Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Gradual ❯ Gradual ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Gradual
Author: blue_crystal_9
Rating: PG-13/T
Pairings: Matsumoto/Hisagi, very tiny bit of Hitsugaya/Hinamori, and a little one-sided
Matsumoto/Gin.
Warnings: Innuendo, swearing.
Spoilers: Episode 60-ish.
Summary: As the days pass, Matsumoto and Hisagi begin to grow closer together.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, Tite Kubo does. I am not gaining any profit from this; this is
for entertainment purposes only.
Author’s Notes: Yay, my first ShuuRan fic! :D There needs to be more ShuuRan love in the world. It takes place mostly somewhere before the Arrancar arc. Also, this is my first ShuuRan fic; mostly I’ve written HitsuHina before this. This was interesting to write, because HitsuHina is basically angst with a dash of cuteness and fluff, while ShuuRan is cheekier and flirtier. It was a lot of fun. :)

Also, this was edited quickly because I have midterm exams next week, and I wanted to post it now so that it would be out of my way and wouldn’t distract me from studying. Because of this, there may be a few mistakes, so I apologize if there are any. I may revise this after my midterms, as there were a few parts that bugged me a little. I’ll see how I feel later on. ;) This was also posted on my accounts on FanFiction.Net and LiveJournal.


________________________________________________ ______________________________

It’s not meant to be like this,
Not what I planned at all.
I don’t want to feel like this,
So that makes it all your fault.

“The Walk” by Imogen Heap

______________________________________________________________ ________________

The first time they spoke was after a vice captain’s meeting. Matsumoto had seen him around several times since he’d been promoted to a vice captain, but she hadn’t had the opportunity to speak to him.
After one of the meetings had finished they had been the last people to leave. Hisagi had spoken to her before she’d reached the door.
“Matsumoto-fuku taicho, right? I’m Hisagi Shuuhei.” He said, smiling friendly at her.
“Nice to meet you.” She returned his smile, shaking his hand. “So, how do you like being a vice-captain?”
“It’s good.” He answered. “Lots of paperwork though.”
Matsumoto laughed dryly, “Tell me about it. Speaking of which, I should get back to my division before my captain hunts me down.”
“It was nice meeting you.” He smiled at her again.
“You too.” Matsumoto replied, and walked away.
In the few short moments they’d spoken, Matsumoto had examined him. He was fairly good looking; tall, lean and muscular with dark hair and eyes, as well as several interesting tattoos. Not bad at all, actually.
Matsumoto grinned to herself. He was going to be interesting. Very interesting indeed.

__________________________________________________________ ____________________

Eventually, Hisagi was invited to one of the vice captain drinking parties, and Matsumoto got to know him a little bit more. He was a lot of fun to drink with; he was good company and had good stories. He made her laugh and despite his appearance of being quiet and serious, he could be very animated. Especially after drinking several bottles of sake.
After a while, it became regular for Hisagi to join her and Kyoraku-taicho (who was her favourite drinking partner) for drinks. Sometimes she and Hisagi drank together without Kyoraku, and sometimes with others like Kira and Renji or Iba.
They were becoming friends.
And then of course, chaos happened.
Aizen, Ichimaru and Tousen had betrayed the Soul Society.

