Dragon Knights Fan Fiction ❯ The Unfortunate Finding Of The Jewelry Of DOOM! ❯ In which the plot and characters get even more sidetracked ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: Don't own DK! READ KIDDIES!

 

Title: The Unfortunate Finding Of The Jewelry Of DOOM!

 

Ch.2 In Which The Plot Gets More Confusing As The Characters Get Sidetracked.

 

"So, remind us again," Tintlett inquired of the group's bodyguard as they wandered down the town's street, "Just why would a Thief Lord help us out?"

 

"Like I said before," Rath said, walking freely after painstakingly struggling free of the Yokai wizard's iron-grip on him, "He has no other choice but to assist us. Not unless he wants me to reveal some very incriminating evidence on him to the authorities."

 

"Blackmail, eh?" Nohiro stated wryly, "Seems like that's a very popular tool nowadays."

 

The boy-human-dragon-demon-elf-whatever cast a pointed look in Kharl's direction and muttered several non-audible things under his breath about a certain author.

 

"Yep," Rath affirmed, "I knew he'd be more useful to me free than behind bars. And we help each out really. Anytime I need information about who to look out for and what areas to avoid on a new job, I go to him and he tells me. In return, I don't turn him in and I tell him how to avoid other run ins with the feds. Plus, he's really great at knowing where demons and danger is. He gives me the best challenges-it's almost like he's trying to get me killed!"

 

"Yeah," Tintlett forced a laugh as everyone sweatdropped, "That sure is strange alright."

 

"So how far are we, now?" Nohiro complained, feeling exhaustion from the tiresome day.

 

"Not far," Rath said with a secretive smile, "In fact we're here."

 

"Where?" the boy-human-dragon-demon-elf-whatever asked puzzled, looking around at the all the shores.

 

"Here," Rath said again, pointing to the shop directly in front of them.

 

Everyone stared.

 

And stared.

 

And stared.

 

And stared.

 

Who wouldn't? After all, a store painted bright pink, decorated with swirling red ribbons, the window display showing frosted cupcakes with sprinkles, gooey cookies, and fluffy muffins, did not resemble the group's idea of where a Thief Lord should be hiding in the slightest.

 

The name Café Mew Mew in sparkly gold letters above didn't help matters much.

 

"Exactly why," Nohiro questioned slowly, staring at the store incredibly, "Would a Thief Lord's lair be a sickeningly cutesy pastry shop?"

 

"That's why," Rath stated smirking, opening the door and going inside, "Who would believe that? Plus, the guy's a serious glutton. It's convenient."

 

The group followed their bodyguard inside numbly.

 

The café must have been popular because it was jammed pack gull of people and there were only two girls in uniforms waiting on the customers.

 

"Oh, can I help you?" asked a uniformed girl with thick glasses and green hair done in braids, running up to the newcomers hurriedly.

 

"Yes, we-" Rath tried to speak but was interrupted by a loud crash from the left side of the shop.

 

Everyone looked to see a small blonde-haired girl juggling the remaining dishes on a long stick while she rolled around the red carpet on a giant ball.

 

"PUDDING, STOP!" the green-haired girl cried, forgetting the group and rushing towards her, "YOU'RE NOT A MONKEY ANYMORE!"

 

The girl's only response was to laugh hysterically and roll the giant ball away from her, breaking more dishes along the way.

 

"Okaaaaaaay," Nohiro said, his eyebrows shooting up, "This shop's definitely more lively than it looks."

 

As if on cue, the shop's entrance door burst open behind them and a brown-haired girl dashed past them shouting, "NOOOOOOOO! DON'T FOLLOW ME MASAYA! FIND YOURSELF SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS MORE WORTHY TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND!"

 

A black-haired boy ran in next, catching up to the girl and grabbing her arm, demanded, "IS THIS ABOUT THAT ALIEN? YOU LIKE HIM BETTER THAN ME, RIGHT?"

 

"WHAT?" the girl shrieked, looking fearful and nervous, "DON'T BE ABSURD!"

