Fan Fiction ❯ another day ❯ The Day Robin Went Nuts ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I don’t own the teen titans, star wars, bleach, naruto, jeopardy or much else for that matter.

Stuff: This story is set six months after chapter 1.

02 The Day Robin Went Nuts:

Lately it seemed like all of the criminals in Jump City just popped out of whatever hole in the wall that they had been hiding in. Crime was at an all time high and that meant that the Titans were working their super powered buts off.

It was what Beast Boy creatively termed the ‘Cockroach Effect.’ When one creepy crawly comes out, they all have to come out.

It was also the one time that all of the titans actually agreed with him without argument.

Cyborg and Raven felt dread pool at their stomachs that day.

Whenever Beast Boy said something that everyone agreed with, horrible things happened without fail.

Case in point was the day that Beast Boy pointed out that Star Wars episode 1, 2, and 3 where pretty lame compared to episodes 4, 5, and 6. Everyone present agreed with that statement. Later on that afternoon Raven’s dad decided to visit and end the world.

Or there was the other time that Beast Boy pointed out to Cyborg that maybe, just maybe it wasn’t wise to but a five thousand dollar sound system in his ‘baby.’ Three hours later the car was stolen and later found gutted near a Guatemalan eatery. The perpetrators were caught…or rather they were chased into a dark alley with Cyborg blasting at them with random blasts from his sonic cannon.

It took weeks for Raven to calm Cyborg down and convince him that murder was not the adequate punishment for grand theft auto.

Cyborg to this day was still not convinced.

So you see they were pretty much on the money for predicting that something would happen.

Cyborg and Raven hoped that this time the world wouldn’t end this time. Car theft they could deal with.

Apocalypses not so much.

Really nothing could top that, right?

Right?

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Cyborg became a little more paranoid, due to Beast Boy’s cursing all the titans to a horrible fate by being right. He planted the most advanced tracking system on all of the valuables.

Just in case.

Raven adopted a more serene approach to the second coming to the apocalypse. She made sure that all of their insurance payments were sent and that her safe house in Florida was ready.

Just in case.

They had tried to warn Robin about it, but that didn’t do much but make him look at them like they were paranoid.

Which they were, but not in a crazy way.

After a while they thought that maybe karma would be kind to them for once and spare them pain and torture.

But then again they were proven wrong.

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In fact in the past three days they had to deal with Slade, Cinderblock, Plasmus, Mumbo, Control Freak and Red X. That was enough to give any normal person an ulcer, bad temper and a noticeable facial tick and unfortunately for the Titan team that meant that Robin was on the verge of having the men in white coats drag him away to a room with soft mattress walls.

Robin was really getting…. creepy for lack of a better word.

Creepy as in no one has seen him blink for days. Creepy as in he was acting like Slade hopped up on prozac and pixie sticks. Creepy as in he began to genuinely like Starfire’s cooking *horrified gasp*.

Robin was also disappearing for hours at a time and was starting to come back smelling like he’d been trapped in the sewers. When Starfire asked were he went or what he had been doing, he would answer with a disturbingly toothy little grin,” Camouflage training,” and promptly disappear again.

Raven thought that he smelled like sewage but decided not to say anything. Robin was not known to take personal criticisms well.

Cyborg was the only other person who seemed to pick up on the changes as well.

Starfire was a bit busy at the moment, Silke had taken to consuming volatile substances lately. It was eventually suggested that he be taken to a vet to get checked out, this of course was after he consumed all of the fuel reserves in the tower. The whole process was taking quite a while because:

1. There weren’t many vets who even knew what Silke was.

2. There weren’t many vets who had the patience to put up with a creature that could literally eat them out of business.

Beast Boy and Terra were…well…no one really wanted to know what they were doing, so they wisely stayed away.

Cyborg and Raven got a bad vibe from Robin‘s bizarre behavior, but decided to wait it out for the time being.

Robin wasn’t the type to suddenly go insane.

Hopefully.

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Wednesday-April 3-8:35 a.m.

Cyborg and Raven were enjoying a nice quiet breakfast together which was a relatively rare event. Normally Robin would be at the table grumbling to himself as he drank coffee and read some case files he brought with him. Starfire would be attempting to keep Silke from eating the table again. Terra would alternate between being perfectly calm to groping Beast Boy for all that she was worth. Beast Boy would alternate between the daily meat and tofu standoff with Cyborg to groping Terra for all that he was worth. Cyborg would defend the greatness of meat and Raven would wonder while drinking her tea who was more of an evil bastard, Itachi from Naruto or Aizen from Bleach.

