Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ More ❯ When I've Lost Everything ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I DO NOT own CCS. I want to but nooooooooooooo. CLAMP owns them. So let me mourn over me not owning CCS.

 

Chaptre 1: When I've Lost Everything.

 

“Used to be a knight in shining armor, didn't have to own a shiny car,

Dignity and courage were the measure of a man……”

-Used to Be, Stevie Wonder.

 

Syaoran's POV

 

It's just not fair. Not at all….. Why did she have to go?

 

I sat on the swings in the park, yes; the park, where everything else happens. Where she told me about her problems, where she cried on my shoulder, where I told her I loved her.

 

Rocking back and forth on the swings, I thought about life. I smelled the rustiness of the chains. They weren't as smooth as they used to be……

 

…10 years ago.

 

Yes, I'm now 22 years old and once again, single.

 

A tear rolled down my cheek. I didn't usually cry, wait; let me rephrase that, I NEVER cried. Never had I shown my softer side, my weak side, only though to one person.

 

I quickly wiped away the stray tear as more tears joined it.

 

Dammit, why am I crying? Why do I have to shed these tears for her? I loved her so much; I was ready to die for her. But….she just left me.

 

She lied to me. I thought I was the one to protect her, to keep her safe in my arms. All my dreams, shattered, my heart ripped out and thrown into oblivion.

 

It's reality, Syaoran. It's the way life works. Reality brings you down and stops you from getting whatever you want. It is reality that hurts you.

 

My chest tightened and I was panting, trying to keep more tears from coming out.

 

It's funny really, when you've never cried your whole life and when the time comes when you do, you look like a fountain; it's like your eyes have been storing all those tears you've kept hidden.

 

Flashback

 

“I'm sorry Syaoran, I don't love you anymore.” her green eyes flashed with….with what? I couldn't see through them. Those pools of green had always been a window to her soul but…now, they seem so foggy.

 

“What..?” I asked in a whisper, fear and anxiety flooding my whole body.

 

“I'm sorry but I have to tell you this. I didn't love you, ever. I just… thought I did.”

 

“But that doesn't make sense!! You thought you loved me? What does that mean?”

 

“When my heart stopped beating rapidly whenever I saw you, when your kisses had no emotion, when I looked into your eyes and saw nothing, I realized….You weren't the one. I'm sorry.” she turned her back on me.

 

I stared at her. “But…you promised you would never leave me.”

 

“No Syaoran, I never did.”

 

End of Painful Flashback

 

Yeah…so that's the story of my life. I've lost everything. I'll never be able to find happiness ever again. She stole my heart and gave it back useless, worthless, battered and torn up, mutilated and destroyed.

 

How could she toy with my feelings like that? I thought she was so innocent.

 

“Syaoran?” said a voice behind me. So familiar…..

 

I turned around and saw what used to be the love of my life.

 

She looked at me and I looked at her.

 

“Syaoran, I'm sorry. I've made a mistake. Please forgive me...”

 

“…and let you toy with my feelings again? And lose more than what I've already lost? I've lost everything already. There's nothing else left to give!” I stood up from the swing and glared at her.

 

“I'm not asking you to take me back….its not possible.” she said.

 

“What…do you mean?” There was concern in my voice. No! Why'd I have to be concerned about her? She broke my heart!

 

“The day I told you I didn't love you, that….was a lie.” she looked down.

 

My heart skipped a beat and time stopped. I looked stupid standing there gawking at her.

 

“I wanted to let you go, because, if I didn't…It would have hurt more.”

 

“But why?”

 

“I died Syaoran. On that day…..I died. I had cancer and was due to leave this world that day. Syaoran….I'm dead.”

 

I stared at her in total shock. Dead?! I swayed back and caught the chain for support. She started to cry and fade away.

 

“I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I hate myself for letting you go through all that pain, through all that suffering. I just want to tell you…..I still love you.”

 

I smiled for the first time since the day she left. Then I said the words I thought I would never hear myself say ever again.

 

“I love you too.”

 

She raised her head and looked at me with evident joy in her eyes, and then she disappeared completely. I sat down on the swings once again. Inside my head ran memories of her laughter, of her smiles, her tears and her touch. Never again would I be able to hold her in her arms and feel her warmth. Never again would she be there to make me feel happy. Never again would I be able to kiss her and make her laugh.

 

I sat up and went to Hiragizawa Eriol's Manor.

 

“Isn't life cruel?” he told me. I just nodded my head. I was afraid speech would no longer be possible for me.

 

“People's minds are such complex things, but the human heart is more. They think that what they decide is right in their minds, but what they decide brings upon pain in their hearts and the hearts of others.”

 

My chest tightened. Why again did I come here? I was too ashamed to face Tomoyo; I wouldn't want to see another girl cry.

 

“Would you like to see her grave?”

 

I nodded and followed him. Where she was buried was very near and her grave was simple but very elegant, under a cherry blossom tree. Suits her, really.

 

On her grave, was a letter. I was pretty surprised to see such a thing there. I glanced at Eriol and he just smiled at me.

 

It said:

 

To the person who holds my heart,

My little wolf, Li Syaoran.

 

Everything doesn't go as planned, it hurt you to see me go, I know, and I sincerely apologize for that. Please move on. I'd hate to see you in pain, in hurt. Smile for me please my love. Don't ever forget me; keep me in your memories.

 

Forever yours,

 

“Sakura……” I whispered her name as the tears flowed unstopped on my cheeks. I didn't have the courage to stay strong when she needed me.

 

I couldn't protect her. Her knight in shining armor couldn't protect her in her real time of need. I showered her with gifts but none really showed how much I appreciated her, how much affection, no, LOVE I had for her. I've dropped my sword and my rusty armor and gave up. I feel pathetic….

 

And…when I thought I had lost everything…..

 

…She had lost more.

 

 

Authors Notes

 

I'm sorry if it seems so sad, I have nothing against Sakura. I just felt uh……morbid today.

 

It's just out of pure boredom.

 

I'm sooo sorry Syaoran, please forgive me.

I'm sooo sorry too Sakura.

 

Please R&R, I'll make more fics if you like my way of writing.