Dragon Knights Fan Fiction ❯ Body Switching Is Fun! ❯ I'm hearing voices in my head...IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION! ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Roses are red, broccoli is bad, I don't own RATH and that makes me sad! Oh yeah, I don't own Dragon Knights either, by the way. PHOOEY!

 

Title: Body Switching Is Fun!

 

Summary: Rune's a Goth! And he's turned into an evil maniacal psycho! And what's with Lord Nadil teaching the demon army etiquette classes and Yoga lessons? An elf and demon lord wake up one day and absolute pandemonium breaks out.

 

Ch.3 "I'm hearing voices in my head…IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION!"-Rune(yes, the REAL Rune--;;)

 

It had started after lunch in the middle of Alfeegi's "How-To-Be-A-Proper-Dragon-Knight" class.

 

Lord Nadil was rather bored.

 

He was so bored in fact, he wasn't paying attention to the White Dragon Officer's lecture.

 

It is never a good thing to ignore Alfeegi.

 

"RUNE!" came a shrill, outraged voice out of nowhere into the Demon Lord's ear.

 

"AAAAAAH!" Nadil shouted in surprise, snapping out of his daydream about him finally succeeding in Complete World Domination, "WHAT?"

 

"WOULD YOU BE…" Alfeegi started dangerously, the veins on his head throbbing madly, "SO KIND…AS TO SHARE WITH THE CLASS JUST WHY…YOU ARE NOT SETTING A GOOD EXAMPLE AS THE MODEL STUDENT LIKE YOU USUALLY DO! IT IS OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE THAT THATZ AND RATH LEARN FROM YOU! HOW CAN THEY DO THAT IF YOU ARE DILLY-DALLYING OFF IN SPACE AND PLAYING THE UNGRATEFUL REBEL ALL OF A SUDDEN?"

 

The Demon Lord scowled at the White Dragon Officer, his ears still ringing with the boisterous assault moments after the man had finished screaming. So the elf had been a star pupil and the teacher's pet, had he? Well, His Almighty Evilness did not play by those rules.

 

"You seriously need to lighten up," Nadil stated, "You need to live! Go drink, get laid, do something, but don't bother me with your petty squabble with the world!"

 

Thatz and Rath gasped as one, their eyes bugging out and their jaws hitting the floor in astonishment at Rune's blunt gull and audacity.

 

At first the Demon Lord assumed they were speechless in awe of him, however, that notion was tossed away as the Dragon Knights cringed at something and hurled themselves on the ground, covering their heads with their hands, as if an earthquake was coming.

 

Well, in a way it was.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shrieked Alfeegi, his hair standing on end, face purple with fury and fire blazing in his eyes, "HOW DARE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

 

Then Nadil saw nothing but stars as colossal exploded in his head. The next thing, he knew he was being hauled up from the ground by a blurry Thatz and Rath, with the White Dragon Officer holding a mallet upright in the background.

 

"Wha'?" the Demon Lord croaked out, his head reeling and unsure of what just happened, but was cut off by the other two Dragon Knights.

 

"HURRY!" Rath cried, "BEFORE HE KILLS YOU!"

 

"RUN, DUDE!" Thatz yelled, giving Nadil a forceful push out the door, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! PLAY DEAD IF HE CATCHES YOU!"

 

Then the Demon Lord was fleeing down the Dragon Castle's hallway with a gigantic migraine and a vengeful Dragon Officer on the warpath out for blood hot on his tail.

 

"TRAITOR!" roared Alfeegi, grasping his mallet tightly, "TURN-COAT! YOU DOUBLE AGENT! AFTER I'VE PRAISED YOUR EXCELLENT BEHAVIOR TO EVERYONE! YOU'RE NO DIFFERENT THAN ALL THE REST OF THE IDLE SLACKERS HERE! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE !"

 

AHHHHHHHHHH! Nadil screeched in terror inside his head as he continued on his quest of escaping an awful fate, HE'S INSANE! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEE!

 

That's when it happened.

 

Another voice, not his, but someone else's shouted in his head:

 

WHAT THE!-WHO IN DUSIS ARE YOU?

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When it happened to Rune, the elf was having a rather gleeful time conducting more torture on the demon army.

 

To be specific, he was having a rather gleeful time conducting more torture on the demon army at one of their annual "Take-Over-The-World" campaigns.

 

"But My Lord," Shydeman protested, trying to reason with the "Demon Lord's" madness, "I'm not quite sure how we will succeed in Total World Domination by hoarding away all the Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in our Palace of Darkness and Evil."