It was while they were enjoying this rare event that they saw Starfire enter the kitchen area.

“Friends, I am unable to locate Robin and I have searched in all of the areas in which he has been known to frequent, perhaps you have seen him?,” Starfire asked hopefully, worried that Robin may be working himself too hard again.

“Sorry Star,” Cyborg answered,” but we’ve been here all morning and haven’t seen him.”

Raven nodded in agreement while sipping her tea. While the both of them outwardly looked cool and calm, both titans were inwardly on their hands and knees praying and begging that nothing horrible would happen. Beast Boy’s intelligence induced apocalypse was long overdue.

“Oh…,” Starfire replied sadly.

“Starfire?,” Raven asked with an odd grimace on her face, “Why don’t you just use the tracker than you had us ….install?”

Starfire went back to her super cheery self and flung herself at Raven, giving her a bear hug.

The sound of Raven’s bones cracking from the strain was heard for miles.

“Oh! Thank you friend Raven. I had not remembered that!!”

Oh yeah, Raven could kiss her ribcage goodbye.

“Starfire…,” Raven growled dangerously.

Starfire was too far gone in her little bubble of happiness to listen. Cyborg just looked on at the display trying to fight the mad desire to laugh hysterically, but he stopped himself when Raven gave him a look that clearly translated into ‘Laugh and they will never find you.’ After a few more minutes he decided to intervene before Raven murdered Starfire and then him for not helping her to being with. Really, Cyborg loved her but that didn’t subtract from the fact that she could be one dangerous chick to cross.

“Hey Star, why don’t you put Raven down, get the tracking device and then we can all look for Robin together?”

“But of course friend! I shall retrieve the said device and we can all look for Robin together.” With that said Starfire released Raven from the bear hug of doom, allowing her to land on her bum and flew to her room to get the tracking device with a huge smile plastered on her face.

Raven shot a glare at Cyborg and asked, “And the reason you didn’t stop her from hugging me was??”

Cy crouched down beside were Starfire had dropped her, gave her a knowing grin and said, “You know how Star is, Rae. It was either a hug or her “pudding” and I remember what happened the last time you tried her food.”

Raven then turned slightly green and thought //How could anyone forget that?//

***** Two months ago*****

After successfully taking down Johnny Rancid, the team went home for a little rest and relaxation. That meant that Robin and Cyborg were playing video games, nobody had seen BB or Terra but, judging from the feral growls and yelps coming from the broom closet, it was a safe guess as to what they were doing and that nobody would want to find them. Raven was sitting in her chair reading a book, occasionally glancing at the game that Robin and Cyborg were playing and Starfire was busy in the kitchen whipping up a “surprise” for her friends.

After throwing in rancid milk, moldy cheese, and furry blue chicken into a large bowl, along with a bunch of other ingredients that didn‘t look safe for human consumption, Starfire stirred the concoction of doom into a pudding of doom. Her “pudding of victory” was finally complete. After sampling a spoon *horrified scream* she deemed it perfect for consumption.

She floated into the living room with the said pudding of doom where most of the titans were situated.

“Friends, I have prepared a traditional tamaranian “pudding of victory” in celebration of our victory against the villain Johnny Rancid. Who shall be the first to try?”

Starfire looked at her friends to see who would come up first. When she saw that none of friends were clamoring to get to her beloved pudding, she decided to approach them individually.

Robin was her first target. She gave him big puppy eyes and asked in her sweetest voice,

“Friend Robin, you were most hardworking in apprehending the villain, surely you would like to partake in consuming my pudding of victory?”

While Robin would normally do almost anything for Starfire, one look at the blackish/greenish pudding, convinced him that eating the pudding would not be a smart thing to do.

“Uh…,” //crap, how the hell do I get out of this?//, “sorry Starfire but….,” //damn, she’s giving me the puppy dog eyes, what would Bruce do?…wait! Of course, Bruce!!//, “I’ve got to go to Gotham, because, um…..Batman wanted to show me…. a new…. jujitsu technique, and you know how he doesn‘t like to be kept waiting.”

With that said Robin, ran out of tower and sped to Gothan City on his R-cycle. He didn’t stop until he reached the safety of the bat cave. When Batman and Alfred saw him, they knew what had happened and didn’t mind. Starfire had them try her “pudding” a few months ago and nothing more needed to be said on the matter.