_________________________________________________________ _____________________

So long, Rangiku. Sorry.
Even hours after, Gin’s voice still rang as clearly in her mind as when he’d first spoken those words.
Matsumoto was running. She didn’t know where exactly, just that she needed to get away.
She didn’t want to cry in front of everyone.
She was supposed to be a pillar of strength, a smiling face to help the others carry on. But right now she couldn’t even breathe, she was hurting so much.
Seeing Gin leaving had proved too much for her to bear at the moment. In a few days she would be able to hide her pain and put on a show of cheerfulness, but right now it was too new, too raw.
The tears began to burn at her eyes, but she adamantly refused to let them fall until she was somewhere private.
Suddenly a pair of strong arms wound around her, halting her progress. She squirmed, trying to get free. “Let me go.” She choked out, her throat aching.
“No.” A low voice above her head said gently, and she realized it was Hisagi. He turned her around so that she was facing him, and pulled her closer, rubbing her back.
He was offering her comfort.
And then the tears started to fall. She buried her head in his chest and sobbed.
She wasn’t aware of how much time passed while she cried in his arms. All she knew was that it was strangely nice to be in held by him.
Finally her tears quieted to sniffles and she looked up at him, a little embarrassed and unsure of what to say.
“Feel better?” He asked quietly.
“Uh, yeah. Thanks for letting me cry all over you.” She muttered, somewhat sheepishly.
His lips twitched into an amused smile. “No problem.” His face turned serious. “Matsumoto, you don’t have to suffer alone. If you need... comfort or someone to talk to or whatever, you can come to me. I’m only a division away after all. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”
She looked at him for a moment before speaking, “Alright, I’ll consider it.”
Hisagi shrugged, “Good enough.”
She looked at him sharply, “But just so you know, I won’t be doing...that again. I’m not usually a crier. If I do come to you, it’ll just to be for company or something. Nothing more.”
Hisagi nodded, “Got it.”
“And you can call me Rangiku, if you wish.” She figured it would be appropriate, since they were friends now. It was a little strange to be calling each other by their last names when they were outside of work, especially since they had become closer.
He grinned slightly. “Okay. In that case, you can call me Shuuhei.”
Matsumoto nodded, a ghost of a smile gracing her lips. “Sure. I’ll see you later ...Shuuhei.”
“Bye, Rangiku.” She walked gave him a little wave and then walked away. Once he was out of sight she sighed, a sad expression coming onto her face again. She hated that Gin made her feel like this, so upset and confused and mixed up.
Damn you, Gin.
___________________________________________________________________________ ___

She ended up taking him up on his offer. Whenever she felt lonely and needed company or whenever thoughts of Gin were depressing her, she would come and talk to him about anything, important or not important. Sometimes they would eat, or drink sake and sometimes they’d do paperwork together (but not often as Matsumoto despised paperwork).
But one such meeting was much more serious.
It was late, and work had ended hours ago. Hisagi was still in his office however, as his paperwork was double the amount because he was the only one running the division. This is where Matsumoto found him, and she wasn’t in a good state.
She’d fallen asleep on the couch in the tenth division office and dreamt about Gin again. This dream was particularly vivid and she needed Hisagi before she went crazy. She leaned on him now; he kept her strong and kept her from losing herself in her thoughts. She was starting to depend on him more and it was making her feel a little uneasy. She was so used to depending just on herself, at least where her thoughts where concerned.
“What’s wrong, Rankigu?” He’d stopped writing and was looking at her, concerned.
“I dreamt about Gin again.” She said tiredly, too exhausted and fed up to dance around the issue.
To her annoyance, she felt tears springing to her eyes again. Before she never cried; now she was like a freaking waterworks. And why was it always around Hisagi?
Because you trust him. A voice in the back of her mind whispered but she pushed that information in the back of her brain to analyze later. Right now she was concentrating on not completely breaking down and bawling in front of him yet again.
Of course, she was not completely successful in this. Despite her attempt, tears still rolled down her cheeks and she still choked back sobs, shoulders trembling slightly from effort and emotion.
Hisagi finally spoke, “He’s not worth your tears, Rangiku.” His voice was quiet, dark eyes watching her intently.
“I know.” She sniffed, and laughed humorously. “I know that, but yet it still gets to me. There was never really anything ...definite between us. It was never said out loud, really.” This was the first time she had spoken to anyone about her relationship with Gin. “But yet, there were moments where I thought there was something there. I’m not an idiot, and I don’t misread things, I know he felt something for me, I’m just not sure what exactly. I don’t know if it was lust or love, I have no idea.” Her voice caught. “But obviously, it wasn’t enough for him.”
She felt him sit down beside her, and when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders she automatically curled closer to him. “He doesn’t deserve you.” There was something in his tone, as though he were angry at Gin for hurting her. She looked up at him, but there was nothing in his eyes except that soft look that was always present when he was comforting her. Whatever it was had come and gone in a second.
“Yeah, I know. It’s just hard to ...forget him. To stop thinking about him, I guess.”
“It’ll start to get easier, with time.”
She nodded, “I know.”
He took her hand and squeezed it comfortingly. There was something in his expression; something so soft and gentle and warm that it made Matsumoto look away, her heart thudding loudly in her ears.
It was a look that Gin had never given her.
For the first time, Matsumoto wondered if Hisagi had possibly developed feelings for her.
And now her heart was very, very confused.
_____________________________________________________________ _________________

