Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ For the Love of a Child ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 5 )

"For the Love of a Child"

Disclaimer: See the first two chapters.

*Chapter 6*

I stared at the ceiling in Bulma's guest bedroom and thought about getting up and going to the gravity room. I hesitated to do so for a couple of reasons. The first being that Bulma had made it clear that she knew I was using the room and didn't really approve, and the second being if I kept getting up I would never break this habit of not being able to sleep.

They tell insomniacs that when they can't sleep at night they shouldn't try to force themselves to sleep but get out of bed and go do something quiet in a different location, then try to go back to their bed. This way the bed does not become associated with the negative connotations of not sleeping. Given this logic there's probably a lot of insomniacs out there who are forming negative connections to all sorts of weird bits of furniture instead.

However, I remember in a psychology class I had once, that there's this form of learning called operant conditioning. The brain is trained to signal the body to do certain things after receiving certain cues. A dog will sit after hearing a bell for example, the bell becomes a trigger of sorts. These triggers become so deeply imbedded into the brain, it's extremely difficult to overcome them. This is why habits are so incredibly hard to break. I fear, given this theory, that my body has become trained to not fall asleep until I've beaten it to a pulp in the gravity room. If this is the case, I should try to continue to lie in the bed and hopefully after many nights of not sleeping it will just shut down. Of course if the advice for insomniacs is correct, the last thing I should be doing is staying in bed.

I groaned in disgust and finally threw back the covers getting up. I felt like a dog chasing his tail, going round and round. I curled my lips in a half grin for a brief moment. Or a Saiyan chasing his tail. Chuckling quietly to myself at the image of Vegeta running in circles trying to catch his tail, I let myself out of the room and headed down the hall.

As I punched in the commands to start up the gravity I thought briefly about our leaving in two days. Goten was going to be disappointed to leave behind his new playmate. He didn't get to play with kids his age very often. Though he is in school now so he'll be seeing kids his age all day, five days a week. And it's not like Vegeta can't bring Trunks out once in a while. Feeling slightly less guilty I started to warm up. Punching it up to 375 earlier than I usually did, I focused on concentrating only on my strength and speed.

Three and a half hours later I finally shut down the gravity and collapsed to the floor groaning. I'd had to crank it up to 400 before I could finally feel the strain wearing down my body. I don't know what I'm going to do if even this stops working. I wondered idly if it was possible for a body to just become sleep resistant as I slowly dragged myself out of the room. By the time I reached my bedroom on the second floor my arms were shaking so bad I couldn't turn the doorknob. Guess I might have over did it a bit this time. Resting on the floor with my head pressed against the door I finally managed to get it open. Groaning again, I half crawled half dragged my body towards the bed. I'd reached the edge and was pulling myself up when the world started to spin. To my surprise, the floor suddenly dropped out from beneath me and the world went black.

-------

"God damn it!"

Vegeta hurried over to Gohan where he'd collapsed beside the bed. Vegeta had been watching the kid since he'd seen him enter the gravity room two almost four hours ago. He'd been pissed at first, the brat was using the room to train but he couldn't be bothered to even spar with him. After the first fifteen minutes though it was obvious to Vegeta why Gohan had refused. He'd have looked like a joke. Not only was Gohan training at a gravity level Vegeta hadn't come close to reaching yet, he'd ascended to another level of Saiyan as well. That, more than anything, had pissed Vegeta off the most. He was a prince, it was maddening to be beaten by a half-Saiyan upstart and that of a low class Saiyan. After two hours though, Vegeta's anger had turned to concern. There was training and then there was killing yourself. Gohan was killing himself. For some reason he was coming here every night and pushing his body past its' limits. Vegeta had quietly followed Gohan back up to his room and watched him struggle to open the door. Finally the brat had got in his room just to pass out by the bed.

Scooping the kid up in his arms, Vegeta set him down on the bed and covered him with the blanket.

"I think he's been doing this to himself regularly. Look."

Vegeta's head shot up startled. Reflexively he caught something that was flung his way. Piccolo was standing by the window watching Gohan.

"Damn it Piccolo, what are you some kind of vampire? Can't you ever just appear normally?"

Glancing down at the bag in his hands Vegeta sucked in his breath.

Senzu beans. So that was how he was doing this. The kid practically killed himself every night and then brought himself back with the beans. Something was definitely wrong with Gohan. This wasn't normal, nor was it probably very healthy. Swearing softly again, Vegeta gave Gohan one last look before stalking out of the room.

He stopped at the door and turned to look at Piccolo. "Are you going to say anything to him?"

"Hn."

Figuring that was about the best he was going to get, Vegeta turned and left. Entering the bedroom he shared with Bulma, he was surprised to find her standing in the doorway.

"He was doing it again wasn't he? Is he ok?"

Walking past her and climbing into bed Vegeta lay down and stared at the ceiling.

"Physically, probably. Mentally, who knows."

She climbed in beside him and lay a hand on his arm. "Will you talk to him? Please Vegeta?"

He turned to look at her for a moment and then slowly shook his head.

"He won't listen to me. Piccolo was here, I don't think he'll let the kid go without saying something to him."

Her face relaxed a little and he realized how upset she really was. Knowing she needed more reassurance he gently pulled her up next to him and held her . He felt her relax more and gradually her breath evened out into sleep. Sighing quietly to himself he too drifted off.

