Title: FFRG
Reviewed By: Broken Visage [MediaMiner Member] On: June 15, 2005 19:29 CDT
Comment/Review:
Firstly, you need to reformat the fic. There should be an empty line between each and every paragraph (two "enter" or "return" in other words). Also every time someone new speaks, there must be a new paragraph. Do not have dialogue mid-paragraph, or multiple speakers in each paragraph. Now, the prologue is a bit short, which I suppose is not bad for a prologue, but there could possibly be a bit more. However, that opinion could easily change based on the first chapter. The start of the fic is not bad and I think you may have a good start on a great story. I might suggest a beta (or another beta, if you have one already) who can find awkward sentences because you do have some. Thank you for submitting to FFRG. : )
|