 

"You see, Shydy," Rune tutted, shaking his head, "This is why I am the leader and you are not. The motive is very simple. People cannot live without the gooey, delicious, scrum-dibbily-umpscious taste of peanut butter cups! Therefore, by only us having access to them, people will kiss and grovel at our feet, and do whatever we want them to in order for them to get some. THE PLAN IS FOOL-PROOF, SHYDY! WE WILL BE INVINCEABLE!"

 

"Forgive me, Your Almighty Evilness," Shydeman said hesitantly, sweatdropping, "But won't taking away all their food work to the same extent, possibly even better?"

 

And did My Lord just say "scrum-dibbily-umpscious"? the pale-haired Yokai thought, his head whirling with confusion.

 

"YOU HAVE NO IMAGINATION, SHYDY!" Rune roared, looking irritated, while he was grinning fiendishly inwardly, "THAT GOES FOR THE REST OF YOU! AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH BRILLIANT, VILLAINOUS IDEAS? FINE! TAKE A NOTE OF THIS, DORA! I HAVE A WHOLE LIST IN MY HEAD OF HOW WE WILL SUCCEED IN TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!"

 

And that's when it happened.

 

A voice, not the elf's, screamed into his head:

 

SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE!

 

WHAT THE!-Rune yelped in surprise, freezing his rant in shock, WHO IN DUSIS ARE YOU?

 

WHO IN DUSIS AM I? the voice screeched, sounding panicked and almost frenzied, WHO IN DUSIS ARE YOU!

 

"Oh.My.God," the elf said slowly at the reply, fear of the unknown creeping up his system.

 

"My Lord?" Shydeman inquired a bit puzzled as to why his leader was staring out into space, seemingly speechless, "What is the matter?"

 

Rune turned towards the Yokai, his face depicting absolute panic, and stated, "I'm hearing voices in my head…IT'S AN ALIEN INVASION! AGGGGGGGHHHHH!"

 

Then the elf began shrieking and clawing at his head as if that would somehow make the voice go away.

 

The demon army gaped.

 

"WHAT ARE YOU ORGES DOING?" Rune managed to scream, "HELP ME! I'M BEING POSSESSED!"

 

"IT'S PROBABLY THE WORK OF FAERIES!" Sabel cried, the elf's panicked fear catching him, "THEY'RE HERE! THEIR GONNA KILL US AND TAKE OUR PLACES! AAAAAUUUGGGGHH!"

 

Chaos then began to spread throughout the demon army as the Yokai began wailing and running about willy-nilly in fear, certain that the faeries were going to cut their existence short.

 

Shydeman sweatdropped at the spectacle.

 

"YOU IDIOTS!" Rune yelled at them, extreme irritation overcoming his fear, "THEY'RE NO FAERIES HERE! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOU MAKE ME SICK! HOW YOU EVER MANAGED TO ATTACK DRAQUEEN I'LL NEVER KNOW!"

 

The demon army was forcefully led out of the room by a shamed-faced Shydeman, who was utterly humiliated that the Yokai's strong, forboding image had been temporarily destroyed. The demon-lord's second-in-command made a note to get Sabel more therapy from that Renkin wizard alchemist, right after he figured out what exactly was going on with his Lord's change in behavior.

 

ALRIGHT, WHO ARE YOU? Rune demanded, the fear having gone from him, leaving only irked curiosity.

 

YOU ANSWER ME FIRST! the voice replied in a frantic tone.

 

WHY SHOULD I ANSWER SOME COMPLETE STRANGER! the elf retorted, YOU ANSWER ME FIRST!

 

NO, YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO ANSWERS FIRST! the anonymous voice shrieked, I'M A LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW TRYING NOT TO GET KILLED BY AN INSANE DRAGON WITH A MALLET!

 

Rune stood shell-shocked at the familiar image the voice had just described.

 

WAIT A SEC! the elf cried, his nerves jolting in excitement, IS THAT ALFEEGI YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT? ARE YOU SOMEONE AT THE DRAGON PALACE?

 

YOU GOT THEM BOTH RIGHT! the voice yelled, CURSE THIS WRETCHED CASTLE AND ITS EVEN MORE WRETCHED INHABITANTS!

 

Rune blinked at the last response. That didn't sound like anything someone who lived in the Dragon Castle would say. Who was it then? Some ambassador from a neighboring kingdom?

 

BLAST WHOEVER INFLICTED THIS CRUEL DEED ON ME! the voice cursed, interrupting the elf's thoughts, THE FUN HAS GONE OUT OF THIS LITTLE JOY-RIDE! I WANT TO BE BACK IN MY OWN BODY, IN MY PALACE OF DARKNESS AND EVIL, PLOTTING SINISTER PLANS WITH SHYDY AND DORA! BEING AROUND GOODY-GOODY PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!

