Fake Fan Fiction ❯ FAKE In Love: Act XVIII, A Nice Buzz ❯ An Alternate Beginning ( Chapter 4 )

Timeline: This was actually an alternate opening for the “healing” Act, the one where Dee's up in the cabin, you know. I'm kind of notorious for writing about twenty pages and then deciding “Nope, not working,” deleting it all and starting all over again. This was one of my first efforts at a beginning, but it just didn't vibe with how I wanted the piece to start. To be honest, it then spiraled into Dee talking with a hallucination that was the embodiement of his conscience. Can't say I'm upset I didn't go that route. Anyway, despite the fact that this just didn't work out, I really liked this piece of it and couldn't bring myself to delete it. So here it is, and the lyrics at the end are the song that inspired this whole little melodrama. To be honest, I had known about the cliffhanger ending, but I wasn't precisely sure where I was going after that. Then I heard this song and my brain went “Dee's going to fly away.” And that was that. Enjoy. And I still don't own FAKE.

 

Dee was silent as the car pulled through the fine sheet of rain, everything in the city leaning in too close. He felt like he was going to shatter apart, every sound grating on his nerves and bringing up too much pain. He closed his eyes and leaned against the cold glass, the air vent blasting a continuous stream of heat against his face. Hot and cold dueled over him, and Dee wondered if that should have some kind of meaning for him.

Ryo was just as silent next to him, his partner easily guiding the car through what was arguably some of the worst of New York's traffic. It was one of the hazards of airports; Dee guessed it was probably the same in any city. He sighed and kept his eyes closed.

Ryo glanced at him, just once, his eyes sad and lips parting for a moment to break the silence, but then they just thinned and he turned back to the road. The radio was quiet between them, the sounds of the city only broken up by the slow cadence of the windshield wipers. They pulled to a stoplight and Ryo found his eyes following the slow whump of each one as it passed before him. He fought the urge to reach over and rest one hand on Dee's shoulder, he knew he couldn't take it if Dee flinched away from him, and instead tightened his hold on the wheel.

Dee's eyes opened again when they finally parked, a loud jet roaring over them and making Dee's ears pop in anticipation. Ryo was out of the car already, the trunk thunking open as Dee paused a moment in his seat. He stared out at the concrete column in front of the car, his eyes sliding up the rough surface and over the numbers painted on it.

“I don't want to go,” he told the empty car and the uncaring stone. “But I can't stay here.”

He pushed the door open as Ryo tugged his suitcase from the trunk, a soft smile on the brunette's face as he glanced at Dee. Dee fished in his pockets and pulled out his cigarettes; he'd need to smoke fast, there'd be no more opportunities once he got on the plane.

“We should have gotten here earlier,” Ryo said quietly as they walked towards the terminal.

Dee exhaled a long puff of smoke, and Ryo closed his eyes as he eagerly breathed it in. How long would it be until he smelled that again?

“I'm not worried,” Dee answered flatly.

Ryo's hand tightened around the roller suitcase he guided and he forced a laugh.

“You never worry,” he teased half-heartedly. “You always think everything will just work out for you.”

Dee was silent for a long moment and Ryo stole a quick glance at his partner. Dee's face was still as stone, the cigarette hanging almost forgotten from his lips as he stared away from Ryo. He looked a little pale, almost too stretched, and Ryo suddenly found himself wanting to reach out and touch olive skin just to make sure that there was no fever. He jerked his eyes away and continued to the looming terminal.

“Yeah,” Dee said finally. “It always works out.”

Ryo glanced over again, but Dee was still stubbornly staring off into space, one hand sliding free from his pocket to pull the cigarette from his lips. They hesitated at the door, Dee quickly finishing his smoke, and then stepped inside. Dee immediately winced at the constant buzz of people and movement that surrounded him. God he needed to get away from all this, he couldn't take anymore noise in his head.

“Okay?” Ryo asked softly, one hand gently resting on Dee's shoulder.

Dee's head bowed a little, Ryo's hand too warm and too comfortable upon him. He stepped forward to pull away from it and nodded.

“Fine,” he said brusquely. “Let's go.”

“Okay,” Ryo said, his voice carefully empty of all his hurt.

