Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Dark Shift ❯ What I Want More Than Anything ( Chapter 4 )

Chapter Four: What I Want More Than Anything

Lately, he loved sleeping, for with sleep came the dreams. That escape from the cruel harsh reality he lived in now, the escape fantasized about by those trapped in some new fresh Hell. In those dreams…he would be smiling-at life, at his mother, at his brother, at his friends. At her. And they would all smile back at him, for he was their friend, their loved one. They made him happy, and he made them happy.

And he would never hurt them. Could never hurt them.

But then, that was just in a dream. A dream realm, where she was still alive, and he hadn't destroyed his whole world. That perfect, precious paradise. Where people met, fell in love, had a few kids, and grew old together. Not where one died suddenly, leaving the other to pine away in grief until the end of his days, or else go crazy.

Was he crazy? Certainly the kais seemed to think so, but he didn't. His actions, as he saw them, seemed perfectly legitimate.

An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth-leaving the world blind and toothless.

He wouldn't mind being blind, really, except you can't pluck out the mind's eye-and that was what he wanted to lose more than anything. For in his mind were etched the images of a life he might have had-his potential future, had the kais not done him this way. The one which had slipped from his grasp as swiftly as the life fled Videl's frail body.

What did he want, his father had asked. Gohan's mouth curved upwards into a wan smile-the kind drawn out, not from malice or evil glee, but by memories of days gone by.

What he wanted he could never receive, save through the manipulation of time itself. He'd lost what he had, and now he wanted it back-wanted it back so badly.

He wanted to go home. Home, to that place from his dreams. To sit at that same sturdy wooden table his father had sat at all those years before. To gorge upon a mountain of food with little Goten, while his mother, smiling and shaking her head, looked on fondly. To skim the glittering surface of that crystal blue lake he used to fish in, to soar like an eagle high above some urban metropolis and race the sun. To lie on a blanket of grass under ten thousand thousand thousand twinkling stars, close to her, listening to the gentle intake and release of her breath, knowing that if he looked over, he would see her staring back. To just think, not to talk. To sigh, to frown, to laugh, to smile.

He wanted it all back.

He wanted to have it all back-or else to remember none of it.

Goku thought Gohan was gone, that none of the gentle soul once held by his son still rested in this forlorn body.

But he was wrong, so very wrong. Much of that boy-particularly his memories-was still there. Now, though, he was joined by doubt, jealousy, rage, and they all tightened around him, strengthening his fortitude and resolve to outlast the kais.

He wanted it back so badly that he cried for it, like some small whining child lusting after a fancy new toy glittering in the department store window. Maybe, maybe if he screamed loud enough, they'd give it to him…so Gohan yelled, and when he got louder, planets disappeared.

But it seemed no matter how loud he got, they still wouldn't give him what he desired most. Soon, he wouldn't be able to yell any louder, and he'd be left all alone in a frozen, empty universe.

Do you know how it feels to want something you can't have? Not the desire a child exhibits towards a toy he wants…but the thirst for life felt by a terminally ill mortal. Knowing death is coming, and knowing no matter how strong you are, you can't fight this. Perhaps the Goku in Mirai Trunks' timeline felt that hunger for life, but it was most certainly followed by despair as he crossed from this plane permanently. No matter who wanted it, this would still not come. And no begging, no pleading, no crying would change it.

Gohan wanted it, he needed it. He didn't want to die, and he didn't want to kill. It wasn't fair! Why couldn't everyone just keep on living? Why couldn't she live, at least?

And…why was he still here?

Time to up the volume.

*****

'I'm sorry.'

Gohan was jerked roughly from his dream, scowling at the interruption. It had been one of the better dreams, too…All his friends, his family, at a party, merriment, and an announcement: his wedding! She had said…yes…and his bliss could not be measured on any mortal scale.

"For what, Father? For what?"

'For you.'

A pause, and then a monotonous reply came, cool and calculated. "Gohan is still in here, you know. And every moment, every second of every minute of every hour that passes, he relives his memories inside his head. And…you know what?" Another pause, yet Goku refrained from answering the rhetorical question. "You're not in most of them."

The sound of Goku's heart breaking ripped through the now cold and empty universe. His son smiled malignantly, feeling the man's torment. "Perhaps you should feel more pity for yourself." He began to close his mind to the intruder, when a single word squeaked through at the last moment.

'Videl.'

It held open the link between father and son, and Goku took the opportunity to plead with the boy.