 

Suddenly there was a POOF! much like in Kharl's appearance, and a pointed-eared boy with dread-locks appeared next to the girl and exclaimed, "ICHAGO, THERE YOU ARE MY DARLIN' LITTLE KITTY-KAT!"

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" the girl screamed in surprise, black cat ears and a tail springing out of her body suddenly.

 

"SO IT'S TRUE!" the black-haired boy cried, tears coming to his eyes, "YOU HAVE BETRAYED OUR LOVE!"

 

The girl never had a chance to deny or affirm the statement as just at that moment, the door burst open again and a girl with blue hair done up into two buns, twirled herself into the shop still in a ballet costume, singing the tune to "Swan Lake".

 

"IT'S A LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE TRIANGLE!," she strung out, pirouetting past them and disappearing into the kitchen.

 

And yet again, before anyone could get a word in sideways, the door burst open a final time and a purple-haired girl posed and preened herself in several various stances in the shop's entrance for reporters before closing the door and coming inside to the customers who flung themselves out of their seat towards her, screaming, "ZAKURO-SAMA! ZAKURO-SAMA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!"

 

Nohiro and the gang barely had time to flatten themselves against the wall and sidle along to the back before they were run over and trampled. The group gaped at the scene in the shop, which consisted of the green-haired girl chasing after the midget blonde girl shrieking excitedly on her ball; the brown-haired girl being tugged back and forth by her boyfriend and the alien; the blue-haired girl still in her ballet outfit twirling all around the café as she daintily sipped some tea; and the purple-haired girl signing autographs and blowing kisses to her adoring fans.

 

The group was still gaping when Rath pressed a section of the wall and a secret panel

opened, and he shoved them all through it, leaving the madness behind.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

"O.K., I don't know what all that was about," Nohiro stated as the everyone walked along the dim, narrow passageway, "But I don't really care to find out."

 

"And I thought it was weird what we've been going through," Tintlett said sweatdropping.

 

"All right, here we are," Rath said, as they came to a door at the end of the passage.

 

"You sure it's not another wacked-out, freaky shop with psycho girls?" the boy-human-dragon-demon-elf-whatever inquired dryly.

 

"Quiet," the black-haired young man snapped at him, knocking on the door in a certain pattern, then listening for a reply.

 

"What's the password?" came a voice from behind the door.

 

"THATZ, OPEN THE DOOR! IT'S ME!" Rath yelled, looking irritated.

 

"YOU?" came the voice sounding nervous and disappointed, "I THOUGHT THAT LAST DEMON HUNT KILLED YOU!"

 

"Naw, those demons were all small fry. I killed 'em all in no time flat. NOW OPEN THE DOOR ALREADY!" Rath cried.

 

"Even if it is you," the voice replied, "You gotta have the password!"

 

"THATZ, DON'T MAKE ME TURN YOU IN! YOU'RE VALUABLE, BUT NOT THAT VALUABLE!" Rath threatened.

 

"HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME!" the voice stated smugly, "THIS DOOR IS SOLID STEEL AND BODYGUARD PROOF! NO ONE IS ABLE TO ENTER WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! JUST TRY IT! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

Rath looked positively murderous. Drawing out his sword, he flung himself at the door, dealing several mighty blows to it. The result was that he staggered backwards by the sheer force of it all into Kharl's arms.

 

"NEVER FEAR, MY BELOVED!" the Yokai wizard proclaimed dramatically, holding the young man close much to his protest, "I SHALL AVENGE YOUR HONOR!"

 

In a blink of an eye, Kharl had drawn out a handful of ash and flung the contents on the ground, resulting in everybody disappearing in a POOF! and reappearing on the other side of the door in the Thief Lord's lair.

 

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" came a shocked, frightened voice as the group appeared out of nowhere, "WHAT THE HELL? YOU WANNA GIVE A GUY A HEART ATTACK OR SOMETHING!"