Dee ran the gauntlet to get to his plane, flashing his NYPD ID to speed things up, his partner doing the same to get past the last of the security checkpoints. When they finally reached the appointed gate, they had only moments before boarding would begin—just as Dee had planned it.

Both were silent again, the plane looming outside the tall glass windows that walled them in, like some foggy beast waiting in the sleet. Dee kept his gaze locked on it, his hands again in his pockets and now clenched into fists. He didn't want to go. He wanted to stay with Ryo, he wanted to curl up with his partner and let the whole world fall away. He wanted to just be with Ryo. Dee bit back on a sudden flourish of self-hatred.

He didn't deserve that, not after what he had done. His nails dug into his palms and he closed his eyes again as he tried to clear his mind. He was going to banish himself instead, he was going to just disappear, maybe forever, he didn't know.

“Hey…”

Ryo's hands were suddenly cold and smooth against his face, his partner turning him to face dark eyes. God he loved Ryo's eyes. He had loved them from the very first time he looked into them, they were so soft and warm, and looking in those eyes Dee had known in an instant that Ryo was more than any man he had ever known. And now those eyes were filled with love, love for him, love that now almost felt like a hand tightening at his throat.

“You…you don't have to go. You can stay here,” Ryo said his voice soft and hesitant. “Or we could go somewhere.”

Dee stared back at him and his hands slowly lifted to pull Ryo's away.

“I do have to,” Dee said quietly. “I'm sorry Ryo.”

He squeezed Ryo's hands softly and shook his head.

“Just tell me goodbye,” Dee said.

Ryo's eyes were searching his now, and Dee had to look away before Ryo saw it all. He was breaking apart, and he couldn't let anyone see that, not even Ryo.

“I love you Dee Laytner,” Ryo said softly. “More than anything.”

Dee squeezed his hands again and then released them, one hand moving to hoist his carry-on higher on his shoulder. He stared down at their shoes a moment and then an overly chipper voice announced boarding. Dee glanced at the doorway, the plane a shadow outside and he couldn't speak when he looked back to Ryo. Ryo stared at him, waiting, and then the brunette forced a smile and lightly tugged at Dee's sleeve.

“Tell me when you get back,” Ryo said gently.

Dee's mouth thinned, his eyes reflecting sudden anguish and he shook his head.

“No,” he murmured and his hands rose to catch Ryo, to warmly frame his face as Dee leaned forward and rested their foreheads together. “I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Ryo's eyes closed and he leaned into Dee, his own hands rising to loosely curl in Dee's sleeves.

“I love you Dee,” Ryo answered and his eyes slowly opened. “Goodbye.”

Dee bit back on a sudden sob and nodded, his hands dropping reluctantly from Ryo's face. He stared at his lover a moment longer, then turned on his heel and boarded his plane, not looking back once.

There were no delays, nothing to prevent them from leaving the airport on time. No one raced after him and he never felt the urge to suddenly de-board. He took to the skies, but even as the plane pulled away from the terminal, even as they headed for the long run away, Dee imagined that he could see one lone figure waiting at the glass, one person wanting him to come back.

 

 

“Miss You”

By Scott Thomas

Performed by Ringside, Copyright held accordingly.

 

I cannot be where the weather is fair,

With you on the ground - me in the air,

Where whistling engines drink up restless hearts,

I can still taste the last call - I still feel the bar,

The plotting of managers in fast open cars,

Racing the agents - chasing the ancients,

To the corner stores - to pick out our potions,

I, like the others, believe we were born,

To bleed at the borders to sleep with the storm,

I must confess I have laid down

Where stronger men dared not go.

 

I miss you - I miss you,

There is nothing I can take,

There is nothing I can do,

To keep from running away.

 

I know of what I've lost,

On this quite night,

I still felt your grip uopn me,

As I boarded the flight,

And I watched you there in the window,

I wondered how long you'd stay,

Waving your arms at the jumbo,

As it tore us both away,

I wish I could just turn myself around,

Follow my heart back to you on the ground,

But I know just for tonight,

Is harder to hear than goodbye.

 

I miss you - and I misuse,

There is nothing I can take,

There is nothing I can do,

To keep from running away,

At any cost,

To keep from turning around,

Just to see what I lost…