Reviewed By: Lynxara [MediaMiner Member] On: January 17, 2002 17:04 CST
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 8 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 9 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 7 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 9 of 10 Comment/Review:
A beautiful piece of work. I always like seeing secondary characters explored in fanfic, and despite having lots of characters who got very little screentime, I haven't seen a lot of stories like this that focus on them (granted, that may be my fault for not regularly reading MKR).
I only have one tiny nitpick to make in terms of grammar. You rely very heavily on one-word sentences during the monologue and pseudologue. Be very careful with this! Overuse creates something so disjointed that it's unreasonable, and can also actually impair characterization. (For instance, I can't imagine someone who's thinking of a friend about to be erased from existence using the rather silly word 'poof' to do it in.)
Be more careful with the one-word sentences next time. Your characterization ability is clearly marvelous and you don't need to rely on that device so heavily to create the feel of a character's actual thoughts.
But make no mistake, overall, I was very impressed. |