As Robin, ran out of the tower to safety, Starfire turned her attention to Cyborg, who was looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Friend Cyborg, would you like to consume some of my pudding of victory.”

Cyborg wanted to run away, far away, but as Starfire floated towards him, he realized that he was cornered, as he looked around for possible avenues of escape, he contemplated jumping through the window. He then looked toward Raven, who was lost in her book and mentally screamed //HELP!!//

Raven looked up sharply at the mental call for help and saw her boyfriend who was cornered by the princess of perkiness and her pudding of doom. With a grin on her face at his situation, she closed her book, set it down on the coffee table, and walked up to Cyborg and Starfire. As she calmly walked to Starfire, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, “Starfire, I’m afraid we can’t stay to try your pudding. Cyborg has offered to drive me to a new bookstore that opened up. Right Cyborg?”

“Yeah!!! I was just going to go…warm up the T-Car.”

Starfire looked a little down at that but then looked at Raven with a huge smile on her face.

“But friend I insist that you at least sample some of my pudding of victory.”

As Raven opened her mouth to reject the offer, Starfire jammed a spoon full of pudding into Ravens mouth. Raven in shock, swallowed the pudding *horrified scream and loss of consciousness* and then looked at Starfire with a glare of rage that even the princess of perkiness feared. Cyborg gazed at Raven in amazement that she didn’t blast Starfire into a crater.

Suddenly all was quite and for good reason. Giant waves of murderous rage and intent rolled off the normally calm girl. Although Starfire may not be the brightest of the team, she knew impending death when she saw it. After a few minutes she said, “Um.. Friends I have pressing business in Tamaran and shall be there for a number of days…um I must go now.” Starfire then flew out of the tower as fast as she could and in fear, actually went to Tamaran for a few days hoping that Raven cooled off and hopefully not kill or curse her into oblivion.

As Starfire flew out of the tower to the safety of her home planet, Raven and Cyborg were left in the room. Cyborg quickly got up and went to Raven to see if she was okay.

“Rae? You alright?”

“……”

“Rae?,” Cyborg asked again this time getting worried because Raven looked paler than usual.

Raven rushed to the nearest trash can and tossed her cookies. Cyborg, being the gentleman, held her hair. After emptying the contents of her stomach she felt Cyborg beside her.

She looked up to her metal boyfriend and said, “Cy….babe I think I need to lie down for a while.”

Raven looked really bad, like she about to keel over at any given moment. Cyborg grabbed a hold of her to make sure she wouldn’t fall over and then after a moment of contemplation picked her up bridal style *collective awwwwww* and started to walk to her room.

As they entered her room Cyborg placed her down on her bed. It was then out of he comfort of his arms that she felt the all to familiar sensation of bile rising up her throat. She got up quickly, making herself feel more nauseated, and ran to her bathroom were *involuntary shudder and horrified screech* BB and Terra were partaking in…..their unholy mating ritual. In her shock Raven, forgot to head to the toilet and suddenly spewed some of the nastiest vomit ever witnessed onto the two creatures on her bathroom floor.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!,” both BB and Terra screeched, as they realized what they were covered in

Cyborg had seen what happened and couldn‘t stop the hysterical laughter that seemed to explode from his lips, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Although Raven had just spewed an amazing amount of nastiness, she couldn’t help but snort and chuckle when she sensed that all of her emotions were laughing their asses off, even Rage was most pleased at what happened to the spew coated duo.

After BB and Terra left, Cyborg escorted Raven to the medical room to make sure that whatever Starfire forced down her throat wasn’t too poisonous. After analyzing her condition for a few minutes Cyborg gave Raven some good and bad news. Good news was Raven wouldn’t die from Starfire’s cooking, bad news was she’d need her stomach pumped.

As they drove to the hospital, Raven turned to Cyborg and said, “Next time she comes near me with pudding, blast her with your cannon.”

Cyborg flashed her his trademark grin and said, “Only if the next time she comes for me, you blast her to another dimension.”

“Deal.”

*****Back to the Present*****

Raven got up from where Starfire had dropped her and said, “I guess you’re right. Considering the possible alternatives, I suppose everything turned out fine.” Fine was an understatement. Raven had sold the recipe to the government and was making millions in royalties and the intelligence network of the United States had never fared better. Apparently the pudding was being used to torture spy targets.

Not that Raven cared.

“Exactly,” Cyborg responded, “Now getting back to Robin, he has been acting pretty weird lately.”

