.hack//SIGN Fan Fiction ❯ .hack/RaNdOmNeSs ❯ Legends of the Hidden Temple prt 1 ( Chapter 4 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Disclaimer: Not mine!

A/N: This chapter came to me as I was lying on my couch watching TV...

.hack/RaNdOmNeSs

Aura: AND WELCOME TO LEGENDS OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!!!!

Veiwers: YEY!

Aura: AND HERE IS YOUR HOST, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALMUUUUUUUUUUUNG!

Balmung: [Appears] Thank you Aura! Welcome to Legends of the Hidden Temple, .hack style! What magic tresure thingy will we be trying to get today?

Aura: THE KEY OF THE TWILIGHT IN THE KING'S STOREROOM!

Balmung: And who didn't see that come?

Veiwers: WE DIDN'T!

Balmung: Well, one of these teams will be getting it! The Red Jaguars!

Kite & Blackrose: That's us! YEY!

Balmung: The Blue Barracudas!

Mimiru: Is that me?

Bear: No, we are the Blue Bears!

Balmung: ...The Green Monkeys!

Mai & Elk: [Blushing]

Balmung: Orange Iguanas!

Crim & Mistrel: Hiya!

Balmung: The Purple Parrots!

Ginkan: [Standing there alone]

Balmung: Um...We need a girl!

BT: I, Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, REFUSES TO BE HIS TEAMMATE! [Sits down and watches]

Balmung: Helba?

Helba: [Crying over the death of her plushie army]

Balmung: -.- [Makes A20 appear]

A20: Um...Hi?

Balmung: The Silver Snakes!

Ginkan: WHY COULDN'T I BE A SILVER SNAKE!

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Wave]

Balmung: One of these Six teams will be the ones to get the Key of the Twilight, but first, they gotta get across the moat and hit their gongs!

Aura: THAT THEY DO!

Balmung: And how will they be doing it today?

Aura: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!

Balmung: You heard the giant talking stone head! [Sits down] Anything goes! Just don't swim...You have...5 minutes!

Kite: Anything goes, huh? Well I saw this show when I was a kid! I KNOW WHAT TO DO! [Runs and jumps] AYAYAYAHAYAHAYAHYAAHA! [Slams into the water]

Blackrose: -.-'

Kite: [Rubbing face] Ow...[Swims back]

Blackrose: If your gonna jump across, you gotta use a vault! [Uses her sword as a pole vault] Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! [Lands on the other side] Ta-da!

Kite: Alright! [Takes Mimiru's sword and is about to jump]

Mimiru: OH NO YOU DON'T! [Takes it back]

Kite: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! [Falls on the floor face first] Oooooow...[Tooth falls out] HEY!

Mimiru: Okay Bear, how are we gonna get across?

Bear: WE SHALL LET THE SPIRITS SAVE US! [Takes out his Quija board and sits Indain style] Ooooooooooweeeeeeeeeouuuuuuoouuuuu! [Floats across the moat and lands] See!

Mimiru: 0.0

Bear: Just trust the spirits and make CONTACT!

Mimiru: Um...Okay. [Sits down]

Bear: You have to make the sound!

Mimiru: -.-'

Mai: I refuse to swim across.

Elk: Well, we're not suppose to anyway.

Mai: Um...so...

Elk: [Starts smoking]

Mai: !!! ELK! NOT HERE!

Elk: Maybe if we're high...we'll like...see a way to get across.

Mai: Yeah! [Starts smoking]

Elk & Mai: I have a idea! Wait...lost it...

Crim: So whats the plan?

Mistrel: Hmm...I know! [Throws up sparkles] Weeeeeefooooneihaiada!

Crim: o.O

Mistrel & Crim: [Magically appear on the otherside]

Crim: YEY! [Hits gong]

Balmung: The first team is the orange people!

Ginkan: Noooooooooo, we were suppose to be first!

A20: Who ARE you?

Ginkan: How will we get across?

A20: [Jumps across]

Ginkan: HOW?!

A20: I'm a twinblade! I can jump good!

Ginkan: Well so is Kite...

Kite: YAAAAAAAAAA! [Jumps and hits the water again] DAMN IT!

A20: He's a idiot.

Subaru: Hey! Did you see how Crim and Mistrel got across?

Tsukasa: Yep! MAGIC!

Subaru: Use your magic!

Tsukasa: Okay! [Summons his Gaurdain] Oops?

Gaurdain: [Moans like a whale]

Subaru: Can you teleport us?

Tsukasa: Um...I can, but I don't know how...

Subaru: ...

