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| "The Heir" Reviews/Comments [ 2 ] | Title: Mary Sue...
Reviewed By: Vegeta Goddess [MediaMiner Member] On: August 07, 2008 01:17 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 2 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 3 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 1 of 10
Overall Rating: 3 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, after your terribly childish flame I thought I would read your fic...and I must say I was awfully disappointed. For someone who passes judgement as easily as yourself I thought I would be reading a wonderfully creative piece of writing. Your writing style is very bare, maybe you should think about adding some more description and not relying purely upon dialogue? Too much dialogue can be very boring for a reading. Spelling was generally okay but grammar could have been improved. Many of your sentences were confusing and needed to perhaps be rephrased to make them clearer. As for the originality, well this is almost exactly the same as a fic by an author named TC_Funman, so I couldn't give you many marks for this. But I'm sure you thought you were being creative when you wrote it. Overall, I'm not a massive fan of Mary Sue fics, where the author slots themself into the story as an OC character - which is what you've pretty clearly done here. It's cute and all but not really something that many people would want to read (something which your 2 comments (both author replies) will attest to.) Finally in reponse to your review, which is why I'm really here, Slave is over 7 years old as a fic. When I wrote it there was very little B/V N/C-D/S around, I guess there might be a little more around now, but I'm not sure. You clearly didn't read the fic, which is disappointing since most people will actually read a fic before the leave a review rather then simply reading the blurb. Slave isn't simply a 'Bulma is a sex slave given to the saiyans' fic, which you would know if you had bothered to read it. I know sometimes people like you get jealous of writers who have fics with a lot of reviews, but leaving flames out of spite is in bad taste. You just look like a silly teenager who wants attention. With your own writing I think you have great potential to become a great writer if you keep working at it. One day you might even get a review from someone that isn't an author responding to a flame.
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Reviewed By: kirara_sango [MediaMiner Member] On: July 25, 2008 00:39 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hello, I had no way of messaging you so why not where you will notice it? Well anyways Your comment to me was about 50% true. I appreciate your viewing and you for reading. I know he is out of character. Anywho Thank you for being truthful. Oh and nice story, I never thought of it happening like that.
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