Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Forever yours ❯ Promise ( Chapter 2 )

[ A - All Readers ]

Renji stood panting on the forest clearing, finally sealing and dropping Zabimaru without even realising it. His robes were torn and bloody, whether the blood was his, he did not know or care. It had finally quieted down after Renji had dispatched the last one of the hollows that had caused Ichigo's death. Snowing had ceased and first rays of the sun finally spread over the once pure white clearing, but which now was red with blood.

Rest of the group were near the tree line, wathing quietly as Renji finally finished killing the hollows. Orihime had sank on her knees and was silently crying against one of the trees. Ishida was kneeling next to her, stroking her back soothingly, angry expression on his face as he wached the clearing. Sado stood unmoving, yet his fist were clentching and his body was lightly shaking. Rukia stood before them, her head bowed and tears visible on her cheeks. They were all startled out of their dark reverie as Renji let out a long and pain filled yell and sank to his knees.

After the feeling of Ichigo's reiatsu had vanished, for a moment Renji had been stunned. His breathing had paused as one thought had ran trough his mind No... No... No... This is NOT happening... In his mind he saw Ichigo smiling at him as he left to fight Aizen. Something inside of him had then broken.

He had ran to the clearing where the hollows still lingered, bloodlust unlike anything he had ever felt before, driving him forward. As he had reached the clearing, he had seen a pack of hollows. They had been surrounding an area that was drenched in blood, their claws red. After that it was all a blur, as he had chanelled all of his pain, shock, terror and rage into slashing the hollows.

Then the hollows were gone and he had nothing to drown his feelings into. The realisation, in it's whole content, then hit him. He yelled until his voice couln't carry and sank to the ground, crying bitterly. I am so sorry Ichigo... This just can't be real... He hit his fist against the bloody ground. This wasn't supposed to go like this... Ichigo... You and I... You were supposed come live with me after this war Ichigo! Don't you remember Ichigo, you promised me to come back! I need you here with me! He then felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Renji..." Rukia called his name quietly, tears tracks were still visible on her cheeks. Renji raised his gaze and Rukia was stunned by the look in her friend's eyes. His eyes were so full of pain and other emotions that Rukia suddenly felt at loss of what to say to him.

"It... It's gonna be alright, Renj...-" Rukia started, but was interrupted by Renji.

"No! No, it's not gonna be alright Rukia! Don't you realise!" Renji yelled at her, and Rukia flinched. Renji drew in a breath as he continued. "Don't you realise that he will never come back?" Renji finished, his voice breaking.

"Renji..." she started, about to comfort him, but stopped as she then realised the meaning of his words.

As the war had started, they had all known the possibility that they would not all make it alive. But even then they had known, that nobody would be gone forever. Shinigami who died would be at some time reborn in Living World. Humans who died would emerge in Rukongai. That was the cycle.

Except... Except if the soul is devoured by a hollow... There had not been anyone around as Ichigo had fallen, nobody to protect his soul from the hungry hollows. Rukia didn't know what she could say now, too torn by the fate of one of her best friends to think clearly. But she then remembered something important from her own past.

"Renji... Even if that is true... Ichigo has left his heart with us, with you Renji. No matter what, he will never be truly gone."

Renji just sat there on the ground as tears continued to fall from his eyes, not being able to say goodbye.

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After the war and Ichigo's death life went on. Ichigo's human body was buried next to his mother. The time following was not easy for Ichigo's family. Karin withdrew from everyone else and Yuzu cried during nights. Isshin tried to remain strong despite having lost his son, focusing his will into not breaking down and being there for his daughters. Years following were not easy for the family, but life went on. The pain of their loss was always there, but it got easier over time. The family was eventually able talk about their memories of Ichigo without feeling the bitter sting of grief.

Soul Society had experienced heavy casualties during the war. Ichigo was not he only one lost, and the years following the war were used as time for healing for those who had lost their loved ones. The survivors helped one another during difficult times.

For Renji, it all felt unreal at first. As he attended Ichigo's funeral it didn't feel real, like it all was a bad dream. He expected Ichigo to show up suddenly, laugh and say You didn't think that something like hollows would kill me, did you?