Tsukasa: But...I HAVE A PLAN! [Dresses the Gaurdain up in womans clothes]

Subaru: And how does that HELP?!

Tsukasa: It was suppose to help?

Subaru: IDIOT! [Whacks Tsukasa into the moat]

Gaurdain: [Kills Subaru]

Subaru: [Dies] X.x

Ginkan: LADY SUBARU! [Jumps at the Gaurdain] I SHALL KILL YOU!

Subaru: [Undies] STOP!

Ginkan: o.o? How did you do that?

Kite: [Jumps again and hits the water but gets knocked out] XD

Blackrose: Oh great...

Mimiru: IT'S NOT WORKING!

Bear: YOUR MAKING THE SOUND WRONG! IT'S Ooooooooooooooooooooweeeeeeeeeooooooouuuuuuuuuuu!

Mimiru: Ooooooweeeeooooouuu...[Nothing] SEE!?

Bear: Um... MAKE CONTACT!

Mimiru: [Stands up and starts stabbing the Quija board] ITS [Stab] NOT [Stab] WOR [Stab] KING! [Stab]

Bear: Oh...your in trouble now.

Quija: [Comes to life] HOW DARE YOU!!! [Teleports Mimiru away and breaks]

Bear: Hey! Where did it send my teammate...

---Antarcitca---

Mimiru: Hello there.

Eskimo: ?

Mimiru: Can you help me get across the moat?

Eskimo: STOP TALKING YOUR WIZARDY! [Runs away]

---Hidden Temple place---

Ginkan: Okay...I'm gonna swim it. [Jumps in the water] HELP! HELP I'M DROWNING! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!! OH GOD! Cough! Spudder! Cough, cough! [Goes under the water]

Balmung: Ginkan...The water is 3 feet deep...and your like what? 5 feet?

Ginkan: [Stands up] Oh...[Starts whailing again] HELP! I CAN'T SWIM AND YOU CAN DROWN IN 1 INCH OF WATER! AAAAAAAAAH!!!

A20 & Balmung: ...

Subaru & Tsukasa: Weeeeeeeee! [Riding across on the Gaurdain]

Gaurdain: [Drops them on the otherside and goes away]

Tsukasa: [Rings gong]

Balmung: Silver Snakes are in second!

Mai: [Points] Look! It's the Meat Bridge! It's come to lead us over the water!

Elk: YEY!

Mai & Elk: [Runs over the 'Meat Bridge' and hit the gong]

Balmung: Somehow...I really don't know how...but Green Monkeys are in 3rd. We need one more team! Who will it be?

Blackrose & Bear: [Walking back and forth] What do I do? What do I do?!

Ginkan: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLPPPPPPP!!

Balmung: Hmm...

Sora & BT: [Appear]

Balmung: And who are you?

Sora & BT: WE ARE THE YELLOW LEOPARDS!

Balmung: There were no Yellow Leop-

Sora & BT: THERE ARE NOW! [Magically appear and hit the Purple Parrots gong]

Balmung: Alright...if you say so, the 4th team is the Yellow Leopards!

Sora & BT: YES!

Balmung: Congratulations to the Green Monkeys! Orange Iguanas! Silver Snakes and Yellow Leopards!

Winners: Yey!

Balmung: And for the other teams, your not going home empty handed! Heres what you've won!

Aura: YOU'VE WON A FREE POKEMON CARD! IT COMES WILL ALL THE POWERS OF THE CARD THAT YOU WILL GET! NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF MY TEMPLE! [Kicks the losers out]

Balmung: Now we are moving on to the Steps of Knowledge. Somehow, I don't feel we should be here, but...oh well! Aura, tell us a little about the key of the twilight.

Aura: ITS A KEY...FOR TWILIGHT...AND ITS IN THE KING'S STORE ROOM!

Key of the Twilight: [Normal key just with sparkles on it] Shine!

Aura: NOW ANSWER MY QUESTIONS!

Balmung: If you think you know the answer, step on the little button infront of you and the stair will light up. You'll then answer the question. If you get it wrong or run out of time, we'll give the others team a chance to answer. As you can see, there are 3 steps for you to stand on, so you have to answer 3 questions. Only 2 Teams will get past the Steps, good luck!

Aura: WHAT IS TSUKASA NAME!

Elk & Mai: [Step on the tablet]

Balmung: Green Monkeys!

Elk: Bob...

Aura: THAT IT CORRECT!

Balmung: No it isn-

Aura: SHUT UP!