 

Rune gasped as the full impact of who he was talking to caved in on his head.

 

OMIGAWD! ARE YOU NADIL?

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The Demon Lord, who was presently hiding in a room, having successfully escaped the White Dragon Officer's rampage by Ruwalk waltzing past them, snuggling Goo-bah, which he had "rescued" from an child in charity. Apparently, Alfeegi attacked the nearest object of his anger, which unfortunately happened to be his fellow Officer at the time.

 

In any event, Nadil was now free to shrewdly assess the new intruder of his mind.

 

Yes, I am His Almighty Demonishness! How do you know? he asked.

 

BECAUSE YOU BLOODY-WELL STOLE MY BODY, THAT'S HOW! the voice shrilled out-raged in his head, AND I WANT IT BACK RIGHT NOW!

 

YOU! the Demon Lord started, realizing, YOU'RE THAT GIRLY ELF, AREN'T YOU? I THINK IT WAS YOU WHO STOLE MY BODY!

 

GIRLY! the elf's voice screamed loudly, echoing around in his skull, THAT'S FINE TALK FOR A GUY WHO PLAYS WITH DOLLS!

 

AAAAH! LEAVE MISS SHNOOKUMS OUT OF THIS! WAIT-YOU READ MY DIARY, DIDN'T YOU! Nadil was positively furious.

 

YOU BET I DID, DARKY-BOY! Rune replied a bit smugly.

 

OOOOOOOOOH! the Demon Lord was practically livid with fury, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE PLAYING AT, BLONDIE! BUT KNOW THIS-DO ANYTHING THAT WILL CORRUPT MY INFALLIBLE IMAGE IN FRONT OF MY HENCHMEN AND I WILL SULLY YOURS ALSO!

 

ME? YOU'RE THE ONE WITH SOMETHING VILE UP YOUR SLEEVE! Rune accused, AND HOW DO I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY RUINED MY REPUTATION! WHAT WAS WITH ALFEEGI CHASING YOU-OR RATHER, ME-WITH A MALLET ALL ABOUT?

 

I told the ole geezer the truth and his delicate ego couldn't handle it, Nadil scoffed, So he resorted to violence, after previously yelling his head off on me about proper manners. Dragons are such hypocrites!

 

Oh yeah? Rune retorted, Well you demons aren't exactly straight forward either! Pretending you don't know a thing about this whole body switching ordeal! You probably did this so you could spy on the Dragon Tribe!

 

FOR THE LAST TIME, ELF, I DID NOT CONDUCT THIS HORRIBLE SITUATION WE HAVE BOTH FOUND OURSELVES IN! Nadil swore vehemently, DO YOU THINK I LIKE BEING IN SOME GOODY-TWO-SHOES BODY? However, yes, now that you've mentioned it, I am manipulating this opportunity for espionage.

 

WHY YOU-! Rune started, then stopped, an devious plan of how to get the upper hand in the conversation set in, Well, to be perfectly honest, I am also using this body switching get-up to my advantage. At the rate I going, your minions will never view you the same again. Who knows, maybe this is the way the Dragon Tribe will defeat you. By making you look like a complete moron in front of your army!

 

AH! WHAT HAVE YOU MADE MY POOR BODY DO? Nadil shrieked in horror.

 

Heh, nothing much…except maybe teaching your minions some table manners and how to relax, Rune smirked, then he sent the images into the Demon Lord's head.

 

OMIGAWD! Nadil screamed at the sight of himself flitting around like a first-time ballet dancer, I SWEAR YOU WILL PAY, ELF! NO ONE DISSES HIS ALMIGHT EVILNESS LIKE THAT!

 

Yeah? the elf said, Well, IF YOU WOULD GIVE ME BACK MY BODY, THEN YOU COULD RESTORE YOUR FALLEN IMAGE!

 

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUR OWN BODIES BACK, ELF! CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT? the Demon Lord yelled, OR ARE YOU REALLY AS DUMB A BLOND AS SHYRENDORA?"

 

Rune was seeing red by then, ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS IF YOU DIDN'T SWITCH OUR BODIES THEN WHO DID? IT CAN'T HAVE HAPPENED ON ITS OWN!

 

The elf waited for a sarcastic, sadistic retort.

 

He didn't receive one.

 

In fact, he didn't receive any response at all.

 

HEY, PICKLE-DILLY, WHERE'D YOU GO? Rune asked, thinking surely Nadil wouldn't leave that insult in the open.

 

But the Demon Lord still did not reply.

 

What's going on? the elf wondered.

