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| "Hamtaro: the great journey" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: December 08, 2005 18:20 CST
Comment/Review:
First off, I don't believe this would be considered hentai as there is no actual sexual act being told, so you have no need to worry about that. You have a good idea, but I suggest you try to avoid using script format. That way, your reader will have more detailed information so they can understand the story better. You also have a few instances where you have sentence fragments and punctuation errors. I suggest finding a good beta-reader, which can be found in the beta-reader's thread on the forum. You seem to have a pretty good grasp on grammar, but one can still point out a few errors scattered throughout the story. I did enjoy some of the humor so keep up the work with that. Keep up those writing skills and thanks for submitting to the FFARG!
| Title: FFARG Review
Reviewed By: Yuugi-chan [MediaMiner Member] On: December 08, 2005 18:09 CST
Comment/Review:
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