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| ""Good Morning, Naota-kun..."" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Reviewed By: copypaste [MediaMiner Member] On: September 30, 2005 19:14 CDT
Comment/Review:
I do currently intend to continue it. I'm still in the midst of throwing ideas around in my head, but I got most of it thought out. Thanks for the input, Psycho. In retrospect, the main focus of the story seems to be mainly the sex. I hope to be able to veer slightly away from that in the next chapter. Oh, there will be sex, of course, and plenty of it. I'll just try harder to keep this from being a smutfic. FLCL deserves better than that...
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: September 07, 2005 22:22 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 6 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, this is definately the weakest chapter so far, still not bad though. I still think Haruko and Naota's relationship has developed to quickly. I just can't imagine her letting him come on to her that way... Though the sex scene in the begining was kinda' funny in it's own way. Not sure how I feel about Mamimi being brought into this. Do you plan continueing? Exploring the realistic results of a three-way relationship would be a good read. The second sex scene was nice, interesting in a simple way. That "love" word is being thrown around a lot. Naota, that slick little bastard. The last line made me laugh. Eh, could be better, don't let this series slip into mindless smut, it can be better then that. Keep working at it.
| Title: Chapter 3
Reviewed By: copypaste [MediaMiner Member] On: August 17, 2005 17:00 CDT
Comment/Review:
Alright, to those still interested, Chapter three is finally up. YEah, I know. I wasn't exactly expecting that to happen either. But lo and behold, there it be. You should totally check it out.
| Reviewed By: copypaste [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2005 19:56 CST
Comment/Review:
Admittedly, it was originally meant to be a one-shot, back when I first posted it at Adult Fan Fiction, but a buncha people wanted me to continue it, and there was one night when I sat down and decided to try it out. I was in a creative mood, or something. I realize that the second chapter doesn't quite fit as well as the first one did, but if I wind up doing a third [which I intend to try at some point], I'm gonna try with something different. Thanks for the reviews and such, everyone! ^_^
| Reviewed By: Sukiam6 [MediaMiner Member] On: January 28, 2005 17:32 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Comment/Review:
Hmm, this is definatly not bad, I enjoyed it for the most part but there was a little something about it that screamed 'child molester' but I find it funny that I suppose if the series became more than it was.....that's how things would go down. But, I did find that the first chapter was fitting for an ending.
| Title: Chapter 2
Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: January 24, 2005 19:28 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 8 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
Pretty enjoyable, I'll admit, but not as good as the first chapter. Haruko seems a little to... generous. I can't see her letting him have his way with her. Too early. I think it would have ended better had you just had Haruko walk off after having Naota swollow his, eh, own... juices. Still, as a lemon it served it's need, and it's still better then most of the schlock out there. But if your going to continue this further, I'd be careful. Don't let things develop to quickly and don't let them get to sappy. Good work, though. You continue to be a very promising writer.
| Reviewed By: Psycho_Z [MediaMiner Member] On: January 04, 2005 19:37 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
That was way better then it had any right to be. The chracters where in type (such a rare thing in lemons anymore) the situation actually made sense, and believe it or not. It was actually romantic. This is like one in a dozen lemons that are actually romantic. Plus, the whole older women suducing a younger boy thing appeals to me. Call it the Mrs. Robison syndrome. Either way, very good first effort. Keep it up.
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