“True. The only thing that any one of us knows for sure is that he smells as though he’s been rolling around in the sewers. I know that if there was a criminal down there or if any one of us was in danger, he’d go down there, but other than that he wouldn’t.”

“Are you sure?”

That made Raven pause for a moment.

“Absolutely, unless he’s insane and I know for a fact that Robin is the sanest of all of us,” Raven said.

“…Even me?,” Cyborg teased.

“Most especially you,” Raven said with a mischievous smile, “but I must say it is one of the things that I find the most interesting.”

As Cyborg walked up to Raven and started to bend down to give her a kiss. Just when their lips were about to meet…. “FRIENDS!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!,” they both screamed as they heard the voice and the windows exploded.

Cyborg looked down to Raven after the explosion. She gave him a sheepish grin and said, “Sorry. Old habits die hard.”

They then turned to find the source of the interruption of their alone time. They saw Starfire looking at them with starry schoolgirl eyes of glee. A terrifying site to be sure. It was then that they realized that their relationship was now out in the open.

“Friends!!!!!!! Why did you not tell me that you two are engaged in the Earth custom of pre-mating courtship?,” Starfire asked excitedly.

“What did she say? Pre-mating courtship??,” Cyborg asked scratching the non-mechanic part of his head.

“She’s asking why didn’t we tell her that we’re dating?” Raven answered.

“Oh…,” Cyborg then turned to Starfire, “Well we just….got together and wanted to keep it hushed for a little bit.”

“Oh. But friends this is a glorious occasion. We must celebrate with the traditional tamaranian festival of florkajilk,” Starfire said getting all excited at the prospect of planning her festival.

Ever the quick thinker, Raven brought up the one thing that would save her and her metallic boyfriend.

“What about Robin?”

“But of course. Let us fetch friend Robin and plan for the florkajilk together!!,” Starfire said clapping her hands together in her characteristic display of joy. Starfire then handed Cyborg the tracking remote.

After pushing a bunch of buttons and getting some coordinates Cyborg said, “Okay let’s go.”

With that they got in the T-Car, minus BB and Terra who were still in the closet, and went to go find Robin.

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Deserted Alley-April 3-9:12 a.m.

“Cyborg are you sure that those coordinates are right? I don’t see any trace of Robin,” Raven said becoming slightly annoyed that they were wasting their time looking for Robin when they could be pursuing more…..stimulating activities.

“Yeah. The coordinates are right on the money, he should be right here,” Cyborg asked, equally annoyed that they were wasting their time looking for Robin.

“I wish to know that friend Robin is okay now please,” Starfire said. She was getting really worried.

“Raven, why don’t you try and use your powers to find him? You may have better luck than the tracker,” Cyborg suggested.

“Fine,” With that said Raven levitated in her meditation stance and began to chant. After about five minutes of chanting, Raven began to see through Robins eyes.

He was somewhere very dark and damp. It was also…ripe, and after a quick glance Raven saw that Robin was indeed in the sewers. While that in itself was not disturbing, what Robin was thinking was: //Must get better, must get stronger, must be faster. Can’t beat Slade the way that I am. Must be invisible, must fly like a robin, must blend with the walls, must be one with the walls, with the shadows, must eat more of Starfire’s cooking, yum, must eat more, must learn to channel the force and make a light saber in order to battle Darth Slade, must then battle and defeat Emperor Palpatine, must….//

“Uh-oh..,” Raven said.

“What is it?,” Cyborg and Starfire asked unanimously.

“We need to find Robin immediately,” Raven said in her normal drone tone.

“Is friend Robin in danger?,” Starfire asked worried.

“No, he isn’t in any real danger but he needs some quiet time…”

“Oh..,” Cyborg said immediately understanding that his leaders’ mind has finally snapped.

“Friend Raven what do you mean ‘needs some quiet time’?,” Starfire asked worried and confused.

“It means that Robin is under way too much stress and that, mentally, it’s not good for him. We need to catch him so he can “rest” and I’m positive that once he rests up and calms down he’ll be back to normal,” Raven answered giving Starfire a small smile.

“Are you certain, friend Raven?”

“Sure she is,” Cyborg answered for Raven, “right Raven?”

“Absolutely.”

Starfire felt slightly better that Robin would be fine and followed Raven and Cyborg to a manhole cover.

They all looked at each anxiously. Although Robin had no superpowers, no meta-human abilities, and was human, he was one of the most powerful Titans, second only to Raven in dangerousness. That was in the best of times, when he had full control of his mental faculties, now that he was off his nut, there was no telling what might happen.

