Digimon Fan Fiction ❯ You Can Still Be Free ❯ You Can Still Be Free ( Chapter 1 )

Warnings: Shounen ai. Complete AU.

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon Frontier, or any of the characters. The idea alone is purely mine. The song "You Can Still Be Free" belongs to Savage Garden.

+ . . . . + -- Lyrics

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+ Cool breeze and autumn leaves / Slow motion daylight +

October 31st - All Hallow's Eve, Samhain, Day of the Dead, whatever you want to call it. Doesn't matter to me anymore. Used to be my favorite holiday - note how I say `used to'. Last year, on that cursed night, my life ended. Not literally - sad to say - but close enough. Quite frankly, I'm surprised I'm still among the living. I wish I had been killed with him - then neither of us would be alone. I wonder what it's like in heaven. Does he remember me? Or is he better off up there in the great blue? I bet he looks complete with those ivory wings - the halo would be overkill. Is he dressed in matching ivory silk? Or are his robes nothing more than simple layers of gauze? Either way, he's still the most beautiful angel to ever grace those downy clouds.

+ A lone pair of watchful eyes / Oversee the living +

The only thing I know for sure is that he's keeping track of me. He promised as he lay on the side of that bridge, his own blood matting his raven-blue locks. He said no matter what, he'd always watch over me, so I'd never truly be alone. I wonder if he gets bored as he sits on that burgundy crushed velvet loveseat, taking in my every move. Are his eyes still the same? Deep navy, bottomless pools full of life, wisdom . . . love. God can alter whatever the hell he wants . . . but not those eyes. He can't . . . they're already perfect.

+ Feel the presence all around / A tortured soul / A wound unhealing +

Sometimes, when I close my eyes and let myself drift . . . I swear I can feel him next to me. As I slowly come out of my once-beautiful dreams, I nearly expect to see him curled up beside me, his pale arms wrapped around my waist. But he's never there. Why must my mind and heart play with my feelings so? It's absolute torture knowing that I'll never see him again. Unless . . . No! I can't think such things . . . My angel . . . when's it going to stop hurting? It's been 365 days . . . and the wound is still so fresh.

+ No regrets or promises / The past is gone +

We've been through a lot together. I'm not really surprised Death was the one thing that finally separated us. I can't say I regret everything that happened between us - because I don't. It only made us closer, only made me love him more. Our past is all I have left since our future lies upon this twisted path known as reality in a million shining pieces. I miss him . . . What I wouldn't give for just one more hug, one more sweet kiss . . .

+ But you can still be free / If time will set you free +

Everyone is getting fed up with me. Telling me to move on, to forget about him. How can they say such things?! I don't want to forget him and everything we had! I couldn't even if I wanted to. Don't they get it? I'm in love with what once was very much alive. I *can't* and *won't* let him go. What keeps me sane is knowing that someday he'll be back in my arms - together forever like we're meant to be. We'll be free from the confines of society and from all the bullshit that followed our every move. Someday, I'll be as free as him . . . in time . . . sweet freedom.

+ Time now to spread your wings / To take to flight / The life endeavor / Aim for the burning sun +

No one has ever guessed how much being without him kills me. How much I've wanted to die, just to be by his side in that eternal paradise. The day has finally arrived - I can't take it anymore! It's 10pm, less than 2 hours before the time of death. So, I put on the clothes that I haven't touched for a year. They shall be my only companion tonight. I slip into the soft silks, arranging them just so. I drape the belt over my hips, the sword settling against my left leg like an old friend. The silk handkerchief is the final touch. I pick it up, letting it run through my fingers like water. A tangle of memories rush over me as I place it over my nose and mouth, tying the ends together with ease. The night we decided to be Arabian assassins, to stalk through the shadows clad in only our sultry silks. My bare feet carried me out of my room and out into the living room in blessed silence where I paused. Shinya was asleep on the couch, the TV bathing his still form in its forgotten light. I brushed my lips lightly against his forehead before slipping out into the night. "Goodbye," I whispered, fighting back the inevitable tears.