-------

I opened my eyes slowly and found myself staring at the ceiling. Again. Lately I seem to spend a lot of time staring at the ceilings above beds. My body felt like it had been run over by a ten ton semi and then eaten as road kill. I was attempting to sit up when I felt something land on my chest. The bag of senzu beans. I looked over in surprise and found Piccolo standing by the window, staring at me in disgust.

"Take one of those and get up. I want to talk to you." Glaring at me he spun around and stalked out of the room.

"Love you to Piccolo." I muttered.

After popping a bean I felt as if I wasn't death's leftovers anymore and went to take a shower. Judging from Piccolo's unusual hostility this was going to be a long talk. I didn't even bother wondering what he'd been doing in my bedroom or why he'd suddenly showed up now after six years of silence.

I found him thirty minutes later sitting in the garden doing his meditation thing. I didn't even get a chance to offer a smart ass greeting when he opened his eyes and laid into me.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing? Trying to kill yourself?"

I scowled at him and walked over to the hammock, throwing myself in it.

"I don't know what you're talking about." The next thing I knew Piccolo had my shirt in his fist and was shaking me enough to make my teeth rattle.

"I'm talking about you going into the gravity room every night, beating yourself within an inch of your life and then taking senzu beans to make it through the next day!"

So that's what this was about. Freeing myself from his grip, I pushed him away and stared at the leaves of the tree for a moment.

"It's fine Piccolo, so I push myself a little harder than I should. Big deal."

"It's not fine, Gohan." I could practically hear his teeth grinding. "It's no big deal is it? So it's totally fine for you to pass out in the middle of your floor because you can't make it to your bed. Yeah, you're right. What was I thinking?"

Ah. I had briefly wondered this morning how I'd gotten into bed since the last thing I remembered was the room reeling around me. Well damn, this was going to be harder to blow off than I thought.

"Look Piccolo, I don't remember asking for your help. Thanks for the concern but it's none of your business."

I could tell I'd really pissed him off with that last remark.

"None of my business? Well I suppose it isn't any of your concern either then if Goten just happens to walk in one morning and finds you out cold on the floor. That's going to make him feel real secure Gohan."

I felt as if I'd been punched in the gut. That had never occurred to me, that Goten would come across me right after I'd messed myself up in the gravity room. How many times had I seen my own father beat up beyond comprehension? How many times had I watched him die before my eyes? How many times had I watched my father collapse in front of me while I cried with helplessness? I realized I was shaking and it wasn't from Piccolo or cold. I fell out of the hammock and dry heaved next to the tree. Still shaking I stared up at Piccolo and tried to speak.

"No. Never." I managed finally. "I swear...I swear...no."

God no. I would rather give up sleep completely before I allowed Goten to experience the sort of grief I'd gone through as a kid. I pictured him walking in my room one morning to find me sprawled out on the carpet, him crying and scared, unable to wake me.

My stomach twisted and I dry heaved again. When I was done I felt Piccolo's hand on my shoulder and he helped haul me to my feet.

"Geez, kid, what have you been doing to yourself?" He stared at me critically, tipping my head up with his hand to get a better look at my face.

"You look like shit."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Same old Piccolo."

He smiled, "yeah, same old Piccolo. What about you Gohan?"

I broke away and sank down to the ground, burying my head in my hands.

"I can give you all of the psychological terms for what's going on inside my head Piccolo but it won't make a difference. Basically? Shit happens. This world's done nothing for me and I've got nothing left to give it. But hey, you live, you learn. Obladee oblada, life goes on..."

I couldn't stop the bitterness from creeping into my words.

"But I've got Goten." I looked up at Piccolo and smiled briefly. "He makes life worth living, you know? He makes it worth getting up in the morning."

Piccolo studied me for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah I know. You did the same for me kid."

"And now?"

"Now I find that with each day there are more reasons to get up in the morning."

"That's pretty deep."

"I'm a pretty deep guy." Startled, I looked at Piccolo and then laughed again.

"I don't remember you being so funny when I was a kid."

"Maybe you were just too young." A look of regret flashed over his face. "Too young for a lot of things."

There's the understatement of the century.

I dragged myself to my feet, the worst of the shaking over and headed back toward the house.

"Gohan. Are you going to be ok?"

"I'm going to go find Goten."

"That's not what I asked."

I didn't answer him or turn around but kept walking back to the house. Am I going to be ok? How do I answer that? Am I going to kill myself, no. Am I going to become a normal, well adjusted nineteen year old boy? Probably not, but then who's well adjusted these days anyway. Does anybody even know what that truly is anymore? All I know is I'll continue to care for Goten the best way I can. If that means spending hours of quality time with the ceiling above my bed, then so be it.

Am I going to be ok? What does it mean to be ok? Goten. As long as I have Goten, I can feel a little warm. Goten makes the act of living ok. As long as I have Goten...

"Yeah." I said softly. "Yeah, I'm going to be ok."

TBC

*Well I must say, I'm rather pleased with this chapter but hey, that's just me. :) I'd orginally written the chapter with having Vegeta give Gohan the riot act in the garden but after I'd written it I realized it was exactly the sort of lecture Piccolo would give him. So then I had to go and rework it so I could get that in. I even managed a tender moment between Vegeta and Bulma, ahhhh....Actually I hestitated to write a scene like that in, afraid it would be so OOC that it would just be stupid, since I've tried to keep most of the characters pretty true. But then I realized, hey there's got to be something to that relationship because they did go and have a second kid. So yeah. Please review and let me know what you think how things are going and such...it gives me huge gratification and greatly increases my desire to update. <chuckle> *