But days and weeks went by and he didn't come. Slowly Ichigo's death became reality for Renji. His absence left a void in him. He started seeing nightmares of Ichigo fighting an army of hollows alone, and the hollows finally brutally killing him as Renji wacthed it all happen helpless. He would then wake up cowered in sweat and lie on his bed. Worst part was that then he would remember that the dream was reality. This made Renji avoid sleep for long periods of time. He lost his appetite in his depression and he tried to drown himself in work to avoid being alone in his thoughts. He started avoiding his friends, as being with his friends reminded him of Ichigo's absence.

He most propably would have become isolated from the people around him, had it not been his friends patience and their persistence to help him. They didn't leave him alone and looked after him. They knew that his grief would be present for a long time and accepted it.

At one point Renji realized that he was not the only one hurt by Ichigo's death. Renji had lost his lover, but Rukia and his other friends had lost a friend. That's when he somehow could finally see that he was not alone in his grief, and that Rukia and others didn't want to lose another one of their friends. He had then approached Rukia and appoligized for his behavior. Rukia had simply smiled and stated that she understood. She then had proceeded telling him that Ichigo would not have appreciated Renji mourning for him forever.

It had been for the sake of his friends and Ichigo that he had been able to let go of his all consuming depression.

Renji was determined that even though Ichigo was now gone he would never forget him, that he would forever remain as a part of his life. In that relatively short time that he had known and loved Ichigo, he felt that just by being around him, Ichigo had made him a better person. Ichigo had a caring nature, even if he tried not to show it. That was what first had made Renji attracted to the orange head.

He kept a picture of him and Ichigo on his night stand. The picture was taken only couple days after they had officially gone together. They had both been so happy.

At first it had been difficult just look at the picture. It had reminded him of his loss. Over time looking the picture became a part of his every day routine. As he would wake up in the morning or go to bed at night, he would look at the picture. Later when he would sometimes feel sad or tired, looking the picture gave him strenght, instead of reminding him of loss and sorrow.

Life went on and he was able to keep on going.

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Sun was setting in Seiretei as captain of the 3th division, Abarai Renji, walked from his division's head quarters. He walked leisurely as he was in no hurry. This had been a rare occurance ever since the new recruits from the academy had arrived about a month back, as there had constantly been problems that had required his attention. It didn't help that the number of the recruits had been unusually large that year. Finally things were starting to run smoothly and the recruits were starting to settle in, giving a much needed break for captains of all divisons.

As he was lost in his thoughts he almost walked past the short and black haired vicecaptain of the 13th divison.

"Earth to Renji! Are you there!" Renji stopped and turned to her.

"Oh, hi Rukia. I didn't see you there." he then greeted her. Rukia walked to him and they started walking side by side.

"I noticed. Are you that worn out from dealing with all these new recruits?" Rukia asked grinning. Renji snorted.

"Hah, you wish. I was just thinking that it's finally calming down in our division." Renji said and streched his arms.

"Yeah." Rukia answered almost absently, looking ahead. Renji looked at her, noticing the change in her tone.

"Is something wrong?" he then asked as Rukia's silenced lasted. Rukia looked up at him with concerned eyes.

"Actually Renji, I was thinking... Are you dealing okay?" Renji knew what she ment.

The anniversary of Ichigo's death was in next couple of weeks. As the anniversary neared each year Renji would slightly distant himself from everyone else. First Rukia had been heavily concerned by Renji's behavior, fearing that he would isolate himself again as he had done after Ichigo's death. Later Rukia had reazed that it was just Renji's way of mourning, and she got used to giving him space during those times. She still wanted Renji to know that she would be there for him should he want to talk.

They continued walking in silence for a minute until Renji stopped and Rukia turned to face him.

"It's not easy. I think that no matter how many years passes by, it will always be difficult. Specially when it's the anniversary..." he paused and looked at the sky which was coloured beautifully in the setting sun.

"I miss him. I miss his voice and I miss his smiles... I even miss the way he used to bicker with his hollow in his sleep. He muttered during nights and kept me up for hours. Back then it was such a pain, and now I miss even that." Renji explained, smiling lightly "Pretty stupid, huh?" Rukia shook her head.