A while later, she went to Hisagi in a similar depressed state again. This time it wasn’t about herself however, but her captain.
Hitsugaya’s mood had gotten worst and worst as the days went on, presumably because Hinamori hadn’t woken up from her coma yet. Matsumoto was worried about him, not to mention Hinamori. She tried to act as cheerful as possible around him, but nothing seemed to help. He was ice; unmovable and cold, his pain, hurt and frustration hidden behind the walls he constantly put up to hide his emotions from the rest of the world.
“It’s so obvious that he cares so much about her. He’s so upset, and he just keeps hiding behind the ice.” Matsumoto had said to Hisagi sadly. “And the fact that she trusted Aizen instead of him is hurting him much more than he lets on. She’s breaking his heart.”
Hisagi, had of course been the great guy Matsumoto had quickly learned he was and took her mind off her woes.
And this time, they drank sake.
It was many hours later. Matsumoto had lost count of how many bottles of sake she had drank. Four, five, six? Ten? She couldn’t remember.
All she knew was that she was very, very drunk. And yet, she still wanted more. She tipped the sake bottle up to her lips, confused when nothing came out of it. She shook it, becoming more confused when she didn’t hear liquid sloshing around. Realization slowly dawned. “There’s none left.” Her speech was slurred. “I need more!” She painstakingly got to her feet, wobbling dangerously. She scanned around Hisagi’s office blurrily, “Shuuhei, I can’t find the rest of the sake!”
Hisagi rolled his eyes, “That’s because you drank it all, Rangiku.”
“No I didn’t! There were...” She counted on her fingers, brow furrowing slightly when she couldn’t remember the name of the number. She held out three fingers, “There were this many left like, five minutes ago.”
Hisagi looked at her wryly, “I think you’ve had enough anyway.”
“No, I’ll never have enough!” She flung her arms out dramatically, which caused her to topple over. Luckily, Hisagi caught her before she hit the ground.
“Alright Rangiku, time to go to bed.” He said, putting one arm behind her back and the other behind her knees and picking her up bride-style.
“No...” She protested but she was already snuggling closer to his chest.
After a few moments of walking across the grounds, Matsumoto suddenly asked, “Where are we going?”
“The tenth division.” Hisagi answered.
“Why that division?” She questioned drunkenly.
“Because that’s your division, and where your bed is located.”
“Oh.” She giggled. “Right.” After a moment, she spoke again. “Why aren’t you as drunk as I am?”
Hisagi rolled his eyes. She was switching topics faster than a ping pong ball. “Because I didn’t drink as much as you did.”
“But that’s like, against the law. You’re always more drunk than I am. Yamamoto’s going to kick your ass for being less drunk than I am.”
“Riiight.” Hisagi drawled. “And who made up this law, might I ask?”
“Me!” Rangiku giggled.
“Uh-huh.”
They had just passed the ninth division when Matsumoto changed the subject again. “I just hope taicho will be less gloomy. It’s not doing his height any good.”
Hisagi snorted.
“Poor Hitsugaya-taicho, he’s sad because of Hinamori. Maybe he thinks she doesn’t love him back.”
“I think she does, but he just doesn’t realize it.”
“Duh. I could have told you that.” Matsumoto rolled her eyes at him. “He has a case of unrequited love. Or mistaken unrequited love. Or something like that.” She giggled again. “Believe me, unrequited love sucks. I should know, after all. I’d become a specialist in it while Gin was around.”
She heard Hisagi sigh quietly, “You’re not the only one, Rangiku.”
She tilted her head up to look at him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
A pained expression came across his face. “I know.”
Matsumoto decided to question his response later, when she could think straight. Hopefully she’d remember it tomorrow.
She was starting to get very sleepy. She cuddled closer to Hisagi, enjoying the warmth his body provided. She looked up at him through half lidded eyes; he really was very good looking, especially in the moonlight. She suddenly felt very warm. “You’re very comfortable.” She yawned.
She felt his chest rumble with laughter. “That’s good to know.”
He really was too awesome. “You’re nice, Hisagi.” She mumbled, already half asleep.
“Thank you.” She heard him reply, and felt his lips press lightly against her forehead for brief second. She smiled sleepily.
She fell asleep in his arms.

