Fan Fiction ❯ From Hell and Back ❯ And so the Insanity Continues ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: MINE! mine mine mine minemineminemineminemine!

A/N: Thanks to Aoi Shinkiro for reviewing my story! ^_^ wai!

And Yes, this fic is entirely from my hyper twisted mind.

::curses her computer:: stupid school! Stupid computer being at home while I dorm! Rargh!

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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

Time passed and collected 200 dollars. Namely, eleven years, to the very day, had gone by since that first fateful exertion of vocal cords. Yasuo was now sixteen and the pride and bane of the girls who raised him.

"Guah! Sorry!" He rushed out of the converted bathroom and leaned his head against the wall. The girls' restroom was broken again apparently. Rhinna walked out of the restroom, a blush gleefully spread across her pale face.

"Don't worry Yasu-chan. You didn't know. Besides, we're all used to it now." She peered at him for a moment as she would a mortal and smiled politely. "Are you sure you're not a chaos demon like Ran-kun? Maybe we could get you upgraded from personal demon."

Personal demons were the lowest social class in hell. These beings were sent to Earth to prod the gullible and superstitious along paths that would eventually lead to some sort of evil being unleashed upon the world. Most of the times these were very minor things, like stealing, jaywalking, or sticking gum under desks. On rare occasions something more drastic is needed to occur. These larger cases are used to spur humans to make changes for the greater good in the long run, but naturally no one cares about that at the time.

Yasuo smiled up at her, innocent eyes making him look five years old again. Inside his head, however, the atmosphere was far from calm.

Her towel is slipping. Oh gods whaddo I do? Just look at her and smile and o ye gods but it's going to be a bad day!!!!

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Ran looked at Satan.

Satan looked at Ran.

Ran insulted Satan.

Satan grumbled.

"You're really trusting him on such a big assignment? You've GOT to be kidding. Sure he's smart, and kind and willing to do his best… but things just don't work out for him!"

"It's not like I have a choice. The Fates told me that it appeared in his life thread that he was going to do this, but they didn't give me any details."

"…" A lightbulb randomly turned pink and grew flowers after Ran stared at it for a while.

Satan stared at the fixture, rapidly tallying up the cost of everything he'd have to replace due to the demon sitting in the room.

"Besides, not even Yasuo could mess up this assignment! Hell would freeze over first!" He gestured wildly to get his point across, knocking off a stack of forms and his lamp, which whimpered and crawled away.

A snowflake gently landed on the hand he'd been gesticulating with, stared up at him, and grinned as only a crystal of solid water could.

"Shit."

Ran watched the indoor snowfall with some bemusement.

"It's starting outside too. Hunh. I guess that misdirected shipment of ice-skates will come in handy after all."

Satan growled through his snowy beard.

"…. You planned this, didn't you."

"The ice-skates, yes. Hell beginning to look like it did before you took Martha Stewart's advice? No. Though I wish I had. God, apparently has a serious sense of humor."

"Apparently." Satan didn't look particularly pleased at the prospect. In fact, it looked like he'd just read a cheesy religious satire. To be blunt, his brain hurt thinking about it.

"I asked the Lady and Lord once if God had a sense of humor. All they did was sit there and smile at me."

"That's all the ever do! They've only spoken twice in the last century! I personally think they're stoned," Ran huffed irritably into the now chilly air. The little cloud of air gently floated away and perched on top of one of Satan's horns.

"They do seem rather like statues don't they."

"…."

"……"

"…"

"So… are you going to tell your brother about this assignment or are you going to continue turning the wall behind me into a god of flypaper?"

Ran pouted handsomely. He was rather proud of that bit of random chaos. It wasn't everyday that a wall suddenly became covered in vaguely omnipotent flypaper. He shrugged fatalistically and took the report that Satan was thrusting at him. It sprouted wings but Ran held tight.

"I'm going, I'm going. And your lamp is hungry. You might want to feed it." He strolled out the door, long braid swaying gently in the breeze generated by the miniature storm cloud that was trying valiantly to keep up.

The Flypaper God-wall looked at Satan.

Satan looked at the Flypaper God-wall.

The Flypaper God-wall insulted Satan.

Satan grumbled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ran found Yasuo trying vainly to staunch the flow of blood from his nose. He took one look at the puddle of blood happily oozing around his half brother and laughed.

"Rhinna's towel must have fallen off again if you're loosing that much blood. Why she persists in wearing only that that little piece of cloth I'll never know. But you should consider yourself lucky! Most demons would kill for a chance to see her naked!"

"Mrf" Evil eyes of DOOM! just didn't work well when one had tissues up one's nose. Yasuo changed tactics and turned pleading, puppy-dog eyes upon his brother. 'Save me!' he silently begged. The look Ran flashed back was one of pure brotherly malice. Yasuo hunched his shoulders protectively, cringing. He waited several minutes for something to happen, then looked up. Ran was looking around, confusion tap dancing across his face.

"What happened? Did you misfire?"

"I guess that's what I get for trying. Stupid random chaos. Oh well."

He draped himself lithely across Yasuo's couch before launching the assignment at his brother. It flapped over lazily and landed on Yasuo's outstretched hand.

"Congratulations, you are now a full-fledged personal demon and this is the info on the girl you've been assigned to."

Yasuo flipped open the cover, then closed it just as quickly.

"You're joking. You KNOW I'm gonna screw this up."

"It's written in your thread. You're going to do it. Don't worry so much!"

Yasuo death-glared at his brother again. Generating a demon summoning required skill, patience and luck. While Yasuo had the skill and the patience for such a task, his luck was decidedly lacking. He couldn't convince black to remain an even vaguely dark color. The only thing that kept him from being classified as a chaos demon was that he wasn't the one causing his horrible luck.

"Why me?" he wailed sadly for a moment before beginning to leaf through the profile.