After taking a deep breath, Cyborg took off the manhole cover. Raven floated down first projecting a shield of dark energy, Starfire followed with her eyes glowing and her fists ready to throw star bolts and illuminating the sewers, and Cyborg followed her with his arm cannon watching their rears.

A few minutes later

Robin looked at the Titans as they descended from the street to the sewers. He gave a crooked, toothy little grin at the knowledge that they would never find him in his “hiding place” which was an overflowing sewer pipe *all together now, eeeeeeewwwwwww!!!!!!!*.

He saw that Raven had taken point and had her shield up, Starfire was lighting the sewers, and Cyborg was bringing in the rear. Normally smart tactics but not smart enough. Robin had worked for days perfecting his “camouflage” and “new weapon.”

//I knew that they would follow my signal. They have been slacking in their training exercises lately. Now they will learn the art of the sewer ambush. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!…, they are no match for the art of the sewer. Starfire will be easy to take down, Cyborg a bit harder but still nothing to write home about, except …..perhaps Raven but she has one weakness.. HAHAHAHAHA!!!, I had to put the cameras in her room and shower and watch for several days but I found out.. I FOUND OUT HER WEAKNESS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA the tin man is going down.//

While thinking that Robin’s crooked, toothy grin grew wider as he stared at Cyborg.

After examining the movements of his fellow titans for a while, Robin had decided that now was the time to strike.

Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg were slowly making their way down the sewers carefully examining their surrounding in hope of finding Robin.

“Stop,” Raven said.

“Friend Raven have you located Friend Robin yet?,” Starfire asked getting hopeful that Robin was near.

“He’s very near,” Raven answered.

“Raven’s right,” Cyborg told Starfire, “According to the tracker we’re practically on top of him.”

It was then that they heard maniacal laughter echo all around them.

From the corner of her eye Raven saw something move past her. Starfire and Cyborg noticed that same blur just past them by as well.

“Friends!!! What is this strange creature?,” Starfire asked.

“Don’t know but get ready,” Cyborg said.

“Whoever or whatever you are, come out or we’ll be forced to attack,” Raven ordered.

It was then that a slender male form appeared before the Titans. Starfire’s fisted star bolts and Cyborg’s flashlight focused on the lithe figure and everyone’s jaw dropped and they all gasped in horror.

It was indeed Robin, but he was covered head to toe in all sorts of sewer….stuff and he had the creepiest little smile that anyone had ever seen him muster.

As everyone was just staring at Robin horrified by what he was covered in, Robin pulled out a small remote, pointed it at Cyborg. There was an odd rumbling coming from one of the pipes above him and as Cyborg looked up the pipe in time to see it explode and rain down nastiness.

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!,” Cyborg screamed as he saw a particularly large turd fly out from the pipe and onto his face.

“EEEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!!!,” Raven and Starfire screamed.

Raven snapped out of her grossed out reverie long enough to enclose Robin in a sphere of her dark energy. Robin just gave her his psychotic little grin and seemed perfectly happy despite of being trapped. That worried Raven, Robin never allowed himself to be trapped. Raven knew then that things were only going to get worse.

“Cyborg, Starfire…I’m going to teleport myself and Robin to the detention area of the tower. Can you two get to the tower?”

“Yeah,” Cyborg replied, “But Star I think you should fly home this time.”

Starfire just nodded and made her way to the manhole opening and fly up and away to the tower.

“See you at the tower then,” Raven blew Cyborg a kiss and with a wave her hand teleported herself and Robin to the detention area of the tower.

That left Cyborg to trudge his way out of the sewers and to the T Car. As he was about to get in he realized that the sink, sewer stuff, and turds that hit him were going to go into his beloved “baby.” It was then that he felt a little bit of hatred toward Robin. Good think Rae took him home, cause other wise……

Cyborg’s train of thought died when he heard music softly playing and not just any music.

This was jeopardy music.

As Cyborg turned around to look towards the back of his “baby,” he heard a buzz and saw turds explode all over the inside of his car.

Cyborg’s screams of disgust/rage/surprise/terror could be heard from orbit.

He had found Robin’s beloved new weapon, the turd bomb.

What horrors will befall the titans at the tower with their leader insane? Will Robin “bring down the tin man” in order to bring down Raven? Will BB and Terra ever leave the closet? All this and more in the next installment of The Day Robin Went Nuts.