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| "Gay Life Of Dark" Reviews/Comments [ 3 ] | Title: ...
Reviewed By: Catoni15 [MediaMiner Member] On: June 14, 2005 23:50 CDT
Comment/Review:
Hn...I can't say I can picture Dark being gay, but, hey, that's what fanfiction is for, right? Now, on to my review. I find that your story, for one thing, lacks flow. Things seem kind of...rushed. It doesn't move smoothly from one thing to the other. You need a more proper sense of transition in your stories. Part of that could be due to the fact that you don't take too much time to describe things. I don't know if that's a result from your style or ideas, but it doesn't seem to help. It's so short! I'm mostly speaking of the movement from the first chapter to the second. One minute Dark is talking to Daisuke and the next thing we know, it's Dark and Krad! I see what you were trying to do but it fell a little short. Don't get me wrong, no one said it had to be a million word long opening but just add a little more "meat" to it, 'ya know? As well, I find that a couple bits of information are not really correct (at least, according to the manga, I've never seen the anime, so I wouldn't know about that). Risa is NOT the older Harada twin, that's Riku. And Risa was the one who turned Daisuke down on his fourteenth birthday, not Riku. Unless this happens to be some kind of shift in information due to an AU story line where Riku was the one who refused and, if that is so, you should have stated thus. I hope this helped. I was not trying to be mean. I criticized only to help you get better. Good luck and keep trying! ~Catoni15 ^_^
| Title: Thanks
Reviewed By: Cozmoo [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2005 14:18 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 7 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 6 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 7 of 10
Overall Rating: 8 of 10 Comment/Review:
It is all thanks to my Wonderful co-writer and editor, you know who you are...
| Title: Pretty good
Reviewed By: zaccely [MediaMiner Member] On: June 09, 2005 13:00 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 6 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 4 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 8 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 6 of 10
Overall Rating: 7 of 10 Comment/Review:
Well, it is quite book so far cozmoo. I would like to see what happens once Daisuke finishes his shower. Will he except Dark being gay? Will he learn that he has gay tendencies as well? This has turned out really nice so far, but as your editor and co-author, I demand that you write up until the porn scene, then I will continue on from there. So get to writing, and let me know when it's my turn. Kay? Alright, I reviewed,I didn't flame, your feelings are still intact so be happy.
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