 

Nohiro and the gang, after regaining their stance, looked to where the voice had come from and received the sight of a rugged brown-haired young man with a scarred face grimacing as he held a hand over chest, as if to calm down his surprised heart.

 

"Alright, Thatz!" Rath began, leveling his sword in front of the Thief Lord, "Let's finished where we left off! Now you'll receive the penalty for holding up and trying to escape the command of a certified bodyguard!"

 

Before the black-haired young man could dish out the just deserts, however, he was seized from behind by Kharl who pulled him in close, exclaiming excitedly,"YES, MY BELOVED! SHOW HIM HOW BRAVE AND DASHING YOU ARE IN BATTLE! THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT YOU! DEFENDING JUSTICE TO THE END! LET ME GIVE YOU A KISS FOR GOOD LUCK! MWAHA!"

 

Nohiro, Tintlett, and the water lights looked away slightly nauseous and feeling pity towards their bodyguard who was forcibly attacked.

 

"GET OF ME, PERVERT!" Rath yelled, giving the Yokai Wizard a good whack alongside the head with the handle of his sword.

 

Kharl was thrust away stunned, seeing stars, yet still he managed to giggle estatically, "WAHAHAHAHA! I LOVE THAT IN YOU, MY BELOVED! PLAYING HARD-TO-GET! IT MAKES EVERYTHING SO MUCH MORE FUN!"

 

Nohiro and his companions sweatdropped.

 

Rath straightened his now-disheveled uniform and reverted back to his interrupted speech with the Thief Lord rather huffily, "Now, Thatz, we wanted to know, before I kill you, if you know-HEY, WHERE'D THAT LAZY BUM GO?"

 

The group blinked and looked around the room, but the Thief Lord had vanished suddenly.

 

"He can disappear?" Hanakusuku voiced puzzled.

 

"HEY, THIS IS NOT IN THE SCRIPT!" Kharl yelped, flipping the pamphlet's pages feverishly.

 

"THAT GUY!" Rath raged, working up a blood-craze, "I'M GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE A DEMON, THATZ!"

 

However, as it turns out, the bodyguard never really needed to, as the Thief Lord revealed his presence rather abruptly.

 

POOF! went a sound that everyone was now very familiar with, and after coughing through another gigantic ash cloud, the group was greeted by an absurd vision of the Thief Lord in a pink tutu and ballet shoes, with a protruding tummy bulging against the tight material.

 

There were several seconds of silence as everyone gaped.

 

"WHAT THE HELL?" the Thief Lord cried in shock, looking at the get-up he was in, "THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! I THOUGHT THIS ASH STUFF TELEPORTED PEOPLE WHERE THEY WANT TO GO!"

 

Furiously, the scar-faced young man took another pinch of ash and flung it down.

 

POOF!

 

Two huge pairs of antlers stuck out of the sides of the Thief Lord's head, complete with a blinking red nose.

 

"DABBIT!" Thatz swore through a stuffed nose, throwing down some more ash.

 

POOF!

 

He was two feet tall, wearing a green outfit with a top hat and shoes with buckles on them. His brown hair now bright orange.

 

"TOP O' THE MORNING TO YA!" he squeaked out in a high-pitched voice, before slapping himself out of the reverie and stomping his chibi foot in a rather Rumplestiltskin way and hurling down more ash in frustration.

 

POOF!

 

He was garbed all in long, black robes and a black head veil, with a thick white cover for his neck and around his head. A rosary cross hanged down the front of chest.

 

"HOLY HEAVEN!" the Thief Lord shrieked in astonishment and anger, ash pitched down once more.

 

POOF!

 

Now he clothed in dog costume complete with floppy ears and a humongous fake tongue hanging down across his face.

 

"Woof," he said rather dejectedly, his huge floppy ears drooping.

 

"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Nohiro and the gang screamed in hysterical laughter, leaning against each other and falling on the floor, tears streaming down their faces.

