chapter or overall story, and probably could be taken out or re-written as a dialougue between her and Rae and used in contrast to Rae's own budding feelings. All in all, this is a very strong chapter, and I'm glad you submitted this to FFRG. Good job!
| Title: FFRG: Chapter 2 Review
Reviewed By: Dee-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: April 30, 2006 11:55 CDT
Comment/Review:
Ohhhh!!! Reading this just made my day! I love reading when the writer knows what they're doing and they have a sense of where they're going to take their story and the writer actually has something to write--all of these things come together and I think this story will come together beautiful. Chapter 2 was very well-written! Congratulations! I enjoyed the ending, because it tied in information from earlier in the story. Thank you for submitting to FFRG and best wishes on the writing!
| Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: April 14, 2006 13:43 CDT
Rating(s):Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
It was a very nice chapter, Neko, and I'm glad you dedicated it to me. ^_^ I told you Rae makes me sad in a lot of ways, but really who could blame her? Anyway, I can't wait for the next update. Until then, peace.
| Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: October 30, 2005 17:18 CST
Comment/Review:
Good use of words, some higher-level vocabulary but not so much that it was overdone and boasting. Good job, there. However, I hardly feel this was worth posting. 340 words, there wasn't really enough to get into it at all so if there is something coming next, you're going to have to try hard to hook the person. As it is, this just leaves an unfulfilling feeling. Another point, you repeat your adjectives. For example "pure, undiluted" is redundant. Try not to be redundant in your writing; don't use two synonyms at the same time to describe something. Use one adjective or the other. Also, you are unclear at the beginning with "high, bone-rattling (yes, there needs to be a hyphen there) sound." You should say "high-pitched" to avoid any possible confusion. Just because it makes sense to you doesn't mean it will to others. Third paragraph, specify what "it" refers to. "It" is a weak pronoun. Avoid use. Also, don't ever use bold in prose. In the same paragraph as the bold "she" there is a run-on sentence. The second sentence in that paragraph needs to be cut into parts. It doesn't help the flow or feel of the story, though I think that's what you attempted. That same paragraph has the problem of the use of words that are basically synonyms: "fall apart, disintegrate and shatter." First, shatter would come before disintegrate since there is nothing left to shatter if disintegration occurs first. Second, you don't need all three words. "Fall apart" works just fine alone.
| Title: Whoa...
Reviewed By: devildice708 [MediaMiner Member] On: October 18, 2005 17:50 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Nice, Neko. That small sample of the story will have me waiting for what's next. As I've said time and time again, you have a way with words and it shows in this story in the making. Update soon, 'kay? ^_^
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