'You think you're the only one who ever got hurt? Who ever lost someone they loved, Gohan? You think only you know that kind of pain? Everyone does! We've all lost someone we loved more than life itself; you are not alone in this.'

Part of him wanted this man to stop-yet another part wished him to continue, to carry on; he knew how he felt, and desired nothing more than to stop this killing spree.

The first half wished for the rampage to continue, to purge this dimension, and to take back what was due him.

'You are selfish, Gohan. Because you can't have your way, because you can't have the life you wanted, you are willing to hurt others, releasing your anger upon innocents. They have done nothing! Yes, what happened to you was sad, but it was a part of life; the kais didn't do it-they had no control over it.'

Goku halted his tirade, and over the distance, across the gap between life and death, a voice came, small and child-like. Scared. "What…what do you want me to do, Daddy? What?"

Daddy? Daddy…he hadn't been called that in so long, not for seven years. This was…this was Gohan, his little boy, calling for his father, his Daddy. This wasn't the defender of the Earth, not the defeater of Cell…not the destroyer of the universe. It was just Gohan.

'You have to stop, Gohan. Stop the killing!'

Again the voice spoke over the distances, but it was not as before. Now, it was laced with a cold vein of gravity, maturity. There was no childish innocence here. "And…then what?" No answer. "Then what? Should I just wait here, float around in space, until I fade from existence and join you in that Other World?"

Goku's broken heart had not the strength to explain that his Gohan…his little boy…would not be joining him when he died…

And really, what could he do to escape this fate? Nothing. His world was gone, destroyed by his own hand, and Neo-Namek had fallen soon after-perhaps all he could do was sit and await his own demise in that spherical coffin hurtling through space.

"Answer me this, Father: you've saved the Earth at least half a dozen times, haven't you? And died a few times in the process?"

'Yes, I have,' came the calm reply. 'And I would do it all over again if only to achieve the same end: peace and safety for my friends and family.'

"Of course," was the cold comment of agreement, "Of course, how noble. Now-you have shed blood countless times for others, expecting no reward, saved our world. Saved others' worlds. Saved the whole universe, without any compensation whatsoever. And yet you still die, are still separated from those you fought to save. Now, wouldn't you think you'd get some kind of special treatment? Is that fair?"

Goku cast a glance down to King Kai, detecting an equally worried gaze through the dark glasses the god wore, but received no encouragement or guidance.

'If I could give-'

"No! Yes, or no: is it fair? After all you've done, do you deserve to face the same mortality as every single other creature in this universe you've saved so many times?"

Goku's eyes slid shut, and he breathed out, 'Yes. I accept it.'

"Liar." With whispered fury came the utterance, and yet another world was no more.

*****

Goku had lost. He'd failed utterly and completely. Instead of bringing his son back to his senses, he'd only pushed him further over the edge. His mind would receive no more entreaties from the father.

Planets were being destroyed more quickly now, with deadly efficiency, and whole galaxies seemed to disappear in the blink of an eye.

"I'm sorry, Goku…but-"

"It's-it's alright," he interrupted gently. "I understand what your duty is…the universe first, before anything else. The universe first."

Nodding slowly, the Kai pressed, "And…you know what his fate will be…where he will be sent…"

"I do…I understand." As the god turned away, Goku quickly looked up from where he had been kneeling, and grasped the being's long robes, halting him. "Please…tell me…what-how will you…stop him…"

Frowning, the great blue forehead creased in worry. "Honestly, Goku…we're going to do everything we can to make it as quick as possible. Your son is…very strong…we can't even send you; it simply wouldn't be enough."

In some grim corner of his mind, Goku was a little proud at that statement, but it was quickly brushed aside. "Then…what?"

"There was once, many years ago, an evil creature that ravaged the universe under its master's orders…long before I was North Kai. It was suggested that we release this old evil from its prison to eliminate the new one." Goku cringed inwardly, finding it so difficult to associate his son with "evil." "But this course of action has been abandoned. We'd be out of the frying pan and into the fire fighting that monster once he finished with Gohan, and besides, his prison-along with the monster lying dormant inside of it-was destroyed along with the Earth."

"Isn't there…anyone strong enough to beat him?"

"No-no fighter alive could match Gohan's current power. We are trying to assemble an army of the best warriors left in the universe…it will be the force we use…to destroy him." The end of the statement fell into an ashamed whisper. "I'm so sorry it had to come to this, my friend."

"So am I, King Kai…So am I…"

-END CHAPTER FOUR-