"I know what you mean Renji. It's not the same drawing Chappy the bunny anymore, now that he isn't commenting how abnormally my drawings suck." They both laughed. It felt good, remembering those things. Rukia then smiled at Renji.

"Remember you can talk to me, alright?" Renji nodded, and Rukia turned, heading towards Kuchiki manor. Renji continued heading home.

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Kinosh ita Kazuki was confused. He had been feeling very confused for almost a month now, ever since he had graduated from the shinigami academy and moved to Seiretei where he had been signed into 7th division.

Kazuki felt that he was an avarage shinigami. He had lived in Rukongai ever since he had died in the Living world at age of seven. He had posessed spiritual powers and had entered the shinigami academy, where he had graduated a month back.

Firstly people in Seiretei had acted strangely. There were people who he had never met before that would stare at him, even turn to look at him as he passed them by on the street. He had wondered the reason for this.

Then the second, and more pressing matter, was him. Ever since he had first seen Captain Abarai from distance, something had changed. He had felt as though he recognized the captain, though he had never once in his life seen him before. He had been enchanted by the way he had moved, the way he had talked. The same day as he had gone to sleep he had seen the most unusual dream. Involving him and the captain.

And that wasn't the end of it. After the first night's... intense dream, he started having more dreams. But the following ones weren't like the first one had been. He could dream about himself lightly chatting with Captain Abarai and then giving him a kiss, or the two of them figting, verbally and physically, or the two of them just laying together. It was dreams like these that confused him even more than the first one. Why would he see dream like that, dreams that were somehow very casual? He had seen the man only a few times, and even those times he had seen him from distance, yet he had started to feel as if he knew the man.

Then the symptons had began. He had started intetionally looking for him with his gaze as he would pass by Renji's divison's head quarters. Should he see him there, however briefly, his palms would start sweating, his heart beat slightly increase and his mouth dry. He had started thinking about him, wondering whether he was anything like he was in his dreams. He found himself hoping so.

This had led Kazuki to one conclusion. He didn't want to admit it, it was not like him. But he knew it was true. He had become infatuated with Captain Abarai. Man who he had never had a conversation with, man who didn't even know he existed. And that was confusing.

He was heading towards his divison as he pondered all this, trying to find a reasonable explanation. Then he felt a rather large reiatsu approaching him and saw a figure in distance. Oh fuck, it's him! It's okay, just play it cool. Greet him like he was any other captain. Not a captain you have had an erotic dream about. Shit, don't think about that now! He was shaken of his slightly panicky thoughts, when the captain suddenly gasped and halted, looking at him shocked. Kazuki opened his mouth to say, he didn't know what, when the red head shakily spoke.

"Ichigo?"

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Renji had been walking without really paying attention to his surroundings, when he suddenly got a weird feeling. As he looked up straight ahead of him everything had stopped. Wild, spiky and orange hair, brown eyes...

"Ichigo?" he had then asked. It couln't be, it was not possible...

"I- I think you are mistaking me for so- someone else...?" Kazuki suddenly felt a strong sense of deja vu. Ichigo?

Renji felt his eyes moisten. His voice. The voice he had so missed... All doubt now evaporated from his mind. Without registering the movement he had let out a yell and closed the short distance between them and wrapped his arms around the other. It was him... He was back, he had come back. His soul had not been devoured by the hollows all those years back, he was here...

"Ca- captain Abarai?" Kazuki stuttered. His face must have been then as red as Renji's hair. He had been stunned as the captain had suddenly held him and as he felt Renji's arms around him the feeling of contentment came over him. Renji...

Renji pulled back and smiled at him.

"I am sorry. You must be wondering why the hell a total stranger suddenly acts like I do." he stated his voice shaky.

"I... Well I..." Kazuki was for once at loss with words. Renji kept smiling at him, never breaking the eye contact. He felt more content than he had for years, more content than he had ever since Ichigo's death. He had found him again. He had gained another chance and he wouldn't wais it.

"It's a long story. You have time?" Renji asked. Kazuki didn't understand. His dreams and strange feelings towards the red head, the way Renji had held him. But he knew he would come to understand. He smiled back at him and answered.

"Yeah, I do."

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So there it was! Please review and tell what you think! Oh, and the name Kazuki means 'radiant hope'. I thought it was proper!