Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ C'est la vi ❯ Cinq ( Chapter 5 )

C'est la vi

Chapter: Uhh… What's the French word for five? Huh? Cinq? Hm. Never woulda thunk it…

Chapter Cinq

Bob the blue cow says: Moooo. Translation: <<<insert comment here>>>

Rae says: What? You expect him to have a snappy line every single chapter? He needs to rest you know! Being a blue cow isn't easy!

* * *

Yeah, so, eventually, everything went back to normal. Goku forgot about what sex was, Bulma and Vegeta had sex every night, Trunks (and eventually, Bra) soundproofed their rooms in order to sleep at night, Gohan and Videl got married and banged (though not necessarily in that order) and had Pan, Goten and Marron just existed, and all was well in the world. Pretty soon, the boys had turned eighteen, the girls sixteen (don't ask me why), and the raging seas of hormones were, well, raging.

Meanwhile, in outer space, some bored-assed aliens watched all the porn videos they had available on the spaceship and were looking for something evil to do.

The first turned to his comrade and exclaimed, "There are billions upon billions of planets in the universe... Hey! I know! Let's go completely out of our way to terrorize the one way out in the freakin' boonies that's half-filled with stupid, annoying creatures that will of course have a team of inconceivably strong warriors to defend them!"

"Yay!" Replied his homie.

* * *

Rae George, Chibi Beji, Lady Hella, and Stef-chan suddenly popped out of an interdimensional portal and into the DBZ world!

"Okay, so now what?" Beji asked, scratching her head confusedly.

"I have abso-fuckin-lutely no idea. You honestly think I READ those lame-assed self-insertion fics???" responded their infallible leader Rae (that sentence was in no way mean to hurt, trample, scumble, injure, harm, damage, mar, twinge, abuse, torture or disparage the writers of said lame-assed self-insertion fics, and flames will only serve to delight the biggest pyromaniac in the state).

"Hey, self insertion sounds like..."

"Shhh!" silenced Hella, causing Stef to become quiescent. "I just received a disturbingly ominous feeling with my newfound ki abilities! Something utterly pandemonious is going to befall the earth if we do not act quickly!"

"So many big words, so little time..." muttered Rae "I hope she didn't score higher on the SAT than I did. That would like, totally suck."

Not hearing their companion muttering, because frankly she did it all the time and they were used to it (that's habituation, psychology students!), the other three nodded, Beji suggesting, "We should most definitely check it out. At the very least we might get a tidbit of information that will spark our muses."

Nodding again in agreement, they all went Super Saiya-jin 2 and flew away.

* * *

ChiChi and Goku were standing in their bedroom, she in a black, silk and lace teddy, he in his usual bright, glaring neon orange fighting gi.

"Goku, honey... Gohan doesn't live here anymore... Goten and Pan are in school... we're all alone in the house... What do you think we should do about it?"

"I dunnoh ChiChi... What's in the fridge?"

His wife immediately face-vaulted, then, picking herself off the floor, decided to get him drunk like she always did when in the mood. When he took Goku's libido, the Eternal Dragon had also taken away any memories or id-caused urges that might've served to be a saving grace for Chichi's sex drive. And someday, she was going to GET him for that.

Lucky for him, Goten had hidden one of the Dragonballs in a safe location where his mother could never find it. He knew what it was like to be number one on her hit list, and felt bad for being the cause of the Eternal Dragon's distress. Plus he feared that if someone summoned the Dragon, it'd immediately eat him up. Poor, simple Goten. Sucks to be him.

* * *

Over at Orange Star High School, where the entire goddamn world goes to school, Trunks, Goten, Pan, and Bra were sitting around in study hall when our favorite purple-haired demi-saiyan queried, "Hey! If me and Goten are 18 years old, shouldn't the girls be, like, four? What are they doing in high school? I mean, I know Bra's a genius and everything, but Pan? I mean, well, just look at her lineage! According to almost every DBZ fanfiction writer on the planet, both of her grandfathers have not one single brain cell between the two of them!"

A random Mary Sue walked by, responding, "This is an AU, therefore the author has taken certain liberties pertaining to things like ages, characterization, plot, personalities, believability, sanity, and the like. So no worries. Pan and Bra are 16 in this story, okay? Okay okay okay? That's what I thought you said!"

Trunks obviously was not paying attention to her words, instead drooling over her curvaceous figure, shiny blonde hair, fiery green eyes, and kind, gracious, brave, funny, beautiful, modest, witty, intelligent personality. He wondered hazily if she might have a deep, dark, depressing, violent, terrible, horrible, frightening, secret past, and was hiding her extreme pain underneath it all, hoping that some wonderful warrior genius would come along and help her. Of course, she'd fuck him long and hard in gratitude, that was for certain.

Pan noticed all this and immediately slapped him. They hated each other but were secretly in love, though they didn't know it. How sweet.