 

"I'll have you know my ash only works for me," Kharl stated amused, arms crossed, "Though it does have a defense against thieves, I must say, I never realized the mechanism would be this…creative."

 

A card dropped from out of nowhere at the group's feet, striking a nervous chord in them.

 

Rath picked it up this time and read it with weary caution, "Greetings from the Author. Just a reminder that while Kharl can use his ash to poof into places in this fic, he can't poof out, and neither can anyone else. As for the ash's defense mechanism, I tweaked it a bit. I must say, Thatz, that outfit is SO you."

 

Everyone sweatdropped, except the Thief Lord who glowered, his floppy ears going back.

 

Rath read on, "Now please get with the Unfortunate Finding Of The Jewelry Of DOOM! The schedule is getting very off course. Oh, by the way Kharl…" here the bodyguard paused, and then slowly continued, beads of sweat along with veins, popping out across his head, "You have my permission to jump Rath again. Love ya, the Author."

 

Nohiro and the gang only had time to flinch, before the Yokai Wizard had pounced on the black-haired young man once again, trying to prove his "love".

 

"OH, WHY DO YOU REFUSE ME, MY BELOVED?" Kharl wailed tragically, as Rath struggled furiously, "IT IS OUR DESTINY TO BE TOGETHER!"

 

Another WHACK! later, and Rath was free, snorting rather vexed through his nostrils, and Kharl was sniffling hurt in a corner.

 

"I'M GONNA KILL THAT CRAZY DAME!" the bodyguard cried, his face red, "SHE CAN'T DO THIS TO ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT!"

 

Another card dropped from nowhere on the floor.

 

Nohiro picked it up before Rath could rip it to shreds and read, "Unfortunately, I can, Kawai Rath-kun," (more sweatdropping from everyone), "And I hate to use blackmail on you, but if you do not keep the flow of this fic moving along at a steady pace, that will be the consequence you will have to suffer. So, unless you want to 'kiss and make up' with Kharl-sama, I suggest you get that hot little butt in gear and have Thatz sing. Signed the Author."

 

The card was snatched out of the boy-human-dragon-demon-elf-whatever's hand by the black-haired young man who tore it up savagely, hurled it the ground, and stomped on, and spit on it, before turning to Thatzdog and gripping the front of his costume, demanding in a furious command, "YOU HEARD HER! SING! RIGHT NOW!"

 

"But I can't-" the Thief Lord protested, before he was shaken violently by a now fearful, desperate Rath who exclaimed, "DAMMIT, THATZ! IF YOU MAKE ME GIVE MYSELF TO THAT PERVERT WIZARD, I WON'T JUST KILL YOU! I'LL TIE YOU UP AND PUT YOU IN ROOM PILED WITH TREASURE AND STUFF MY FACE WITH FOOD IN FRONT OF YOU!"

 

Thatzdog gave an irked growl at the threat, before opening his mouth and serenading the group with the charade of, "IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL-!"

 

The Thief Lord was WHACKED! alongside the head by Rath's sword handle, which was being given a lot of action that day.

 

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' the bodyguard howled, seeing red, practically frothing at the mouth.

 

"WHAT?" Thatz shouted, getting as irritated as Rath, "YOU TOLD ME TO SING!"

 

"YOU IDIOT!" the black-haired young man roared, "JUST TELL ME WHERE WE CAN FIND A PINK-HAIRED GIRL WHO IS A THIEF, THOUGH SHE'S PROBABLY NOT AS DUMB AS YOU!"

 

The Thief Lord's whole manner changed abruptly. His anger quickly vanished and was replaced by cautious curiosity, and his dog-ears perked up suddenly in interest.

 

"A pink-haired girl thief?" he said, his eyes narrowing to slits, "What's she got to do you guys?"

 

"You know her?" Tintlett asked excitedly.

 

"Kitchel?" Thatz said, "Yeah. She thinks she's the best thief there is, and is always trying to take my post and make herself 'Thief Queen'! HAHA! AS IF! You want dibs on her? I'll give 'em. It'd be nice not to have her in my hair all the time. Whatcha wanna know?"