____________________________________________________________ __________________

Matsumoto awoke the next morning with the worst hangover she’d ever had in her life. Or rather, existence.
She vaguely realized that Hisagi had brought her into her room and actually tucked her in instead of dumping her on the bed. Aww.
And then she went to throw up.
A while later she shuffled into the tenth division office, pale and red eyed. Not to mention she was half an hour late.
“Matsumoto-” She heard Hitsugaya say but cut him off.
“Taicho, no offense but I really don’t want to hear it. I’m a grown woman, and I know the consequences of my own actions. When you have a hangover as bad as I do, then you can come talk to me.” She flopped down on her chair and laid her head on her desk.
“I doubt that’s ever going to happen.” He responded dryly.
“Me too.” She mumbled.
“You shouldn’t drink so much.”
“Yeah. Tell that to me ten hours ago. Or Hisagi, since he was the one who let me drink so much.”
She heard him snort, and then something clunked against the desk. She looked up blurrily and realized he’d placed a bottle of painkillers there. “Thank you.” She said hoarsely and proceeded to swallow way more than the prescribed dose.
She blinked when she realized Hitsugaya her captain was closing the drapes, effectively blocking out the sunlight which was making her head throb even more than it already was. She hid her grin. Her captain may be a snarky son-of-a-bitch, but he was too cool.
He turned around. “You still have to do your paperwork, Matsumoto.”
She cringed.
______________________________________________________________ ________________

It wasn’t until much, much later than Matsumoto began to remember bits and pieces of last night. She was walking back to her room and froze mid step.
What was it Hisagi had said? Something about how she wasn’t the only one who had experienced unrequited love? What the hell had he meant by that?
And then she remembered how she’d felt when she’d been in his arms. And her eyes widened.
No. She couldn’t be. There was no way she was falling in lo-
No, no Rangiku, you’re not saying that word. She inwardly scolded herself.
There was no way she had feelings for him. But with a heavy heart, she knew that she did. And had, for quite some time without realizing it.
Crap. Not again. Crap, crap, crap! She was not falling again when she`d just gotten over Gin.
But then again, now that she thought of it, Hisagi had replaced Gin in her thoughts recently.
Oh no. This was so not good. Not good at all.
And then her mind remembered what she’d been thinking about earlier. ...You’re not the only one, Rangiku.
She clapped a hand over her mouth. Oh. Oh. Now she knew what he’d meant by that, and the whole kissing her on the forehead thing, and those looks he gave her...
God, she was an oblivious idiot. He didn’t just have feelings for her.
He was in love with her.
No. No, no, no. She couldn’t do this again. If he left, like Gin had, then she’d...
She’d never get over it.
“Goddammit!” She hissed. This was not happening again.
But she’d already fallen for him.
Well, I’m just going to have to deal with it, She thought determinedly. Because I’m not doing this again.
She was going to have to reject him. That was what she had to do.
Ignoring the ache in her chest, she hurriedly left the tenth division in search of Hisagi.