Elk & Mai: [Step down]

Other Teams: [Glare]

Aura: SORA IS A WHAT? CRIMSON/SCARLET/NOW BLUE KNIGHT, PLAYER KILLER OR A GIDDY 4 YEAR OLD.

Sora & BT: [Step on the tablet]

Balmung: Yellow Leopards?

Sora: Giddy 4 year old.

Aura: WRONG!

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step on the tablet]

Balmung: Silver Snakes?

Subaru: Crimson/Scarlet/Now Blue Knight!

Aura: YOU SUCK! WRONG! NEW QUESTION! WHO IS MY FATHER!

All: ................

Elk & Mai: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Green Monkeys?

Mai: Your father is your daddy.

Aura: CORRECT!

Elk & Mai: [Step down]

Aura: GENTALMEN! BEHOLD! [Makes a giant rat appear]

All: ..................[sigh]

Aura: INCORRECT! WHAT IS THE BEST MMORPG?

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Silver Snakes?

Tsukasa: FFXI, duh.

Aura: CORRECT!

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step down]

Aura: HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP?

Crim & Mistrel: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Orange Iguanas?

Crim: We can't see your hands.

Aura: CORRECT!

Crim & Mistrel: [Step down]

Sora & BT: -.-'

Aura: HOW MANY TIMES DOES FRODO GET HURT IN THE THREE MOVIES, NOT THE BOOKS!

All: Um...

Elk & Mai: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Green Monkeys?

Mai: 1092.

Aura: CORRECT!

Elk & Mai: YEY! [Step down]

Balmung: The Green Monkeys are the first team down! We still have room for one more!

Aura: TRANSLATE THIS SENTANCE: "? ???? ?????, ?????, ??? ? ????!" INTO ELVISH!

All: ...............................................

Aura: FINE! NAME THE 3 BESTEST COLORS!

Sora & BT: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Yellow dudes?

Sora: Red, Blue and Yellow!

Aura: WRONG!

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Yes?

Subaru: Red, Blue and Pink!

Aura: WRONG!

Crim & Mistrel: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Hmm?

Mistrel: Gold, Silver and Bronze!

Aura: YOUR ALL WRONG!

Elk & Mai: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Guys you don't need to answer anymore question, your there.

Elk: Red, Blue and Green.

Aura: CORRECT! WHAT IS THE ANSWER TO: 100x48x59x92x3x0x293x23x2891x6x29!

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Silver Snakes?

Tsukasa: Zero.

Aura: OH, I PUT A ZERO IN THERE? OOPS! NO, ANSWER AGAIN WITHOUT THE ZERO!

Tsukasa: -.- Figures...

Subaru: I know this one! 264,969,037,035,763,200!

Aura: SHE IS CORRECT!

All: o.O

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step down]

Balmung: One more right answer for the Silver Snakes and they will join the Green Monkeys in the finals! Orange Iguanas and Yellow Leopards, don't giv-

Aura: SHUT UP AND LET ME ASK THE QUESTION! WHY IS THE SKY BLUE?

Sora & BT: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Yellow?

BT: Because I, Gaia, the spirit of the Earth, made it blue.

Aura: CORRECT!

Sora & BT: [Step down]

Aura: WHAT IS MARIOS GIRLFRIENDS NAME!

Crim & Mistrel: [Step on tablet]

Crim: Princess Toadstool "Peach"!

Aura: I NEVER SAID IT WAS THAT MARIO! AHAHA! I JUST SAID MARIO! GET IT? MARIO! AHAHAHA!

Crim & Mistrel: ...

Aura: HOW COME I MUST KNOW, WHERE OBBESION NEEDS TO GO!

All: ...

Aura: TRUE OR FALSE?

Tsukasa & Subaru: [Step on tablet]

Balmung: Yes?

Tsukasa: Um...False?

Aura: CORRECT!

Tsukasa & Subaru: YEY! [Jump up and down]

Elk & Mai: YEY! [Jump up and down with them]

Crim, Mistrel, BT, & Sora: Aw...

Balmung: Congratulations Silver Snakes and Green Monkeys! Oh, But Orange Iguanas and Yellow Leopards, don't think we forgot you! You've won the Pokemon card and this!

Aura: YOU'VE WON A PENNY! IT'S A LITTLE GREEN SINCE I FOUND THEM IN A PUDDLE. BUT I DON'T GIVE A DAMN! GET OUT!

Balmung: When we come back from these comercial breaks, The Green Monkeys are gonna go head to head with the Silver Snakes for pendents of life! But only one team can enter...THE HIDDEN TEMPLE!

TBC