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What was going on was that someone had entered the room Nadil was hiding out in and was most insistent on conversation with him. Thus cutting the mind-link short.

 

"Are you feeling…well, Rune?" Dr. Avis Laira asked in a low voice, narrowing his eyes inquisitively.

 

"Ah, yes, yes, I'm fine," Nadil coughed, Dusis knows how he looked squatting bowl-kneed, and peeking out from behind a curtain.

 

The Demon Lord shot to his feet quickly, then immediately lost his balance from sitting too long in one position and crashed to the floor.

 

"Are you sure?" Dr. Avis Laira asked again as he watched the Demon Lord clutch his numb legs in agony and writhe madly about on the ground.

 

"YES!" Nadil screeched irritably, managing to get to his feet and hobble towards the door in an effort to go some other secluded place to try and communicate with the blasted elf once more.

 

The Demon Lord could feel the doctor's scorching gaze on his back even until he was no longer in his sight

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Rune now was enforcing his torture of the demon army twice as harsh as before. Now that he was deeply perturbed about his reputation at the Dragon Castle his schemes were even more vindictive and humiliating for the enemy, as the elf vented out his frustration.

 

"Fedelta!" Rune barked out as he stormed through Nadil's Castle of Darkness and Evil brooding, "Your whole manner offends me! New rule: anytime you say "BURN BABY, cook, scorch, roast, consume, or any other synonym for fire or burning, you will skip around in a circle in a circle and sing, "I'm so pretty, so so pretty! I feel pretty and witty and gaaaaaaaaaaaay, etc, understood?"

 

"Bu-" Fedelta attempted to protest, before swiftly being cut off by the elf.

 

"Were you going against my orders just now, Felly-Delly? SING THIS INSTANT!" Rune shrieked, his anxiety turning up his temper. "DORA, TOSS HIM YOUR PINK BATHROBE! THIS INGRATE NEEDS TO LEARN HIS PLACE!"

 

"Sabel!" the elf exclaimed, as his brooding trip progressed further down Nadil's castle. "You remind me of a piece of molded seaweed! I DETEST that horrid color you call your hair! Go outside and make me four-dozen shamrock bouquets if you INSIST ON MAKING EVERYDAY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

 

"LAMGARNAS, TAKE YOUR CAT TO THE ZOO AND LIVE THERE! SOME PEOPLE GET OFFENDED WATCHING SUCH AN ANIMALSISTIC DISPLAY, YA KNOW!"

 

Once Rune had finished his stomping hissy fit through the castle. Now he was in the main audience chamber, seated on the throne, propped up by red velvet cushions, and gorging himself on sauerkraut lathered in banana sauce with a side order of a limburger cheese milkshake.

 

The demon army watched him wide-eyed in awe as the elf gulped it down like there was no tomorrow.

 

"Um, your pardon, Your Most Vile Demonishness," Shydeman spoke up hesitantly, sweatdropping at the spectacle, "But are not those dishes all together…giving Your Utmost Evilness's stomach a rough time?"

 

"YOU BET YOUR MAKE-UP THEY ARE, SHYDY-BOY!" Rune bellowed, "I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA HURL CHUNKS!"

 

The demon army flung themselves several lengths away from the throne.

 

"Well, forgive me," Shydeman stated, sweatdropping even more, "Then why-"

 

"LOOK, SHYDY, IT AIN'T MY BODY, SO I DON'T CARE HOW LOUSY IT FEELS!" the elf yelled, "THAT JERK'S GONNA PAY! HAHAHAHAHA! HERE'S TO YOUR INDIGESTION YOU HEARTLESS, FLIPPANT IGNORAMOUS OF A BASTARD!"

 

Shydeman's head was drenched in sweat. Any further wild imaginings of the Demon Lord and the whole army would catch on that their ruler was unstable, and chaos would break out.

 

Luckily, though, the second-in-command had envisioned something like this happening, and was prepared with a back-up plan for distracting everyone from the idle chatter of a deranged demon.

 

Now if only he had to courage to go through with that plan…

 

"LEMME TELL YOU ALL SUMTHIN' THOUGH!" Rune continued with his mad rant, "THAT SWINE HAD BETTER NOT FOUL ME UP IN FRONT OF THE DRAGON LORD! HE MAY DO ANYTHING ELSE, BUT MAKE ME LOOK BAD IN FRONT OF MY-"

 

Shydy shrewdly assessed the conversation was too dangerous to go on, and hastily put his plan into action.

 

"Dora!" he shouted out to his sister, "Now!"

 

Rune's eyes bugged out of his head and his jaw dropped with a splat in his sauerkraut and banana sauce at the sight in front of him.