* * *

Suddenly, Goku sensed four strange, unfamiliar energy levels!

"Oh no!" He exclaimed, waking up from his alcohol-induced stupor. "The Earth is in grave dan--Chichi what are you doing?"

Blushing, "Uuuh... Nothing dear."

"Oh. Okay. Well, I have to go save the planet now and martyr myself in the meantime. See you in seven years." He headed towards the window.

"Goku! Wait!"

"Yeah?"

"Uhh... Tell me a name you like!"

Hmmm... Goku thought, She's asked me this question twice before, both when I had a raging hangover like I do now. What a coinky-- a coinsa-- Oh heck, never mind. "I like.... Goseven!"

"Alright! Bye dear!" Goku flew out the window, and Chichi reached for her Little Black Book. Don't ask me why. You know why. Don't you? What? You don't? What are you, brainless?

* * *

ANYhow, the Z-warriors of the planet, having felt the same thing as Goku (energy-wise anyway), were all soon congregated in a large empty desert waiting for the unfamiliar new arrivals to... arrive. Five minutes later, the four kind, gracious, brave, funny, beautiful, modest, witty and intelligent new female Saiya-jins landed, and all assumed fighting stances.

After 20 minutes of staring and heavy breathing, Vegeta got bored and threw an energy blast at Hella, who batted it away without blinking an eye. The Saiya-jin prince, pissed-off as usual, powered up to Super Saiya-jin two, and was amazed as Rae, Beji, Stef, and Hella all raised their eyebrows and powered back up, to Super Saiya-jin level five. That REALLY angered him, because everyone's always surpassing him and it's JUST NOT FAIR!!! WAAAAHHHH!!!!!!

Uh, anyways, 15 minutes later after a good dose of glaring, Krillin said, "What do you want?"

"A million dollars so I can afford to go to New York University, how about you?" Replied (who else?) Rae, gazing down at the college catalog with dreamy-type stars in her eyes. Yeah, she's weird. And poor. *pouts*

"What we mean is, why are you here?" Yamcha reiterated, wagging his eyebrows at the girls, thinking, Hey, maybe I'll get a date or four out of this, these girls don't know about those teenybopper mistakes I made!

"For one, we're NOT here just as an opportunity for you to get laid, so quit thinking about it, you icky perve." Having read his mind, Beji shot an Evil Death Look at Yamcha that would've made Frieza cower in fear. Even if she wasn't in Super Saiya-jin mode.

Hella glanced over at Gohan, Goten, Trunks, and Vegeta. "Emphasis on the YOU, as in the human. Saiya-jin and demi-Saiya-jin guys are fair game."

Two hours of appraising looks later, everyone was just about done checking each other out, which was good because another huge power level was making itself known, and then there was Mirai Trunks coming down out of the sky in his time machine!

"Hotcha hotcha yow," muttered Rae.

Pan stood there with her jaw dropped as Mirai Trunks landed, and she glanced back and forth between him, and the Trunks standing right next to her who's arm she was clutching, totally incredulous. We all know what was going through her mind. And no, it was not "threesome"!

Well, maybe it was....

Mirai Trunks, meanwhile, was staring confusedly at Goten, Bra, and Pan. "Who are they?" he asked.

Gohan spoke up for the first time in this fic. "That's Pan, my daughter, Goten my younger brother, and Bra, Trunks'--well--your little sister. Goten and Bra are going out, and Pan and, uh, chibi you are probably going to start dating any second now." He looked at his watch.

Our favorite future fighter grimaced and looked thoroughly disgusted. "Dude! That's nasty! Your kids will be, like, double first cousins-slash-nieces and nephews! What, did you move to the backwoods of Kentucky or Alabama or something???"

Nobody ever thought of it that way, did they?

And then, on top of all this, more disturbingly elevated energy levels were sensed, and three hours later, after our heroes guzzled down some carbonated beverages and played a few rounds of bullshit (the card game, ya dorks), a large spaceship landed twenty feet away. The ramp slowly opened, and out sauntered...

Radditz, Frieza, Garlic Jr, the Ginyu Force, Androids 19 and 20, Cell, Cell Jrs, Bibbiti, Babidi, Buu, Dabura, and Richard Simmons!

Before the illustrious author could decide what cliche to mock next, a voice from another dimension floated through the air.

"SYLVIA RAE GEORGE, DID YOU GET YOUR REPORT CARD YESTERDAY??? A SEVENTY-FREAKING-TWO IN PRECALCULUS, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU??? YOU'RE GROUNDED!!! NO MORE FANFICTION!!!!!"

*passes out*

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Rae says: Never fear my loyal fans! I brought up my grade, therefore the next chapter is soooo in the works. Really! I swear! Reviews will help though. Suggestions are good too. You know how it is.

Bob the blue cow: *can't say anything because his mouth is duct-taped shut*