| "It's Inevitable" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] |
Reviewed By: Sora and Tai Forever(tolazy to sign in) On: December 27, 2002 13:42 CST
Comment/Review:
I like!very good finally i find a good Videl and Gohan fic..there aren't meany out there..*sigh*o well.
Storm is right u should
keep working on inuyash!
E-mail me when you up date this!at
neonitegoddess@hotmail.com! |
Reviewed By: Storm_410 [MediaMiner Member] On: December 18, 2002 19:38 CST
Comment/Review:
Tee hee hee... good story. I have a few suggestions for you though.
1. Go over your chapters and re-check them. Your grammer is fine for the most part but there are a few cases where you are missing words and a few places where you may want to re-word your statement. A few are really confusing.
2. Try to get the charactors to talk a bit more realisticlly. The last chapter (chapter 4) was a bit better but the one where Videl jumps from the brdige is... odd. I can see Videl being mad at Gohan for saving her when she wanted to kill herself but would be really say SORRY for saving her life? Sweet guy or not, thats no way to convince someone not to kill themselves.
3. DOnt souble space between paragraphs. Single spacing is enough. Double spacing is just a waste of space and a pain to scroll through. LoL Especially when you wnat to get onto the next part as quickly as possible. *grins*
Those are the only things i founf could use some work. The plot is good and the story is really cute. (ps. Nice touch introducing the villinas [ie. silver haired guy] into the story early. It really gets the reader involved and takes the interest level up a few more notches. ^-^) |