I caught my reflection in a store window as my feet slapped the cool concrete. I slowed to stare, and smiled for the first time since that awful night. It was going to be perfect. I began to run again, my destination? The site of the crash. It was on the Shibuya bridge, just waiting for its next victim. My journey lasted a few minutes more. My cut and dirty feet knew the spot well after all. No matter how much it rained or how many times the city had tried to wash it away, the bloodstains remained. A subtle reminder of my lover's death. The one I would relive - this time, I'll be the victim. The crimson and ebony silks allowed me to blend in with the night. Ever since the accident, the bridge was off-limits to any motorized vehicles after 9pm. A glance at the clock-tower informed me it was 11:37pm. 10 minutes to go. I just hope some drunk will want to take the Shibuya shortcut. Wouldn't be the first time - his killer was drunk out of his mind. The bastard drove off as quickly as he could too. Stupid fuck. And here I am, putting my life into the hands of another fuck who's just like the rest. It's kind of sad that it's come down to this. Oh well . . . The minutes drag by.

Wait, are those headlights? My heart skips a beat. 3 more minutes. Yes, they're truly there! And they're speeding. Perfect. As calm as a man staring down the barrel of a gun, I step into the road. They don't see me. Oh look, they have friends. As the car draws nearer, I stare straight at it, as if it's not even there. Two seconds away, they see me. `Too late.' I think with a smile. They slam on what they swear is the brake. Oops. 5 tons of steel crashes into my frail body. Ribs snap like gunshots. My head whips back as I fly up into the air. I land on the pavement with a wet smack, greeted only by their cherry taillights. All I see is the midnight sun, glowing in the velvet sky.

+ You're trapped inside / But you can still be free / If time will set you free / But it's a long long way to go +

My heart races as I lay there, staring blankly up at the moon. For a mere second, I swear I see his smiling face in the moon. Must be the blood loss. Sirens reach my ears. "Fuck . . ." is all I can say. I will myself to bleed faster. A gash on my forehead begins to throb as if answering my silent plea. I feel my life force draining out of me onto the blacktop, mingling with the year-old stains of my lover. Bright lights, screaming sirens, people running here and there. They're too late though. They always are.

+ Keep moving way up high / You see the light / It shines forever +

I feel my spirit slowly, almost reluctantly, leaving my 15 year old body. My vision is blurred, getting dark around the edges. The moon becomes my goal. Blood from the deep cut on my forehead runs down into my eyes, turning my beacon bloody. They're touching me, shining a light in my eyes. I vaguely register this as my spirit climbs out, heading for heaven . . . to his waiting arms.

+ Sail through the crimson skies / The purest light / The light that sets you free +

As my broken body went through the final stages of death, my spirit self danced through the blood-stained skies. He was standing on the night air, watching the scene below with a mixed look of disappointment and joy. I joined him shortly after, hugging him gently. He smiled at me, returning the embrace. "Oh love, I've missed you so much . . ." I whispered. "I know," he replied, stepping back a bit, looking me over. My eyes drifted over his body curiously. Our outfits . . . Arabian assassins - just like we planned. Next, his eyes. Still depthless, still that perfect navy blue. I tugged down my handkerchief, taking his off as well. Looking into his eyes, I kissed him soundly. "I love you Kouji." A smile graced his lush lips as he whispered, "I love you too, Takuya." I closed my eyes slowly, praying this wasn't a dream. Just to make sure, I opened an eye and looked upon the bridge. My body was on a stretcher, being loaded into the ambulance.

The fresh bloodstains swirled with the old, forming a jagged heart on the pavement. I closed my eyes again, smiling. When I opened them, I found myself in bed with my lover, his ebony hair draped over his ivory wings. Snuggling closer, I murmured into his chest, "I'm finally here . . . I'm . . . free."