 

"We're two Barbie girls, in a demon wo-o-o-orld!" Shydeman and Shyrendora sang, doing a kind of two-step dance in their stiletto heels, "You can brush our hair! And take us anywhe-e-ere! It's fantastic! We're just plastic!"

 

Why didn't I think of this? Rune thought dumbly as he continued to gape.

 

As soon as he is off his guard, I will MURDER him myself! Shydeman seethed, as he endured numerous catcalls and whistles of appreciation from his fellow demons.

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Shyrendora laughed dizzily, as she spun her brother around in a mad circle, "ISN'T THIS THE MOST FUN, BIG SIS? HAHAHAHAHA!"

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Nadil too was on a rampage of fury. The fun was over and he wanted back inside his Castle of Darkness and Evil. He didn't even care for searching for a weakness in the enemy. As far as he could tell, they all a few hotdogs short of a picnic.

 

"Rune! Hey, Rune!" called a voice and the Demon Lord looked up to see the Earth and Fire Dragon Knights greeting his vision.

 

"Alright! You survived!" Thatz cheered, giving him a good, hard whack on the back, before enveloping him in a bone-gripping hug.

 

"I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!" Thatz mock-cried, "OUR LITTLE GOODY-GOODY ELF HAS FINALLY COME TO PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS!"

 

Before Nadil could somehow free one of his arms to strangle the ex-thief, Thatz had released him from the Hug Of Breathlessness, to clap an arm over his shoulder and yank the other close.

 

"Alright, if you're going to verbally abuse people, you oughta chew out your two harem-girls, 'kay? Also, Kitchel needs a lesson in deflating her immensely large ego. So, I've written a few choices lines here on what you should say to her-"

 

Several sheet of paper were shoved into the Demon Lord's hands, "Feel free to edit them anyway you want, only try and confront her before tomorrow's swordsmanship class, alright? MAKE HER CRY AND WAIL, MY FRIEND! I'm talkin' 'I feel so awful for the way I've treated Thatz, I will go and beg his forgiveness and do any menial tasks he deems worthy to be touched by my hands'. DON'T WASTE TIME NOW, MOVE!"

 

Nadil found himself shoved unceremoniously away and staggered several paces until he regained his balance. Furious, the Demon Lord intended to unleash his wrath upon the ex-thief when a voice spoke up behind him.

 

"Lovely day, isn't it? Oh, hello there, my Dragon Knights."

 

Even though, already knowing who it was, Nadil turned around to see the Dragon Lord standing in front of him, smiling that smile which had always annoyed him.

 

Feeling even more frustrated at not knowing if Lykuleon knew who he really was, Nadil wondered if he could get away with finishing his curse he had started years ago, then successfully escape before anyone realized what had happened.

 

Fortunately, for everyone, the Demon Lord's serious musing was interrupted by the real Rune's voice materializing in his head for the second time that day.

 

Testing, testing, one, two, three…Victimized Elf to Disgusting Demon Lord, over. Repeat, Victimized Elf to Disgust-

 

I'M THE ONE WHO IS THE VICTIM HERE YOU TWIT! NOW SHUT YOUR GIBBERING MIND! Nadil thought violently, though secretly relieved to have contacted the elf again. Somehow, one of them must have an idea of how they got into this situation and how to get out of it.

 

"Rune, you seem distracted," Lykuleon said, "Is everything alright?"

 

If someone asks me that ONE more time… the Demon Lord simmered, tension increasing by the second.

 

What are you talking about? Rune inquired, Who's there with you? DON'T DO ANYTHING I WOULDN'T DO UNLESS IT'S THATZ!

 

While Nadil whole-heartedly agreed with the elf on the Earth Dragon Knight receiving his just due, he saw a way to utterly humiliate his host's body in the most golden opportunity ever.

 

"AH! YOUR MAJESTY!" he squealed rushing over to the Dragon Lord, purposely making his voice go a few octaves higher, "I'VE FOUND YOU AT LONG LAST! I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS TO YOU THAT I HAVE LONG SINCE BURIED DEEP WITHIN MY HEART!"

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? The elf screeched, going ballistic in his head, DON'T YOU DARE DRAG LORD LYKULEON INTO THIS MESS!

 

"Oh really, Rune, what is that?" Lykuleon beamed down at the Demon Lord, hanging off his arm.

 

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!" Nadil shouted boisterously out for all to hear, feeling a wave of nausea as he did, "DEEPLY, MADLY, DESPERATELY IN LOVE WITH YOU! I KNOW THIS IS SELFISH OF ME TO ASK, BUT PLEASE, DIVORCE RASELEANE AND ELOPE WITH ME!"

 

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? He heard the elf scream in horror in his head.