Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction ❯ Twilight Passing ❯ Chapter 1

I think about her often, you know. Deep in the night when no one else is awake except for the hungry owls, the suspicious and sneaky mice, and of course, myself. Strange that we three should be the only ones out and about at this hour, but isn't it said that birds of a feather flock together?

I think about her in the morning while I am getting ready for yet another day at my boring, wearisome job. Wearing my plain tie, and predictably colored suit I look every inch the teacher that I'm supposed to be, but deep inside know that it's just a cover for my jaded, worn out soul.

I think about every move she made and everything she said during the day, while I deal with a teenage daughter who would rather be with her dead mother then spend time with a father who doesn't know how to a father, thanks to his own. The very image of my dearly beloved would rather not spend time with someone she considers useless, and far too traditional for her modern tastes.

Wherever I am, whoever I am, I think about her. And, Kami forbid, I see myself falling into the same despair that once engulfed my irresponsible, childish father. And I welcome it.

Well, Papa? Is this what you saw for me all those years ago when you placed the fate of the world on my shoulders? Is this what you saw when you forced me to face a monster that even now haunts my never-ending nightmares? That wakes me up in a cold sweat each night even though there was no chance of the monster from returning? Is this what you saw for me when I married a woman who thought that every person in my family, including myself, was inferior to her own? That decided that if I couldn't get over it, as she used to say, then I would stay in the other room, far away from her, drowning in my own despair with no hope of rescue? Is this what you saw?

Baka. I'm so thoughtless. How could you see it? I couldn't. I never could. Even when I realized that I was married to a heartless bitch of a wife that would rather see me unhappy and rich then anything else, I still loved her. And Kami forbid, I still do.

I can't help it. She consumes my every thought, my every action. Always telling me what I should or shouldn't do, whether I should wear this shirt or that shirt, and why I shouldn't come near you ever again, Papa. I'm sorry. She still controls me, and though I'd rather take the happiness that is right before me, time and time again I find that I can't. I just can't.

I still love you, Papa. I always will, even after years of fighting that made me wish for death with every part of my soul. Even after you chose to stay and train with Kaio-sama then be with us, and even after you found Goten-chan to be a much worthier son than me. I still love you. I just wish I could say it.

I'm glad that you're happy Papa. Finding Vegeta and becoming his mate was the best thing you ever did. You look much happier than you ever did. You look much happier than when you were married to Mama, much happier when you fought time and time again, always at the mercy of everyone's hopes and wishes, and much happier than all the time that you trained me. I'm happy for you. I think, but I'm not sure, that it would be okay to finally tell you that. After all, SHE never said that I couldn't. In fact, I think she would approve in some odd way as well. I think she would because it would take you away from me. With Vegeta, you don't have time to tell me what a failure I've been, and what I weakling I now am. I know you will, after all, my daughter, the light of my life, does all the time. And isn't it true that if you hear something enough then it is true?

Oh, well. I'm happy for you, and I will tell you. Soon. I'll be able to, I promise. I really think she would approve. In fact, I know she will, because when I think about telling you my head doesn't hurt, and I don't feel like I'm going to faint or vomit stuff that looks that looks like the pea green mush that Goten-chan used to eat when he was a baby. I'll tell you tomorrow. After all, that's when the party is, right? I'll let you know, and maybe, someday, I'll be able to tell you that I love you.

Probably not. But maybe. It all depends on if she tells me I can. I still love her you know. I think about her all the time. She probably wouldn't believe me, but I know that all I can do is what she wants. That's the only way to absolve myself you know. She holds the power and I know that I'm more than willing to let her have it.