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| "ZER0" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Reviewed By: plutosenshi2000 [MediaMiner Member] On: November 18, 2002 15:53 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 7 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I must say I’m disappointed with this story. After reading your “Heero Yuy and the Eye of Horus” I expected something more. The idea is great, but, apart from some misspelled words and a few grammar mistakes, there are things that could use some work.
First of all some of your deductions seem premature or just wrong, especially in the first two chapters. It’s quite unclear how the Preventers came up with the fact that the first two murders were done by a serial killer, or that they were even connected to each other. Here’s my take on it:
- both murders were done in a different style
- there was no obvious connection between the victims
- the notes at both places were written in a different hand writing
Unless there was something in the office where the second victim was killed that would point to a conclusion about a serial killer, and you just forgot to mention it, there was no real indication whatsoever. Also, if you have only two murders it is quite impossible to figure out when the next one is going to happen.
Another thing that was absolutely unclear to me is how the detectives found out that the killer was in the Preventers building. You started the story off by saying that he was there and they were looking for him, and then in chapter 6 (Humility) you go back to that subject never explaining how they got into that situation.
The end was also quite a surprise. It seemed as if you ran out of ideas for the story and decided “Ok, I’m just going to make Mr. Weaver give up, so I can finally end this and move on to the next story.” I know it probably wasn’t like that, but that’s the impression I got from reading it. The testimony itself seemed off as well. The killer says that he could never hurt children, yet his very first victim was a 12-year-old boy. It just doesn’t add up.
Now on to the good parts, I absolutely admire your ability to write dialogs. They are very clever, interesting and witty. I especially liked the remark about Windows and Heero’s computer blowing up.
You don’t seem to have a problem keeping the people in “character”.
Also you tend to find an interesting way to bring two characters together. It always seems so natural. Plus you put a hint of eroticism into your stories without making it too “in your face”. I hope you understand what I mean.
Your descriptions of the surroundings are quite amazing. The way you describe the details in the crime scenes gives the reader a good insight on what is happening.
All in all the story was good, but I would suggest that you work out the details a little better next time. | Reviewed By: Kitty McAuliffe On: October 24, 2002 17:54 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I got here through the gwml. Found this to be a very interesting, involving, engrossing, fascinating (i could go on but i may run out of space eventually) fic. My only problem was the complete shift from the prologue to the epilogue, but everything was so well done that i'm not complaining too much. Very well done. | Reviewed By: Marika On: October 15, 2002 09:19 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
I really liked the beginning of it, but towards the end I got lost, and I felt like Weaver gave the pilots the capture. They figured it out only because he let them, and his 'reasoning' as to why he killed the hundreds of people and expected Duo to understand didn't ring true. Not sure if it was too sane or too insane, but... You also never explained how Weaver managed to keep such close tabs on them - he practically seemed omnipotent for most of the story.
All that said, I really enjoyed the writing style, especially the way he mixed things up with the notes. The way that Weaver toyed with them using their own words and deeds to mark the crime scene was definitely creepy, and the descriptions of the crime-scenes themselves were great. Hope that you post your next stuff on gw-fan again. | Reviewed By: Terra Skye On: September 02, 2002 21:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
wow... creepy... ^^ I love your fic and I'm dying to find out why he's targeting Duo out of all the other pilots.... ^.~ Can't wait to see the last 3 chapters!!! | Reviewed By: Digimon Dreamer [MediaMiner Member] On: August 09, 2002 22:39 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
this rocks, you are a true psychopath
how did you come up with this
you watch to much csi but it provided a great fanfic, please continue this story
good luck! :D | Reviewed By: mina On: April 27, 2002 06:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Part seven was well done. I like how you finally got Heero and Duo together. Ohhhh,now I'm really wondering who the killer is. Is it Solo? It would be a trip if it were Father Maxwell. | Reviewed By: hannah On: April 27, 2002 01:16 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
okay i think i have part of this figured out, but i need the rest of the story. and fight club really is a good movie. |
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