 

"Where can we find her?" Nohiro questioned as Rath was still far too angry over the recent blackmailing.

 

"Well-" The Thief Lord started, then stopped suddenly, his eyes darting over each person in the group, "Hey," he said thinking, "What's in it for me? I mean if I tell you, you'll just leave, and I gotta benefit outta something. So tell me what's she's done to you, and maybe I'll cooperate."

 

Nohiro and the gang restrained Rath from killing Thatz with his sword, while Tintlett tried to explain the situation as delicately as possible, without revealing too much information.

 

"Let's just say that she stole something from us that we want back, and it is very important," the girl said.

 

"I need more details than that," the scarred-face young man stated, "I mean normal people wouldn't go through all this trouble to get back something unless it couldn't be replaced. And if it can't be replaced, then it's valuable. And if it's valubale…" the Thief Lord trailed off musing, but stars soon popped up in his eyes, "THAT MEANS IT'S WORTH LOTS OF MONEY! I TELL YOU WHERE SHE IS! BUT YOU GOTTA SPLIT THE PROFITS WITH ME! FIFTY-FIFTY!"

 

"WE'RE NOT GOING TO TELL YOU, ANYTHING!" Rath cried, still being restrained.

 

Of course, it's almost ironic what was said next.

 

"YES, MY BELOVED!" Kharl shouted, clasping a fist dramatically, "WE CAN NOT TELL ABOUT THE JEWEWLY OF DOOM! TO NON-QUEST MEMBERS! THEY CANNOT HANDLE HEARING THE DIRE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT DESTROYING IT AND HOW THE WORLD WILL BE THROWN INTO COMPLETE CATASTROPHIC CHAOS IF WE DON'T DEFEAT HIS EVIL LORD NASTINESS, NADIL! YES! DO NOT GIVE IN TO THE VAGABOND'S REQUEST AND TELL HIM ABOUT THE DECEITFUL GOLD RING AND IT'S ABSOLUTE POWER!"

 

There was silence for several seconds as everyone stared hard at the Yokai Wizard, their eyebrows twitching spontaneously.

 

"Did I…just say that…out loud, my beloved?" Kharl asked in a hushed whisper, sweatdropping.

 

Rath was too mad to even give their guide a good WHACK! on the head with his sword handle for calling him, "beloved". So all he did was simmer with veins popping out over his forehead, and strands of hair, springing out of place on his head.

 

'Thanks…I think," Thatzdog said, a bit in shock from all that had been spurted out. Then, when the realization set in, "A GOLD RING THAT GIVES YOU POWER! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS TOO GOOD AN OPPORTUNITY TO PASS UP! THE THEIF LORD SHALL SOON RULE ALL!"

 

Now it was the scarred-faced young man's turn to sweatdrop as everyone stared at him.

 

"Did I just say that out loud?" he inquired, grinning foolishly, his fake tail wagging sheepishly behind him.

 

Another card drifted out of nowhere and landed at the group's feet.

 

No one moved to pick it up.

 

Finally, after several moments of the unknown, Shian flew down and hovered over the note, reading aloud, "Now, that the Thief Lord knows about the Unfortunate Finding Of The Jewelry Of DOOM! you cannot possibly allow him out of your sight, as who knows what damage he will do with this knowledge. Congratulations, Thatz. Kharl's stupidity has now opened the quest's journey to you. Welcome to the gang, and may you be just as miserable as they are. Signed, the Author. P.S. Don't forget to hound him about Kitchel."

 

"Wait a sec," Thatz said, holding up his costumed paws, "I can't go on some crazy journey/quest thing. I'm the Thief Lord! I have to stay here and eat cupca-I mean! I have to keep the rival gangs in order and get twenty-five percent of the loot that's stolen! I wasn't really going after your ring! In fact, what ring? Did someone mention a ring? I have no idea why you guys are here! Hey, there's the door. Get out, before I have the MewMews throw you out!"