__________________________________________________________ ____________________

It didn’t take her long to find him; he was leaving the dining hall when she spotted him. “Hisagi!” She called, and waved him over.
He jogged over to her, “Hey. Did you have supper? I didn’t see you in the dining hall.”
“No. Uh, I had ...paperwork.” She said distractedly. Back on task, Rangiku! She scolded herself. “Um, I have to ask you something. In private.” She glanced around at the shinigami wandering around them.
“Uh... okay.” He said, looking a little confused. He took her elbow and led her to a deserted area that was slightly away from the main part of Soul Society. “Ask away.”
“Um.” She took a deep breath, clearing her throat nervously. She searched his face for a second before blurting out, “Are... are you in love with me?”
Hisagi froze, eyes wide with shock. Several moments past before he stuttered, “W-Wha... But...” He stopped and sighed, running a hand nervously through his hair. “I... yes. I am.”
Matsumoto exhaled raggedly. He’d confirmed it. She opened her mouth to speak but he put a hand up, cutting her off.
“Just ...before you say anything, let me say this.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “I know that we haven’t known each other very long, and that I’m not really ...worthy of you, but I was hoping we could at least give it a try.” He licked his lips hesitantly. “I know you feel something for me; I’ve seen it in your eyes. So, maybe... could we at least try, or something?”
Matsumoto sighed. “Before I get into this, you shouldn’t say that you’re not worthy of me. You’re far too good for me, Shunnhei.” She looked at him softly before saying, “I’m sorry but... I don’t feel the same way.” Liar! Her mind screamed. She ignored the stab of pain his crestfallen expression gave her heart. She scrambled for an excuse to give him. “You’re just not my type.” She avoided his eyes.
“Right.” Hisagi suddenly scoffed, anger evident on his face. His abrupt change of mood made her look up at him sharply. “Who’s your type exactly, Rangiku? Tall, silver-haired, murderers?”
She stared at him, wide-eyed and silent with shock. He started to walk away before turning around and saying harshly, “If you don’t want to be with me than just say it. Don’t give me some bullshit excuse to make yourself feel better.” He stalked off, not looking back.
Matsumoto waited until she got back to her room to start crying. Except this time, she knew he wasn’t going to come comfort her.
So she cried. She cried for her stupidity, for her weakness and for hurting him.
And she cried because she knew she was in love with him and there was nothing she could do to change it.
She was roused from her half conscious depression by a knock on her door many hours later. Half aware that it was in the middle of the night and that she looked like something the cat dragged in, she staggered over to the door and opened it.
To her utter shock, it was Hisagi.
“Wha-” She started to say but he cut her off.
“I need to say something.” He said, so impatient that he was twitching slightly. “Can I come in?”
“S-sure.” She stuttered, shuffling aside so he could enter her room.
As soon as she closed the door, he started pacing. “See, when I say something that horrible to you, eventually my conscious breaks through the anger and then I start feeling really, really awful and then I can’t sleep. So, I came to say that I’m extremely, extremely sorry and that I hope you’ll forgive me and that maybe we can still be friends, because I’d really like that. I don’t want to be separated from you, and even if that means just being friends, I’ll more than happily comply with that. I’ll keep my romantic feelings to myself, I swear.” He stopped, slightly short of breath.
She gaped at him in shock for a moment before everything he said clicked in her brain. And then she reached for the front of his robes and pulled him closer before placing her lips on his and kissing him with as much passion as she possibly could. After a while she pulled away when the need for air came. Panting slightly, she murmured against his lips, “I don’t just want to be friends.”
He looked at her dazedly as she pulled him closer for another kiss, but suddenly he pulled away, arms flailing. “Okay, wait a minute, rewind, back track.” He frantically ran a hand through his hair, messing the spikes up even more than they already were. “I’m confused. A few hours ago you were majorly rejecting me and now you’re kissing me. And you’re a damn good kisser, might I add.”
She smirked at him, “Thank you.”
“Seriously Rangiku, enlighten me here.” He looked so confused, it was adorable.
“Okay, alright. Here we go.” She took a deep breath before ploughing headlong into it. “I didn’t mean what I said, the whole you’re-not-my-type thing. You’re definitely my type, believe me,” She muttered before continuing on. “I was afraid, I suppose. You started talking about feelings and then all of a sudden I freaked and I said stuff and bad things resulted.”
“So...” He said cautiously, taking a step slowly towards her. “Do you have feelings for me?” She found it interesting how he said feelings instead of love; it was like he already knew she wasn`t ready to say she was in love with him yet. But eventually, she would be able to say it. Just not yet.
“Yes. Quite a lot of them, actually. An over abundance, if you will.” Hey, that was as close as she was going to get to saying love right now. She watched as his eyes softened and he took a few steps closer until he was a few inches away from her face.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this, Rangiku?”
“Yes. Definitely.”
“We’ll take it slowly, no rushing.”
She nodded. “Yes.”
“I’m going to kiss you now.” He said huskily before taking her face gently in his hands and capturing her lips with his.
She threaded her hands through his hair and let herself enjoy the kiss before saying slyly, “There’s a lot of other things I can do really well besides kissing.” She heard him moan lowly and grinned.
He pulled away slightly, and she noticed his eyes had darkened a shade, “I’m very sorry for what I said. It was uncalled for.”
She kissed him again. “Don’t worry about it. It was true and I deserved it.”
“But still. It was really not nice.”
“That’s okay. You’re going to make it up to me in a little while anyway.” Her eyes twinkled.
He smirked at her, “Yes, yes I will.” And then he was kissing her again.
Okay, so maybe they were rushing it a little.

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This fic was just way too much fun to write. My favourite part was the drunk/hung over Matsumoto part. ;) That part, by the way, was very much based on the way my friend Amanda acts sometimes. This is when she isn’t drunk, by the way. :P This fic was so insanely mood swing-y; it was depressing and then romantic and then humorous and then depressing again and then romantic again. *lol*
There may just be a sequel later on. *shifty glance*
Reviews would be great! :)