"Fumbling Towards Ecstacy" Reviews/Comments [ 12 ] | Reviewed By: DA On: June 16, 2005 17:18 CDT Comment/Review: Please tell me that you're going to continue this story, it's well written and is artfully linked to the prequel. I would love to see it finished and was rather worried by the update lapse in comparison to your other works. I do hope that this extended absence is just a temporary writers block rather than a total abandonment of the story.
| Title: FFARG review (chapter 2) part II Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 02:41 CDT Comment/Review: (continued from previous review) Since I felt that both Sesshoumaru and Kagome were OOC, I had a hard time grasping the sense that this is an InuYasha fanfiction, and not an original piece. However, I think if you give a further explanation and development of their relationship as the story progresses, it would be fine. Other than those issues, I think you have a pretty solid start! Keep up the great work, continue writing, and best of luck with future chapters. Thanks again for submitting to FFARG. ^^
| Title: FFARG review (chapter 2) part I Reviewed By: BakaBokken [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 02:33 CDT Comment/Review: Thank you for submitting your work to the FFARG. First off, I have to say I like your style - it's very unique, and it holds a lot of promise. However, your flashbacks are a bit confusing, and although many of your metaphors are quite nice, a few of them were a bit too much of a stretch. Develop the connection a bit further, and you'll have some powerful imagery. As for the flashbacks, you may want to note how much in the past the scenes were, and it might help with the confusion. I can tell you want to avoid the obvious markings (which is a GOOD thing), but at the same time, it's tough to remember that it's a flashback without the sense of time. Another comment I have is on the grammatical aspect of your story. You have a very strong grasp of grammar, but at the same time there were several spots where punctuation was used incorrectly. A great beta reader would be invaluable for helping pick those out. My final comments are on characterization. I'm having a difficult time seeing the Kagome/Sess pairing in this instance. Of course, you probably have a better explanation/development of the relationship coming, but as of this chapter, it's not quite believable yet. (Review continued)
| Title: sapphire Reviewed By: moonsiren06 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 04, 2005 18:39 CDT Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10 Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review: okay i loved the last story but im really not enjoying this. it doesent make any sense after all of that kagome decided to just up and leave i dont like it at all it doesent even make sense to me. *sigh* oh well its ur story. also if you want i can be your beta reader. sapphire
| Title: FFARG Review Reviewed By: Lady_Yukiko - not signed on On: April 03, 2005 18:56 CDT Comment/Review: Well I'm not a Sesshoumaru/Kagome fan, but I can see the interest this coupling has to some people. I think this is an interesting story, but I think you need to work on changing points of views because I found it rather confusing to follow the story in the second chapter. I also think it would add to the story if you wrote more about the character's emotions, particullarly in the classroom scene. So except for those two things and a comma placements that are needed, I'd say you're off to a start on a very good story. Best of luck!
| Title: FFARG review Reviewed By: Sari-15 [MediaMiner Member] On: March 31, 2005 23:35 CST Comment/Review: As someone who doesn't typically read the Sess/Kagome pairing, I do understand the allure of it. On to the actual critique. Details! Details! That was the first thing I noticed. The good writing, that needs fattening with description. The scene that really stuck out with me is the confrontation after class, I didn't feel any of the emotions from either character because you either switched the POV or didn't have any definitive POV going during it. Keeping it entirely in one characters POV and adding more emotions and descriptions during the scene would make it have a bigger 'impact' with your readers. Other than what Lady Lark said, I think you have a great start to an interesting story. Keep up the wonderful work and I look forward to seeing more work from you.
| Title: twiddledee Reviewed By: twiddledee [MediaMiner Member] On: March 15, 2005 11:10 CST Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10 Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review: Horray, a sequel. Oh please update I love your work. Ahh I can't wait. Keep it up!!!!
| Title: FFARG Reviewed By: LadyLark [MediaMiner Member] On: March 05, 2005 23:01 CST Comment/Review: You have an interesting story on your hands. I have a feeling that it would help to read the companion piece to this since it makes reference to a lot of things that happened earlier. Secondly, as you know, you do need a beta. But one to help you mostly with two key things. The first is one of the hardest things in Grammar -- the dreaded comma. You have a tendancy to not set off dependent clauses or make the fragments. A good beta will help you with that. Secondly, you need some one to suggest ways to change up your sentences a little. You use the same type of sentence a lot, which can get a little repetitive to the reader. You don't have the problem in the dialogue section, only in the description leading up to it. I was surprised at the modern day setting and the references to it in the beginning, but I now think that they work. Now your dialogue is well done, it is interesting and feels natural. You could use more of it. You have a good story on your hands that could use a little polishing. Fix a few things, and you may have a featured fanfic on your hands.
| Title: nice intro Reviewed By: rage2velvet [MediaMiner Member] On: February 22, 2005 15:23 CST Rating(s):Style of Writing: 9 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 9 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 9 of 10 Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review: I love the poetic darkness of your stories. You have a good angst-ridden intro-as far as where you are going with this-all I can say is that the premise is solid-Sesshoumaru still has strong abhorrence to conceiving a hanyou-Kagome is very much a contemporary girl who wants to live out her dreams w/out being overwhelmed and smothered by the bond she shares with Sess-it's the whole question again and again of 'unconditonal love' that carries the weight of regret with it and 'if you love someone...'-Sess would finish it with (like LaCroix from "Forever Knight) 'if it doesn't return to you-hunt it down and kill it.' Be careful Kagome. Be afraid Sesshoumaru.
| Reviewed By: crazydontcoverit On: February 22, 2005 11:37 CST Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review: that was cool. i luv that u actually continued the story i was hoppping u would. keep it up. udate very soon
| Title: I love You!!!!!! ^_~ Reviewed By: D. Vanvliet On: February 21, 2005 17:56 CST Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10 Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review: Thank God! I thought you were never gonna' write anything ever again!!! (I'm overdramatic, I know, but life's more fun that way, don't you think?) I reviewed your other fic under my old penname a while back - you know I STILL go back and spend hours re-reading it?! All that about InuYasha, and his arm, and Tetsusaiga - GAH! It still kills me. (Just like I cry every time I hear Ryan Cabrera's song, "True" because I was reading "Elsewhere" one of the first times I read it, LOL. I'm such a sap!) Never mind the freakin' grammar errors, it's a work of art - emotional PERFECTION! I SO wish I could bring that out in my writing like you do. (BTW - it would make my millenium if you could one day take a fifteen and read my Sess/Kag fic, "Demon's Night". It's posted here, under my penname Vanvliet. You helped inspire it, after all, LOL.) I'd also love to chat with you sometime - your fic ideas are brill!!! We even seem to like the same music! Anyway, sorry if I sound creepy with my rambling - I'm just so hyped that you're writing again! You rock! THANK YOU! ~Dash
| Reviewed By: jinnandtonic23 [MediaMiner Member] On: February 21, 2005 02:09 CST Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10 Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10 Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10 Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Comment/Review: Hello:) I'm so happy that you have a sequel! You're an awesome writer and I enjoy your work. If I have one thing to say about this story, it would be to not make it a typical angsty romance. I love the way it's going, however, at the same time it has some shades of what's already been written about. I guess what I'm trying to say is not to draw out the angst and make them suffer for a really long time. Sorry if this doesn't totally make sense. Just keep up the good work! :)
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