 

Rath's anger had at last diminished and he was grinning like a Cheshire cat at the hapless dog, "Oh no, Thatz. You're coming with us over hill and under stone, and whether you live or die, first you're gonna lead us to your little thief-friend!"

 

"Oh yeah?" the scarred-face young man said just as confidently, "MEWMEWS ATTACK!"

 

Silence.

 

Everyone stared at the motionless Thief Lord, with his arm stuck out in front of him.

 

"HEY, WHAT KIND OF SERVICE IS THIS?" Thatz cried in a howling manner, his doggy-ears back once more, "ICHAGO! MINT! LETTUCE! PUDDING! ZAKURO! WHERE ARE YOU LAZY GIRLS? FINE WAY TO HELP YOUR LANDLORD OUT WHEN HE'S A FIX!"

 

"Last time we saw them, they were kinda busy with their own lives' troubles," Tintlett stated, sweatdropping.

 

"This is just my own opinion," Nohiro said, "But those chics are complete psychos. Where the heck you did them up?"

 

"Alright so they're not the most normal fruit in the basket, but their real good at kickin' busy-bodies' butt," Thatz said glaring at the group, "That is when they're not distracted, which is 99.9% of the time."

 

"So, since you've obviously run out of schemes of escape," Rath said smirking, "You gonna come with us quietly, or does the pervert wizard need to cast a submission spell on you?"

 

The Thief Lord was practically smoldering, his doggy-ears quivering in rage. Finally, he heaved a great sigh then grinned nonchalantly and said, "Will ya at least promise to give Kitchel hell?"

 

"Believe me," the black-haired young man said, annoyed that the quest's start was taking so long, "That won't be a problem."

 

"Then let's do it!" Thatz cheered, raising a paw, and Kharl readied his pouch of ash.

 

"WAIT!" came the Thief Lord's sudden cry and everyone froze confused.

 

"Could I possibly change into something more intimidating before we can give the back-stabber the worst time of her life?" Thatz inquired , motioning to his dog-costume.

 

Needless to say, there was a mass outbreaking of sweatdrops all around.

 

Another card dropped the floor as the Thief Lord went to change his outfit.

 

Kharl picked it up and read it's contents, "What did I warn you about keeping the fic on a steady pace, Rath? You've wasted a whole chapter. Green light, Kharl. The Author."

 

The Yokai wizard looked at the grimacing black-haired young man and a wide fiendish grin slowly broke out across his face.

 

"OH, MY BELOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEEEEEEEEED," he called out in sniggering sing-songy voice.

 

Rath dropped all demure and turned tail and fled like a wild creature.

 

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kharl laughed insanely giving chase, "EXCELLENT, MY BELOVED! LET'S PLAY TAG! I'M IT, BUT WHEN I CATCH YOU, THAT'S WHAT I'M GOING TO GET! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!"

 

Nohiro turned to Tintlett and spoke, "Try to escape?"

 

"Let's," the girl replied breaking into a mad run, the boy-human-dragon-demon-elf-whatever and water lights following in her wake.

 

"HEY!" Thatz shouted in bewilderment, hopping about trying to pull on his pants, his red-heart boxers showing, "WHERE'D EVERYBODY GO?"

 

Thus Ends The Second Chapter In The Unfortunate Finding Of The Jewelry Of DOOM!

 

A/N: I know what you're thinking. OMG! What was all that? And WHY ISN'T SHE UPDATING COUNSELING SESSIONS? Don't worry. I'm working on it. Got some scenes with Lord Dilly coming up! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE! I updated this fic instead cuz I wanted to release my Kharl and Rath muse and a PWP writing style. As some of you know, I've been sick all last week with Tonsilitus, and have only felt well this weekend, and so now I'm fulfilling my urge to write once more! YEAH ME! OK PLZ REVIEW PEOPLE AND TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKED THE BEST AND WHAT MADE YOU LAUGH THE HARDEST! THANK YOU! LOVE, SCHNICKLEDOOGER!